Changes

I did lots to myself today.

Before I talk about what I did to myself, let me announce that I've completed Volume 1 of my Jap. Bought Volume 2 today and will be starting on it tomorrow.

Suppose to go to JCS to get my exam application form, but cos Mum wants to go to the salon, I had to go home earlier, and hence, was not able to get the form. I was walking to Taka when I realised that my earphones..part of it was missing. Couldn't listen to the Maksim CD, so I went to Best Denki to buy a pair of earphones. Happen to see epilators, and I just bought one, without any hesitation..very unlike me. Usually, I hold back buying it cos I needed the money for something else.

Recently, I've been extremely concerned with my image (even though it's always the same). Hmm..looks like it's really true that a girl does such things when she faces some major problems in her life. Wanted to do some major changes with myself. I made progress cos I did things to myself!

I GOT MYSELF A HAIRCUT!!!! Now my hair's rather short...much shorter than before.. I don't look very much different. Maybe look neater and my hair's straighter.

I tried the blackhead remover gel which I bought yesterday. It worked!!!! Now my blackheads are gone!

And the ultimate one....I epilated my legs and hands. Didn't hurt much, but there was some redness and itching after epilating. The redness and itch has gone now.

What else should I do to myself? I'm still thinking. Oh ya, I'm carrying weights now...dun luff!!!! I mean it. I'm not gonna turn in Muscle Michelle of course, just to firm up my arms. Let's see how long I can last doing it. Most likely I'm gonna give up soon. Yes yes..and the abs. I might wanna do something to it too.

Geez..sometimes I really don't know what's gotten into me. Why these changes? Is it just to distract my thoughts and make myself feel better?

Anyway, today, a few people talked to me about my problems. First, it was about Grandaunt. I haven't visited them since my last return during May. It's not that I don't wish to go, it's cos I don't dare to. I don't know what are they going to say to me. I'm not going to explain or reveal anything that happened to me over the past few months, and how did things turn out this way. I can't afford to be honest. Sometimes, keeping quiet is the best, even though it might be painful. My parents know my reason for not going down to visit them. It was a good thing I woke up so late on Sunday that I missed going to Grandaunt's place to pray to Great-granny. According to Mum, there were quite a number of relatives around. One of my aunts mentioned about me, and 2 of my grandaunts were making faces to ask her to shut up. For what reason, I dunno. Maybe they were trying to hide from the other Grandaunt about my return. But then again, doesn't she know that I'm back? She should have heard it from Grandpa weeks ago. I guess she probably heard it, and decided to come to my house to check it out for herself. Probably that was why she delivered some food over instead of asking us to go over and collect it ourselves. She usually doesn't come over unless there's a good reason to do so. I wasn't at home when she came and I am just wondering what if I was. What will happen? I just hope she forgives me for being disrespectful for not visiting her.

And in the evening, a friend suddenly talked to me about this particular problem which I have been avoiding. I thank her for her concern, but my tears couldn't stop rolling. I kept telling myself "Stop crying Michelle!!! Just stop..please stop..". However, my tears disobeyed my orders and they kept flowing, making me feel very exhausted now.

I should go to bed...