Insomnia

Been having it quite bad recently.

I've been slping a little later than usual recently. And my sleep hasn't been good either. I can be dead tired, but the moment I close my eyes, I can't get to sleep because my mind's filled with tons and tons of things. The things are the same everyday though.

I got so tired that it's showing on my face. Dad took the day off to spend time with me, and he picked me up from class with Mum today. Was supposed to meet Kelvin, but I cancelled it last minute because it's not easy to have Dad to take a day off work. Mum said he did it for me. I tried to keep myself awake from the moment I woke up, and it was difficult. The feeling was the same as when I was studying in Cardiff, struggling to keep my eyes open and my brain working.

I wanted to catch some sleep on board the bus this morning, but the moment I closed my eyes, "they" came again, and I could not sleep throughout the journey. I almost dozed off in class, but fortunately the principal came in time to communicate with me in Japanese, and I had to pay full attention in order to understand what he's talking about. He speaks so quickly, or maybe it's me who's lousy and slow.

Went to have curry at Race Course Rd with my parents cos they remember me mentioning that I miss the Chicken Korma in UK. I ate quite a lot. It's a pity they didn't have Onion Bhadjis. It's my favourite dish in the Indian restaurant in Cardiff.

I love seeing showflats, and Dad decided to show me SOHO in Clarke Quay. SOHO means Small Office Home Office. It's whereby a unit is made into a home cum office. The showflat's fantastic. The interior design was very well done too. It isn't the classic furniture which I love. It was the modern concept, but still, it was beautiful. I would love to live in one, but I don't need an office right? Anyway, no money to buy it too. I was telling my parents that should one day I start working in UK (if I ever decide to work there), I'll find a studio apartment which is like that. A place I can call my own...with no one but only me, and me in my own world. Call me antisocial.

I got extremely tired in the car after seeing the units, and I wanted to catch a short nap in the car, but I failed, and I felt quite frustrated about it. I told myself that I MUST force myself to sleep for a while, so I tucked myself in my bed after I got home. It was very difficult cos I was very troubled, but fortunately, I did sleep for a short while until I was disturbed by phone calls and Mum coming into my room and shaking me to get up for dinner. Yup, it pissed my ass off for a moment.

I did quite a lot of studying. I haven't been revising my medical stuffs for some time. I think I should try to start doing it this week. I definitely don't wish to return to UK with an empty brain and lag damn far behind my old coursemates. I shall read a little now before I go to bed.

Frederick's sleeping in my room tonight. How nice. I told him to do so cos I didn't want to be alone in my room, so he brought up all his "Great Wall of China" from his room to mine. "Great Wall of China" means the large number of bolsters and pillows he use to stack around himself when he goes to bed. He's got a weird bad habit. He calls it "fortress building to enable the feeling of security"..lamer. He's gonna take the bed tonight, while I'm gonna take the mattress..how nice of a guy hor? But nevertheless, I'm still grateful for him to accompany me.

I've found the earphones I've lost. It wasn't lost. It was Fred who took it without my permission, causing me so much inconvenience of buying a new one, and making me spend the unnecessary $16 on it (I took the cheapest one..cheapskate mahz). I insisted he pay me back the money as a reminder for him not to take my stuffs without permission again. He's gonna pay me of course, but I won't spend the $16. I'll keep it in my drawer. One day, I will return them to him...when he's much older.

Changes

I did lots to myself today.

Before I talk about what I did to myself, let me announce that I've completed Volume 1 of my Jap. Bought Volume 2 today and will be starting on it tomorrow.

Suppose to go to JCS to get my exam application form, but cos Mum wants to go to the salon, I had to go home earlier, and hence, was not able to get the form. I was walking to Taka when I realised that my earphones..part of it was missing. Couldn't listen to the Maksim CD, so I went to Best Denki to buy a pair of earphones. Happen to see epilators, and I just bought one, without any hesitation..very unlike me. Usually, I hold back buying it cos I needed the money for something else.

Recently, I've been extremely concerned with my image (even though it's always the same). Hmm..looks like it's really true that a girl does such things when she faces some major problems in her life. Wanted to do some major changes with myself. I made progress cos I did things to myself!

I GOT MYSELF A HAIRCUT!!!! Now my hair's rather short...much shorter than before.. I don't look very much different. Maybe look neater and my hair's straighter.

I tried the blackhead remover gel which I bought yesterday. It worked!!!! Now my blackheads are gone!

And the ultimate one....I epilated my legs and hands. Didn't hurt much, but there was some redness and itching after epilating. The redness and itch has gone now.

What else should I do to myself? I'm still thinking. Oh ya, I'm carrying weights now...dun luff!!!! I mean it. I'm not gonna turn in Muscle Michelle of course, just to firm up my arms. Let's see how long I can last doing it. Most likely I'm gonna give up soon. Yes yes..and the abs. I might wanna do something to it too.

Geez..sometimes I really don't know what's gotten into me. Why these changes? Is it just to distract my thoughts and make myself feel better?

Anyway, today, a few people talked to me about my problems. First, it was about Grandaunt. I haven't visited them since my last return during May. It's not that I don't wish to go, it's cos I don't dare to. I don't know what are they going to say to me. I'm not going to explain or reveal anything that happened to me over the past few months, and how did things turn out this way. I can't afford to be honest. Sometimes, keeping quiet is the best, even though it might be painful. My parents know my reason for not going down to visit them. It was a good thing I woke up so late on Sunday that I missed going to Grandaunt's place to pray to Great-granny. According to Mum, there were quite a number of relatives around. One of my aunts mentioned about me, and 2 of my grandaunts were making faces to ask her to shut up. For what reason, I dunno. Maybe they were trying to hide from the other Grandaunt about my return. But then again, doesn't she know that I'm back? She should have heard it from Grandpa weeks ago. I guess she probably heard it, and decided to come to my house to check it out for herself. Probably that was why she delivered some food over instead of asking us to go over and collect it ourselves. She usually doesn't come over unless there's a good reason to do so. I wasn't at home when she came and I am just wondering what if I was. What will happen? I just hope she forgives me for being disrespectful for not visiting her.

And in the evening, a friend suddenly talked to me about this particular problem which I have been avoiding. I thank her for her concern, but my tears couldn't stop rolling. I kept telling myself "Stop crying Michelle!!! Just stop..please stop..". However, my tears disobeyed my orders and they kept flowing, making me feel very exhausted now.

I should go to bed...

Another simple day

Family day once again.

Woke up very late this afternoon. I have been waking up at the wrong hours of the day recently. I didn't sleep very well last night. It was freezing cold in my room, and I wrapped myself warmly under my white duvet. It's been changed, and it smelt real nice. I had my bolster and pillow next to me too. I felt secured when I was leaning my face on the pillow next to me and hugging my bolster tightly. Felt as if someone was next to me.....and it made me smile when I kidded myself that that was so.

I studied a bit of Japanese, and then went to watch Naked Weapon. I spotted that VCD in my parent's room last night. I haven't watched it for a long time, so I decided to watch it again. Still, I preferred the HK version which I borrowed from a friend in UK. But nevertheless, I enjoyed it.

Then it was dinner with my parents at Han's. I miss pasta, and I had spag bolognese. The portion was so small, and the sauce was too diluted. I think I can do better than that. :X Anyway, I enjoyed my watermelon juice (cos it's sweet!) and my piece of Durian cake. I remember telling someone we'll go to Geylang and eat durians by the roads...I remember telling him I want to bring him to try the durian puffs in Goodwood Park Hotel, but these just seem like memories to me now. And it pains me.

It was then supermarket time. I got excited when my parents and I went to the vege section. I love vegetables, especially green and leafy ones. I choose all the veges and told Mum how I'll like them to be done. I also chose the sauce for the pasta. Got to buy minced beef one day, and I'll cook spag for the family.

I bought this skin product to try. It's the Eversoft Blackhead Remover Gel. Not sure if it's good, so I'm gonna give it a try. I've got loads of blackheads on my nose, and they've been there for years..can't rid them, despite all the methods I've tried. Hope this time, it'll work.

Later on in the evening, it was VCD time again. What show? WINDSTRUCK. My brother wanted to watch it again, so together with Mum, we watched it. Fred adores Ji Hyun. He said she's pretty. Sigh..why do people have such luck of being pretty? While I'm just a piece of shit. :( Mum kept crying throughout the movie manz..wah liew...and I tried to be mean by teasing her about it. It's the 3rd time I watched this movie, and I still cried at the part where Myung Woo appeared to see Kyung Jin on the 49th day of his death. His words to her moved me tremendously.

It's getting very late now. Still got to wake up early to go to Jap class later. I think I'll go and get my application form for my exam after class and buy the volume 2 of my textbook. I'm almost done with volume 1.

"Lights off? Tucked under your blanket? Close your eyes. Good night Michelle"

Fruitful day

I had a simple yet enjoyable Saturday. At least my problems were taken away from me for a while.

I spent most of the day helping Dad and Fred with their computer problems (ok..I've always been a comp idiot..till now I am..so stop luffing and stop being shocked!)

Watched BoA's vcd with Fred before going out with my parents and Granny for dinner. I spoke a lot today, unlike the past few days. I was so active, I even ordered the dishes for tonight's dinner. And Dad teased me by saying, "Looks like tonight's YOUR dinner huh?" *blush*

Came back and watched a few TV programmes. There was one about Chinatown, and another very interesting programme about cervical and bone cancer. And I also watched Get Real, hosted by Diana Ser. It was about some sensual dance..which I think is lame. And I can't stand that male dancer, and the horny women who were drooling over him. Yucks! Doesn't look appealing to me at all. I felt so TURNED OFF lor!

My brother downloaded the orchestra version of Tears! Yay!!! We were both so excited about it. Then his friend sent him a few more songs from Windstruck's OST. I have transferred them to my comp and am enjoying them now. So soothing..I love it. I even made a new friend, one of my brother's gal pals..she was the one who sent him the song, and since he wasn;t around, I just chatted with her. I'm such a nice sister. Oh ya..and ya noe wat? She told me that my brother has got LOADS of admirers..even her god sis wants to noe him..geez...

Getting sleepy now..*yawnz* Hmm..I wonder how did Priscilla's hall DnD went. I'm sure she'll blog about it soon, maybe even upload some pics.

Should I go to bed or study a bit of Jap? Hmm...

A pitiful lady..if only I helped..

Just when I was talking to Mum when she's cleaning my room, it reminded me of something which I wanted to blog about last night, but it slipped off my mind. I'll blog abt it now.

It was about this middle-aged woman whom I saw at the bus stop while waiting for Shawn. She came to the bus stop. I didn't notice her until she did something which caught my attention for quite some time. That was... RAMMAGING THE RUBBISH BINS!!!!

