Frustrations

I must taken the piss out of Darren when he chatted with me. I wasn't myself today..or should I say..I couldn't express myself at all. My mind was confused, I was lost, I don't know what I should do next and how to find my own happiness. As a result, I got frustrated. I said things which were heartless, cruel and mean. I wasn't being rational too. I was too busy trying to purge everything out at one go that I couldn't think.

I'm sure I sounded really bad that Darren has to tell me he's reassessing me as a person. And I do agree that my frustrated and angered feelings within, deserved me being called spoilt and childish by him.

I have completely lost myself and I can't find it back no matter how I have tried. Medicine aside, I have no idea what else I'm aiming for. I don't know what else makes me happy & keeps me interested.

Mum blurted out very very recently that I have lost my fighting spirit, my undaunted nature & my self-confidence. I argued with her about it. I acted like I didn't give shit abt what she said, but the truth was I was feeling really down. I knew she was right. But apart from telling her that she's right, what else can I say? I couldn't tell her I'm depressed over not being to get back old me. I couldn't tell her I'm lost and exhausted with failing countless times at finding it back, and how much I could turn heck care enuff, live a slp-wake up-eat kinda "life" & be a social pain, yet no matter how much trouble I bring to anyone, it doesn't concern me. I know that sounds very childish, rebellious and immature if I ever say that, but sometimes things just go the stage whereby u just don't wanna care anymore.

And with constant reminders of what happened last yr, I don't feel the support or encouragement to overcome and move a step forward, resulting in ppl who are supposed to help me becoming more pissed (I'm sure Prof Kua gave up on me ages ago). I cannot blame my parents for reminding me of the incident because they won't know how I felt at that point of time. They probably think I wouldn't feel hurt & might have a "provoking" effect on me, but they are SO WRONG. It just backfires everything instead. At times when I feel more demoralised, bitter and discouraged than ever, I wonder if calling home during then was the right move made. I mean..I didn't call home just to be constantly reminded of something I wanna forget. If I had made the irresponsible alternate move, would things be different?

To sum up my feelings, I can just say I'm sick of everything..family, relatives, friends, relationships, having emotions, my struggles, myself.

I wanna find my definition of happiness, but I dunno how abt to do it, and where to head.

I need to explode, but there's no opening.

I'm really very tired with my life...

Hope I've been useful

Couldn't go to slp when I should be tucked into bed at this insane hr...and not to mention I need more rest since I'm ill. But the contradicting thing is, I feel more ill when I'm in bed than when I'm walking ard or sitting down. (Shucks..there goes my trip to the zoo later...)

Anyway, chatted with a friend on MSN a while ago, and I do feel pleased chatting with him. Tried to talk some sense into him (yet with a constant fear that my opinions are bias..) and am really glad that he isn't THAT blind yet. Hope this time, I made him feel better (I got a feeling he felt better..haha) and I certainly hope he'll have a good night's sleep. :)

And I do agree with him....Girls ARE Evil...ok..not all..but there is quite a substantial percentage ard. (See..I'm so fair..I don't side girls all the time even though I'm a girl leh..haha)

Wow..this works!!!!

I'm freaking mean lah. I deserve to be flushed down the toilet bowl for being horrible. Don't do this to your pals ah..it's not nice. I'm blogging abt it cos I found it amusing..

What do u do when someone msges u and always tell u he's/she's troubled while u're doing something which u think is more impt than chatting?

Don't answer?! Ay...come on..don't be mean lah...

Ok, so you reply cos you think it's a friend's duty, and no matter how busy u r, u should at least make an effort to be Aunt Agony.

Then your pal goes on by saying he/she can't slp and that he/she's troubled. Yes, we heard the "I am troubled" 5651242 times, but the other person refuses to reveal anything and starts confusing u, and makes u pretty pissed. But u can't tell him/her off abt your confusion and the frustration that resulted from it. And u can't just ignore him/her, but silently wish he/she will just feel better (I have no idea how if u juz sit in front of the comp n stone) and go to sleep soon.

Not knowing what's going on with ur pal, hence, not knowing what to say or do to console the other, the conversation starts getting more and more sianz...and your wish for your friend to go and slp just gets greater..(u know he/she will feel better after a slp..)

What should u do?

Turn the scenario around and make him/her become Aunt Agony!!!!!!! Go and tell him/her your saddest story. If u're such a happy soul that u dun have a sad story to tell..go and make up a soap drama. If your story isn't sad enuff, exaggerate till it sounds depressing. Remember, the aim is to make it SAD and BORING.

