Well spent Saturday

Great meet up with Ruoz, Shan and Si'en today. :)

It was KTV at Chinatown since Ruoz got a "5 hr session" coupon (thanks girl!). I think it was more of an insane laughter session at Kster rather than REALLY singing. Shan, as usual, was the clown and making everyone laugh with the sound effects she made during KTV. And I found it so amusing when she said she chose songs sung by male singers because we have chosen all the females'...haha. Felt like as if we're bullying her manz.

Here are some pics we took...(click for bigger view):
The 4 of us (Ruoz, Me, Shan, Si'en)

Busy singing...

Gosh...our room looks like some pig sty...

My 3 buddies...

More pics of all 4 of us..

It was drinking session at Brewerkz after dinner. It's a pity that Si'en was not able to join us. It was my first time at this pub. Didn't drink any beer though, but had to steal a sip frm Shan's mug which Ruoz claimed was good. I'm not an alcohol fan, so even though I had a sip, I still couldn't appreciate it.

It's quite sad having to leave when it was getting late. It was a wonderful chatting & laughter session. I hope it won't be long before I can see them again. Ruoz & Shan, let me know abt the supper session ok? And yes..we still have our durian deal... :)

Oh yes Shan, I will post up my Wales Tour Part 2 soon..haha. I have been too lazy to do so..thanks for the reminder..

Sheesh..better turn in now...gotta try to wake up early later. Hopefully my parents will be up early too...then Dad can carry out his plan to bring us to visit farms in the ulu parts of Sg.. (I wonder why Dad suddenly feel so "active"..hmm..)

Do I like it this way?

I wonder, if over the years, I have already gotten used to being alone in my own little world and have been so comfortable with it that I feel uncomfy if anyone tries to be part of it, or..do I really dislike people being around me.

Whenever I am walking around, I see ppl being out with friends, totally enjoying themselves and feeling comfortable. Life seems to have lots of meaning for them, and I do feel pathetic abt myself at times.

I am at an age whereby I should be living my life to the fullest, and do things which I might never get to do again when I'm old and frail. I should fill up my life with lots of memories which are worth recalling. And I think it's wonderful if I can tell my grandchildren (if any) lots and lots of stories when they ask me how was life like when I was young. But I haven't got much. I've gone through teenhood, yet memories of those days are only events that happened in school.

Throughout my sec sch days, I don't remember myself going out with friends, hanging out in town, dating anyone, or getting into much of a trouble. It was only school, sports and ballet.

Then in JC, nothing very much changed even though I was able to go out without parents. Hanging out at Orchard, usually alone, was a joy & a must-do almost every week. Meeting up with my bf then once a week for a few hours was also a joy. That was the kind of life I actually felt pleased and satisfied with.

On went to awaiting Uni, and that's when I knew how a club/pub looked like. I know it's no big deal to others out there, but I felt proud of it when I stepped into one. Before then, all I could do was watch from afar, and hear what others tell me about it. I'm sure no one knew how much I wanted to feel it for myself. There was a part of me wanting to break free from my usual life, and rebel. Ppl ard me didn't like it, especially the guys, so I was always pulled away. I decided to stop waiting for ppl to go with me, and ended up visiting one myself. Then it was thanks to Kenny that I really got to experience PROPER clubbing for the first time.

I had my chance when I left for UK. True freedom one can call it, and by right, I should go havoc & REALLY rebel. I don't mean doing drugs and become a social pain though. I just...didn't wanna be a proper student anymore. I had a group of friends, didn't have to worry too much abt $$$, had my education path properly laid out for me, had my number of admirers (lol!!!), I could just go ahead and do anything I like with myself...with nobody being able to control me.

But that's not what happened. In fact, memories I had in Uni was filled with...mostly those with only me in it. Sounds damn sad, but I didn't feel too much abt it then.

I guess soon, it got to the extent of ppl asking me if I'm alright, and commenting that I'm too into myself. And that comment has been coming from more and more ppl...and hasn't stopped even till today. Plus the most amazing thing was...even Mum felt it!

She's been complaining abt me being so into my own world that I can happily stay in my room & the Study (conveniently located a few steps away from my bedroom) the entire day, without talking to anyone. For those who has nv been to my place, my "world" means the entire 3rd level where the Study and my bedroom is. No one's there but me. It's no big deal to me because that's the way things have been for me since I can't remember when, but to her, it mattered a lot...perhaps..that's not what I was like before. I thought abt it, and yup, there's a lot of truth in what she's complaining abt. I don't talk to my parents as much as before. The fact that I don't even see my Dad for days just shows how "happening" I am at home. I don't hate my parents, and I don't mind their presence ard me, but I have no idea why I am comfortable being alone even though we're living under the same roof. And it even took me some time to realise "Hey, I think I haven't seen Dad and Mum ard the whole day!"

This evening, I had dinner with KC at Grand Hyatt. It was a nice Italian dinner and a good opportunity to chat. It was damn cheap for the amount we had....3 appetisers, 2 main courses and desserts. KC had a club card, so it was 50% off the bill, resulting in me paying only $32 (I insisted on going dutch..). I can't remember what we were talking about when this happened...

Me: I don't go out with friends very often. I don't mean I dislike it, but I just don't...
KC: Why?
Me: *stuck*

I couldn't answer. I didn't know the reason...perhaps because there isn't one!

