Quarrels? Big deal, we're still as loving..heez..

*Stretch* Break from studying..

Viruses was all I did AGAIN for revision. How sickening. But it's not as tough as the first time I studied it, cos things seem familiar. I just read through the chapters, hopefully I remember them when the exams come.

Had a slight quarrel with Jason this afternoon over an issue which I don't wish to mention. Both of us turned a bit unhappy..no..it's not a bit...hmm...i should say very unhappy and we felt that it was best for us to keep quiet online for a while and cool down. So there he was in front of the comp looking strict and serious, while I went to my bed and sulk. But within less than 10 minutes, we made it up again! It's incredible how we solve matters. Jason's been happy with the way we are. He told before that we manage to solve each other's problems with the support the other party gives. How true. :)

As the sleepy hr approached, he had to go to sleep and told me to wake him up at 3am. I did so, but he was so tired that he wasn't talking sense. Being unreasonable and annoying, I felt disappointed. I knew I shouldn't be, but I let my selfishness took control of me once again. When I hung up, I lost my mood. I needed to cool down, console myself, pamper myself and make sure I get over it asap. But just when I needed some consolation (but no way was I intending to seek anyone for it), he appeared! How sweet. Saw his pale face on the cam. It made me melt and I wasn't disappointed anymore. His "How can I ever leave you alone" touched me deeply. I'm happy to have him as my bf. He has never left me alone since day 1 and he promised me never to do so too. I trust him to keep this promise.

Been twisting my ring around my finger a lot recently. It's discolouring cos I'm a lousy owner, but I still love it. I feel proud having it and the engraved "Jason Loves Michelle" makes everything so sweet. As I was looking at it, I was wondering when I will be taking it off because I'll be replacing it with a ring on my 4th finger. I'm only expecting it to be from someone, and I'm not keeping my options open. This isn't me I know. The old michelle doesn't believe in closing her options because she thinks she is still young. No doubt I'm only 22 and I know there are a whole load of better guys out there, but I'm just satisfied with my current beau and I intend to keep it this way.

I haven't written any letters to Jason yet and his shirt is still with me. I should try to mail it out soon. And Father's Day card's still lying on my shelf. I'm so unfilial manz. Someone please wack me...wack hard for goodness sake.

Notice I've been blogging a lot about Jason. Well, that's because nothing else is going on in my life. It's revolving around him only. I have been good (as usual), staying indoors revising (*clear throat*..ok...not all the time..chatting..vcd..rotting too). Didn't want to go out much because I'm lazy and I don't wish to turn brown. I don't mind the pink rosy cheeks though. But being fair's priority now! Can't imagine my years of effort going down the drain. My pains manz!!!!

Shall try to wake up early later. I've been trying hard to get up, which I've managed to, but before I know it, I dozed off again. Maybe I shall just pull myself out once I open my eyes. If my parents know I'm awake at 10, they'll probably want to experiment making curry out of me...and Prof Kua might just continue making me eat those expensive pills. I definitely don't want to live like a sick girl for a long time. I hope he tapers the drug off from me soon. It makes me feel as if I'm terminally ill and surviving on them to live on..sigh...and I hate the side effect too..that's yawning! I yawn anytime the whole day and it's irritating...makes me tear and feel sleepy, making studying real difficult and pissing for me.

Hmm..should I ring Jason? I'm craving to hear his voice and his way of coaxing me to bed. What a wonderful nanny..takes so so so much care of me. Girls out there must be darn jealous of me. I'll just get myself prepared and then start my "buzzing" around him again.. :P

Short break from Microbiology Revision (it sux)

Taking a break from my revision for a while.