We know how tough it is to be Aunt Agony, and at times, we do want a break from being one (and suay enuff your troubled pal appears at a very wrong timing). I'm pretty sure they're sianz abt being Aunt Agony too, so by telling them your saddest story will turn them off completely. And b4 u know it, they'll feel sleepy and ask to be excused by saying they wanna go slp. You probably haven't even finish your old granny tales yet before they say that..hahaha.

It's just some mean method I used on a friend today (Manz..I'm sure he must b cursing me). It's not something nice, I know, but hey..it might be useful on pests. :X

Then again, maybe it isn't THAT bad afterall. Cos it'll put your friend to slp and he/she'll feel better when he/she wakes up. Hor? But oei, don't try this on me ok? I'll be hurt..

Mixed Emotions

Yesterday and today, I was filled with a mixture of emotions. I was lost, confused, happy, unwilling, sad, selfish, etc.

I got a reply from the med sch registry regarding my term dates. My excitement of returning to UK "died" on the spot. My vacations are so short that before I can actually settle down comfortably at home if I come back, I should be catching a flight back to UK already. No kidding. But if I were to give coming home a miss, I'll only be able to come home 11 mths later. And, I don't really wanna spend xmas n my bday there alone. I...just don't like being alone on my bday. Any day is fine, but not that day please.

A few of my friends are having some BGR problems recently. Honestly, I feel honoured cos some specially msged me, wanting to talk to me abt it. I really wanna try to say things to make them feel better, and go all way out to help them get through it in any way I can. But at the same time, I have to constantly remind myself of the amt of help I'm supposed to give to my guy pals (for girls..dont need to think too much), in order to avoid future problems. Things are so sensitive at the moment for them. At times, I said truthful things in a harsh way (due to frustration because on 1 hand, I want so much to help, on another, I'm keeping my distance..argh!). I felt that I'm terribly insensitive and I'm sure I've failed horribly in trying to be a good friend. Last night, one of them actually said that he didn't feel released at all even though I was listening to him. He thanked me though, but I felt drastically lousy.

Then, today, I felt really bad after my refresher driving lesson. I just can't get the new method my instructor taught me right, making me feel really stupid and slow. And my instructor loves teaching me while I'm driving. Having not driven for 4 years, I've gone rusty, and having to cope with full concentration on the road and his constant talking gets on my nerves. I wanna practice so that I can start driving very confidently on the roads, but there isn't a car available, and renting a car isn't allowed until my dad thinks I feel confident enuff to drive (which obviously I am not now).

And a friend whom I've been somewhat avoiding msged me today. I didn't think of avoiding him until recently, he's been msging me everytime I go online and does so continuously when I don't even reply. It became so irritating and scary that I decided to avoid as much as I can. But finally, I gave up and responded. I don't feel good about it to begin with and felt even worse later because he's telling me he's lonely, and hope I can go through his woes with him during this period. Sounds scary right? And when I claim that I'm busy settling problems/things that come to me, he said he's my problem now..so I must settle him. Plus, he was asking me questions continuously too, and in detail somemore. I see no reason why a guy has to know every minor detail of my life when we're not even close friends or into a relationship. Is knowing these unimportant details abt me that interesting? *shakes head*

Wonderful evening

After soooo long, I finally got to meet up with Guanting aka Lemon!!!! *cheers*

This girl's been really busy in NIE and her current career that it's really difficult for us to find a time to meet. It was a lovely surprise when she asked if I'm free for dinner tonight :)

It was an evening of non-stop talking and laughter. We're always full of crap when we're together. Again, it was abt scandals, her very interesting and amusing stories in the sec sch she's teaching in, complaints (if any), and gossips. I was laughing away when I realised she's still having the habit of putting small pouches into bigger ones, and then putting them into a big bag of hers. And also, about the disgusting SHOCKING PINK furry ball she bought to hang on her hp pouch. It's really ugly. I should have taken a pic of it and post it up here.

Anyway, on our way to dinner..we spotted this..

Chocolate fountain! I was extremely delighted when I saw it, and was hopping joyfully ard. Boy was I tempted to break open the casing and taste the milky chocolate....mmmm~~~~~~!!!!!!

We had dinner at Edo Sushi at Tampines Mall. Here's 2 of the stuffs we ordered:

Fried noodles wrapped with egg...

Unagi mixed with rice, topped with shredded egg slices and pickles..
Wanted to watch Initial D with her, but the timing was too late, so we went walking ard and do some window shopping.

I bought this from CD-Rama.
Heard her voice from a TV advertisement, and found it unique. Am listening to it now. Great for listening during night driving. She'll be performing in Sg in August.

