Home!!!!

Home sweet home. Back from UK on Sunday :)

I had one of the worst flights ever...and I realise I get more and more restless on the plane for no reason. Everyone knows I'm a pig who falls asleep anywhere I go, so slping on the plane should never be a problem for me..but NO..this flight...wah liew...I didn't sleep at all. Had my eyes closed at certain times, but I wasn't slping at all.

After the flight, it just made me come up with 2 decisions in the future. First, I muz work hard to sit in the Business Class. Second, I shall not be a paediatrician. I love kids (but I mind having one of my own). But I dread them when they cry. It's understandable & only natural that children cry, but some cry non-stop, making me wonder if they do have their tears running dry. There were many kids in the cabin I was in, and oh manz, they can form an orchestra together. They took turns to cry & scream..sometimes, u can even hear them together. And that lasted from the moment I got into the plane till the moment they got off the plane. Even their own parents were feeling so frustrated onboard because of them. And the flight stewardesses were so concerned about whether the children were having some ear problems. Then, when we were about to arrive at Changi Airport, one of the children vomited..so the whole cabin smelled like dunno wat (now I know how the passengers felt when Mum said that I had a diarrhoea onboard a flight to Japan when I was 2 years old...it muz have been worse...business class somemore if I'm not wrong..goodness gracious). So after the whole flight, I became more determined to never be a paediatrician, since I can't stand crying kids even though I should be understanding. And business class, cos you'll seldom have kids inside (even though there's still a slight chance).

I think SIA's food is not bad. Every flight I'm on, the chinese course is great, and Dad said the chef's a famous one..can't rem his name though.

I was practically eating again and again in the plane. In fact, it's the only thing I look forward to for every flight. And after I touched down, I was still craving for food.

I was desperate for any type of local food, but had Jap food for dinner instead since the seafood restaurant was having a very long queue. Food's great, but sashimi wasn't nice...what a waste.

I was still craving for food for the whole of yesterday too. Had delicious roasted chicken rice, with dumpling soup, vegetables and roasted meat for lunch. Then for teabreak, I had Kaya Toast, 2 half-boiled eggs & Milk tea. And Korean food for dinner...yum yum!!!

Went to Da Vinci to see furniture. I just love it so much! But couldn't find a piece to replace my ugly cupboard. Mum's dying to get rid of it since it clashes with my table & bed. And of all things, no bookshelves in my room. Desperately need one to put my medical books. It's drastically unsightly to see them pile up at some corner at the moment.

Whooppsss...time to go see if my parents are up! Hehehe...till next time!

Huishan, Ruoz, Si'en...discuss abt the crab & durian feast yah?

Guys today..tsk tsk tsk..

To all guys out there, when was the last you ever helped a female who is having lots of problems carrying heavy stuffs? Or even if u've not encountered any such incidents before, as a guy, what would (it's a 'would', not a 'should') you do?

In case guys out there don't know what to do, was never taught what to do (if u need someone to teach u for this, I think u're pathetic to the core...might as well consider getting castrated), let Michelle tell you WHAT u should do...and that's SIMPLY GO OVER AND OFFER TO HELP!

Where is the male ego which guys always claim to have? Apparently, when situations arise, male's ego seem to have gone invisible for unknown reasons. Perhaps, their ego's SO BIG till they think doing such favours are tooooo low-class for them.

I experienced this today. Finally, I am all done with my packing. Storage company's coming to collect the cartons later. I decided to be nice (or rather I don't have a choice since the storage ppl won't help me carry the cartons from the 2nd to the 1st floor) by carrying the cartons down so that it'll be easier later.

7 cartons in all. It's not very much, but you bet it's heavy. I ended up pushing and dragging them, and slowly drag them down the narrow flight of stairs. Having 5 guys in the house, none even came out to help. And one even stood at one corner to watch & even dare say, "Wow..so much stuff huh? hahaha". I was so tempted to go "Ay..call yourself a guy...stand one corner to watch & laugh somemore...and not even offering a hand...", but was too breathless to say anything, and sweating profusely as well. By the time I was done, my knees were all red and warm due to the friction while pushing the cattons & supporting them while dragging down the stairs.

In a way, I was pretty hurt, cos I really needed help while doing so. Then again, I knew no one would offer a hand. Been living my life this way for yrs even though I have lots of guys in the house. Everyone here in Cardiff thinks I'll be so well-protected, but it's not at all. And that's the major reason why I'm moving out...even if it's very troublesome..I will still move out. I had enough!

Why shouldn't I be complaining? Hmm..because...I'm not seen as a girl. So everyone will think Michelle can handle everything herself. What guys can do, Michelle can too. Also, I don't have a pretty face which makes a guy wanna protect or feel a pinch when I get myself injured in any way..so it doesn't matter to any if I end up falling down the stairs or have the cartons topple and drop on my feet. And because I do not have a bf, so even when I have problems with cartons, no guy will offer me any help. "Good bfs" must help no one, except their gfs wat....hor?

What I experienced today has proven me right abt my decisions made abt most guys...
1. They will only help their gf...the rest of the girls can die for all they care
2. Selfish
3. When they're nice (which is rare!), better be careful...sure to have motive. Once u reject them or they're not interested in u anymore, u'll see their true colours....*trust me on this one..so far no one proved me wrong yet*

It's ok manz. Michelle's not a girl mahz...which is also proven with my ability to move cartons alone. Something to proud of, isn't it? How many girls out there can do it..no no..I should say..how many girls will do it? At least I know most here will scream for help..(someone I know even ask her bf to travel from one part of UK to another just to help her move cartons. Till today, this guy is still a slave to her..despise such guys manz).

Not trying to say that I think guys are weak (they are stronger than girls I admit), but they're not showing their full potential to the ladies....wat a waste. To guys who feel threatened abt women's capability being superior to theirs, u're right in feeling threatened. Because if ur male ego has always been telling u that MEN ARE SUPERIOR (which I agree), perhaps it's time to reflect if it's women who are becoming more capable, or isit you, men, who are becoming LESS capable.

*************
Watched a ballet matinee today. 'La Traviata' by the Northern Ballet Theatre. Very worth the money manz! £12 for the best seats :) It was performed in a small theatre in Cardiff. No doubt it's small, but it's beautiful inside..as in the performance hall. It's like those you see in films...chandeliers, Roman pillars, maroon velvet curtains, carvings on the ceilings...very very English...hehe..the type I love. My seat enabled me to see the ballet from a raised level, hence I'm able to have an overall view of the performance, yet close enough for me to see the faces of the dancers.

Costumes were extremely beautiful, and so was the settings & props. Even the lighting was done well too (this lighting director used to work for Singapore Dance Theatre *grinz*). The music was played live by an orchestra too! With all that for £12, fantastic bargain manz...

The ballet was romantic & touching. The plot's similar to that of Moulin Rouge. The end was tragic, but was so beautifully performed. I wept at the last part when Marguerite (the leading female role) died in Armand's (the leading male role) arms. The eye contact of the lovers were good too. I have definitely seen for myself the power of eye contact & body language in this performance. There were many difficult moves in La Traviata too, but the leads were able to do it smoothly & gracefully. I was tremendously impressed!

The cons...the pirouettes done by Margeurite, with the help of a guy spinning her, wasn't very impressive. It wasn't stable enough.

But overall, 2 thumbs up! :)

South Wales Tour 2005 Part 1 - Heart of the Valleys

*Note: Advisable to have a cup of tea around*

Because there are toooooo many photos to show, & tooooo much things to blog abt, I shall divide it into parts. Can't believe that I took 100+ photos in just 2 days...gosh...but 98% of the pics don't have me cos I was alone (the disadvantage). I can't possibly load every pic up here, so only relevant ones are posted. Click the pics if u want a bigger view :)

3 tours in total, but I only went for 2 cos I realised that my aching shoulder's draining lots of my energy away. I shall do the 3rd tour another time.