She was putting her BARE hands..mind you..BARE...into the bins and taking out newspapers and cans. I found that gross and I thought she probably's mad. But when I realised she owned a very lousy erm..wat u called that..those you put stuffs on and push...I understood that she's mentally sane and did that for an extra income.

A lady which looked very like her kind..went over to her and gave her $2. She accepted immediately, and I was quite stunned. Initially, I thought that was her friend, but it didn't look like it after a while. And usually, people who are not sitting down and begging for money, will hesitate taking money from others...be it for self-respect or other valid reasons. I wasn't looking down on her definitely. I was just feeling a sense of pity for her. I wanted to take out some money to give to her too. "She's greedy" didn't come into my head. I was thinking, "If she can accept the money so readily and feel so happy about that small sum of money, she must need this badly". Although I'm not a friend nor kin of hers, I felt something for her.

Imagine how many $2s we spend everyday and on what do we spend them on. Clothes? Taxi? Food? Just a trip from Parkway to my house by taxi, it costs about $4. If I had given her this $4, how would she feel? It could give her a proper meal. If I didn't have xiao long baos, it could maybe buy her a nicer set of clothes. I felt ashamed of myself. And I think everyone else should feel ashamed too. There are so many such people around, and we don't actually realise it or even if we do, we don't think much about it.

I was telling Mum that I feel extremely fortunate when I compared myself with her and I was wondering how her kids would feel if they see her doing this in the streets at night. If they were mature beings, then I'm sure it will break her heart and I'm sure they will try to break away from this poverty. But what if they are some naughty ones who don't take their studies seriously and wasting their youth away in the most stupidest and unproductive way? I would pity this lady deeply and it isn't worth doing all that, don't you agree? However, which parents don't wish to let their children have the best? I'm sure even if her kids are immature (which I sincerely hope not), she will slog her life away just to give them the money. Anyway, I hope her children are good and will repay her one day. She really deserves it.

OK, I am feeling guilty now. Cos I was so stunned and shocked last night that I ended up not giving her any money, and not even offering some help like to help her push her stuffs. What a useless youth I am. Where did the Moral Education teachings I had in primary school go to? If I could turn back the clock, I'm sure I'll muster enough courage to do something for her. Maybe even a nice packet of food's good too. I'm sure she'll be touched. And that'll probably help to 'slap' those unhelpful viewers (which unfortunately I became one yesterday) and prick their conscience...letting them feel so shy of themselves for not even giving a helping hand.

Hmm..I'll make sure I do something to help if I spot one the next time :)

Thank you

I found out something today. It just hit me suddenly.

I watched Windstruck again just now because of certain reasons, one of which is because I didn't want to sleep yet.

It was then I heard this song which I like in that show. Actually all the songs in there are nice, but I liked this particular one. It gave me a special feel because it was a jap song, in a korean movie. I was expecting a korean one.

The song played when the movie reached that particular part. It sounds very very familiar... It's only then I realised something.

Was it for me? If it is, thank you...I enjoyed it very much...

I wish I owned one..

Just came back from Parkway...the boring place..but the closest place for a last minute plan.

Perfect timing. Just when I needed some fresh air, Shawn asked me to go to the pet shop. The pet shop at Parkway's got live animals, so I didn't mind tagging along while he went to buy some goodies for his 32 hamsters.

I didn't get to carry or touch any of the animals. There were rabbits, hamsters, guinea pigs, fishes, cats and even dogs!!! I didn't know they had live dogs! I was really happy to see those little ones. But somehow, they didn't bother taking a look at me. Young puppies they were. I saw one which I adore a lot a lot a lot, and if only I could afford to buy it, I will (provided I got permission from my parents)!

Suddenly, I wanted to buy a turtle, and keep it in my room. They stink though, especially when the water turns cloudy if I don't clean up the tank. Turtles grow so quickly. I remember having 2, which made cleaning up a nightmare. Finally, my parents had to release them in East Coast Park. Definitely, I wasn't a good owner. My room's very quiet, and I wish I had a pet to talk to. I don't talk much to other people, and besides, sometimes, I don't feel comfortable in confiding totally in others. I've got my soft toy and the cute kitty (it looks damn real) which Jason bought for me, but...oh well, it's better to keep some things to myself.

I'm still feeling beat. But I don't wish to slp too early. I doubt I can sleep well too.

Medical checkup

Had Xiao Long Bao with Mum today. She met me after my jap class so that she can go with me to the gynaecologist. I didn't enjoy my lunch. It was at Ding Tai Fung. I was reluctant to go there even though I love xiao long baos, but I didn't want to end up suggesting a place when I had no idea where else to go. She'll probably start making noise, so to save my ears, I just went there to meet her.

Went to the gynae. Had a lot of stares at people. Perhaps I was being too sensitive, but it's kinda odd for someone my age going to see a gynae. The patients were giving me a funny look..maybe they thought I'm pregnant..and worse, since I'm with my mum and not with a guy, they might even mistake that I'm an unwed mum! That'll be bad. You know lah, the first thing people ask when you tell them u're seeing a gynae is "YOU'RE PREGNANT??!?!?!!?" -.- So here I'm making it clear...NO I AM NOT..and I didn't go to see the gynae cos of that.

It was a long wait before my turn, so I kept myself busy by studying my Jap and looking around. Spotted young mums with their big tummies, enjoying the way their husband dote them. Then there were some carrying their little ones. They're adorable. Innocent and chubby. I love it when they open their big eyes and look at you in a curious way, like as if they are trying to study and memorise your features. I even played with a baby, but I nearly made him cry. I didn't bully him ok...I think babies just don't like me. It's not the first time anyway.

How is it like to be a mother? How is it like to find out how the little one is doing inside you? Watching these women suddenly made me feel the joy and urge to be a mother, but the moment I thought about that video I watched in Year 2 during a lecture................ok...end of fantasy.

Collected my jeans at Plaza Singapura after the check up. My mood changed when I went there. I just wanted to go c0llect my stuff and go home. But Mum wanted to shop AGAIN. And I felt irritated. I stood outside the shops waiting for her most of the time, and I guessed she knew I wasn't happy cos I sounded irritated and I didn't talk much anymore.

Actually I was quite fed up with her at the clinic already. She's weird. Always giving me the rude tone when I didn't even provoke her. I didn't like it, and just told her straight off. Kinda rude of me, but she does that all the time. I wasn't even in the mood to argue with her. I'm too exhausted today to do so cos I had a terrible night. In fact, I wish she didn't talk much to me. I wasn't feeling proper ever since I went to Ding Tai Fung already.

Better stop here, or else I'm gonna sound like I've got PMS..ok..maybe some ppl already think I have PMS..

TV or a short nap?

First time at Gelare Cafe

Living so near to 2 Gelare Cafes and never been into one.....can I say I'm suaku?

Nice catching up with Stacey and Shawn. Stacey's been dying to go out since noon, and due to some reasons Mum didn't want me home too late tonight, we had to end up at Gelare in Parkway, instead of the Siglap one. Thanks to Shawn who said he knew the manager, and I was hoping for some great discounts or bigger scoops of ice cream...but the sad fact was that only he had the discounts for everything cos Stacey and me bought our stuffs before he finished his pee-ing business in the toilet.

Stacey and I were busy chatting with each other most of the time, while poor Shawn was fiddling around with hps. He's damn busy manz..throughout the evening, he was sms-ing non stop. I wonder how much his hp bills are every mth..lol.

Gotta thank these 2 people for their concern. I'm so appreciative of it. But apologies to Shawn, as I think I was giving him a rather cold treatment to some extent. Didn't mean it manz..sorry!!! I think I was being quite unfriendly too. Kinda feel a bit guilty cos this shouldn't be the way I treat people who are concerned for me and wanna make me feel better. Hey Shawn, I'll be nicer the next time round. I'll talk more yah?

Ok, as for what I had. Waffle ice cream!!! Just had it on Saturday, but I had it just now again. Not because I miss it, but because I wanted crepe. But since the only place I could of which has got it..which is Marche..and no way I'm going there cos it's freaking ex..I decided to just make do with waffles. Had the small waffle with macadamia nut ice cream and cream. I was contemplating between macadamia and butter pecan, but chose the former. Definitely not because I wanted to bring back certain memories, but because I just love that flavour. Butter pecan wouldn't be a bad choice too if I chose it. I don't fancy waffles much, so most of the time, I was hurrying myself to finish the waffle before the ice cream. It wasn't fantastic on the whole..hmm..maybe because I was too distracted chatting with Stacey rather than eating and enjoying it. Stacey didn't have anything to eat, but just ordered a drink. Shawn, the joker, who didn't eat dinner, ordered something which I can't remember..was it pasta? He ordered a big plain waffle with maple syrup, and was so kind to offer us girls half of it. These small little things do mean a lot to me...

Shawn wanted to go catch AVP when he actually watched it already(siao..too much $$$ to spare...*evil grinz*). He suggested going to Cineleisure..and the timing's so NOT right, cos it was close to 10 when he asked if we were interested. I wasn't keen on watching it too :X cos I think it looks scary? Hmm..and of course, the characters look ugly (agreed by Stacey).

Decided not to take the bus, but walk home after the meet up. It's kinda breezy today, and it felt great having the cool breeze around. Definitely lifted my spirits a little.

Had to take the taxi back halfway cos it was really quite late, and I didn't want to get a scolding when I get home. Quite friendly taxi driver I met..didn't talk much though.

Once again, thanks to these 2 wonderful souls. The evening was simple, but thanks for taking time off to see me. :)

She Bangs..She Bangs..

That was the closing song for the KTV session I had. It was fantastic, but I didn't feel complete (I don't think I have to state the reason).

It was a sudden decision to go KTV. All it took was 30 mins for me to decide, change and rush there. Stacey's got her results. CONGRATS to her passing her viva!!! 3 CHEERS FOR HER! Take it as this outing of ours was to celebrate the good news she told me.

We sang lots of songs, and I sang terribly. I've always been a terrible singer, but today's worse cos of my cough n throat. Stacey's got a nice voice though, and she's got the incredible ability to imitate the voice of other singers..especially M2M. Damn cute when she sang Pretty Boy..

There was this gang of people in some room singing damn loudly. They sounded like they were having loads of fun. How I envy them. The last time I ever went for a ktv session with lots of other people was during the Justblog outing months ago. I'm not saying I'm not having fun, but I know my mind was disturbed. But something I feel proud of today is that I tried to cheer myself up in the craziest ways..by dancing, yelling instead of singing, and acting like an idiot in the room. Stacey was having such a good time luffing like mad. I nearly did the bon bon shake before we left too..lol. I wonder what's gotten into me..