Lemon and I took a neocard this evening too. It's close to 4 yrs since we last took one. (We were trying to copy the model...hence, that silly pose)

We were so excited, and she was insisting that I change the photo I have of us in my wallet to the one we took today. We also compared with the old card to see if we have aged.

4 years ago....

Presently...(I've made changes to the colour, cos we look too "orangey" to be seen clearly in the original pic)

Hmm..I think I've aged, and Guanting has become prettier! :D

She gave me 2 presents today..awww...really sweet of her. It's a datebook she bought from Thailand, and the surprise present was the Espirit bag (or isit called a clutch?). I actually love this Espirit product lots when I first spotted it at Raffles City, but didn't buy it. Guanting saw it just now and she loved it too. And because she knew I love it, she secretly bought one for me! It was indeed a surprise. We made a deal to carry it out tgt one day.

By the way, Guanting's pal in NIE is actually my sec sch classmate, Wee Beng. Somehow, I think Guanting's fated to bump into ex-Bedokviewans everywhere she goes. And also, I remember how shocked and amazed we were in Year 1 when we found out that Ivan's (Guanting's bf) very good buddy is Kok Lun (my classmate for History in Sec 3 & 4)! They're always hanging out together in TJC, just like Guanting and I. :)

This evening's wonderful. Hope I'll be able to catch up with Guanting again.

Food, food and more food..

A whole evening of food & drinks. And as expected, it wasn't a cheap outing, but the company was great. Again, another meet up with Ruoying, Huishan and Si'en :)

We met at Kallang MRT and walked down to the stall in Geylang which sells frog porridge. Good thing Huishan knew the way..haha. I'm always lost there.

The frog porridge was delicious, but expensive if u were to compare with other hawker food ($26 for an order meant for 3 ppl). The plain porridge itself costs $4!!!! How profitable is that?!

We started doing silly things after dinner....

Yup...fly catching!!! But only Si'en did that, while the rest of us watched and laughed over it. She was putting her fly catching skills to good use by ambushing flies and trapping them in the cup. Damn skilled...cos she actually managed to.............

..........succeed twice!!!! We were wanting to trap another, when some big insect scared the girls away..haha. The flies must have had a meeting and wanted revenge for their community.

Next destination....

DURIANS!!!!!!!!!! The MAIN REASON why we had an outing. Huishan was craving for it, and also both of us have already been talking abt the durian feast before I came back for summer. Too bad, we have no idea which stall to patronise, so we just settled on one we thought look most comfortable. And again, out of boredom, Huishan did this and told me to take a photo of it. She calls it the 'Esplanade'...lol...

These 3 girls, for some reason I can't understand, adore mangosteens a lot. So it was mangosteens after durians. We reckon the stall owners "chopped" Si'en when they insisted that we can only buy 3 kg of it for $5. If she wanted lesser, they will sell it at $4 for 2 kg! So the poor girl carried a 3kg bag of mangosteens over to the table in the end.

Hmm...we shall not go back to the same store again...and if we do ever see those stall owners again, we shall tell them how displeased we were with them taking advantage of our young and innocent nature...hmpf!

Headed to 'The Tea Room' at the Esplanade for a drink since we were dying of thirst. I love that place! It's my 1st time there and I find their service pretty good..at least the staff were properly dressed in their uniform, speak well and are very polite. The drinks were of typical pricing like other fancy cafes..from $7 onwards. Oh...forgot to mention. The interior design's of a Victorian style...the kind I love very much. (Did you know what my impression of UK was which made me interested in going there for uni? Hahaha..I was dreaming of going to a school that looked like those in Harry Potter or one which looked like a castle, and enjoying my cups of tea in a cafe with Victorian settings..but wah liew...that's not what it's like there!!! :( Even famous Harrods' cafe doesn't look Victorian at all...)

Anyway, I ordered Mango Creamilicious (I hope I didn't get the name wrong), which is mango juice blended with 4 scoops of vanilla ice cream (luv fattening stuff) to give you a thick drink.
It's delicious, but not a good choice for thirst quenching.

Ruoz, Shan and I gave Si'en her bday present too! Happy Birthday in advance, girl!!! :D

It was Fried Hokkien Prawn Mee at the Old Satay Club (located next to the Esplanade) after the drink session. Manz...we can REALLY EAT!

And how can we forget a group photo hor? Hahaha...shitty thing was my batt died out after this group pic, or else we could have taken more. (I know my pose looks odd. I was trying to squeeze in, and I am aware that the pic isn't centralised either..positioning problem)

Steamboat

Had steamboat for dinner with my parents because I was craving for hot soup, so we decided to try "Tian Tian Huo Guo" near Bugis Junction.