It was a lovely Friday morning in Cardiff & I was aaaaallllll set to go on my tour ard South Wales. Happily went to buy sandwiches before I set off just in case I have to eat in some valley/mountain without any restaurant.

Pickup point: National Museum & Gallery, Cardiff

Love its architectural structure. It's located close to where I'm living currently (moving out already though), the main University campus (but not the medical school...SHUCKS!), the beautifully built City Hall where all the big functions are held in, & the city centre.

Here is my tour minibus:

A new company, & the only one with day trip excursions. Tour guide's friendly too. What a waste..forgot to take a pic with him. His uniform reminds me of the staff at a safari..haha..cute.

Map showing various points the minibus will be stopping:

Can you imagine how BIG Wales is? And it's still smaller than England...what the..!!! What you see in the pic is JUSSSSTTTTTTT the southern part of Wales.
Red dot: Cardiff
Green dot: Destinations for the tour (part 1)

First Stop

Situated in Blaenafon, Torfaen (don't ask me how to pronounce the word..it's Welsh)
Wales used to be a mining ground for iron. However, soon they realised that iron's not the best trade to be in, and coal seems to be more profitable, hence, iron mining was stopped and was converted to coal mining instead. The Big Pit is one of the mines used before.

Train's for transport of Coal, & the big wheel handling the internal lift which will be bring me 300ft underground to see what life is like for thousands of men, women & children (yup..kids) who worked at the coal face. In the past, there isn't such a thing called a lift. Workers go underground by standing in a big basket, and then fellow colleagues will manually help him/her descend down by means of a rope. Tsk tsk...technology of those days...

The big wheel again :)
Gear to be worn before going underground: Safety helmet, CO2 gas bottle, headlight connected to the wet cell battery.

All objects containing batteries & flammable objects e.g. watches, mobiles, CD players, cigarette lighters, etc are NOT to be brought in. This is to prevent explosions from happening in the pit. By the way, the CO2 gas bottle is for life-saving purposes. It can last 1 hr. To be used during a gas leak.
Muahaha....I'm all geared up!!!! Taken together with 2 guides who used to be miners :)

Check out the "carriage" with coal...

and timber...

Moving the "carriages"...

and then emptying it...

A staff of the Big Pit holding onto a safety lamp.

Looks similar to an oil lamp huh? It's used to detect presence of gas leak in the pits. A safety check is done every 4 hrs. Gas leaks can kill you and cause explosions.
No pics were taken in the pit (reason being obvious...I don't want to die yet). It's pitch dark in there, so dark that you can't even see your hand when you place it in front of your face. Scary huh? Kids ages 5-9 work in the mines too, and they are in charge of the ventilation underground. Gosh, I wonder how they manage to counteract their fear of the dark. Not to mention, there are loads of creepy crawlies e.g. cockroaches, rats running around in the pit. The ceiling is very low too, hence, even shorties like me have to bend down to move around. There are also 3 stables where horses are kept. Working in the mine is extremely dangerous since accidents are very common. Mining is lots of hard work as well, but the miners aren't paid much at all. After seeing the Big Pit, it's no wonder why my patients who used to be miners are always extremely proud to tell me their past occupation. Indeed, it's their pride, and definitely something worth to be proud of & talk about.

Second Stop

Brecon Beacons National Park
A must-visit place for national beauty of the countryside of Wales.
"Brecon" because the park is named after a place in Wales nearby called Brecon; "Beacons" in order to remember past occupants of Wales who used Beacons as a signalling tool.

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See the mountain whose peak is covered by the clouds? That's Pen y Fan, the highest peak in Wales standing at a height of 886m. It isn't very difficult to climb to the top..takes only a few hours by foot.
3 types of rocks mainly make up the highlands of the National Park:
Old Red Sandstone

Limestone

Millstone Grit

See the red piece of land? It's a special type of natural soil which is very fertile. There are mountains filled with them, hence being named as the Black Mountains (no idea why Black instead of Red though..hahaha)
Sheep!!!! "Baaaaaahhhhhhhhh" :X

Loads of them in Wales..haha, esp in the countryside. You can find tons of horses, poultry, cattle, etc in Wales too. Farming is a common trade. Hhaha..no wonder the Englishmen nickname the Welsh as "Sheep Shaggers"..hmm...
Horses!!!

Check this pic out...it's one of my most favourite..

A perfect horse riding surrounding isn't it?!
*GROWL* hungry hungry...let's see what's for my lunch at the National Park...hehehehee...

Fish Pie, carrots, boiled potatoes, Suede. :) Fish pie's yummy, but not the tasteless vegetables which accompanied it. Costs me £5...quite ex...

On the way to the 3rd stop...I spotted this old structure from the bus. It's a bridge I think. Very beautiful right?

Third Stop
Caerphilly Castle in Caerphilly

This castle's built in the late 13th century by the Anglo-Norman lord, Gilbert de Clare. This fortress is surrounded by a body of water, which plays a crucial role for defence. Because the body of water is so huge, the enemy will find it difficult to get over it to reach the main fortress. Apart from the water, you'll be amazed by the number of gates one will have to go through before reaching the castle's inner core. There is a part of the castle which is very amazing, called the 'leaning tower' which I could not take a photo of unfortunately. It is similar to the famous leaning tower of Pisa.
This is a drawing of how the castle looks like:

And a model...

In 1766, John the 3rd Marquess of Bute's family, the Mount Stuarts inherited the castle. John was an antiquarian. In 1868, he re-roofed the Great Hall of the castle, commissioned a thorough architectural survey and started buying up property around the castle. John is also the guy who rebuilt the Cardiff Castle & Castell Coch.

The Great Hall..

No, the chairs are there for some event. Such chairs didn't exist in the past.
Wanna check out what the army of those days use to fight their enemy?

That's used to throw these rock balls...

Can you imagine getting wacked by these? Scary hor? I can imagine myself turning into an airport runway on the spot with this wacking on my chest.

Final Stop
The magnificent CASTELL COCH (also known as 'The Red Castle')!!!!!!! Muahahhaa...woohoo!!!!!

Unlucky me since the castle's closed, hence, disallowing me to enter, but I heard the interior's marvellous. This castle is known to be a fairytale-like castle built in the late 19th century. It is owned by Lord Bute (same guy who inherited Caerphilly Castle I think), who is reputed to be the wealthiest man in the world and is one for staying, not a fortress. And built by architect William Burges who died in 1881 before completion of the castle. The work when then completed by his colleagues. The castle is a popular place to visit by tourists and even the local Brits. Every year, numerous weddings are held here (I was lucky enuff to witness one there). The surroundings of the castle is beautiful too. Lots of trees and nature...just like what we see in films.


Phew...finally....finished Part 1...will get Part 2 done soon.....

Grrrr....

WHY THE PHOTOS TAKE SO LONG TO UPLOAD?!?!?!??!?!

I've been sitting in front of my comp like an idiot waiting for ages to upload the photos to some webby. I shouldn't have been lazy and tried to do some yesterday rather than rotting till today to do it. Yet, being impatient me, I like to complete my task asap once I start..and that's why I'm still awake at such an unearthly hr.