If it weren't for my med, I probably would have partied till dunno what time. I'm sure she didn't wanna leave too. Thanks for the fun girl. More KTV next time :)

I'm damn cheapskate

Hhahaha..I just realised I'm turning more and more CHEAPSKATE. And the bonus is I'm not shy about it *wide smile*

Spent a good few hours reading the latest Cleo magazine, which I've bought quite some time back, and have not read it. Ok, I just taught myself a good lesson. I SHALL READ THE MAGZ ONCE IT'S OUT AND ONCE I'VE BOUGHT IT. Continue reading to find out reasons why.

As usual, girl magz are full of cosmetic products adverts, and wat skin care, hair care blah blah blah. Cool manz, and you might be lucky to get free sample of menstrual pads (which obviously I'm not interested in even though my aunt visits me every mth). The adverts are so well taken, that I can fully understand why gullible innocent girls (hehe..dun puke) like me are taken in. I was more concerned about how the products work, as in I was more attracted to the clinical researches done using the product and going 'skin-deep' to understand their functions. With so many rubbish products these days cheating innocent beings like me, it's no wonder I have to be more curious and more careful no? But contradicting what I've said, I wish I could try them ALL.

Now for why I should read the magz once it's out in the newsstands. Cos there are so many FREEBIES out for grabs, and it's not difficult to get them ya noe? For example, there are some which only requires you to be the first dunno how many to give a ring and you'll get a free makeover, free this free that etc. A phone call's not gonna kill, especially for ppl like me who's too free. If they come with some rubbish conditions, then just slam it down. Then there comes some which requires you to mail in coupons. Not bad also, just that you gotto depend on your luck a little. If the postman is slower, then too bad for you. But then again, I won't bother to hand mail them myself...ppl will think I'm siao. Then there are some rubbish ones which ask you to mail in coupons to enter some lucky draw. Those are the ones I hate most, cos I never win them.

Think about it, the Cleo magz costs $4.20. If I'm kiasu a bit and be the first dunno how many in every such freebie offer, I'll be able to cover the cost of the magz and even zhuan dao! Wahahaha... :X Ok lah, I hear 'boos' already....now you noe how calculative and cheapskate Michelle is. Can't blame me fellows, my money is under control now since I'm in Singapore. I don't have the freeedom to swipe my card as much as when I'm in UK..cos my parents look through my statements. But then again, I don't splurge much on things as compared to other girls ok. At least I save on makeup (cos I RARELY put them..so rare that they expire before I know it..). I'm waiting for free ones only, and the only way to get them free is to be kiasu with magz offers.

Had a good laugh over a few articles. There was this lame one stating strange sex terms..hahahhaa..I can't be bothered to memorise them...waste my brain storage space. But there was this erm called vampir..something something. One can expect something to do with blood. You're right then. Some people actually get aroused after tasting their partner's blood!!! How disgusting. I was luffing when I read that cos I can't imagine the couple biting each other till they bleed...hahahahahahaahaha. Then how about having their steaks cooked to an extent whereby there's no blood? Imagine the person tasting the cow's blood and then getting aroused and wanna fark a cow....hahaha...

Then there was another girl who wrote in to the magz' doctor regarding some sex problems she's got. She said she's sexually active since 14 (not surprising..), and she had some vigorous sex with her bf..which consisted of insertion of a HANDPHONE and 3 fingers!!!! HANDPHONE WOR! WTH! Ok, hps aren't big these days, but they are rather big compared to the dick I think. Then this mean idea came into my head. What kind of hp they used? The small ones like Samsung, or the gigantic ones like the Nokia N-Cage (did I get the name right?)? Maybe she'll like to try the old Motorola hps which our parents used like erm..15 yrs ago? The 'da ge da' kind. Guess what reply the doc gave? She advised her to go see a psychiatrist if she feels a need to indulge in such 'odd' sexual ways and can't keep away from it.

Fine. I was being mean there. Shall stop for now.

Time to study again..

Ban Mian crave

Did I mention about my excitement over Ban Mian yesterday? In case I didn't..here's what happened..

I had lunch at Terminal 1's staff canteen with my parents on erm..Sunday. Didn't know what to eat..you know lah..food court's foos kinda standard. I was craving for soup stuffs, so I ordered DA XIA YOU MIAN from the ban mian store. The soup was marvellous, even though the noodles was a bit tough.

I remembered that Sheng guo is cooking ban mian in Hougang Mall. He's helping his uncle at the store and he promises great stuff if I try it..haha. Will try to make an effort to go down. Probably drag Stacey along. :)

I got excited about the soup and ikan bilis, and was pestering him about how the ikan bilis ever get so crispy. Hmm..after what he told me, I just realised I can never get my ikan bilis fried to that extent.

I had such a horrible night. Was coughing non stop, but I must have dozed off so soundly that I didn't even hear my hp beep. It was a good night msg from a friend! Oh..geez..thanks manz..that was sweet...

Ok, I'm still thinking about ban mian now. Don't ask me why, but it's been in my head since last night! I'm too lazy to go out now...it looks as if it's gonna rain..or else I'll go hunt for ban mian with Mummy, or go down to Jln Tua Kong to eat the minced pork noodles...

By the way, I didn't attend class today. Cos I'm still coughing like mad. But I must make sure I go tmr..or else I'll start getting lazy and then pon classes very soon..

I haven't been good..

I didn't finish studying 10 chapters of jap and memorise my kanji list. Thank goodness Softballer forgot about them, or else I bet he'll niao me...

I did erm...only 3 chapters.. *blushes*. And nothing else.

And my cough isn't getting any better..argh. Dad said if I think I can cope without going to class tmr, then dun go. I dont mind going, but my cough's been making me wake up so many times a night, I don't sleep well and end up waking up at 11+am now (which is VERY VERY BAD). I've finally got used to my slp early and wake up early habit, and now it's all ruined! The cough's tiring me out faster too. I was already feeling sleepy at ard 9-ish pm and decided to stay up a while more just to take my medicine.

Gotta thank so many people for chatting with me today. It helped me pass my time faster. And the good thing is maybe there will be more programmes coming up for me! A pal asked if I wanna go to Zouk on wed, but I will be giving it a miss. Stacey might be having a bbq soon, and I'm invited! I'm sure to turn up..lol. Got another invitation to go to Zouk to see some boy band from Australia. Sent by NKF (I think I wont go..). And many many more...gosh..this is great! Keep the events coming manz...I need to get busier!!!!

Focus...FOCUS!!!!

Told softballer that I'll be studying 10 chapters of japanese today plus memorise my kanji list, but I have not even opened up my book yet.

He gave me the doubtful 'tone', telling me that 10 chapters' a lot. Eh..actually it's a lot, but Michelle can do it. No kick! :X

Missed a day of lesson today. I should go to class tomorrow hor?

Better study now. I wanna hao lian to him later by telling him I carried out my plan successfully....lol...

Back from the doc's

My prediction of the medication's right!!!! (I'm a genius..yah right)

Co-amoxiclav, procodine and serratiopeptidase.

Didnd't sleep well last night. Was awoken many times by my dreadful cough. It was sheer torture manz.

Was chatting with pinsoon abt niu lang zi nu yesterday and I think I've been thinking so much that I actually dreamt of it! I dreamt that it was drizzling in the evening, and stars meeting each other. It was a beautiful sight...really..I wish it wasn't a dream though.

Asked Mum more about it today and she told me that it will only happen at night. She said it won't be heavy rain, but few drops falling from the sky. And if you look up in the sky, you might just see something looking like a bridge and stars meeting each other. Wonder if that's true. She doesn't know if there was any truth in what she told me either. I told her it's so romantic for this couple to love each other for so long and go through this every year, and being the silly me, I actually told Mum that the zi nu must be so excited to see niu lang today, after waiting for another year and she must be busy preparing herself for her date. And what was Mum's reaction? "Crazy.." -.-

Family day today, but seems like there won't be any interesting activities going on. I'm looking forward to next week though. Stacey's back from UK..yay..can go out with her. Pinsoon finished his exam..so we're planning to have some fun next week. How nice. If only every week I have activities taking up all my time everyday, then I won't be thinking so much about my problems.

Darn, the continuous cough is back again..argh. Oh ya, as for update on the pimple sisters, they are taking their leave soon...hehe..that's good news..

Let's welcome 2 new members..THE PIMPLE SISTERS..

Damn it :X I got 2 new pimples on my forehead. They are huge (to me)! I just can't stand the sight of them, so I spent a longer time washing my face and wiping Clearasil facial pads. I have been slacking in taking care of my face recently..like being lazy to put mosturiser, lazy to use the facial pads etc. Maybe that's why the pimples have decided to teach me a lesson. But thank goodness, they can be hidden with my rebellious hair.

I went MIA yesterday. Well, apologies to those who read my blog. There wasn;t any update for the whole day. I was online, but I didn;'t wish to be disturbed cos I was studying (yup, don't doubt my words) and I wasn't feeling well. Had a fever yesterday and went to take a rest. I blogged last night before I went to sleep, but that entry wasn't meant to be published..so only I know about it. For curious kaypohs, try hacking my acct, and maybe you might be lucky enuff to read my draft...

I've decided to keep some blogs entry private from now on because I realise that at times, I need to put down my thoughts down rather than keeping them in me. And the fact that certain things are not nice to be shared, I shouldn't just publish them up for ALL to read.

Feeling very mentally drained and not feeling well also..cough until wanna die..sigh. My cough's killing me, so I'm off to the doctor's in the morning. Bet it's the usual antibiotics and cough syrup again. My lungs are damn weak manz...I'm so prone to upper respiratory tract infections..

Nearly slept in class today

Again, it was the self-studying type of class..reckon it'll stay this way for the 3 months...aiyo!

Brought my textbook in and did my own studying. Cleared some doubts with my teacher and when he saw the book, guess what he said? "BOOK 1?!?!?!?" He was expecting me to do book 2, but come on lah, like as if I remember what I've learnt before. 30 lessons in Book 1, I will try to finish them in about a week, then I'll go on to Book 2. I assured him that I'll make it to Book 2 in a week. He said I've got to move faster if I want to take the Level 4 exam. Yah, I surely have to, but no one is guiding me! Oh well, I'll just have to depend on myself.

He asked me to do a test paper today..one of the Level 4 proficiency test papers. It was't that difficult. There were some which I haven't learnt before, but if I did, I don't see a reason why I will get them wrong. Nevermind, there's still time for me to work on it.

The date of the exam is out. A poster was put up in class today and the teacher told us to go get the forms ourselves...what the...!!!! We were making so much noise about the school's responsibility to have those forms. Why did we pay to self-study and now even have to go and get the forms ourselves? I'm quite fed up about the system. Gonna complain to the principal cos he's the lazy one. My teacher's great and he's innocent cos he noes nuts about it.