The dinner was expensive ($80+ for 3 ppl), and the food wasn't fantastic too. The dishes were all frozen stuff. We were given 2 types of soup, of which we had to choose from the 5 choices available, namely Fish Head Soup, Corn Ribs Soup, Mala Soup and Tom Yam. I wanted Tom Yam, but was told that it's pretty spicy, so we ended up having the fish head and corn ribs soup.

When the soup came, we were confused about which being the fish head soup and which being that of corn ribs, because they were of the same colour. So we started scooping up the ingredients, and realised that the kitchen staff must have got everything mixed up. There was corn in the fish soup, and some odd stuff in the corn ribs'. Plus when the staff came over to refill, he told us which was the corn ribs soup, and I was not convinced because of the presence of fried fish slices in that particular soup. Aiyah..anyway, the soup was yummy and very concentrated (must be very nutritious).

Service wasn't good too. It was disorganised due to a shortage of manpower. There was a waitress in her 60s who was very rude, which got me really irritated...

*my thoughts in blue

Mum: Excuse me, we have ordered a few dishes but they are not here yet.
Waitress (in a very rude tone): THE KITCHEN VERY BUSY LAH! (do u have to use that tone? and does it kill u to say 'sorry')
Mum: Ok. Can you bring the order paper over so that we can place our 2nd orders please?
Waitress: I SAID ALREADY..THE KITCHEN VERY BUSY!!!! (what has ur kitchen being busy got to do with u bringing the paper over? and if the kitchen's busy, does it mean all customers should stop eating? why not tell ur customers outside that u're too busy, so the restaurant shall close till the kitchen staff are free?)
Mum: Ok. And our drink's not here too.
Waitress: YOU NEVER ORDER, HOW YOU EXPECT US TO BRING TO U?!??!
Me *extremely pissed*: We HAVE ordered the drink, so of course we are expecting u to know and bring it here. And please bring the order paper over too. *in a rather loud and sarcastic tone* THANK U AH!

She was pissed manz. And that did shut her up.

How can a 60+ yr old senior citizen expect the younger generation to show respect if he/she is being rude and unreasonable in the first place? And worse, one which is working in a restaurant whereby he/she is suppose to provide a proper service and give a proper attitude to customers! I would have told her off and made a complaint if it weren't because of her age. She deserves a sack manz.

Fair enuff that the kitchen staff is busy, and that she's busy and stressed. Mum was speaking to her nicely, and I see no reason to why she had to be rude to my Mum. I do respect the elderly a lot, and I would have definitely spoken to her politely if she had given us the extent of respect we deserve.

New Layout!

Nice?

I spent many hours making changes to the original HTML, and am so pleased that it's all done. *cheers* :)

Horrible Elaine showed me photos of the beehoon & chicken wings her mother cooked on Friday while my tummy was growling away. So I shall take my revenge...hahaha. Posted a few photos of my "masterpieces", which are some of the meals I cooked for myself when I'm studying in UK. It doesn't look that fantastic and might not taste the best either, but hey, give me credit for it manz...afterall i relied heavily on Home Econs theory exams to pass at least (yeah, my prac failed). And just in case you're wondering if it's edible....YES...it IS..and I have not had diarrhoea from it so far..

Lots to blog abt..

1. Slim Fit advertisement
One word for it..DISGUSTING! I was telling Mum how turned off I feel whenever I see that ad on TV and am getting irritated by it too. I just think the model looks terrible in it, and check out the boobs? It's practically squeezed towards the centre just to create a cleavage...and that cleavage looks fake with nil attraction (maybe perverted ah peks might like it though). And the tan doesn't look nice on her too. I can see that the model did do some workout in the gym, in hope of getting a toned body, but it doesn't suit her one bit. The tummy area looked as if it's delibrately sucked in too. Oh..did I mention the shade of that cleavage? I wonder if it's the work of make up (I bet the males won't believe this, but you can actually use make up to create an effect of a cleavage. Don't believe? Think about how Jack Neo got his cleavage when he's acting as Liang Xi Mei), but it made it look as if there's a thick layer of gao kueh (the gross dark coloured stuff that Ji Gong obtain by scratching his body and then rolling it into a ball and forcing mortals to swallow it, saying that it has miraculous abilities).