Wanna see photos? Wait till I have them all uploaded :)

I spent the whole day doing nothing very practical. Watched hours and hours of taiwan variety shows. Darn funny, but I got quite irritated at some point. Realise that taiwanese variety shows are extremely noisy. Taiwan hosts are very good manz. Always loved Ah Ya and tt's why I'm watching the shows. Jacky Wu's another good host. But sometimes, I can't stand him. Not sure why, but it seems to me that Taiwan hosts are fighting to talk all the time...and with all the background sound effects, it can make me irritated at times. Toooooo noisy.

Watched a 2003 episode of 'Shi Zhi Lu Kou' held in Singapore. Slurp! Makes me wanna write up a list of stuffs I wanna eat when I'm home. *dreaming abt my crab feast with the girls when i'm back..*

I arranged all my tour photos today too! Also typed up comments for the photos I've taken for memory's sake. Can't wait to show them to my parents.

Shoulder's been aching terribly. It hurt so much that I feel like chopping it off. Wakes me up from my sleep too. I wonder if it's due to my sleeping position, my hours of reading on the bed or my heavy slingbag. Hope it'll go away soon...

Mum & Fred's gonna be back from HK today. Hmm..I wonder if Mum bought anything for me..hehe. Hope she got me some stuffs since she claims that Espirit is sooooooo cheap there. I reckon HK's got nicer stuff than in Sg.

OH SHIT! The sun rise already!!!! ^&$%£$%"$££$" How to sleep now....grrrrrrr

In thoughts

I continued reading the book about Empress Dowager Cixi. Was so excited to share my thoughts with Dad, but unfortunately, I was occupied with something else. When Dad heard I was reading abt her, he went "Why are u reading abt her? You want to be like her? She lost China to the Europeans!".

My mind went blank for a while. I was stunned for a moment, but not surprised since I have heard so many nasty things about this famous woman. I recalled from the films I watched when I was younger that she was cruel. Perhaps...that was why I bought this book without hesitation. There are times we all perceive ppl to be what we think they are, rather than what they really are. I didn't want to know what the millions out there, for generations, thought of what she's like. Instead, I wanted to know what was going on in her mind. If she was the cause of losing China to the Europeans, why was she the one? And how did she feel about it? Even if she was wrong, I wanted to know if she had her reasons for doing so? Why, instead of blaming a person, can we not appreciate the other good points (if any) & give recognition for that?

I haven't finished reading the book yet, but I'm sure it sure hurts to death to watch your own dynasty collapse right in your hands. I am crap with China's history, but I'm really eager to finish up this book so that I can see if what Dad said is really true, and if he's right, what was the story behind the collapse? I'll then get Dad to tell me more abt what he knows. Sometimes, I feel really proud of Dad. He isn't very highly educated, but he does know a lot of stuffs. Name it, and chances are..he knows it, especially Politics. I always feel that Mum's been a lucky woman to marry Dad. I wish one day, I will meet someone like Dad too, so that he can tell me lots and lots of stories about everything...feeding me with knowledge of things I never knew. :)

Read a friend's blog, and she was blogging abt male egoism (bet she's been driven nuts for a long time because of this). Very interesting topic, and the way she linked it to become a "clinical" query made it simply amusing. I liked the part abt her talking about Y chromosomes being unable to survive if the X didn't exist, and that the X chromosomes are contributed by females. Hmm..like what I told Kwong Chee once, I have nothing against a male's ego and I am definitely not a sexist person. It's fully understandable and a well-known fact abt guys having an ego, but there are certain times when guys should know when to put it aside. Honestly speaking, I think guys who have ego levels to the extent of causing ppl distress are more likely to be suffering from immense inferior complexity. Their ego is just an excuse (which works perfectly to brain-wash them) to cover up this weakness of theirs, without realising how pathetic they look. To guys reading this, this is no personal attack. But if you're offended, that's your biz. *grinz*

Short productive day

Been organised over the past few days, and oh boy does it feel good ticking off boxes from the daily lists of Things-to-do I write up every night before I slp.

Today's no exception. I am sooooo happy that I have finally settled my accomodation problem, or rather found a solution to it. I wasn't the very accomodating and patient girl today. I must admit I made life a bit difficult for the staff, but hey, I definitely wasn't being unreasonable for doing so since it's the company's fault from the beginning. I was just fighting for my right. I'll be moving into a temporary accom (under the same company) for a few weeks before moving to my rightful one. The temp accom's more expensive than the one I booked, and the company wants me to pay the rental price of the temp's accom, which I refused and insisted that I shall pay only the price of tt of the rightful one. And since they're not able to give me a spare room for my storage over the period of my temp stay, I voiced out my dissatisfaction, and finally they decided to reimburse me the extra costs I have to incur for storage. :) Good, now one problem settled.

And great! I finally have found someone to help me store my "survival kit" luggages over the summer, and ready for me to use upon my arrival in Cardiff just in case storage screws up. But the thought abt dragging the "survival kit" luggages to Daniel's place is such a turn off...sigh..

I went shopping today. Hhehee. I think I'm getting obsessed with accessories. I was so excited over earrings, bracelets, bag chains, etc today. I bought 3 earrings today and also, a short flowing skirt! If only I print cash, I bet I'll buy everything that I adore.

I indulged in Thai food for dinner. Was actually gonna go to one of my fav Italian restaurant, until I came to this place which I've never been to before. It's like a "food paradise" whereby you have quite a number of restaurants. I was tempted to go into an Indonesian restaurant, until the Thai one caught my attention because of the interior decor. Heard Fatimah said the food's not bad, so I thought I'll give it a try.

Was terribly full even before dessert. Had the famous Tom Yam soup, Pad Thai and for dessert, I had mango with glutinous rice and coconut milk. Slurp! Had a short chat with the waitress too, and she told me that she thought I was Thai when I walked in...lol. I don't think I look Thai.

Came home, watch a bit of Sg drama, chatted with Leena over the phone (gosh..she reminds me of Lemon...very auntie-like) and started reading the new book I bought. Very very interesting.

It's abt the life of Empress Dowager Cixi. Interesting to know how she was like before she entered the Forbidden City as a concubine, and then how she managed to survive in the palace. I've always been eager to find out the hidden stories of these people. I wanted to know what lies behind those costumes and faces. Amazingly, I seem extremely interested in those of Asia, especially China. Perhaps, it made me feel closer to where I come from..or u can say..my roots. And I think it's a wonderful thing to understand a little about Chinese history since I'm Chinese myself!

I've got so much thoughts while reading the book. It's written with such great descriptive detail, and you can "see" the happenings through reading. I felt her pain, her sorrow, her disappointment, her excitement..her everything even though I was not there to witness it. I could "see" and sense the endless traps and dangers behind the palace walls. I could imagine the fear & insecurity of the ppl in the palace of not even being able to guarantee if he/she can live to see the next minute. I can feel the "war" in the Forbidden City...one which requires no swarms of army and bombs. It's all about intelligence, being cunning, ability to combine beauty with wits, luck, and human relations. No doubt the "war" exists even in modern society today, the book just makes u see it more clearly, and impress you with the intelligence of Man in those days. It makes you realise that no matter how many people u have around you, no matter how close they are to you, how sincere they seem to u, ultimately, you are the only soldier fighting your own war. Every individual is on their own in a way. Most of the time, ppl help each other because they can benefit from the result.

Haven't finished the book yet. Only got to the part abt Cixi finally getting to be His Majesty's favourite. I'm sure it'll get more and more interesting. :)

Oh yes oh yes!!! I am gonna watch Ballet next week!!!!! I shall buy my tickets for matinee performance soon. So much cheaper manz. Only £12 for the best seats. The story's similar to Moulin Rouge. Sounds very romantic....lol..so I'm gonna catch it. Performed by the Northern Ballet. Never got to watch any of their productions before..so this shall be my first. Hope it's good.