A supposedly have-something-to-do day turned out to be a end-up-at-home day. So back to daily routine..that's to revise. Got the message about the cancelled meeting this morning and I lost my mood completely in class. Had this urge to go home already. My concentration plunged manz..can feel it. And it got so bad I nearly slept in class!!!! Fortunately no one saw me dozing off. It would be so embarrassing if anyone did..phew...

Did some revision

I spent the afternoon revising Japanese..how's that?!

I studied quite a bit. It was mostly revision of those I've learnt before but forgotten, and of course, learning new vocabulary. Hmm..if I manage to studied this much everyday, very soon I can finish Volume 1 and go on to Volume 2.

My katakana writing sux. I can't even remember it when I actually studied them yesterday!!! What the... Haiz..nvm nvm..patience..I will make it.

I hope my teacher remembers to get me the kanji list. There's kanji in the JLPT Level 4 exam..eeks.. I know nuts abt kanji. My teacher tested me on some today and I got them right only because the chinese words seem familiar to me in the 'chinese' way, and not because I can read them in Japanese pronunciation.

If I don't get the list after much pushing, looks like I have to fork out money to buy a practise book to do it myself..

Can't wait to start French classes next week. I'm sure it'll be more organised. I've taken a look at the textbook on the day I signed up..looks quite good..hopefully it's comprehensive.

I feel like I'm back to student life again..gosh..languages are SOOOO interesting!!! Why didn't I take linguistics? I would seriously consider going for that major if I weren't in medicine now...then go be a translator..not bad a career too don't u think?

Damn sleepy now. Quite saturated. Gonna eat med and then go to sleep..

No matter what, I must do well for JLPT..hmpf!

3rd day of Jap class..and I'm still lost.

It didn't turn out to be some class whereby everyone's learning the same thing. It ended up like some tuition class whereby everyone's doing different levels while one teacher;s around to supervise. Never seen a system like this before, but nvm, since I've paid up, I'm gonna stick with it and make the best out of it. How? By self-studying and bombarding the teacher with questions.

Basically, the class is more like an 'up to u' class..meaning you wanna learn then u better work hard, if not, u can rot in the class and no one will give shit abt it. So naturally, some just don't bother coming everyday, or leave class early, come to class late, sit and stare into space etc. There are some who are really hardworking and keen to do well though. I'm the 'baby' in the class because the others are doing either Levl 1 or 2, while I'm stuck at Level 4..hahhahaha. Wonder how's Level 3's like.

My lesson everyday's so disorganised. I'm made to read different books aloud and the books are always changing..and no notes are given, except a photostated textbook which isn't very detailed. I want to do well, so I must make sure I know things in detail. Finally, I got so pissed with the disorganised teaching that I decided to buy a textbook, stick to only that textbook, self study chapters at home, and bombard the teacher with queries the next day. I'm not gonna let them cause my failure for my JLPT exam in December...hmpf!

Walked ard some shops on my way home, hoping to find a bag to replace my spoilt black one which I adore (cos it's big and soft..got zips too), but can't even find any. Either there's no zip, no secret compartments, straps being too short, not waterproof or the design sux. The best place would probably be in Far East, but I'm too lazy to walk that far lah..sianz manz..it's like in the middle of no where in Orchard.

Gonna revise now...or else the day will end before I know it....

Porn is gross!

I bet many guys won't agree with this, but I'm still keeping firm to what I think about porn.

Noticed this new feature on the top of my page. I didn't put it there. It must be Blogger who did it. Clicked on it to take a look. Hmm..it brings me to other blogsites which I have never been before (of coz lah..you know how many bloggers r out there or not...almost everyone has a blog these days..). A few more clicks brought me to this PORN BLOG...wat the..

I dread porn cos I think it's gross and it makes my tummy churn ALL the time. I've tried understanding why girls and guys watch porn by surfing and reading porn myself, but I never last through after a short while. Feel like puking. Yucks.. Either that, or I end up laughing. Try reading porn magz from UK..hahaha...u can sense that those letters sent in must be written by horny guys/gals when they are of course.......horny. Damn funny. I can almost feel that feeling so desperate and having no other means of relief but to jot their fantasies or experiences down. Can you imagine them exploding on the letter pad? Hahhahaa... pity the editors who touch letters smudged with dried sperms (ok, I'm being disgusting now..)

For those who read my blog (if there is any) (I won't know who..duh..), don't hope that I will put down the url, cos I didn't bother remembering it. And even if I did remember, I won't put it down either. Why? Cos I am trying to help u dirty-minded assholes keep CLEAN in the head. You people need kind-hearted souls like me to help decrease the number of rape cases worldwide. To hell with those who set these porn sites up.

Sometimes, parents are so....$%^%@$#

Argh! Just can't stand Mum and her sickening tone.

Just briefly mentioned about the proposal to her and she talked and talked and talked non stop. Reminding me of what the fortune teller said, reminding me of the responsibilities, reminding me that we're not financially stable, etc. followed by a "ANYWAY, U GET MARRIED ALSO WE PARENTS GOT NO SAY!" WTF! Since when I insisted on getting married? She made it sound like as if I went to get registered at ROM without informing her and Dad. Crazy beings. Shot her back by bringing up her registration with Dad without telling their parents, and as expected, she went on and on and on with 1001 excuses and wateva crap reasons which went through her head, and at the same time, she didn;t even realise how much her points contradicted one another. I wish she had thought more before she spoke. Totally embarrassing herself. I thank her for her so-called kind reminders, but with that tone she used, NO THANKS. Like as if I don't remember them. Really ruined my mood after dinner.

Sometimes, I really wonder how lame it is when parents go...

Parents: Girl, you should feel free to talk to Daddy and Mummy when you got problems. Don't keep it to yourself..

Child: Erm...I am having some problems. I blah blah blah...

(Before the child finishes)

Parents: YOU AH!!! SOMETIMES AH, U YOUNGSTERS ARE SO blah blah blah...

Child: *slams door* or *ears shut*

Parents: SO RUDE! HOW CAN U DO THIS TO YOUR PARENTS?!?!?!?! NO RESPECT MANZ. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? ILL DISCIPLINED KIDS THESE DAYS. TALK TO U, NOT EVEN LISTENING!!!!

Come on lah..who will listen manz? Sigh..

Imagine if the scenario changes...when child talks over the role of parents..hehehehe...

Child: Dad, Mum, if you are unhappy about something, pls feel free to talk to me..don't keep it to yourself..bad for health you know?

Parents: Erm..darling..I feel that you should study more and go out less often...because..

(Before parents finish their sentence)

Child: YOU SIAO AH! STUDY MORE?! I STUDY A LOT LIAO...U WANT ME TO BE OVERSTRESSED ISIT?!?!?! SOMETIMES AH, U PARENTS THESE DAYS blah blah blah...

Parents: SHUT UP LAH! DONT BE RUDE I TELL U!

Child: SO RUDE!!! I HAVEN'T EVEN TALK FINISH, U ASK ME TO SHUDDUP?! PARENTS THESE DAYS...SO ILL DISCIPLINED (oopsss :X)

Shiok manz if you get to shoot your own parents back using the same method..haha..but it will never happen. It's tested and proven, trust me. I guarantee you if you try the 2nd scenario..parents will end up being the winner again cos you'll be so sianz of their arguments whereby the points they make are the same over and over again, just rephrased , that you'll just turn a deaf ear or slam the door into their faces.

Ok, I realise I'm getting confused with what I'm saying...better stop..

Bought Windstruck from Kinokuniya. Watched it alone in the study room. I saw it a few times, but didn't buy it cos I wanted to check out the prices elsewhere. But today, I couldn't be bothered already. Just grabbed it because I was afraid of having nothing to do in the afternoon after coming home from Jap class. I was worried my mind would wander. This happened when I was on board the bus back home. Lots of 'Whys', lots of self-questioning, lots of excuses I tried to find to make myself feel better and hopefully make myself accept what is happening. I got very mentally drained. Not to mention feeling pretty tired cos I didn't slp well at all last night. I woke up several times, glancing at my hp..worried I missed a call or a msg, but to my disappointment, there wasn't any. I thought perhaps there was something wrong with my hp, so I turned it off and on again. There was still no sms.

To be honest, I dont know how to describe how I feel at the moment. I can't say I'm happy, yet I'm not unhappy to that extent I want to end it all. Thinking through the reasons of why I'm not pleased, breaking up just isn't the right thing to do. It's not worth it. It's not as if the reasons are such that changes can't be made, but how about to make them is the difficult part. I can't accept feeling that I'm sharing the time Jason has with so so so so many others. I know he doesn't belong to only me, and I don't wish to be possessive, but is it natural for me to feel unhappy when I feel that to some extent, I have to lessen the time spent with him because of others? I don't know if he understands, but I wish he could think about how he would feel if we switched positions. What if I keep going out with my friends all the time even if I might grumble now and then about it, yet I will never reject them? What if I say I'm tired each time I go out with him..what if I'm always wanting to leave by a certain time and am unhappy if I'm asked to stay longer because I want to do other things? It takes one to experience something to understand it I suppose.

Sometimes, I feel that if guys can have the freedom they want, then why can't girls? I want freedom, yet at the same time, I don't want to have it to the extent I feel alone. I don't deny that several times, I don't feel attached. Why is this happening? My feelings for him has not changed one bit, and I'm still the same old me he knew from Day 1. He claimed that he didn't change too, then why are we not as happy as we used to be? I really miss those days very much. There has been so much changes in our rship over the past mths. I miss the days when he was still in army. We were really so much happier then. When will I get to experience those times again..?

Sitting down and counting, it doesn't seem that long that I'll be back in Sg. It's already mid Aug. If I hadn't take the gap year, I would be going back in abt 2 weeks' time. How fast. It's scary. I know that although I'll be here for a few mths, but before I know it, it'll be time for me to bid farewell again. And I'll be away from him again. It's something I can't run away from, yet I can't stop myself from thinking about it. I keep thinking it's a long time away, when actually it isn't. I want to spend as much time as I can with him, because I don't want any regrets when I return. I wish he knew all this...and understand why I've been unhappy. I wasn't finding fault for no reason...I just feel real shit inside...

