Mixed Emotions

Yesterday and today, I was filled with a mixture of emotions. I was lost, confused, happy, unwilling, sad, selfish, etc.

I got a reply from the med sch registry regarding my term dates. My excitement of returning to UK "died" on the spot. My vacations are so short that before I can actually settle down comfortably at home if I come back, I should be catching a flight back to UK already. No kidding. But if I were to give coming home a miss, I'll only be able to come home 11 mths later. And, I don't really wanna spend xmas n my bday there alone. I...just don't like being alone on my bday. Any day is fine, but not that day please.

A few of my friends are having some BGR problems recently. Honestly, I feel honoured cos some specially msged me, wanting to talk to me abt it. I really wanna try to say things to make them feel better, and go all way out to help them get through it in any way I can. But at the same time, I have to constantly remind myself of the amt of help I'm supposed to give to my guy pals (for girls..dont need to think too much), in order to avoid future problems. Things are so sensitive at the moment for them. At times, I said truthful things in a harsh way (due to frustration because on 1 hand, I want so much to help, on another, I'm keeping my distance..argh!). I felt that I'm terribly insensitive and I'm sure I've failed horribly in trying to be a good friend. Last night, one of them actually said that he didn't feel released at all even though I was listening to him. He thanked me though, but I felt drastically lousy.

Then, today, I felt really bad after my refresher driving lesson. I just can't get the new method my instructor taught me right, making me feel really stupid and slow. And my instructor loves teaching me while I'm driving. Having not driven for 4 years, I've gone rusty, and having to cope with full concentration on the road and his constant talking gets on my nerves. I wanna practice so that I can start driving very confidently on the roads, but there isn't a car available, and renting a car isn't allowed until my dad thinks I feel confident enuff to drive (which obviously I am not now).

And a friend whom I've been somewhat avoiding msged me today. I didn't think of avoiding him until recently, he's been msging me everytime I go online and does so continuously when I don't even reply. It became so irritating and scary that I decided to avoid as much as I can. But finally, I gave up and responded. I don't feel good about it to begin with and felt even worse later because he's telling me he's lonely, and hope I can go through his woes with him during this period. Sounds scary right? And when I claim that I'm busy settling problems/things that come to me, he said he's my problem now..so I must settle him. Plus, he was asking me questions continuously too, and in detail somemore. I see no reason why a guy has to know every minor detail of my life when we're not even close friends or into a relationship. Is knowing these unimportant details abt me that interesting? *shakes head*