Haha..can see my schedule book being filled with stuffs. How exciting.

Arts never fail to make me smile

Before I go on abt Arts, let me ramble first.

I didn't have a good day. I had all my plans written out nicely & all ready to be fully accomplished today, but because of some pretty major problem, it ruined my mood the entire day.

My accomodation's facing a problem. The guy whom I made the deal with got sacked, because he's been giving false information to ppl in order to clinch as many deals as he can. I bet some ppl must have made complaints tt's why he lost his job. He gave me the wrong info too, and because of that, I am facing problems now. I'm gonna be "homeless" for abt 2 weeks! WTH! I was very very unhappy abt it, and the accomodation company's gonna settle it for me. Or rather, I'm gonna make sure they settle my problem since they are at fault, and will be causing so much problems for me when I come back to Cardiff after the summer vacation. Cos of them, my storage plans are screwed up too. And to make things worse, I don't even know when I'll be in Cardiff since attachments for the next 2 yrs will be all over Wales. If I'm unlucky enough to be sent up to North Wales or some hospital in the middle of nowhere in the Valleys, then I'm gonna face hell loads of problems with handling both school, transport plus the troublesome accomodation. BAH! Shall be firm on Wednesday when I meet the Manager. I shall NOT be tolerant anymore. Just the contract itself..I have been waiting for 2 months! That's how "EFFICIENT" ppl in UK are.

I went to the Cardiff Tourist Centre today to ask if they've got the confirmed dates for the tour. I can't go for the one week tour because the departure date is too late, so my alternative plan is to go on 3 one-day tours alone :) Shall tell u what happened in the Centre..

Me: Hi. It's written in the brochure that the tours depart on these days..but is it confirmed?
Staff: It should be since it's written there.
Me: But definitely, there must be a minimum number of participants before the tour can commence isn't it? So how would I know if the tours are sure to be commencing on the dates I want?
Staff: Ermm...I don't know about that.
Me: Do you know who I should find this out from then?
Staff: I'm not sure.
Me: ..........

Wah liew. Damn lame. It's THE TOURIST CENTRE, and it's soooo unacceptable for the staff to tell you they dunno. Gosh! They should be the ones who know this best, or else what? The tourists know it better than them?! And I had to even say "Can you pls ask your colleagues because I can't book tickets if I have no information abt it." Only then did she go ask her colleague and gave me a not-very-helpful answer. I ended up having to go find out myself by sending an email to the tour company. Gonna wait for their reply now. Hope they get back to me tmr, so I can get the tours booked and sorted.

Anyway, I was so pissed with these ppl for quite a while. Can't understand how can one work for a company without knowing anything. And can't tolerate inefficiency as well. Can't understand why employees can't be responsible and be more professional. A job IS a job, so even if you're not interested, at least get it done properly. Why can't ppl understand that if everyone does their part, it will make things so much easier for everyone cos there won't be unneccessary delays, no one getting pissed off, and we wont have to face unneccesary stress.

BUAY TAHAN!

Enuff rambling.

Clayton told me he's got our tickets for PCK Musical! Yay!!!!!! I went to take a look at the webby, and downloaded the songs cos just by hearing the songs, u can roughly have an idea abt the musical. It's almost like "watching" the play in a way.

I was overjoyed when I heard the song. There's this unexplainable homely feeling, and I started imagining how it'll be like if the whole musical appears in front of my very eyes, the colours, the lights, the music, the casts' expression. I smiled.

I love the Arts. And no matter how bad my mood is, just throw me an Arts performance, and I'll be alllllll smiles. 100% guarantee. :)

PCK Musical is seeking stage crew volunteers. I have always dreamt abt doing something related with the Arts. I know I'm in no position to be on stage, so being a stage crew member is pretty good enuff for me. Sent an email to the lady in charge to find out more & to see if they still need volunteers. If possible, I'll go for it! I really hope I can do so. It'll be like a dream come true. Going behind the scenes to see preparations for the musical, assist in any way possible just to make it a success, watching the musical unfold, and then hearing the applauses when the casts go on stage at the end to say Thanks. It's beautiful huh? No matter how tough it is..it'll all be worth it.

Arts brings me smiles and lots of joy. I have no idea why. I love it very much. If I didn't choose to go into Medicine in the first place, I'm sure I would have headed for the Arts. Then again, I do not regret doing Medicine. Sigh..why can't I do both?!?!?! Hhahahaa...I'm so greedy :X

Yup...I'm in a dreamy mood again...it's beautiful...

Get off my back can?!

Some ppl JUST won't leave me alone!!! I'm not saying I hate ppl chatting with me or checking out how I am (I'm perfectly fine with it)...but I'm reaaaaaaallllllyyyyyy hoping some will stop disturbing me.

First, it was someone who smsed me. He's got the same name as someone I dread a lot. I politely sent a reply to ask him for his surname, just in case it's a friend whom I might have not contacted for a very long time till I forgot all about :X And he just went "I think it's been a long time ago..I won't disturb u..it's ok. Take care." Don't understand why ppl can't answer a simple question which I've asked. Very difficult to ans meh? Couldn't be bothered to send him more smses to get my answer. If it's really C.H., he can get lost for all I care.

Second, it's the person who has been asking me when I'm going back to sg EVERYTIME he msges me. Yup, the concert one. Apparently, he doesn't understand English, and still continues to pester me abt it. And if that is still not enough, he's even got his best buddy to pester me abt it..and asking me AGAIN when I'll be back in Sg. Wah liew!!!! Makes me so irritated till I don't even feel like seeing them when I'm back in Sg...and even if I can make it for the concert, I am thinking twice abt attending already. Haiyo! SO IRRITATING!

Third, an email from Aunt. I don't dislike her. Neither am I pissed abt her emailing me. But I just want to be away from my relatives. I have no idea why they have to be so bloody curious abt everything I do. Why do they have to know how I'm performing in school? If I did badly, do they encourage me? No. If I did well, do I get praises? No. Why do they have to know when my exams are? They pray for me? No. They send msges over to wish me best of luck? No. And sometimes even to the extent of which PARTICULAR day is which PARTICULAR paper. Why do they have to know my address abroad? Do they come over to visit me? No. Do they send me letters or cards? No. And the biggest joke is each time they hear from my parents that I'm moving out, they are sure to ask for my new addy. For what manz?! I don't even see a good reason to why they need all these information. Concern? Yah right....

I feel so stalked and restricted. Even simple things like put stuffs into or update my friendster acct..I have to think more than twice because one of my cousins (together with her mum) acts as a news reporter, and even went printing out my photos to distribute without my consent once. I was so tempted to delete them off my acct, but hesitated as I don't wish to hurt them...and anger my relatives if they knew I did so. And email too. So many times I wish I don't have to reply, but I still have to or else they will continue bugging me. And abt not wanting to anger my relatives for the sake of my parents.

Just what is so interesting abt me huh? Why won't they go and pester abt others' affairs and leave mine alone? Don't they have anything else better to do than to smell my butt? I am no celebrity. I do not need reporters in my life. And even if I do crave for attention, theirs would be the last I need. Period.

WEEEEEEE....!!!!!!!!!

So happy!!!!

Ok, I'm not as overjoyed as how I was yesterday already. But who cares! I'm still happy...gleeing away manz!

Why the happy occasion, Michelle? Hehehe..cos I passed my Intermediate MB exams!!!!!

It was a torturing wait at the University hospital with few hundred students waiting impatiently and nervously outside the Medical College. And Sophie and I were really panicking. We were so worried that we started sitting in the cafeteria counting our heart beats..and oh boy..4 more beats and I will have to pay a visit to A&E.