Haven't called home for 2 weeks and feeling guilty like I always do, calling home is definitely something I had to do today, which I did! Had a great chat with my parents for CLOSE TO 3 HRS!!!!!!!! Goodness me.. What topics..hmm..haha..what do you expect daughters and mums talk about? Of course, it's money, guys, girls, fashion, cosmetics etc. And what's there to talk abt to Dad? Usuals..the "How's your studying coming along?".."Don't study la, go out and play"..."Don't study too long ah".."4 hrs maximum". Yeah, been hearing that for more than a mth, but I appreciate the effort of reminding me anyway..cheers Dad! *HUGZ*

Sometimes I'm wondering how come my housemates' parents are going, "WAH..u play a lot huh? very free hor? dont need to study hor?" while mine's "oei, dont study la. go and play..go walk..go eat something good..pamper yourself". Hmmm...oh boy, I just adore my parents so much. They are such wonderful earthlings. :)

Waiting for Jason to wake up from his nap and come online. He's ill again..thanks to this GREAT LACK OF SLEEP...credits going to ME! Ok, he's been tortured enough by the horrendous XLB aka Xiao Long Bao (^_^), so he deserves a goooooood rest, but then again, I really wish he woke up manz. I'm been waiting ages!!!! :X (Shuddup la mich, stop grumbling..)

Been extremely sianz last night even when he's online. Not in the mood to talk, not in the mood to do things, just not in the mood for ANYTHING! I just started feeling frustrated and irritated. I can feel that very soon I might start throwing tantrums again, so I hurriedly shoo off to sleep. Made Jason real worried, so he had a chat with me over the phone for a while, followed by a few smses to and fro and *TADAH!*..I'm chirpy all over again after a sleep.

Time to go back to studying viruses. Sigh...(Jason..where r u manz....bleah..) :S

I'm engaged!!!! yup..the official engagement date!

26th June 2004...

This day is memorable to me because it marks my 1st mth of relationship with Jason.

A month ago, something happened on this day which I have no wish to mention, but I will definitely remember the happy things which took place.

Also, today is the day I'm engaged to him. Yes, ENGAGED! But the cute thing is we're not 28 yet (our dream age), so we're having it under OUR law. The way he proposed to me was very simple (he did it twice...hahaha...at 12 midnight sg time and uk time), but I was still very touched. He sounded very sincere and looked very serious when he did that.

Despite few occasions of unhappy arguments, I can say that I feel very very very happy being with him. He makes me laugh, makes me cry (hor hor..tsk tsk tsk), makes me HAPPY!!! I can feel that I'm very important to him and I'm thankful for everything he has done.

Hmm..I'm sure both of us are looking forward to 6 yrs later. Will it be a more shocking and happier affair? Will see..but anyway..to Jason..here's something I have to say:

"You've been very good to me, especially these few days. Whatever it is, I'm happy being with you. I miss you lots too and I'll be waiting to see you again. Thanks dear. Hope we'll stay happy and always remember that I love you. *hugz*" :)

HOT SOUP!!!!!!

Just finished my dinner and watched a vcd..wanted something that was funny enough to lighten my mood, so I watched "The Success Story of a Bright Girl"

Before that, I was doing my studying, but sad to say that input's real slow. I just can't concentrate properly even though I want to study. Just troubled about some stuffs.

Everything was fine when I was watching the vcd..had the usual laughters at the funny scenes, but at the end of it, I stopped smiling. The last part was when the male actor hugged the female actress. Suddenly, I thought of Jason.

Although I've only left sg for a short period, it seemed like ages. I miss him a lot and I hope to have him next to me right me. I should thankful for having the webcam because I can see him that way everyday, but every human's greedy isn't it? I want more than just seeing him..

Ok, let's talk about my dinner. Hmm..I had soup and rice! Yupz, it's the lazy recipe of mine...MINCED PORK SOUP!!!! It's got marinated minced pork, chinese mushrooms, vege and prawns! It tasted not bad..just a bit too salty and of all things, I forgot to mix flour into the minced pork, resulting in it being a bit tough..sigh..but I enjoyed every bit of it though. Been having this craving for hot soup for days. I just love soup..especially herbal ones...hmm..must remember to drag Jason to have them with me when I return. Talking about that, yummy..I miss the duck and preserved vegetable soup from this small restaurant in Suntec. I wonder if Jason will like it..doubt it cos it's a little sour. Maybe I shall do something dreadful like forcing him to drink it *evil grinz* and then watch his expression....hahahahahahaahahaha..

Alright, back to studying again before I give that big baby a morning call..heez..

itchy fingers..

Wohoo! My room's freezing...argh. Crazy UK..summer and it's cold for the past 2 days. Worse when u check out the sun...SO BRIGHT AND SUNNY!!!! It's no wonder how ppl get sunburnt under this weather without realising.