Back to the movie Windstruck. That movie..dunno if it's a comedy or those that make people weep. There were scenes which made me wanna cry, and the irritating thing is..whenever I wanna cry, something comical will happen in the show and stop u from crying. Then the ultimate part came..the ending part. Made me sit there and weep non stop. Sickening manz..argh. Very romantic show, but very rubbish also. The director's super imaginative manz. It's damn unrealistic. I noticed something about Jun Ji Hyun.. (oh manz, vic's gonna kill me). She got corked eyes at times :X I have to agree her hair is nice, and I am thinking if she had a nose job done. And her roles seem to be about the same...always those that beat people up and extremely rough. Got the wanna-eat-you-up look and speech. Very qian bian. To put it crudely, a bitch. The last part of the show made me luff manz. There was a special guest appearance by Che Tai Xian. It was at the train station..haha. Reminded me of My Sassy Girl. Felt like as if Windstruck was part 1 of My Sassy Girl. The ending was stupid anyway, albeit romantic.

Ok, gonna continue making the 'surprise'..I've bought more materials today..

Life after Marriage

I blogged this afternoon after having my morning chat with my parents in the dining area, but somehow there was a problem with loading it, so I'll blog again plus what I just did this afternoon and evening.

I woke up very late today. 11+am. Dad came to my room earlier..ard 9-ish to see if I've woken up, but I couldn't even open my eyes, and continued slping. I had dreams last night. I haven't slept peacefully for some time. Been having very realistic dreams, which I don't remember much when I wake up, but it's good in a way. I realise I only remember the moral of the dream. Are they telling me something? I remember one very clearly, and the moment I got up after dreaming of it that day, I decided to get busy, hence, I went to search the papers for things to do. I actually had a dream and sleep talk on Friday night. It's weird that I know I sleep talk because I tend to wake up while talking and then realise it. I thought Jason might have heard me slp talking, but when I opened my eyes, he was sound aslp next to me, so I went back to slp again.

Anyway, back to the topic. I got up when I knew what time it was, and went downstairs to see what my parents are up to. Sat down at the dining table and ate some biscuits. It was then my parents started talking to me about life after marriage. Dad talked to me about how a girl should behave as a wife and a daughter-in-law, family values, and any topics related to marriage. It's odd and I think I might know the reason why they suddenly brought this up. I'm thankful that they didn't ask me the question or interrogate me about some personal issues. Somehow, I've got a feeling they do know a little and are dropping hints to see if I get them..or perhaps I'm getting a little oversensitive. I think they are not surprised if I tell them I wanna get engaged..got a feeling they are expecting it. I'm tempted, but too bad, I don't have any ability to do so..besides, they might disagree as I'm only 22. Too young isn't it?

There's nothing to do today. Usual family day, but it's enjoyable enough to be able to spend them with Dad and Mum. Went to Sakae Sushi for lunch. Then to town to walk around. I suggested that as I didn't want to go home. Yah, very unlike me isn't it?

I haven't been wanting to stay at home much recently. I've been asking some people out, but everyone's busy, so I'll go out alone. I dunno why I'm wanting to go out and to be honest, I enjoy the feeling of coming home feeling extremely tired and then sleep after washing up. I won't have much time to think of things, and I tend to indulge in music when I'm on the bus or MRT too. In my own world. And each time I start having my mind wandering into a world of thoughts, I'll distract myself and look around to see others around me. It's fun at times, but it's not very these days. I know the reason why I don't want to stay at home and why I want to feel very tired at the end of each day.

Maybe I'm still too free, but I do see some improvements. I'm talking more to people on my MSN list, like to softball, leona etc. When my language classes start, then it'll be more things for me. However, somehow I still don't think that's enough. I want to do more. Best if it keeps me busy everyday except weekends.

Went to Takashimaya..and cos Dad wanted to take a look at the C-Pen, we went to the Popular at Orchard MRT station. I was curious abt that pen, and wanted to find out how much it was. It's $500+!!!!! Ok, not enuff $ to buy it for Jason...

I bought a cheap file for my classes next week. Dad bought a few books, while Mum (the typical housewife) bought a recipe book. It's on Nonya food I think..looks like she's gonna whip up a few more delicious dishes, of which I'll be one of the guinea pigs. I don't mind of course.

Had a drink at Mac's cos I was thirsty. Dad and Mum were sitting down and talking to each other. I tried the Lemon Lime juice. Not bad. Mum said it's rich in Vitamin C. Good. I'll need it..my immune system's always been weak and it's good for skin too.

My mood kinda changed halfway through and I wasn't in the mood to walk around anymore. My parents thought might as well go home, and cos we were too lazy to walk one big round to go to the lift, we cut through Delifrance and oh manz, Dad bumped into his friend. Dad seems to have a wide social circle. He bumps into business associates and pals everywhere he goes. That guy's son is yandao manz. Ok lah, caught my attention, but cos I wasn't in a good mood, I just smiled at Dad's pal and his wife and left. Didn't bother looking much at their son.

I just don't understand why Mummy has such a weak bladder. She goes to the toilet so often. Nope, she's not diabetic..just that I think she can't control her bladder. So I waited for her at the toilet and after that, when my parents and I were heading for the lift, bumped into that family again. I noticed the son was smiling at me. But cos I'm not feeling very good, I just gave a slight smile and turned away. Rude huh? He looked like as if he wanted to say Hi. I could just be friendlier and say Hi, but really no mood. Don't get a wrong idea that I wanna say Hi cos he's yandao and around my age. Even if he's average, I will say Hi too cos he doesn't seem the unfriendly sort..at least he bothered to give me a very nice smile.

I was feeling unhappy about something and kept real quiet in the car. My parents noticed and ask what happened. Just told them some of my problems, and they tried to cheer me up. Mum told Dad to give his views as women and men may think differently, and they were hoping to help me by giving me some pointers. But before Dad could say anything, I said something mean. I just said, "Guys are all the same...wats the point of asking?" I shouldn't have said that huh? I must have accidentally hurt Dad's feelings. Sorry Daddy.

Mum kept discussing the problems I have or kept in me. I didn't tell her everything, and I didn't want to talk tooooo much about it too. But I'm sure she know I wasn't feeling alright. I went back to room without saying anything once I got home. She came up after a while, and she knew I was crying even though I wiped my tears away before I went to open my door. My eyes were a little red I suppose. I told her I didn't want dinner because I don't have much of an appetite, and she wanted me to go out for dinner, just to avoid making Dad disappointed. Just obliged, but I didn't eat much.

Jap classes start tmr. Can't wait. But it's only 3 hours. I wish it was the whole day manz. Still got a while more to bed time. If only time pass faster now. I just wanna take my med and slp till tmr...I don't want to think anymore...

Full of thoughts

Just came back from dinner with granny and my family. A simple dinner at Serangoon Gardens Country Club.

Was contemplating if I should have seafood hor fun or hot plate beancurd. I haven't had hor fun for a long time. Love hor fun manz. It's one of the usuals which I will order whenever I'm there. I love hot plate stuffs too..like beancurd, deer meat etc. Yumz. Anyway, I ordered hot plate beancurd and I was enjoying it with my plate of plain rice.

I've been quiet after Jason went back to hostel. I was either in my room or enjoying the feeling of being in my own world. A bit bad hor? I should have talked more to Granny, but I wasn't in the mood today. Was having a mind full of thoughts, with a headache and a sore mouth cos I'm teething..haha..will someone buy me a teether? They are easily available at baby sections or in Toys 'R' Us. Please get those in attractive shapes and colours. It'll be best if it's colourful because I love colours... I told Granny I'm teething and she giggled. I asked her if it's painful for babies when they are teething. She said it's painful, tt's why babies cry. It must be torturing for them because they got so many teeth that's coming out. I can't remember how it was like for me when I was a baby. But I do know babies look darn cute when they have their front teeth growing out first...hahaha..then they will give u that smile..awwwwwww...argh....wanna pinch their cheeks and kiss them. I've got a pic of me in the shower (sorry ah..I was a baby then..so don't anyhow think..no RA stuffs), but I've got no scanner (maybe my brother has one). If I manage to scan it, then I'll scan it and put it up in my blog. :P I look like a cheeky chipmunk..

Feeling very tired. I'll probably doze off in an hr or so. Just waiting for the time to take my medicine.

Jason went for DnD today. I wish I could see him in his formal wear which I chose for him. I'm sure he looks good. I wonder if he gelled up his hair. Hope he takes some pics for me to see. I'm dying to see him all dressed up. Kor's getting married in December, if I get invited, maybe I'll be able to see Jason dressed up cos I'll definitely go attend the wedding dinner with him.

Miss him a lot. Been thinking of what he's doing, how he is etc. I know I've seen him for many many hrs already and I should be thankful enough that he stayed over last night and took care of me while I was having the horrible cramp again. It hurt quite badly and as usual, my parents are nagging about sending me to the gynae. We had a talk about the recent happenings in our relationship. It's good that I managed to say out how I feel about things and I'm glad that he listened to me and that we did not have any heated arguments. I was so afraid that we will start quarrelling again.

It felt like a load off my chest. I have been keeping it for some time. It didn't feel good. And so many nights, I have been very disturbed by it that it disturbs my sleep as well. I get nightmares about them too, so it's quite bad. Can't remember what the nightmares were about, which is good. However, I must admit that I am not back to my happy self completely. It will take some time. At least saying things out is the first step taken to regaining my happy self. I wouldn't say I don't trust my relationship, but I must still admit I do feel a tinge of insecurity and I tend to have doubts at times. It's not easy to regain a strong trust after going through a series of rough patches. That's how I feel, but fortunately, I'm still wanting to give it another shot to building up the trust in the relationship. Is that a good sign? I just hope I'll stop feeling this way soon. I miss those happy times we spent together...I do think about them. Those fond memories brought me tears when I think about them recently, because I don't know if I'll be able to experience them again, but I hope in no time, they will put a smile on my face again.

I wish I could say Yes..

A question shocked me a while ago. I'm sure it's a question every girl is waiting for, but unfortunately, the timing isn't right. I was so tempted to say Yes..however, there are some things which are stopping me from giving the answer he wants to hear. Let's hold on to it a while more ok? I'm sure one day we'll make it there, as long as we hold on to each other tightly..

Signed up for French classes yesterday. Great! Now I'll be kept busy even in the evening! But it's only once a week..what the hell. The course coordinator was asking me why not take two, and I told her I'm taking full time jap already, and if I were to take another, it'll be 3 languages..haha. She found 3 too much too. She's a nice lady. From China. Had quite a nice chat with her. She told me many people do not continue learning French after Basic level because it's not easy. Well, it doesn't look easy to me too, but I'll take the challenge. Will aim for the proficiency certificate at the end of the course, and might wanna go on to Intermediate if time permits. Can't wait to start all my classes...

My mouth is hurting manz. My wisdom tooth is coming out..and my gum's feeling sore..ouch...

Friday Morning

My favourite day of the week is here.