2. 'Yi Xin Yi Yi' on Channel U
Watched the repeat telecast just now, and I got soooooo bored that I decided to turn off the TV before it ended. The contents was pretty interesting, but I think the filming sucks. The documentary was showing Belinda (the Host) going into thoughts or a daze for ages every 5 minutes, till I think filming her was the main content of the show, rather than the Peranakan culture and the Chinese Opera. I was even wondering if the director is obsessed with her. I think I'll think twice about watching the rest of the episodes in the weeks to come.

3. Marriage..a 2 person affair?
I thought about this after some girly chat session with Mum. It started with me commenting on an article in Today abt guys finding the ladies these days bagging everything...from jobs to pay to even having a say about issues. This person claimed that traditional way of women being in charge of household matters while the men being in charge of bringing home the bacon is the right way. I begged to differ. Not because I think women are superior, but with today's society, unless your husband is earning big bucks or borned with a silver spoon in his mouth, can one say the ordinary salary of the male only is enough to give a family a very comfortable life? And if guys are so gutless to even speak up, do u expect the girl to sit there and continue wasting her time with them?
Back to the topic. Mum started asking me about my exs. Told her some stuffs, and she shared with me about my family's impression of them. I was slightly hurt and affected. But there was a lot of truth in what she said. And I do take their comments very seriously. Thinking abt it, it's pointless being with someone whom they don't feel very good about. I wondered for a while if my thought was right. Others tend to say "You're marrying the person, not his/her family", but is that really so? Doesn't look like it. After marriage, u can't ignore your in-laws..and if they are troublesome beings..u can't break free from it too. It's an obligation to tolerate their nonsense if any. The only exception is that if your spouse wanna walk out on his/her parents..but if he/she does ( I think it's wrong unless the senior couple have committed something that is so bad that u have to sever ties), do you think he/she is fit to be human? Maybe you have to start keeping yourself on guard too. The next one might be you.

4. Hubby Criteria
Wah..hahaha...I shall keep mum about this :) If I have an itchy finger, then I might type out my scoring system..hahaha...lame one of course.

5. Vil'age
Elaine recommended this place so much that I decided to pester my parents to bring me there for chocolate fondue. Never had it before. It's said to be similar to Marche, and since my parents have never been to Marche before, it'll be nice to let them have a taste of something similar. It was pretty frustrating initially cos my parents were quite blur (can't blame them..first timers), but things got better. We had a whole pork knuckle (please try it if u wanna die of heart attack), delicious swiss potato with bacon, oven-baked rice, some beef soup (dad had it) and chocolate fondue. We loved the swiss potato. The melted chocolate for dessert was yummy too..but I will love it more if it's thicker. The fruits were sour though, so Mum and my brother only had a few pieces. I ended up finishing most of it.

6. Huishan's tests are over
Feel happy for her since her advanced placement tests are now over, and that she'll be free from the workforce to go to NUS soon. And the durian feast is coming. :) Hopefully will get to go out with her and the other girls more often before she starts uni.

7. The London Blast ( 7/7/05) (what a date..)
It was quite shocking when a British friend MSNed me to tell me about it. Very kind of him to inform me as he thought I might wanna ring my pals in London to check if they're ok. Glad he's safe in London too. Sincerely sending my condolences to those who died or got injured in this blast.

8. Godzilla and Lucy (Credit goes to Elaine for the photoshop pics)
To those who doesn't understand this, it's ok. It's meant for my jc pal, Lemon. She'll know what I mean.
Hey Lemon...if u're seeing this...don't choke on your saliva hor..hahhaa
Marriage proposal

Muahahaha...LUCY'S MINE!!!! Hao Se Siao Ding Dong Zhu..Say Cheeeez :D

Manz..I'm horrid...

Mmmmm.....Xiao Long Baaaaaooooo~~~~

By the request of Elaine, I shall blog abt my xiao long bao dinner at Jurong Point (actually I'm lazy to do so....but..sigh..)

The disappointment about the whole dinner is....CRYSTAL JADE HAS CHANGED THEIR MENU (when? dunno)...and of alllllllll things, they got rid of my favourite 'San Xian Chao Fan'. You can't get it at any other outlets too. Grrrr...I specially made Clayton go with me to JP just because of the fried rice. Tried the same fried rice at different branches, but still found JP's best. But the consolation is, I still manage to enjoy my XLB....yum yum..

Ok, photo time!

Xiao Long Baos...hehehe....

Hahaha...yay!!!! No breaking apart~~~

Me posing with the XLB...darn lame..

This is how I eat it...do you eat it the same way?

My buddy Clayton and Me..

Clayton took a video of me eating my XLB, and it's pretty funny. But too bad the file's toooooo big to be uploaded.

Hey Clayton, thanks for accompanying me for XLB..and of course, the Mua Chee.. :)