And THE MOMENT came when my other coursemates went "IT'S OUT!!!!". Yeah..it was a mad rush for the notice board, and I just couldn't be bothered to go see. Needed Sophie to go drag me and that girl was sooooo eager to find out if we both passed that we went reading every possible Uni number of mine to me.

We were both overjoyed when we saw our numbers, and it was instant bursting into tears and big hugs! Intermediate MB exams are a nightmare for us, and it isn't easy to go through it, so one can sense how happy we were. Others who made it through were crying with their friends too. It was followed by calls home, announcing the good news to parents. Oh boy, was Dad relieved. Mum said he was so worried for the past few days, especially last night. Mum was so relieved as well. Great! Now I'm going on to 4th yr!!!! Finally...Final MB Part 1!

It was massive partying from 8pm-8am held at one of our coursemate's house last night, which I didn't wanna go. It's not abt being antisocial. I could have just gone with Sophie, but I just didn't wanna drink myself crazy with strangers.

I ended clearing a bit of my stuffs since I'll have to get everything packed and ready for storage very soon. Gonna move out to a new place next year. Very excited..hehe :)

Finally..now that my biggest worry before the summer is over. I shall begin my planning for loads of fun. I actually managed to surf around for tours, and am very tempted to go on a one-week tour alone. Left with checking out some details, and if all's fine, I shall delay going back to Sg and conquer the whole of Wales first. If things don't go well, I've got an alternative plan. Shall go to the city to check out availability tmr.

And yes, more fun stuffs I'm gonna plan for myself when I go back to Sg. Maybe another round of travelling on my own for a week or so to another country in Asia, and maybe a trip with friends if things work out fine. Plus loads of medical enriching activities! Gosh..I'm so so so so so exxxxxccciiittttteeeed!!!!

Can't wait for next week too. Gonna treat Sophie to a great meal. Shall take loads of photos if possible. Celebration for our passing exams!

Hhehehehe.....

Dad, my role model. Will I be like him one day?

Dad chatted with me online this morning. I felt myself being sooo weak as a person.

Dad told me many many things, and at the end of it all...

Me: Dad, I've always admired your strength. Why am I not like you in terms of this?
Dad: One day, you will be. You're my daughter, so you'll be like me. It'll just take time.

I resemble Dad in so many ways. If there's ever a parent-child contest, anyone can guess that I'm his daughter. Not just looks, but character too. But of all things, I haven't got his ability to manage every storm faced in the sea.

I realised how minor my worries were in terms of his, and no matter how big the obstacles I had, they were nothing compared to his when he was my age. I thought I was grown up enough compared to many of my cousins, but when I compare how I am now with how he was then, I feel like a miserable 8 yr old.

When I was in primary school, I was still playing Barbie dolls, crying if I didn't have my way, refusing to study, having no responsibility on my shoulders, having anything I ask for, living my life blindly. But when Dad wasn't that fortunate. Being adopted in a family whose parents didn't give a damn abt the children, Dad being eldest, had to play the role of a father & a mother. Being only in pri sch, he already started caning my aunts and uncles if they did badly in school (which unfortunately they always did). Dad didn't experience any bit of family love, and I'm sure when he younger, he must have asked himself numerous times why Grandpa adopted him when they weren't even wanting to shower him with parental care and concern. In fact, because he was adopted, ppl in the family didn't like him, and even till this very day, they still see Dad as an outsider. It must hurt Dad lots, because even me being his daughter, can I sense how painful it is to be seen that way.

When I was 17, I was still happily going to a whole new environment to pursue A Levels. But what was it like for Dad? At 17, he was already working for Grandpa as a chaffeur even before he got a driving licence. Pay was miserable, and sometimes Dad didn't even get paid if Grandpa gets into shit loads of gambling debts. Grandpa wasn't a responsible person, so Dad was the only one having to bring back money to support the rest of the family and mind you, it's a VERY big family since Grandpa got either 2 or 3 wives during then (yes, I have 3 Grandmothers just on Dad's side).

At 20, I was going through uni, without a great deal of worry. But Dad was struggling. He was dating my Mum tt time, and Mum used to tell me how sorry she felt for Dad. Grandpa's business was going bankrupt, and he didn't care about it. Got into lots of gambling debts and it couldn't have got worse after some irresponsible doings of my Granduncle. If the business collapsed, that would be it for everyone in the family. Dad, knowing that he can't let his siblings all sleep in the streets, he had to try to put the company back into shape. He had to find money to pay ALL the debts too. Mum recalled how late he will go to her place after work, how tired he was till all he could do was to doze off in her house and not being able to get up to go home and sleep, and his worried expression whenever he gets up in a shock every morning when the song 'Majulah Singapura' goes off. It meant another day of struggle. Everyday for don't know how long, Dad had to go door-to-door on his feet to get business so that he'll have enough money to save the company (and to think we youngsters are complaining abt going to get business in A CAR). Dad told me when he was going through all that, he wished he didn't have to wake up from his sleep. But he had to carry on because if he didn't, loads more will have to suffer.

And finally, his efforts paid off. Although the company isn't an extremely big one now, it was still presentable enough. Yet, after going through the hurdle of saving a dying company, Dad's worries weren't over. Having dunno how many employees under him, having to support my aunt's medical education, having to support everyone in the family (and my expensive education), he had to push himself to keep going. I used to say this whenever I see Dad coming home all worn out...

Me: Dad, if it's too tough. Why won't you just give up the business and we'll all migrate somewhere else? There isn't anything which is worth holding us back in Singapore isn't it? Besides, you've always wanted to migrate elsewhere too.
Dad: Girl, you can't say that. Giving up a business isn't just giving up because you like it. There are many other things you have to consider. If you wind things up, it'll mean your employees will be jobless..and if they do, their family's gonna suffer. I can't be so selfish to let others suffer because of me.

Till today, I am still very touched each time Dad tells me that. Sometimes, I wish....if only his employees knew that that's one of the reasons why he's working so hard. Not for only personal gains and luxury.

Dad's experiences in life were so much worse than mine, and I'm sure there are loads more who were in a worse situation compared to him. And here I am, weeping over an exam. Shame on me, I know. I was wondering why Dad didn't lecture me at all. Why didn't he scold me for being weak? I think I do deserve to be lectured even though I'm very sad about it all. In fact, Dad's soft talk with me made me feel really small. I felt like I'm just a little whiney baby who has never grown up one bit. How ashamed am I to even let anyone know I'm turning 23 this year.

Will it be so, like Dad said, that I'll be like him one day? Will I be able to be as tough as him with time? And when I'm his age, will I say the same thing to the little ones..telling them "you'll be strong too...it'll just take time"? Is this.....all about growing up?

The 2 sides of friendship

It's only when u r feeling really lousy and helpless when u see who are there for u, and who are those who care. And one thing I am ever more certain...someone whom u think will be supportive towards you might not be one day.

Coursemates are supposed to be the ones who give you the most moral support during your education years, but are they? No. People who are in the same course as you, be it in the same sch or elsewhere, might give you their support today, but might not do the same tomorrow. And it will only be worse when you start lagging behind them. Examples for today:

S: Ay, I heard you took your exam yesterday. How's it?
Me: Die ah. I think I gonna fail...very worried now.
S: Practical exam's so easy. How can u fail it?

Thanks manz. That was VERY helpful.