Woke up to a cloudy morning. No feeling of excitement though. I didn't want to get out of bed. I kept forcing myself to continue slping, but I couldnt get to bed.

Chatted with Leona for a while, then to Lemon. Had our usual girly gossipy chats. I love talking to her. Haven't had the chance to meet her. I hope I'll get to see her soon.

My mind was blank this morning. I actually have lots in my mind, but nowadays, when I want to organise them out, I go blank on the spot. Maybe it's better in a way..and I'll just get through each day..

I spent my morning preparing a surprise. I'm amazed at the amount of time it took me. I thought it wouldnt take long. And I just realised that the material isn't enough. Looks like I'll have to get more material after Jap class on Monday. Not sure if I can find the same one though..hope there's stock for the identical one.

It's 1+pm now and I haven't had my lunch. I wonder what time lunch will be ready. I've still gotta go and collect my passport pix and go to the dunno where to change the ugly photo on my passport.

Downloaded Summer Scent's OST. Got an opera song..nice. Serenade by Yoo Mi Sook. I just love soundtracks. Very soothing. I'll burn them into a CD soon.

I haven't been watching any new dramas for some time. I wonder what's good out there. But tight budget. Will have to wait till I have enough money before I can buy them.

I found another way to get money..haha..and that's to COLLECT DEBTS! Nahz..not debts lah..just to get people to pay me for things they ask me to buy...lol. Gonna try to meet Songzheng soon so that he can pay me for the Planet Hollywood shot cups..24 quid in all..so that'll be around $72. Great. But I think I've found a few alternatives to getting enough cash to carry out my plan.

I'm still thinking of ways to earn money now. Think I'll surf a while more and then start looking into the papers again...see what's available. I really have to find more and more and more things to do. Have to keep myself busy.

Evening's update

Done my Jap class registration this evening. Therefore, with effect from Monday, I'll be back to being a student once again. Kinda feeling excited about being able to study and have something to keep my mind occupied for a while.

Came across a few interesting webbies which I will browse thru later..one on waterfront..another on volunteering. Was thinking of ways to maximise the number of things I can do within the next few mths. I thought of taking French in the evenings, hence was considering of finding a job which will take up a few hrs in the afternoon, during my extremely long break between jap and french class. But I'm sure it isn't gonna be easy to find such a job. I don't think fastfood centres or coffee cafes will take me for that few hrs a few times a week right?

Volunteering seems like a good way to make use of my time. If there are interesting projects going on, I'll be willing to do it. Might as well use some of my free time to help others :)

Watched Twin Effects II this afternoon..funny show manz. I was expecting something full of suspense, instead, it seemed to end up being a comedy. I think the girl acting Blue Bird is pretty..wonder what's her name... And the actor..erm..acting as the buddy of Jaycee Chan is very good looking too. I didn't enjoy the storyline much. But I liked the sound effects and the way the movie was filmed. But the 2 girls' fighting in the show was damn fake. They looked as if they were wayang-ing on screen.

Oh ya, there was this guy who kept staring at Jason and me today...well..not really staring..but he kept turning to look at us. Weird. I couldn't see his face clearly, so I'm not sure if he's someone I know. But chances are I don't know him and I'm wondering why he kept looking at us. I would have gone over and dug out his eyes if I was mean enuff then...hahaha...yah yah..I'm cruel.. *evil laugh*

Feeling quite tired now..yawning and yawning. Been out the whole day and walking a lot. Feet hurts manz.

Gonna collect my passport photos tomorrow. Wanted to collect them just now on my way home, but it was too late. Not sure if I should go and change my passport pic tomorrow as well. Hmm..shall see how..see if I'm lazy or not.. :P

Final plans for the next few mths

Ok, got my plan worked out now.

Instead of working, I'm gonna take up courses. Languages again.

Haven't done Jap for quite some time and I'm getting rusty. Had an interview with the teacher yesterday and oh manz, there's actually so much which I forgot. Blast it that I didn't even bring back my notes from UK to revise for it.

But oh well..nvm. Went to hunt for the FULL TIME courses and to see some of the schools yesterday. Took some of the brochures and lists, and after a short discussion with my parents, I have made up my mind to which school I should apply for. I don't think I wanna go through the hassle of finding out where my level is currently..because it's confirm still Basic, just that I can skip the first dunno how many lessons. But no harm attending from scratch for revision I guess. I'm planning to go for the JLPT Level 4 exam in December too! It's the lowest level of the JLPT exams, but better than having no cert for anything right? Shall see if I can slowly climb up to Level 1 in the next few years...time's the problem though. It takes years to reach to Level 1.

So I'm gonna sign up for it later and if all's well, lessons start on Monday! Yippee!!! I'm back to being a student attending lectures and tutorials again. Wonder how my classmates will be like. Foreign students perhaps. It'll be great if they are all around my age, then can talk to them and have some cultural exchange. But that's not the main purpose. The main aim is to learn something I like and stop my brain from decaying further.

I'm gonna try French as well. But no full time courses, or else I'll go for it too..lol..Jap in the morning, French in the afternoon. COOL! Hahaha. There's only part time courses for French..wat a pity. Might have to check ard for it...they're all in dodgy places like Peninsula Plaza though..eeks. Mum said try Allais Francais (dunno how to spell lah), but it's so freaking far! And I bet it's gonna be EX TO THE CORE. But shall check around lah.

Hope to get all these settled soon..and I'll be back telling others "I'm doing tutorial"..haha.. :P

Oh yes, regarding that modelling thing. I'm not going for it. I insisted on taking back my ugly photo as well. Just wasn't confident enough about the company. Shine Models look like a rather trustable one though. It's been there for some time, but I don't have the cash for portfolio manz. As usual, I couldn't keep secrets for long, so I ended up telling Mummy about me going for modelling interview yesterday. She gave me the "why u do tt?" look, and I told her "I need the cash..it's fast". Good thing she didn't probe into why I needed the money..phew. She went on telling me the complicated side of these lines (yah yah..I heard them umpteen times..), and I do know it lah..even though I never experienced it.

Somehow I got a feeling I'll end up spending money again during my break rather than earning money..but of course spend for a good cause.However, can't deny the fact that I feel a pinch for my parents..hmm...pity them for giving birth to me. My existence on Earth must be the consequence of a wrong sperm's penetration...I shouldn't have won the sperm war (if u ever understand what that means.. *cheeky smile*)

Job Hunt

I'm gonna play with my luck today.

Gonna meet Stacey later for some girly time, but before that, I'm gonna take passport photos. Reasons..to change my passport pic cos the sg immigration officer says the pic doesn't look like me..haha..and the 2nd reason being I'm gonna try for jobs.

What job? MODELLING!!!! I need to find something to do, and since it's freelance, I'll go for a shot. Not expecting to get chosen, but just go for a shot should be ok lah hor? But NO LINGERIE, SWIM WEARS OR ANY OF THOSE EXPOSING SORT.

Looks like they are only doing it for magz (what kind of magz???) and bridal. I'm more interested in the bridal one..cos it's nice..lol...

Ok, ppl who dunno me will think I'm vain..bleah. I just want the money. Not much committment needed anyway. I can job hunt while holding on to this one (if I ever get an assignment). :P

Geez..dun dare tell Mum abt it manz. Going secretly. Or else she's gonna jump at me.Shhh....

Pachelbel's Canon in D

I have found the piano score!!!

I got so sianz. Supposed to go to granny's for dinner, but not sure why didnt end up going there. Maybe Fred didn't want to. *shrugs* Anyway, cancelled my outing with Stacey cos of this, and end up staying at home.

I ate like crazy today. Ate a lot! I had 2 cream waffle cakes for bfast..yummy!!! Jap foodstuff. Mum bought it yesterday..quite ex..about $1+ per piece. I didn't dare to eat too much, so only had 2 of it. Then I had a cup of chrysanthemum tea, and a bowl of dessert which Granny made on Saturday.

Then not long after, I had lunch..porridge with food. I had fruits..and after a while, I had desserts again!!! Was telling Mum I'll start getting fat at the rate I go. It's good of course..been always wanting to put on weight.

My boredom was killed when I decided to bang on the piano, something which I haven't done in ages. I was thinking of what to play, and this great idea came. FIND CANON IN D!!!! Heez..so I hunted online for the score and found this site which supplied it. Great! I printed them out and went to sightread it on the piano. Not bad. I can't play it smoothly yet..I've only played it once. But the song is long..8 PAGES! Lots of repeats..as in variations. Can't remember how many though. I'm gonna master it one day... Mum said the song is nice too..and she said it'll be great if I can play this piece real well...heheh..

Fred came down from the study room to show us his new masterpieces. Abstract art. Vrey interesting. He's able to explain them. Initially Mum and I were blur about the pieces, but after his explanation, we felt that it was a great job done. I never knew my brother had such talent. :)

Discussed some issues with Mummy. We were talking about guys. Gosh, I didn't know how she felt was the same as me! We shared our experiences and I realise that guys r sooooo similar in so many ways. Then had our usual gossipy and complain sessions with each other..quite fun.

Looks like my day's not bad even though I did not do any revision. I read a mag, had chats with friends and my family, played the piano, ate loads etc. Kinda enjoyed myself.

I'm getting slpy again..shitz..short nap? Hhahaha..Mum fears it..cos she said if I slp now, I'll probably get up at 10pm again.. :P

Girly chats..

Had a nice chat with a friend last night. Chatted abt some worth-discussing issues, even though I wish I didn't have to talk abt them...haha. But it was good though cos I could get some things off my chest, and it's always easier for girls to talk to one another isn't it?

Maybe our chat got me into a nightmare last night, which woke me up. Scary. Good thing it was just a nightmare..I was so worried it was real.

Wonder what plans I have today. Smsed stacey to ask if she wanna go out with me today. I MUST MEET UP WITH HER THIS WEEK!!! Shall ask her wat time's her flight on Saturday. Maybe I'll hop down to see her off..heez.

Discussing with a friend what to do later. Bfast?! KTV?! Woohoo! I'm gonna start going out with more people. I should lah hor? Suddenly got so many things I wanna do. Ice skating..cycling..badminton..eat..ktv..blah blah blah...

Think I can look thru the papers to see if there are any jobs or courses which I can take later too. Should check out the community centres near my house too. There might even be dance classes!!!!

9th August..

WON BIN!!!!




Hahah..ok..kill me Jason :P

Watched Brotherhood in the afternoon. The show was nice, but it was so obvious that the director forgot that Jin-Seok had heart problems...ahahah. Most of the show was abt killing, and there were several scenes which I'm sure some ppl won't be able to stand. I cried twice during the show. Thanks to the music....it came at the right time in the movie manz. Jason seemed to have a good time luffing at me while I was crying. Horrible asshole. What's wrong with crying when watching a movie manz? Tsk tsk..guys...what do they know abt girls...HOR?!?!?!?!