Jason's gone to have his father's day dinner..how lovely. I'm dying to go too, but I'm so far away from home. I'm waiting patiently for his return..

Talking about that, I must have subconciously thought I was back in singapore again. I was slping soundly until there were some "noises" I heard. It was a deep manly voice..resembles the way Dad sounds when he just wakes up. I heard "I better wake michelle up..she got to change her habit" in my head and I was thinking, "Oh no..not again..nanny's here..and with another cup of milo". Just then, I woke up and what welcomed my eyes was my room in Cardiff. My heart sank on the spot and I lost my excitement of waking up and seeing Dad, so I went back to sleep..hiding under all my blankets and pillows, in hope to bury my disappointment and myself. How I wish it was really Dad and my room in sg which I saw. :(

Well, a brand new day again..yupz yupz. While that little Jason is out for dinner, I'll just be a goody babe and study..ok..3rd time I said it to myself and now I'm here blogging..wat the hell. OK, 4TH TIME!!! I'M GOING TO STUDY AFTER BLOGGING!!!!!

Felt so happy yesterday. Self declared marriage to Jason..haha..childish of us. But come on, I think everyone has their kiddy side, so what's with me having my fair share of it..even if it's just for once?! Anyway, he's overjoyed..and we're looking forward to our plan 6 yrs later! Yippee!! Ok, I'm being silly..but I enjoy it :D

What didn't make the day complete was a bad news Jason received. His best friend had passed away due to a road accident. I know he's heartbroken and grieving. I can't do much, but be around and comfort him if he needs any. Although I don't know his friend personally, I hope his family will stay strong and stay positive soon. Definitely not easy cos it was such a sudden affair, but I will be silently sending them my condolences.

Alright. Time to study! Yup...STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't leave me pls..

Dear Jason

Today's quarrel was terrible. I wish it will never happen again.

Something I feared crossed your mind and till now, I'm still in fear. I'm scared that you will leave me and forget about all those plans we had.

It's not your fault that you can't have dinner with me in UK. It's not your fault that you have to think twice about calling me. I know it is difficult on your side and I'm willing to accomodate you. I have never blamed you before despite having a tinge of disappointment occasionally. But on 2nd thoughts, I know you are trying your best and I appreciate the effort you've put in to actually check out the prices of the airfare. Frankly speaking, I wasn't expecting you to come visit me. I'm aware of your financial situation, and I do know that not everyone has the freedom to travel like me. Please don't blame yourself or feel sad about it. I'm really not mad at you and I'm not seeing this as a threat to our rship.

The pressure you are facing at work is tremendous. I am not able to witness it, nor am I able to be there for you in singapore. But my heart's with you and it has never left before. Our ring has been on my finger all this while, and I know that as long as we both wear it, it means our hearts are bound together as one. I just hope you'll start cheering up soon and go back to the old Jason I know..maybe it's not you for the past 22 years, but I just want back the Jason I first met..I first held hands with..I first kissed.

As for the jealousy issue, I hope it will be resolved asap. I don't like having this problem causing any unhappiness between us. I want to spend every moment happy with you..it's only then I feel secured. If there is anything I can do to ease the situation, please let me know. I'm willing to change my lifestyle to some extent in exchange for our happiness.

Dear, I'm serious..dead serious about our rship. I don't wish to see it ever end. I want to stay with you, so promise me you'll never ever mention that thought of yours again. I'm scared, dear. Very very afraid. Please don't leave me. We've went through those problems before we're given the blessings to be together. Do you still remember? How can we just give this whole thing up because of something unpleasant?

I'm not willing to give up our rship under such circumstances. No way. I won't be able to take it should you one day be with another girl. I'm just as threatened as you are, but it's the faith I hold..the trust I have in the both of us that kept me going. Each time I fear, I look at the rings you gave me. There it is carved, "Jason Loves Michelle". "Yes, Jason loves me. He really loves me.."...that's what I tell myself and what I believe in.

Hence dear, please. Let us go back to before. I feel really happy with you. I miss it very much. I hope everything will be fine soon. There will be a rainbow after the storm right? Please tell me there will be...

Love you always and always,
Michelle

I love you Jason

I am very down. Today's the first time I lost my temper at Jason. I didn't scold him, but I got so hurt I just turned off the webcam.