P: How's the exam?
Me: Gosh..I seriously think I won't make it through. I screwed some stations up.
P: Won't fail one lah!
Me: Dunno. Will be very paiseh if fail wor. Ppl's mindset is "U can't possibly fail abroad". Nobody will ever believe I studied hard if I ever fail.
P: Depends on which uni. If fail in Cambridge, understandable.
Me: But I'm not in Oxbridge
P: Honestly speaking, those UK grads can't do many things. The UK medical teaching sucks!
(chat went on)
P: Hey...can't believe this. It's 8 mths to my finals.
Me: Thanks ah. Here I am feeling sad abt my practical, and there u are telling me it's 8 mths to your FINALS.
P: Sorry...but finals' such a big thing...

Ok..go on. Talk MORE abt finals. I don't have to feel lousier than how I am feeling now, do I?

And how sad that these are THE ppl whom I thought can understand how I feel since we're all doing Medicine.

Why can't medical students be more humble towards one another? Everyone knows for a fact tt a med student has to be academically able, but are they so academic to the point whereby they even have to learn how to be humble in a classroom?

There has always been this debate abt whether Sg or overseas med sch education is better. Every year during this medical career talk held by Sg in UK, you'll just be very entertained watching fellow Sgporean med students battling it out. Every yr, this will be said:

"What do we gain if we go back to Sg to work? In the first place, NUS med rejected us and forced us to leave home to do it elsewhere. How did we feel back then? And now you're telling us not to be quitters..telling us that Sg is home..and that's where we should go back to work?"

Then followed by ppl debating among one another about whether they made the right choice abt studying in UK. You'll then hear some cursing at NUS med...abt how much their students don't respect patients...the docs' attitude etc.

Yet, those who are cursing abt it all the time aren't very nice either. They may be doing really well in UK, but they sure aren't humble. Inferior complex is more like it. I met 3 such ppl before. One was boasting to me abt how he felt when he applied to transfer to NUS halfway through his med education, and when NUS accepted him, he proudly REJECT them because he thinks he's doing much better without being there. My thought was "Then if you think NUS is so crap, why u apply in the first place?" The 2nd has been cursing NUS med sch for 2 yrs, saying that it's the lousiest med sch on earth..and they made a huge mistake by rejecting him cos he is now the best student in the best med sch in UK (he claimed it himself...but definitely no one ever thought his med sch was the best in UK)..and the next time I saw him, he told me he's now in NUS med...applied to transfer halfway..and then going on to tell me how stressful his life in NUS is. Then the 3rd was a good pal of the first guy, and since birds of the same feather flock together, one can expect what he had to say abt NUS.

Can't stand these ppl. What's the big deal abt being a medical student? What's the big deal even if you're a doctor one day? It is just a career, and even if it's a competitive course to get into, it doesn't give them the right to put on airs, and definitely doesn't give them the right to go around criticising about other med sch's graduates.

And one might probably have heard abt Singaporean docs complaining abt how lousy doctors who grad frm India and Pakistan are. But is that true? I don't think so. 80% of the Consultants here in my med sch are Indians...and they are not British-born Indians.

Ok, enuff abt the humble issue.

Shall mention abt the good side of friendship.

There are some who bother to drop me short msges online to see if I'm alright. Just less than a handful of such souls ard, but it's comforting to know they exist. Big thanks to ppl like Shan and Kor.

And big thanks to Kwong Chee again. Very sweet of him to drop me a sms to check on me. Was really touched when he made the effort to sms me even when he was happily dining in Prego (bet he purposely told me it was Italian dinner tonight just to make me drool) and going off to a latin bar for drinks and salsa. And even offered to talk to me on the phone when he's home. Once again, talked till forget the time, and he only went to sleep at 4am. Looks like it'll be double expresso for him in the morning at work again (and he still said he wanna talk tmr...goodness..let's see how long he can last slping at 4am every night). Before he hung up, he said he might call when he wakes up (let's see if he really calls..and what time..). I'll be super touched if he really calls. Oh boy, am I glad to have such a friend.

Sheesh..now I think I'm seeing why this Mr Nice Guy is so popular with his friends, especially girls.

Feeling better

I'm touched. I managed to have ppl lending me a shoulder today when I needed it...in fact...4 did. Lemon, Bernard, Clayton and Kwong Chee.

I am finally managing to wear a smile and laugh now...and not feeling as depressed as how I was a few hours ago. And not only was I cheered up, but also learnt a few things.

I was talking to Lemon abt my identity crisis. And she told me about this theory she studied in NIE. It was really interesting, and I shall try to read more abt it later tonight if I feel like it. Looks like it's a stage in life which I'm going through at the moment. Unfortunately, she said that there'll be many stages where I'll be faced with this...gosh...

Then Bernard just popped out all of a sudden from MSN and telling me he's got a way to cheer ppl up. You bet I was touched, Bernard. Thanks :) He did a great job by talking some sense into me, and telling me a lame joke which got me giggling.

And it was fantastic talking to Kwong Chee. Poor guy's gotta wake up for work later (I bet he's gonna go on a double expresso dosage later in the morning all becos of me!)..but fortunately not extremely early since he did a 2 hr conference call earlier in the evening to America, or else I'll feel more guilty than I am now. When he received my email knowing what had happened, he offered to ring me. But since it would be cheaper if I called, I offered to ring him instead. And I am so pleased that I actually called. If not, I probably wouldn't be blogging right now...and would still be in a daze.

It started off with me whining and whining abt my exams, while he was empathising with me and actually listening and let me whine till I think I had enough. Without very much talking from him, I felt slightly better, and then we started more casual conversations abt other stuffs. It wasn't a crappy chat session. Quite thought-stimulating ones instead (so my type!), and because he's quite a few yrs older, I decided to consult him like how I would consult Kor. Told him abt my 'identity crisis' and I think I am much confident with the route I should take from here.

Over the past dunno how many weeks, maybe even mths, I have been trying hard to do self-reflection and see if I have gone wrong in anything which I have done, but not realising it yet. I'm impatient (famous fact), and therefore, it's difficult for me to put it aside. I like things done fast, and probably that's why I'm hurrying myself abt this 'crisis'.

A few ppl have admitted to me that I am very opinionated, and it's drastically hard to change my mind abt something, hence, some would think it's useless to even bother giving me any advice. It makes perfect sense, and although I don't think it's useless to giving me advice (be it whether I heed it or not), I do see their point. I was wondering if I should change this. I want to be a better person as the days go by, and if this will make me a better person, I'll try. But I realise that I don't change my mind easily isn't because I am not willing to accept criticisms, nor is it because I am not listening to anyone, but because I haven't been totally convinced abt the advice (not my friends' fault though). Yes, I have a very strong viewpoint abt almost everything, but it's me. I speak out because I am frank. I don't like faking, and pleasing every soul out there even if I hate it. I don't believe in hiding the truth as long as I have a reason to saying it. I say things without the intention of offending anyone. I'm just saying it so that the other party will know, and we'll try to reach a compromise if possible. And even if there's no compromise made at the end, at least the other person knows what I am thinking. I think it beats me keeping quiet and boiling within. It's gonna end up making the other person getting pissed trying to read my mind, while me getting pissed as to why he/she doesn't understand what I'm thinking.

Kwong Chee told me to think about my core values. It was definitely thought-stimulating and making very good sense. He said if being opinionated and not changing because I'm not totally convinced (he said being a science person, i'm sure to insist on wanting evidence to prove a statement..haha..how true..good guess), is my core value, then if I were to change, it won't be me anymore. It's abt making every person unique. He also said other stuffs to make me understand it...

KC: Michelle, you love ballet don't you?
Me: I do..
KC: If someone tells u that ballet is harmful, will u still dance?
Me: Yup..I love it..I can't give it up...
KC: Exactly. So Ballet is your 'core value'. If you give it up just because others said it's harmful or even if it's scientifically proven that it is, it's not you anymore.