I bought Jay's album!!!! Yay!!! I was shocked when I saw it going at $9.90 in Bedok. It's NOT pirated, just didn't have the vcd. Cheap shit manz. It's playing in my computer now...NICE!!!!

I bought Cleo on the way home too. Hven't read sg magz for years. The last time I did so was in sec 3 I think. I'm gonna relive my sec sch days by reading it again. Oh manz, miss those days whereby I'll start hunting for the latest issue at the newstands at the end of every month. I remember the magz I was crazy for were Teenage and Cleo. Her World was just too erm..haha. When will I change to FHM? That's a mag for dirty horny guys no? I don't think they read it..more like seeing pics only. I haven't read anything from there..should buy one and read soon..hahaha.

Dad woke me up from my nap ard 8+pm. I couldn't get up again, and he had to keep coming to my room to pull me out of bed. Dinner's fine. I miss the butter tofu at ThaiPan in Mandarin Gardens, but Mum said they close on Mondays. Oh well, anyway, if they weren't closed, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed to go there too...just extremely tired.

Tummy cramped again today. Didn't dare tell Mum about it. Or else she'll drag me to the doctor's tomorrow. It was darn painful. Could feel it coming when I was on my way home after the movie, and I was telling myself "Pls go away...it's not the right time". But the ultimate one came when I was watching Sg Idol. Started to sweat because it was very painful, then I just hurriedly rushed to the toilet. Glad it eased off after a while. For a moment, I was worried I'll just black out again...I could feel it coming when I was in the toilet..good thing I didn't.

Oh yes, talking abt the sg idol. I was trying very hard to control myself because I didn't wanna jeer over these idol wannabes. I mean..gotta admire their guts and courage to go for it isn't it? But I couldn't take it when there was this guy "whispering", and not singing! He was soooooo soft!!! I could hardly hear him. Goodness. The judges were quite mean I think. If I were the contestants, I wouldn't be able to take it. But that's what makes it funny I suppose. It's one of the main things which people pay attention to right? I didn't watch any other 'Idol' shows, so I'm not sure how mean the other judges are. But I, for one, won't accept such insults..I don't mind comments..but make them tactful.

Geez...I'm feeling tired again. But it's too early to go to slp...sigh..

Oh..saw this interesting article on Yahoo. 1st National Day baby born 20 secs after midnight...how cool. And the amazing thing was that the baby's parents got together on 9th Aug 4 yrs ago!!! Wow...!!!

Nice song to start the day..

Am hearing a very nice song. It was the first song which I heard today. I must get it soon..dying to hear it..

I went to bed very early last night. I woke up at 10+pm and I went to bed by 11+..and slept till 6+am.

Heard from people that there was fireworks display by the singapore team yesterday. I didn't watch it. I didn't think much about going to watch it because I get to catch glimpses of it from my room window in UK every year when it was getting closer to Guy Fawkes' Day.

But this morning when I woke up, after reading some ppl's blogs, I realise that I must have missed something great. And several friends of mine were wishing singapore happy birthday, again something I wasn't thinking abt at all. Everyone was having fun yesterday I presume, and I just started sitting down and thinking "What am I doing at home?" But then again, what is there to do? It's crowded outside, and I don't wish to go out too. So staying at home is the best plan right? I managed to catch a lot of slp..maybe too much to be normal too..

I reckon streams and streams of ppl will be flocking to the stadium to watch the parade today. I feel like going, but no tix ard. I won't want to pay for it too..why should I manz. It's been years since I last went there. I enjoyed myself a lot when I went there 4 years ago, except the crowd and the sun. Not sure what I am gonna do today. It's gonna be family day today..

I'm gonna study now...while the urge is here...

Sleepy Sunday

It's so hot today..wah liew. The sun's great, except for the heat. Walking on the road with Mum was a torture because I could feel myself getting tanner by the seconds..geez...

Normal sunday. Went to grandpa's place to see him cos he fell down a few days ago. Glad he's alright. Good thing they didnt mention anything about my school. But instead, they kept nagging about my health. Mum complaint so much to them that I fall ill all the time, and reckon my immunity system must be darn low. I cough so much, catch a cold so often, etc etc. Dad's insisting I go for a full blood test. Mum's wanting me to go see a gynaecologist. Grandpa's insisting I take chinese medicine. Oh manz.. I turned a deaf ear to all...but I'll go see a gynae and get a blood test done as well. Then Mum complaint about me feeling lethargic everyday and about me dozing off at Granny's yesterday like that *snaps fingers* Hahaha..that really happened! I sat down on the sofa and before I knew it, I dozed off for hours! I was damn tired lah.

And it sorta happened today again..sigh. Came home from grandpa's place and I KO on my bed after chatting on the phone for a while. Mum tried to wake me up, but I couldnt even get up. Felt like as if I haven't slept for years. Only got up about an hr ago and had the packed dinner my parents brought back for me. Delicious manz...slurp! It was great to have it with a cup of soya bean milk too...too bad it's not the fresh frm the market sort. But better than nothing..

Sigh..slept so much..and ya noe wat?! I'M STILL TIRED.......wat the hell...

Food & Movie

I blogged early this morning when I woke up, but there was something wrong with the server, so it wasn't displayed.

Had a great time yesterday evening. Met Jason at JP after his boring day of lectures and we went to Crystal Jade for Xiao Long Bao..hehehehehee...yummyzzzzz...

While waiting for a table, we went to MJ to see the CDs. We saw Jay's new album. The cover's nice, and since Jason's been thinking of buying it the whole afternoon, he decided to just buy without hesitation.

Dinner at Crystal Jade was marvellous manz. We ordered our favourite fried rice and xiao long bao. Had Chive dumplings too, but it wasn't very nice. He was damn happy...can see that he enjoyed the dinner very much. Me too..heez...

We were thinking that the MRT would be darn packed and in order to avoid standing in there from Boon Lay all the way to Bedok, we decided to just take a bus back. But it was a wrong choice made because the bus was freaking cold!!!! It was so cold that you can actually feel it biting into your flesh. We couldn't stand it anymore and got off at Eunos MRT, then took a train back to Bedok.

Damn tired by the time we arrived back at my place. It was only 10pm, but gonna KO already..eeks. Tried to stay up a little longer, but we just can't keep our eyes open, and dozed off till the next morning.

I got up early manz..6+am. He was sound aslp next to me..awww. So innocent manz his face. I lazed about in bed till 7-ish and then decided to wash up. We wanted to go out for an early bfast, but I guess he must be extremely tired that he just couldn't get up. Finally, we only had bfast at Parkway Mac ard 10+am. It's been a VERY long time since I had big bfast at Mac. Tasted great..I guess the company makes a huge difference. If only we can have bfast tgt more often..heez..I'm sure we will during my stay here.

Wanted to catch 2 movies today..Spiderman 2 and Brotherhood. But we ended up not watching either of them...hahahahah. Watched I-Robot instead because of time constraint and the movies we wanted were not available at the cinemas we went to. I didn't understand the movie much, so was spending most of my time watching the effects. Oh ya, I like the car..hehe..so cute..round round. But I can't stand Will Smith's muscles..yucks..so chunky. He looks like the Hulk who got sun burnt. And the cute thing is..the robots look like Jason..hahahahahahahahahahaa...oh boy..he's gonna give me that look if he reads this..haha.

We actually didnt realise that we forgot abt lunch till the movie was over. It was like 3+pm already..and he was feeling a little hungry. Hunted around Suntec, and oh manz..guess wat...we had...

XIAO LONG BAO & FRIED RICE AT CRYSTAL JADE AGAIN!!!!!!!!


My god..looks like we'll never get sick of it. But shiok manz each time we bite into the xlb...the gravy...slurp!!! Wonderful~ Ok, so when's the next xlb meal? *oooppsss* :P

On the way back, bumped into the JustBlog gang at City hall MRT. I was rude though. Didn't say hi. Didn't think they saw me as well. Just went off like that. I'm horrid...

Damn tired now manz. And it's late too..geez..should catch some slp now. Good night to me!!! :)

Lovely evening

Simple evening I had with Jason, but I had such a great time.

Had Xiao Long Bao at JP's Crystal Jade. We were famished when we queueing up. Took a number, and walked around.

It's such a coincidence that he wanted Ou De Yang's CD. I bought it a few days ago and I told him abt it, which got him rather excited.

I didn't know that Jay Chou had a new album until I went to MJ yesterday. Geez..the cover looks nice. Jason told me that he has been thinking abt it the whole afternoon, so he just went in and buy.

I enjoyed every bit of my dinner manz..shiok. Fried rice, xlb and shui jiao. Yummy!!!! If only we had more of xlb...but we were quite full to get more down our stomachs.

It was so crowded everywhere last night. And we reckon we'll probably stand from Boon Lay all the way to Bedok if we took the MRT, so the bus was the option. But it was torturing being in the bus yesterday because the aircon was freaking cold!!!! You can actually feel the dry cold air biting into your skin. We couldn't take it anymore, and ended up taking an MRT back to Bedok from Eunos.

Didn't do much when we came back home. Just rotting and listening to CDs..oh yah, the Jay CD's nice!!!! But there was this song which sounded SOOOOO similar to Jolin's Hai Dao.

Hahaha...that little baby is still sleeping on my bed...cuddling up. So cute. He looks really innocent with his messed up curly hair. He's sound asleep still...must be extremely tired from the week's hall activities and school. I wanna go for bfast with him, but can't bear to wake him up from his sleep. Hmm..I'm so tempted to take a shot of him slping with my hp now..lol...

Finally got things to do today

Yay..got stuffs to do today...FINALLY!!!

I've been waiting for this day for a long time..lol. I've been at home for too long. Not that I'm grumbling abt it, but everyone's too busy for me.

But not that bad, at least I know 2 weeks later I'll be going out with one of my friends. Haven't met him for a long time. Chatted with him for a while yesterday and he was feeling very very very stressed up..couldn't even 'laugh' online and complain to me like how he always does. Guess things must be bad on his side. And he asked me to bring him out for sunshine..ahha..sounds familiar...hmm...