I apologised after that. Honestly, I don't know if I am wrong, but in order to just let it end, I think one party will have to give in. I'm troubled and lost, so I hope to use blogging to sort my thoughts for a while.

I am feeling guilty and down because I have hurt Jason once again. I tried to tell him something about me and I guess I shouldn't have done so. Everything was still going well and I can see him smiling again just now until I told him those things. I didn't expect things to turn out this way. If I could turn back the clock, I wouldn't have done so.

I am missing him a lot and like him, I am looking forward to see him online everyday, looking forward to see him on webcam. I want to hear his voice and I wish I was back home, where I will receive his calls few times a day. But I know it's not possible, being miles away from him.

A stern voice was heard on the other side when I called him. It kinda shocked me for a while. I thought Jason was blowing his top. I tried to say silly things to cool things down, and hopefully make him giggle. It didn't work. The way he sounded reminded me of the first few times I chatted online with him. Didn't like him much then. Had the impression he was the kind of guy who doesnt know what's smiling, and had no emotions. Very cold person.

As the conversation went, his voice gradually got softer and weaker. I know he is very sad, hurt, stressed and tired. His voice tells me all. I wish I could share them with him. I wish I could hug him and tell him I'm around. It's been 6 days since I came back to UK, and I know it has been difficult for him all this while. He has to cope with his neverending piles of work and me. He blogged and said he's exhausted and isn't feeling well everyday. I pity him a lot and feel extremely helpless. I am proud of him because I know he is trying his very best and working his hardest for me, but at the same time, I feel very sad when I see him working nonstop at the expense of his health. I rather have him being happy and healthy.

"Jason, I'm aware that you are insecured about the number of guys around me and where about that puts u when some of them are very capable. I've never despised you. I like you for who you are.

We went through so much just to be together..we've planned how to make our rship known to our parents..we've planned what will happen when we turn 28..we've planned wat rings we wanted etc. Those little bits mean a lot to me. You said you are convinced that I love you, and I think I've did my utmost to do so, but why are you doubting yourself again? Is it I haven't done enough? You asked me about the photos. Though they still mean something to me because afterall, they were once my sweet memory, but if you don't like it, I am willing to let you destroy them. I left them with you not because I want to stir up any unwanted emotions or jealousy in you, but because I want you to know that I'm willing to part with them and hopefully, rid any fears in you about me going back to them.

Ever since the day I responded to you holding my hand, I have decided to take this path. Before that, I was lost. I had to make a decision; be with him, you or give both up. The moment you held my hand tightly, I found my path and it was my first step into it. I'm still walking down this path with you hand in hand and I have never regretted since. We might have small disagreements occasionally, but I have never had any memories of unhappiness between us, only sweet ones.

I strongly believe we can brave the storms together and carry out our plans. I admit there are times I might turn a little shaky and worry, but trust me, from day 1, I have been faithful and true to you. I know I have many faults which might seem like big threats to our rship...please trust me that I will change for your sake. I've never thought of changing myself to accomodate others because I expect others to love me for who I am, to accept me for who I am. I guess I'm wrong with thinking this way. I should learn to give, that's why I'm trying to change as much as I can..just as long as it makes our rship smooth and happy..I'm willing.

As for my family problems, I'll take your advice. You just mean too much to me. I'm just as unwillingly to give you up. Promise me we'll leave it aside, ignore whatever they might say (probably they might not say anything at all!), and work towards our goal. I want to be with you dear. Please don't give up on us, please don't leave me. I need you, Jason. I love you..I really really do..

Dad's return to Sg

It's 11+ am in UK.

At this time, Dad would be at the coach station, awaiting to catch the coach to go to Heathrow Airport. I should be at the coach station accompanying him, but instead, I'm here typing my blog. I lack the guts to go see him off. I didn't want the feeling I had in Yr 1 to come back.

