Sometimes, parents are so....$%^%@$#

Argh! Just can't stand Mum and her sickening tone.

Just briefly mentioned about the proposal to her and she talked and talked and talked non stop. Reminding me of what the fortune teller said, reminding me of the responsibilities, reminding me that we're not financially stable, etc. followed by a "ANYWAY, U GET MARRIED ALSO WE PARENTS GOT NO SAY!" WTF! Since when I insisted on getting married? She made it sound like as if I went to get registered at ROM without informing her and Dad. Crazy beings. Shot her back by bringing up her registration with Dad without telling their parents, and as expected, she went on and on and on with 1001 excuses and wateva crap reasons which went through her head, and at the same time, she didn;t even realise how much her points contradicted one another. I wish she had thought more before she spoke. Totally embarrassing herself. I thank her for her so-called kind reminders, but with that tone she used, NO THANKS. Like as if I don't remember them. Really ruined my mood after dinner.

Sometimes, I really wonder how lame it is when parents go...

Parents: Girl, you should feel free to talk to Daddy and Mummy when you got problems. Don't keep it to yourself..

Child: Erm...I am having some problems. I blah blah blah...

(Before the child finishes)

Parents: YOU AH!!! SOMETIMES AH, U YOUNGSTERS ARE SO blah blah blah...

Child: *slams door* or *ears shut*

Parents: SO RUDE! HOW CAN U DO THIS TO YOUR PARENTS?!?!?!?! NO RESPECT MANZ. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? ILL DISCIPLINED KIDS THESE DAYS. TALK TO U, NOT EVEN LISTENING!!!!

Come on lah..who will listen manz? Sigh..

Imagine if the scenario changes...when child talks over the role of parents..hehehehe...

Child: Dad, Mum, if you are unhappy about something, pls feel free to talk to me..don't keep it to yourself..bad for health you know?

Parents: Erm..darling..I feel that you should study more and go out less often...because..

(Before parents finish their sentence)

Child: YOU SIAO AH! STUDY MORE?! I STUDY A LOT LIAO...U WANT ME TO BE OVERSTRESSED ISIT?!?!?! SOMETIMES AH, U PARENTS THESE DAYS blah blah blah...

Parents: SHUT UP LAH! DONT BE RUDE I TELL U!

Child: SO RUDE!!! I HAVEN'T EVEN TALK FINISH, U ASK ME TO SHUDDUP?! PARENTS THESE DAYS...SO ILL DISCIPLINED (oopsss :X)

Shiok manz if you get to shoot your own parents back using the same method..haha..but it will never happen. It's tested and proven, trust me. I guarantee you if you try the 2nd scenario..parents will end up being the winner again cos you'll be so sianz of their arguments whereby the points they make are the same over and over again, just rephrased , that you'll just turn a deaf ear or slam the door into their faces.

Ok, I realise I'm getting confused with what I'm saying...better stop..

Bought Windstruck from Kinokuniya. Watched it alone in the study room. I saw it a few times, but didn't buy it cos I wanted to check out the prices elsewhere. But today, I couldn't be bothered already. Just grabbed it because I was afraid of having nothing to do in the afternoon after coming home from Jap class. I was worried my mind would wander. This happened when I was on board the bus back home. Lots of 'Whys', lots of self-questioning, lots of excuses I tried to find to make myself feel better and hopefully make myself accept what is happening. I got very mentally drained. Not to mention feeling pretty tired cos I didn't slp well at all last night. I woke up several times, glancing at my hp..worried I missed a call or a msg, but to my disappointment, there wasn't any. I thought perhaps there was something wrong with my hp, so I turned it off and on again. There was still no sms.

To be honest, I dont know how to describe how I feel at the moment. I can't say I'm happy, yet I'm not unhappy to that extent I want to end it all. Thinking through the reasons of why I'm not pleased, breaking up just isn't the right thing to do. It's not worth it. It's not as if the reasons are such that changes can't be made, but how about to make them is the difficult part. I can't accept feeling that I'm sharing the time Jason has with so so so so many others. I know he doesn't belong to only me, and I don't wish to be possessive, but is it natural for me to feel unhappy when I feel that to some extent, I have to lessen the time spent with him because of others? I don't know if he understands, but I wish he could think about how he would feel if we switched positions. What if I keep going out with my friends all the time even if I might grumble now and then about it, yet I will never reject them? What if I say I'm tired each time I go out with him..what if I'm always wanting to leave by a certain time and am unhappy if I'm asked to stay longer because I want to do other things? It takes one to experience something to understand it I suppose.

Sometimes, I feel that if guys can have the freedom they want, then why can't girls? I want freedom, yet at the same time, I don't want to have it to the extent I feel alone. I don't deny that several times, I don't feel attached. Why is this happening? My feelings for him has not changed one bit, and I'm still the same old me he knew from Day 1. He claimed that he didn't change too, then why are we not as happy as we used to be? I really miss those days very much. There has been so much changes in our rship over the past mths. I miss the days when he was still in army. We were really so much happier then. When will I get to experience those times again..?

Sitting down and counting, it doesn't seem that long that I'll be back in Sg. It's already mid Aug. If I hadn't take the gap year, I would be going back in abt 2 weeks' time. How fast. It's scary. I know that although I'll be here for a few mths, but before I know it, it'll be time for me to bid farewell again. And I'll be away from him again. It's something I can't run away from, yet I can't stop myself from thinking about it. I keep thinking it's a long time away, when actually it isn't. I want to spend as much time as I can with him, because I don't want any regrets when I return. I wish he knew all this...and understand why I've been unhappy. I wasn't finding fault for no reason...I just feel real shit inside...

Back to the movie Windstruck. That movie..dunno if it's a comedy or those that make people weep. There were scenes which made me wanna cry, and the irritating thing is..whenever I wanna cry, something comical will happen in the show and stop u from crying. Then the ultimate part came..the ending part. Made me sit there and weep non stop. Sickening manz..argh. Very romantic show, but very rubbish also. The director's super imaginative manz. It's damn unrealistic. I noticed something about Jun Ji Hyun.. (oh manz, vic's gonna kill me). She got corked eyes at times :X I have to agree her hair is nice, and I am thinking if she had a nose job done. And her roles seem to be about the same...always those that beat people up and extremely rough. Got the wanna-eat-you-up look and speech. Very qian bian. To put it crudely, a bitch. The last part of the show made me luff manz. There was a special guest appearance by Che Tai Xian. It was at the train station..haha. Reminded me of My Sassy Girl. Felt like as if Windstruck was part 1 of My Sassy Girl. The ending was stupid anyway, albeit romantic.

Ok, gonna continue making the 'surprise'..I've bought more materials today..