KC: Is your family impt to you? Do you love them?
Me: I love them very much...
KC: Can you give them up?
Me: No..
KC: If you have to give them up because of something, will u?
Me: No..
KC: There..family is your 'core value' too. Nothing will make u forsake them, and if you do, it's not you.

So..I suppose...being opinionated and speaking my mind is me huh? And if it's my 'core value', then I should just be the way I am. Ok, I am convinced abt what he said, so I shall heed his advice and be myself, the way I've always been...the Michelle everyone knows me as from day 1.

Now, this sounds VERY bad, and I know a lot of friends my age or younger will probably wanna throw rotten eggs at me for saying this. But I think Kor's right. I do get along better with ppl much older than me (abt 5 yrs and above). Very odd right? They tend to be the ones who can get me thinking when I'm lost, or at a cross junction or feeling miserable. And things they say, tend to be very convincing and comforting at some stage. I wonder if it's because they're more mature, or is it me who's just young and not seeing it yet, or it's me being immature. Sometimes, I do wonder if I sound/behave like some little immature girl to them.

Unknown fate

I dunno what my fate will be manz...argh! This is horrible HORRIBBLE HORRIBLE!!!! Can someone pls kill me??!?!?!

I had my practical exam today, and oh boy was it soooooooo....BAH! It wasn't as smooth as I hope it would be, and hell ya was I pressed for time.

History taking stations were SHIT TO THE CORE...gosh...I don't know if I'm gonna pass...I felt so so stupid. Some stations went alright though.

Friday's THE day. Either I find myself swimming in my tears, or smiling till I get muscle cramps and spasms. I really have to pass this time round. I've got to. (saying it now also no use...it's already over mahz hor?)

I should stop thinking abt it, which I can't cos thoughts keep flowing through my head again and again and again. Not in the mood to do anything either even though it's bright and sunny out there. I should be partying myself mad now, but now that my current nightmare is over, I seem to be at a loss as to what to do next.

I don't know what's going to happen on Friday..and I am praying hard that everything will turn out fine. Miracles rarely happen...but please let it be so on Friday....

I done my best. And I hope to at least my hardwork can be recognised...it lies in this exam...that's how crucial it is.

Don't know what I'm feeling

I think Clayton's right. I am stressed, without myself realising it. Plus, with PMS accompanying it, it's no wonder why I've been so irritated easily and feeling very uneasy within me which I cannot explain. And also accounting to the uncomfortable feeling inside me which is disturbing my sleep...and and and...my everlasting weariness which doesn't seem to go away even if I sleep loads.

The only time when I finally realised "Yes, I am stressed" was when Dad called me to pass me a heart-comforting msg. Because the moment I heard his voice and when he talked to me, my tears rolled. They rolled not because I was sad, but because there is a weird feeling which I cannot describe...and I couldn't find a way to release it. I walked up and down non stop around my room, jumped ard, danced, but the feeling was still there. I just felt like screaming. Even naps didn't help. But when my tears rolled out, I felt much better. So...that was all I needed last night...just to hear anyone's voice to let my emotions go..

Called home reluctantly yesterday. I didn't lose my temper this week because...

Mum: Ay, your cousin finished her interview.....
(Before she could finish)
Me: Don't start ok. I don't want to know anything, and am not interested, so pls...
Mum: Oh ok...no problem.

I am so pleased I didn't bother giving her face by letting her go on abt it. I am feeling erm...dunno how to describe..here already, and definitely being absolutely pissed abt my Mum again this week isn't going to be a good thing, since my exam is super close. I don't want anymore distractions.

My mind's in a complete blank now. Contradictingly, it feels saturated as well. I should be shooing off to bed, but I don't know why I just feel like staying up. I don't know what else to do though. I don't wish to look at my books too.

I don't know what's gonna happen on my exam day. Everything's unpredictable. I hope I'll be able to make it through...praying very very hard. (Suddenly, I am missing the phone calls I used to receive before every exam last year...with the voice on the other side telling me that I have done my best, I will be fine...and it's the process of it all that is most impt, not the result. Each time I receive the call, I know I'm not alone anymore.)

Woohoo!

I'm mean!!!! You can just abt imagine how happy I was when Dad told me that mighty 4 will not be coming to UK..and we're not going on a tour in Europe because it's too expensive..gonna cost abt $3-4k per person.

So the next plan is to go to Shanghai. Ok, I know it doesn't make a difference because I'm still gonna be in the same situation (having to face ya noe who) whether it's in UK or in Shanghai. But oh well, nothing's finalised yet..and even if it's finalised that Shanghai's the place to go, when the situation isn't very nice, then I'll see how I'm gonna handle it. No point feeling irritated or pissed or upset abt anything now.

I have no idea why Mum wants to go to Shanghai sooooooo much. I'm not fussing abt going there since I've always been fascinated abt their architecture, and I want to take a look to see if it's so. Heard that there are 2 parts of Shanghai, one being ultra modern, the other being the type we see in Shanghai Grand. I think I'm more interested in the latter, and definitely if I get to go, I will want to do lots of sight-seeing. I'm sure my Mum is more interested in shopping herself mad there since things are drastically cheap, but nope..shopping, despite being one of my loves, isn't gonna be my main purpose.

I started having crazy thoughts abt Shanghai when I was revising just now. For those who didn't know this, I have a craze over cheongsams. I think they're beautiful and my dream is to be able to wear one during my wedding (if I ever get married lah..haha...any applicants?). Always wanted to get one tailor-made by a professional Shanghainese tailor. I don't think it'll be cheap..but it'll be cool if I can own a piece.

Aiyah...I'm such a dreamer. I shall try to put this thought aside...will dream abt it after my exam..haha :)

Was on the way home from hospital in Sophie's car when this scenery caught my eye totally.

There was this big hill....with tall green trees with bits of brown and in the middle of the hill, stands a ancient castle. Only the castle and no other architectural structures around. The sun was shining right down, making it look really beautiful because of the yellow rays.

Just in case my description is extremely bad..here's some pictures to illustrate it:

Me: Do you know what that is?
Sophie: Castell Coch. The castle I told u abt last time. Beautiful isn't it?
Me: Extremely. It's the only thing standing in the middle of the hill.
Sophie: Yeah. The entire hill belongs to this millionaire, and because he wanted a castle on his hill, he got someone to build it.
Me: Cool... *still looking at the castle*

Owning a hill...one of my craziest and wildest dreams of all times, and knowing for a fact it's impossible to ever own one in Singapore. But in UK, it's possible...and someone owns/owned one. I then remembered telling someone before I want to own a hill, and plant trees with the bottle of saga seeds I have. And this park will always be filled with loads and loads of red saga seeds. What an unrealistic dream right? Where am I gonna get the $$$ to do so? I can't imagine myself being its owner...can you?

Because of this castle, I have been thinking about castles the whole evening too. Goodness. Am thinking of travelling alone during a whole weekend to go see Windsor Castle and visit the famous Eton College. Shall keep that as one of my plans after my exams...hopefully I get to carry it out. :)

Okies..enuff rubbish. I better get back to revision..hehe...

A "pleasant" surprise..

One should check my sianz look now. I'm not even the least excited over the surprise.

I know I'm horrible for saying this, but I have to. I never expect myself to feel soooooo sianz abt it either.

My family, cousin (yes..that one) and Granny might be coming over to UK. My bro, mum, cousin and Granny will be coming over first, and Dad will try to join us asap. I should be very excited since we're all going for a tour, but the truth is..I'm not..because Dad isn't coming together with them from the 1st day. I hope he'll settle his stuffs quick so that they all can come together instead of the 4 first.