I still remember when I first came to Cardiff to start my course, Dad came with me. We had to settle many problems because my acceptance was last minute. Everything was so rush during then. Just 2 weeks after receiving news of my acceptance, I had to pack up and leave to this foreign land. I didn't miss home, in fact, I was looking forward to go far away from home to escape some problems which I've always been facing. To me, it was a route to temporary freedom. I was enjoying every single day of my stay in UK. I found it an opportunity to take care of myself and seized every chance to be alone. But on the day when Dad left me to go back to sg, I cried for the first time in UK. I remember I was having my orientation in the hospital. Dad sent me a sms on my hp to bid me farewell. Suddenly, I had the abandoned feeling, and everything just turned so foreign to me. I am alone now...all alone in UK, with people I've never met, places I've never been, culture I've never experienced. It was scary for a moment.

This time, the situation isn't the same because I've been here for years, so the surroundings aren't as foreign to me, but again, it was Dad leaving for sg while I'm staying behind. I was afraid..very afraid that the same abandoned feeling would come back. Hence, all I could do is look at the clock and think about what Dad is doing, and refusing to see him off. But trust me, deep down I wish to tell Dad I am extremely grateful to him once again. He saw me through this ordeal, standing by me every moment. He told me many things during the past few days. He said he was proud of me and he is very confident I'll make it through. No doubt I am having a clearer mind, but seriously I don't know if I will live up to his expectations. But I'll do my best and make sure I'll never let him down again. I don't wish to hurt him further. Dad just went through too much for me since I was born...it's time I show my gratitude...

Been missing Jason a lot everyday too. Although I'm not next to him, but all the while, I haven't left him mentally. I take numerous looks at his photos, each time putting a smile on my face.

Poor boy, he's ill. Must have overworked himself and thanks to me that he hasn't been sleeping much and well for the past weeks. Remember when I first knew him, he's always telling me he's going to bed when it was only 9+ or 10+, and I thought he was crazy. Till today, I'm still not sure if he really went to bed, or went offline and continued doing his work.

Oh...he's online..finally back from the doctor's..heez. Shall see how he is.

Missing Jason..

Didn't do much today. It's another relaxing day for me. It will be my last day of relaxation as I'll be starting revision again tomorrow.

My room's been very warm today. There hasn't been much breeze. Being intolerant to heat, I had to rely on my humidifier and fan to cool my room down. I hope it doesn't get warmer...can't imagine manz. Maybe drinking more water will help..

Basically just chatting with Jason via MSN and webcamming with him this afternoon. I was so happy to see him again. He's ill and went to see the doctor. Just a throat infection. Poor boy, he hasn't been feeling well for some time. Hope he gets well soon.

I spent a lot of time looking at him. Each time he laughs or smiles, it makes me smile as well. I can't describe how pleased I am. Knowing that he's ill, I reckon he must be feeling uncomfortable and weak, so I tried to make him laugh by imitating his silly patterns. I was so glad it cheered him up.

There were several times I kept looking at him while he was doing his work in front of the comp. I was trying hard to remember how he looked when he's putting his heart and soul into his work. When seeing this, I pitied him and at the same time, I felt so proud of him. My bf..a responsible, dedicated and diligent army officer. It isn't his position in the army which made me feel. It's the qualities he possess.

I have met many guys in my life, but what makes Jason different from the vast majority is his working attitude. How many guys would insist on not clearing leave because of a job which hasn't been completed? How many would bring their work home to do after office hours? How many actually take NS seriously? What the majority isn't able to do or rather won't do is what Jason will do. Each time I recall this, it will make me smile again.

Despite this, I still feel a sense of pity for him. He seems to have piling work to do everyday and don't rest much, yet at the end of the day, have to spend time with me in effort not to let me feel left alone. All I could is to watch him do his work. I can't even help him lighten his load. I wish I could do any slightest thing for him, but being so far away, I can't even sit beside him to accompany him..can't make him a drink..can't give him a little hug, providing him with a bit of comfort. I tried my best to be there for him, but still, I am not convinced that that is the best I can do. I hope I can find a way to make him feel me closer to him.

It's almost 6am in sg now. Jason should still be sleeping, but will be waking up soon and getting ready to start the day's work again. Not sure if he slept well..hopefully he did, so that he will be fresh later. He's got a presentation later, and I'm silently wishing him all the best for it. I hope he will do well and earn praises from his boss again.

Just finish downloading the song he wanted - First of May by the Bee Gees. I am feeling excited about sending it to him later..heez..hope it will put a smile on him again. He looks really handsome when he smiles.. :)

I love you Jason...miss u...