Got up at 6+am again. Oh ya, received a pleasant email from my supervisor of my project last night..hehe. This is what it said:

"Michelle,I am sorry you weren't able to present. Both Sudhir and I were away last week. I got your project and CD and was impressed by it, especially considering the extra work you were doing. Your study showed that us teachers are perhaps not doing our job properly!!!! Or is it the student's fault!!! I gues it is because of poor example given by all sorts of staff. An interesting study.John"

Wanted to tell this good news to Daddy, but apparently, the lights were off in my parent's room, so they must be sound asleep already. I was hopping around in front of my computer after reading that email..geez..hope they give me a good mark for it, even though it's not gonna make a difference to my fate..at least gimme an A for this module? I don't think I did badly for the other assignments for this particular module, so maybe got a little teeny weeny bit of chance. Hor? *self-consoling*

Plans for today. Gonna meet Mum for lunch after her facial appointment. Gosh, I realise Mum's getting more and more conscious of her looks and dressing. She's so much more dressy compared to me..haha. Imagine me being as dressy as her..I think we can form our "Jie Mei Pai" very soon. But the thing I have to admit is, she still looks good. Maybe Intenz should get her to do their advert. I'm sure if that product is free, Mum won't mind to try it. Heard so much about it from my aunt and cousins (tsk tsk...another few vain pots). But because I don't believe in such stuffs, I'm not wanting to try it and scaring Mum about these products as well. Haha. I mean, if it's really THAT good..meaning no potential side effects down the road..dermatologists should probably try to seek another route for survival now. And perhaps, Intenz should be made cheap to public so that we can all have lovely wonderful flawless skin, and then compete with China's Suzhou beauties to see who is better. If we do succeed, then Singapore can have something to add to their "To be proud of" list.

Heard an interesting topic over the radio yesterday on the way to the hospital. Surveys have shown that sgporean women are more keen to lose weight by watching their diet rather than exercising. How true when I sit down and think about it. So far, I've been blessed with an either thin or slim figure, so I'm not sure which is better..exercising or diet. But then again, I think exercising sounds like a healthier option, of course, not neglecting the fact that watching the diet is important to enhance the effects..what I mean is to cut down the calorie intake...and not cutting down till u turn anorexic. That'll be drastic.

Then the DJ mentioned that sgporean women actually think they are FAT. Will you believe it?! Sgporean being FAT!!!! Gosh, these people haven't seen what's FAT manz. Should send these women over to UK and then they can check out the meaty goldilocks in their tubes and tight clubbing pants of the size 24. Note that the average size for asian for pants in size 8. :)

Ok lah, gotto admit that these so-called fat sgporeans are fat compared to the skinny ones around. But what's this obsession about going all the way to Mary Chia, Marie France Bodyline etc for some 'shou shen' programme? One look and you know it's rubbish. Check out the people they look for in their adverts? Mostly celebs. Take a look at their photos in the papers..do those 'people' look normal in the pic? Nope. They look "elongated". Thanks to the lousy photoediting skills. And even if it's really effective. Like what this guy from CASE was mentioning on TV last night on Channel 8's 'Jiao Dian', knowing that this particular individual is made to be the spokeswoman for the slimming company, the company will definitely give her the best of the best they can offer to make sure it REALLY makes wonders for her. Duh. Which stupid company will dare advertise for something that won't work? Then the question is, if one wants the same effect as that of the spokeswoman, can she afford to pay for such a package? Unless you're some rich tai tai, I don't think you'll be able to afford to. Plus, another point to note, even if you can afford it, can you maintain being in your new slim self for long? Hence, I still think slimming companies are CRAP....legal money-eating companies who targets innocent desperate women who are dying to turn into Christie Chung within a short period of time.

One thing I feel that these 'fat' women should ponder about it, how to enhance their beauty of being fat! Who said fat is ugly? Take a look around. How many dressy tai tais are slim? How many angmohs are slim..older ones that is? Is Koh Chieng Mun sloppy? No. She's class when she dresses up! Real tai tai seh. There are clothes which look good only one big-sized women. There are some hair which turn fat aunties into classy tai tais. It's just whether these women know how to take advantage of what they possess at the moment.

Of course, if the argument is solely on health, then I'll recommend going slim. Lesser chances of high cholesterol, lesser chances of heart attack, lesser chances of diabetes and the list goes on and on.

Goodness me. I didn't realise I spend ages typing my thoughts out on diet. *clears throat*

Ok, back to my plans for today. Was saying I'll meet Mum for lunch. Then it'll be shopping (I reckon) for a while, after which, I'll try to sneak off earlier to walk ard myself..then meet Jason for dinner. Then come home with him and spend some time together.

Hope his cold's getting better today.

I better stop now. Damn hungry. Shall try this new packet of Soya Bean milk which I bought a few days ago..dunno nice or not. After which, I shall force myself..yes...FORCE myself to sit down and study.

To the Doctor's

Back from my appointment. What the hell...medicine again. But good thing is that I'm given a lower dosage! I hope it'll be taken off me soon. Will see the doc again for a follow up a mth later. And guess wat? The doc said my headache is due to tension..not my medication as it came on quite some time after I started taking them. :s Sianz manz....piece of sai..

Got up darn early again..6+am. Dreamt of quite a number of things last night, but I can't remember what they are.

Was feeling quite energetic this morning. Had a game of gunbound, then went to my parent's room to disturb them. I thought I'll stay energetic the whole day, but my oh my..I'm really sleepy now. Been yawning non stop.

No plans for today. Shall start revision after my nap and lunch :) Thought of going shopping, but lazy..haha..as usual *cheeky smile*

I wish we didnt have to part..

I couldn't stand it, and went back to bed, hoping that I will get well.

I didn't feel much better after a nap. Got out of bed, wash up and headed for JP. It wasn't too far, and because I was sitting at the corner, I could lay my head on the side and it felt quite comfortable.

There wasn't many movies available within that few hours Jason and I had. So we just settled for Ella Enchanted. Before that, we went to Mos Burger. It's been a long time since I had the yakiniku rice burger. Used to be able to eat 2 or 3, but today, I only had 1. I was hungry, but didn't have much of an appetite. The burger would have been nicer if there was more gravy on the rice. Jason found it too dry too.

During lunch, he told me he's stressed. I felt helpless on the spot. What can I do to make him feel better? All I could do was to hold his hand. Does he know how much I wish I could share them with him, yet feeling helpless at the same time? It pains me to see him looking troubled when he's eating. He doesn't usually sit there and say he's stressed. Looks like he's under a lot of pressure. I hope all those events will end soon, so that he will have more time for himself and his studies.

Contradicting what I said, I wish I could spend more time with him. No doubt I'm back for abt 7 mths this time round, but time passes very quickly, and I don't wish to have any regrets about not seeing him more before I go back to UK again. Just when I know he is stress, instead of consoling him, I'm adding more pressure on him by looking sulky when he has to go back. It's bad of me. I'm fully aware of it, and I must apologise for that. Don't ask me why, but I find it so difficult to hide my thoughts and emotions from him for long. Sometimes, I wonder if this is better or not. I don't want to hide anything from him, yet at times, I wish I did..maybe he won't feel so bad then.

I'm grateful for him putting in effort to explain things to me again and again. I might feel a little disappointed for a moment, but I'm fine now. He's got things to do, and I should be supportive...yup..I should :)

The movie we watched was so-so. He didn't enjoy it, and I wasn't concentrating much either. I was thinking of how to cheer him up most of the time. Stole glances at him..didn't think he realise. As I was looking at him, I was silently saying "Please smile again..". I don't think I remember the movie in detail. The only thing I noticed most was Anne Hathaway. Gosh..she's darn pretty. I like her dresses. By the way, the movie's similar to Shrek 2 in some ways.

I'll spend tonight thinking of ways to help him destress on Friday and Saturday...what's there to do in singapore...hmm....

I'm falling ill

Being the weak girl I am since young, I think I'm gonna succumb to viruses soon.

Got up at 4+am this morning because I was feeling very uncomfortable. My head hurt like crazy and I felt as if I was in some big pot of hot soup...boiling. But it didn't feel like a fever. Must be 'internal heat'. My throat's still hurting.

Couldn't get back to bed, or rather I didn't want to, so I went to watch some TV and VCD. Was lying on the sofa hugging my bolster. I felt weak and am considering if I should go to the temple later with my parents.

It's a special day at the temple today, so I reckon it must be crowded. That's kinda putting me off since I'm not feeling well already. Besides, I'll be going out in the afternoon. The meeting place's very far away, meaning I'll have to leave the house early. I'm thinking if I should go, but then, if I don't, I'll be missing a chance to see him. I will force myself to be there. Hopefully I won't feel so weak later in the morning.

Time to give him a morning call. Then I might nap a bit more and then go out.. probably going to the temple another day will be a better move...

Argh..I slept again!!!!!

Ok, straight after my first blog of the day, I dozed off till 8+pm!

That's like 4 hrs+ of nap. What a pig.

My sore throat is getting worse. It sounded a bit hoarse when Dad spoke to me when he came home. Now it's better. Mum made me a cup of honey lime drink. Tasted nice, but she said it's too sour. I quite like it though.

I joined my family to watch the 9pm show just now. I kept very quiet when watching the show, while Mum was passing her comments abt the show, like how most Mums will do. Mum then asked me if I'm troubled, cos I'm so quiet and look as if I'm so engrossed in the show.

I wasn't troubled, just not feeling well physically. I'm feeling quite tired too. I hope I don't fall ill. But yup, I realised I was very quiet when watching the show. Usually, I will talk to Mum, joining her by commenting on the actor, actress, clothes, etc. But it wasn't so today. I guess I'm too used to watching shows alone and not talking when doing so. I don't actually share my thoughts before or after the show too because in UK, I'm always watching shows by myself. Who should I share it with? And what's the point of sharing my thoughts? It's just how I feel personally which matters isn't it?

I chatted with Mum a little over dinner. She wanted me to eat a honey pear after my food, but I didn't. Was too full to finish it up. Then she started asking me if I was troubled again and started speculating if it was relationship problems. Then told me not to put ALL my effort into a rship to avoid disappointment if it doesn't work out at the end of the day. She said it's always better that the other party puts in more effort, but the point is, is that important? Realistically yes, but is it within your control? When you love someone, you are willing to do things for the other without caring about yourself, without expecting any returns. You just do it because you just want to. There isn't any other reason. Right?

I think it's too late. I'm sunk into it..deep deep into it from day 1. Don't ask me why the big change. I have no idea too. It isn't easy to get me to sink into a rship so quickly, but this time is an exception. I can't remember what I have done for him but I know I love him, and I am fearing the future of us. Yet, at the same time, I don't want to think about it.

I find myself talking about him to Mum all day long and thinking of him so many times a day. I must be crazy. But I do feel talking about him. I even changed my hp wallpaper to his pic..haha..and it makes me smile each time I open up my hp cover.

Call me a silly naive girl. I am. But I think I deserve the right don't I? Can I just stay this way for as long as I can? I love him, I love having him with me. I hope I will be able to tell my children in future... "And so we lived happily ever after..". I'm childish hor? Heeeeezzzzz....