Why am I so sianz abt the mighty 4? Because.....they're very dependent. Mum's gutless, and a direction idiot. Bro's gutless as well, but always wanna act strong. Cousin's always wanting to please the crowd, so rarely got preference abt anything(buay tahan). Granny's got a bad leg (not her fault), can't speak english (not her fault again), no preference also, and very shy. So if Dad's not ard to be the leader, who has to lead the crowd? Me! And Mum, thinking she's older, will definitely insist on calling the shots when she's...ya know. So definitely, we're bound to argue..and yes..I hate it!

Another reason why I'm sianz is becos instead of these 4 being of any use to me, they're more likely to be a burden than anything else. With the way they are, I can't possibly let them roam ard themselves, and even if I'm dead busy, I still have to make sure I get their things settled..and being so dependent, they're definitely gonna sit and wait (but grumble at the same time while doing so). To put things simply, they can't do ANYTHING themselves! Dad suggested we go on a tour first before I settle my Cardiff issues cos he'll most probably be ard to handle them by then, and I can put my heart at ease to settle my stuffs. I hope it won't be just me and Mighty 4 going on the tour...I seriously need Dad ard...or else I'm sure to lose my cool sooner or later.

3rd reason. I am trying to avoid my Mum and cousin together. And looks like it's IMPOSSIBLE if the plan's finalized. Yes, I admit I cannot tolerate anymore seeing the way my Mum's super protective over her, and with Granny ard, it's not gonna help either. Simply because my cousin's Granny's pearl. The last thing I ever want to do is to lose my temper, being extremely frank to Mum abt whatever I am not pleased abt, and then end up hurting my cousin and Granny. I realllllly don't want to ruin everyone's mood...so I'm not even excited at all...not a teeny weeny bit. Plus, getting scolded in public or slapped by Mum in front of others isn't wat I want either.

I am pretty down abt it, due to the things I just typed. I know my bro's dying to be out of Sg, and UK's like the only few places he can go. Even though he's not extremely keen, being his sis, I should welcome him. My mum hasn't been out of Sg for some time too, and since she's my mum, I shouldn't & can't say "Don't look for me PLEASE!". My cousin's not gonna end up going anywhere cos her mum's always feeling insecured abt who she's travelling with, so having her to travel with my family is a rare chance for her (I'm sure it was Mum who initiated this idea of her joining us...yes..I don't like it because...any idiot can guess the reason), plus she's nv been to UK..and I'm sure she'll be excited to check my Uni out. Granny has some issues with my relatives, so she deserves a break from it for a while.

With all the above reasons, why won't I feel guilty and down abt what I said even if it's truly how I feel? I know ppl will think I'm being cruel to my cousin who is an innocent party. Why am I so against a 19 yr old? Because I know my rship with Mum's strained..and hasn't got better as the weeks pass...till I dont even feel the excitement of calling home like how I used to. It'll always end up in a nasty quarrel. My cousin's just a niece, while I'm the daughter...why do I have to tolerate with split attention for no apparent reason? I don't need another "sister", and not willing to have another "sister" as well. My cousin will always be my cousin, nothing more and nothing less. If Mum hadn't been so biased and our rship didn't strain at all, I'm sure I won't be so pissed abt it.

Do I sound like I'm jealous? I probably am. I don't know if it's considered jealousy. I'm trying to be rational over the whole situation, but I can't. And because of my jealousy..I might end up being bias too. This is so difficult.

Why isit that even travelling with my family is becoming a chore for me? I love them very much...but why am I feeling this way? Why, even when I'm thinking abt going on a tour, I'll think abt going alone (or with friends) rather than with my family? Why, do I seem to want to be isolated from them? This is so unlike me...and I have no idea what's going on which is making me so. :(

Tension building up

I was still very relaxed even though my exam is drawing nearer and nearer, until today I am starting to feel a bit of pressure, and it's gradually increasing. Good in a way because humans tend to work better under a little pressure, but when it gets beyond healthy levels...it's extremely bad.

I hope I can keep the tension I'm feeling at this level till my exams are over. It's not got to a very unhealthy extent yet, and I hope it won't either. Been trying to help myself keep calm by watching quite a lot of drama serials..and I do laugh my ass off almost everyday when I'm watching the serials. Even my housemates can hear my roaring laughter...oops...it's that funny..or maybe my loudness contributes to it as well. And yup, constant smiling at myself in the mirror. Ok, I know I sound like I got a screw loose, but it helps cheer me up! I can feel it within myself even though the pimples on my face aren't gonna prove it.

I need confidence boosters!!!!! SERIOUSLY NEED IT!!!! I am sure I have the knowledge up there in my head, but not being to make the "impression" isn't gonna make things go well for me, and I die die have to get through this horrible exam. Confidence! Confidence!!!! CONFIDENCE!!!!!!

Sigh..did my rounds of revision again. Pretty productive, plus I had a nice nap..hehe. Short, but shiok! Hopefully it'll come in handy tmr during clinic. :)

And yup, I must remember to bring my medicine with me to clinic. Was having unbearable tummy cramps again and I literally had to lie down and curl up, and told Sophie to wack me unconscious with a hammer. Must be that pain-in-the-neck Irritable Bowel Syndrome flaring up again (I juz envy those without this problem..be pleased if u don't have it..cos you'll be great agony when it happens to u). Couldn't find Panadol anywhere too (no excuse for hospitals not having Panadol right?)..they're probably so strict abt giving it freely since u can actually die from overdose..and there are patients around who attempted suicide this way. Oh well, can't blame hospitals then.

Shooing off now. Nitez!

Food shopping spree

If I had a car, it would be an even massive one..hahah.

As I'm typing this, I'm happily indulging in my snack before my sumptous dinner later...yay! Potato chips..hmm..not the best choice for a snack, but I don't wish to indulge in the other stuffs I bought now since it's close to dinner time.

I spent abt £40 today..gosh..that's A LOT OF MONEY for food!!!! Have been seriously craving for proper food since dunno when. Been eating all kinds of rubbish for dinner..like croissants, biscuits and instant noodles, or else I end up buying takeaway till I get really sick of it.

Let's see what I bought today:

1. Chicken with the skin on. Normally I buy those without the skin, but it'll look odd if I used skinless chicken for chicken rice. And yes, Hainanese Chicken Rice tonight..muahahha. So happy!!!!!!
2. Cucumber for my chicken rice
3. Cod Fish...muahah..can have it with rice one day
4. Kim Chi (woohoo!) - best thing to accompany rice or noodles when I'm to sianz to even put any ingredients
5. Fishballs
6. Fishcakes
7. Potato chips (Sweet Thai Chilli & Ready salted)
8. Vanilla Ice Cream
9. Melons!!!!!!!
10. Salad with potato, egg and dressing
11. Coleslaw
12. Potato salad
13. Tofu (I'm gonna make Korean Soft Tofu soup *winks*)
14. Prawns
15. Leafy chinese vege (it's a gem here)
16. Seaweed (for my noodles)
17. Clementines (they're slightly smaller than mandarin oranges)
18. Crossiants
19. Mushrooms
20. Instant noodles
21. Tau Pok
22. Thai Fragrant Rice (I'm spoilt..I only go for Thai ones)

Oh boy...makes me so happy and excited looking at the food I bought! I'm gonna have a great time cooking (if I am in the mood to)...don't have to crack my head that much.

Tonight's gonna be great apart from my main dinner. Hehehe..I still got Bird's nest for dessert. There's still ice cream if it's not enough. :)

I shall be mean and make my housemates pissed with the smell of chicken rice tonight...let them drrrroooooollll...lol....