Back in UK

Waiting to use the shower now.

I've arrived in UK last night. Now I'm back in my comfy bedroom. It's my only consolation in UK. I don't look forward to anything here and the only thing I felt belonged to me is my room here. Apart from talking to Jason on the phone in the living room and visiting the toilet, I havent been out of my room...yup yup..the usual me. It's unhealthy, but I have no wish to get out. But with advice from many people, looks like I have to change my lifestyle now. Will go out for a nice walk once in a while. It's summer now and the weather isn't too cold for a stroll.

There r so many things which I wanna blog, but suddenly, I don't know what to write, maybe cos I can't spend too long typing out this entry. Might blog in detail tonight when I'm more free with time.

Sigh, miss Jason a lot. Hope he's happy and active at the moment, and not extremely sad and worried like how he was for the past few days. Am looking forward to webcam with him later and to talk on the phone with him some time soon.

Finally my hps are working well again..yay!!!! can sms and talk again..heez..

will blog again later..

Luv ya Jason

^_^ Happy~~~

I had a memorable time with Jason yesterday. We didn't do anything special, but I felt very happy and I still am now.

As I am typing this entry, I am wearing my smile and remembering things he told me yesterday. I feel fortunate for being his gf.

The day yesterday started off bad because we talked about some unpleasant issues on the phone. The result was disappointment and at the same time, I told myself I should see things from his perspective before mine. Afterall, he's important to me and I don't wish to hurt him. Honestly, I didn't think I was at fault for most of the things I did, but yes, I was insensitive to the way I talked and behaved in front of him. I am open, but whilst being so, I didn't realise that everyone doesnt have the same mentality and open personality as me. He's one. He's not wrong, but I just need some time to adjust to accomodate him.

I don't blame him at all, in fact, I am trying to tell myself that his jealousy, his insecurity are signs of my importance to him. I should feel happy, but nevertheless, I was drifting towards my thought of him being possessive. Just then, I remembered something which I read recently...

I was reading through this magazine article. In it, there was an interesting story which a teenage girl told the editor. This girl took a piece of tissue paper and used a blue pen to draw a small dark circle on it. She then asked the editor, "What do you see?" The editor replied, " A blue circle." The girl then said, "Why won't you tell me that you see a white piece of tissue with a blue defect on it?" After reading this, I smiled to myself. I've learnt something through this.

Very often, we tend to look at something small and concentrate on it, without realising the other things around it. I used this and thought about my argument with Jason. Yes, no doubt he is jealous and insecured, but I had made a mistake too. I got disappointed because of this, but I have neglected the reasons to why he felt this way..so during the time when I requested to be left alone, I thought about this and cooled down. I wasn't so disappointed anymore, and naturally my tears stopped rolling and I was smiling once again. Now that I think back, I felt silly. I made him so worried due my lack of understanding. Sorry Jason. Give me some time..I'll try harder to make you happier..

I queried about Jason's past rship too. I have always been curious, but didn't ask much because I was worried he will be unhappy. But I'm not sure why I finally decided to just ask. I hope it didn't make him uncomfortable or unhappy.

I must admit jealousy was how I felt for a moment as I listened, but at the same time, I feel secured. I have nothing against his ex gf. I just wanted to know more about my bf, and I will try not to make those mistakes she made..of course, I'll still be myself and use my own way to love him. Hopefully, he'll be pleased with me.

He told me something touching last night on the phone. I was so touched. He said he will be preparing 3 surprises for me. The first would be before my departure, the 2nd for me to open on the plane and the 3rd is to be opened when I arrive in UK. I knew his intentions very well. He wanted me to be happy all the way till I arrive in UK.

Going back to UK this time is something I have to do. I'm not happy and he knows it. I am touched about the surprises I'll be having, but then again, if I could choose, I'll choose not to have any, but to have him next to him, saying comforting words to me when I am not smiling, telling me to be brave, reminding me I'm an officer's gf (haha...), and lastly coaxing me to sleep.

Geez..my smile's still on! Ok, I'm crazily in love..haha...what a silly piece of shit.

Going out to shop soon..and to meet him..yay!

I don't want to leave...

Such an early time to blog..still feeling sleepy despite waking up at a very late hour.

My days left in Sg is limited now and I know very soon, I'll be back to a place I wish I will never go back to, but due to academic reasons, I have to continue walking down this path..a path I chose with no regrets, yet full of downs.

If it weren't for the above reasons, I would choose not to return because I've enjoyed myself entirely here in Sg. I have everything here..my bf..my family..my friends..a place I can call home. Back in UK, I'm alone. It feels as if overnight, everything is taken away from my side, leaving me once again to fend for myself.

Jason told me he is with me whereever I am. I'm grateful for all that he has done for me over the past dunno how many days. It's been wonderful having him around. Everyday, I'm just hoping to see him more and more. I love the comfort in his smile, I love the way he talks to me, I love the way he coax me to sleep..I just love every bit of him.

Last night, he was hurt again. Full of disappointment. I can feel his pain, his helplessness, but I was not able to share it with him. I felt lost, not knowing how to make him feel better because I was feeling the same way, which resulted in me keeping quiet, but my tears were rolling, which soon after made me feel more exhausted than I originally was.

I wish he had cried in front of me, and not hide it away. I never thought crying was a shameful thing. It's always been a way of releasing your emotions. But I knew he cried last night and it pains me to keep quiet on the phone. I hope he knew that I was around all the while, and I'm feeling just as down.

I'm not sure what's going to happen down the road and what will become of us in the future, but nevertheless, I'm treasuring every bit of it now. We've planned things and I hope it will all come true one day. I'm feeling happy being with him and I trust him very much. I love him.

Happy..Happy...

Been a few days since I last blogged.

My darling Jason said that I'll have to blog everyday, but I did not..haha..thank goodness he didn't grumble about it. Hmm..he didnt blog everyday too.. *winks*

Yesterday, we did something very meaningful together, something worth remembering although it wasn't an act to strengthen the relationship. It was an act which probably have made a difference to someone.

We were walking out of the Bedok MRT to the bus stop when we saw this young teenage girl squatting in a corner. We could not see her face, but we knew she wasn't well, either physically or emotionally. Both of us were curious about why she was squatting there and ignoring the attention strangers gave her. We decided to leave her alone as we thought she was probably crying, and continued walking to the bus stop, but we kept watch on her all the way. Not long after, we saw her faint and both of us decided to help by halting a taxi. We were unable to fit into the taxi as another stranger and the girl's friend accompanied her to CGH. Although we didn't know who that girl was, it got me worried about her condition, so Jason suggested that we should go to CGH to take a look. We didn't get to find out what was going on, but at least we were feeling quite relieved that the doctors are attending to her and that the 2 girls will be waiting.

To be honest, I felt helpless and quite useless despite being a medical student. I wasn't able to do anything but to help halt a taxi. Sigh, anyway, I hope she's doing fine now and is getting better in hospital. I've still been thinking about how she is today.


I enjoyed myself today. Jason spent the whole day in my house. We didn't do anything much, basically just rotting around, disturbing each other as usual and talking. He bought 'Spirited Away' yesterday and we were supposed to watch it together in my house today, but during the show, he fell asleep. I knew he dozed off because of his hug was stagnant...hahahaha. I wanted to continue sitting in that position so that he can have his little nap, but I was feeling a bit uncomfy with my posture, so I moved and woke him up. There he was with his drowsy look..so lovely..so cute..so innocent..I just simply adore him so much. Looking at him, one wouldn't bear to do anything to hurt him.

I'm still smiling at this moment as I think about him. I just love his smile. It always makes you smile as well.

We've got minor arguments despite being together for almost 2 weeks. However, we tend to be ok very quickly and things will be sweet once again.

I made a mistake by doubting his love for me yesterday over some hp messages. My heart sank for a moment and I didn't know how to react. Should I just see what has he got to say or should I just leave? Somehow, I stoned there for a while. When he knew about it, he was all worried and started explaining things to me. It was all a misunderstanding and of course, I accepted his reasons and I'm sure he won't lie to me. I guess I must have hurt him for not trusting him then.

Sigh..feeling so happy at the moment...yup yup..happily attached to someone who is loving me lots and being my support. He's just lovely and everything he does makes me real happy.

Thanks Jason. I love you.. :)