I can't say I feel uncomfortable with ppl. I can't say I don't enjoy their company. I am pleased to have them around cos it makes my day pass faster, and it'll be a memory I'll keep. But why is it at times, I rather go out alone than to call a friend to accompany me? Why is it I don't see the difference between watching a movie alone and with a friend? Why, even when I know I wanna see my friends again, do I ever have a thought of not turning up for the meet up (but at the end of it, I still turn up lah..haha)?

I blame it on myself being lazy, and blame the scorching sun for being a major cause, but I know deep inside, it's not the major factor. The reason is ME! But I have no idea what's gotten into me, making me so unwillingly, losing the love to go out (I'll die if I stay at home too long when I was in JC). It's not my friends' fault too. They're nice, and I do not find it boring when I'm out with them.

If that's not enough, how abt how I am when I'm out alone? I don't notice anyone ard me. I don't even look at anyone. That's ODD! Michelle loves ppl-watching, but she doesn't even do that now.

Not too long ago, Andy chatted with me on MSN. He, too, commented that I have changed and I am in my own world. I'm appreciative of his effort for trying to find the reason for my change. And we both agreed that I'm the major factor. Andy also said that it could be due to me losing trust in those around me because I've lost trust in someone I trusted the most. On 2nd thoughts, it made perfect sense because I did.

However, my being happy should be important. If I am, then who cares about how I'm living my life?!

Hmm..I don't think I'm truly happy but I'm not drastically depressed over it either. I feel pleased with myself because I think I've been independent. Also, I have done things for myself except that these things have memories of only me in it. I do envy others who are out with friends though. I have a craving to have a taste of true happiness with my friends, yet, I'm comfortable with being with only myself. I know perfectly that ultimately, I have go through the odds in life by myself, but that doesn't mean friends should be non-existent. I want to let more people come into my world, and I want a taste of life with these ppl staying put. It hurts whenever I take up the courage to open up, only to only see the person or ppl walking out. I don't think others will understand how hurt I feel abt it and why am I hurt in the first place. This went on so many times until I am so tired of it, that I thought if I just shut everyone else away, I'll be spared. Besides..we're all busy with our lives..no one really has time to interfere with others'.

Everyone will tell me "Michelle, it's HIGH TIME u make some changes to your life" and if I know a way to, I will try at least. But if things like betrayal of trust is a reason, how do I change that? Before I even try, I'm so put off by it already...

Quite funny hor?

2 days ago...

Me: How manz? Diarrhoea again..
KC: After eating bread, your diarrhoea will stop..
Me: I don't like to eat bread...keep it away...
KC: Then what you prefer?
Me: I rather eat noodles than bread manz..
KC: What's the difference?
Me: Noodles nicer...DUH!
KC: What's bread made of?
Me: Flour..
KC: What's noodles made of?
Me: Flour...
KC: Hahahaha...so...both are made of flour. Same what!!!! What's the difference between eating bread and noodles then?
Me: AIYAH! They are just different lah!!!!!
KC: Hahahahhaha....

Last night...

KC: How are you?
Me: Not good...I'm still having diarrhoea..
KC: See lah! Ask you to eat bread, you refuse. No wonder still diarrhoea..
Me: Why muz eat bread?! Bread's yucky...
KC: *laughs* Bread absorb toxins. See...you stop eating it when u're back in Sg, tt's why u start having this problem.
Me: Bread absorb toxins??!??! Since when?! How come I dunno? But it's ok lah...I got eat noodles..
KC: Noodles different from bread..
Me: Hhaha...who was the one having fun pissing me off 2 days ago by saying bread and noodles r the same?
KC: Ok, tell you what. Tomorrow you try to have sardine sandwich, then let's see if your diarrhoea stops..
Me: What's sardine sandwich? I only heard of tuna sandwich...got sardine ones meh?!?!?!
KC: HUH?! YOU DON'T KNOW?
Me: Stop kidding me lah. How to eat manz?! So gross...imagine the tomato sauce with the sardines between the bread....
KC: It's very delicious!!!! Hey, that's why I say u stay in UK too long already. Only know foreign fishes like tuna. Tell me what you know about tuna and sardines..
Me: They are both fishes, and they r both from the sea...
KC: Go to the supermarket and check the cans. You'll only find sardines in asian brands like Ayam Brand. Foreign brands only have tuna. Tuna is a foreign fish.
ME: *AMAZED* Ay, really?! I didn't know.... But then again, you're lying abt the sardine sandwich...
KC: I'm not. I can't believe it that you never heard of it.
*the debate about the existence of sardine sandwich went on for the next 5 minutes*
KC: OK. Wake up tmr and then ask your mum. Then sms me...

Today...

Me: Mummy, is there such a thing called sardine sandwich?
Mum: Ya. You don't know? Very nice....
Me: HUH?! Really? How come I don't know?
Mum: I thought you know. There's luncheon meat sandwich too.
Me: Isit???!?!?! I didn't know leh....
*smses KC*
Me: My mum said there's such a thing called sardine sandwich. She said there's luncheon meat sandwich too....then she ask me how come I don't know...
KC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!! Welsh girl....hahahahhahaha...

On the way back from the Clinic...

Mum: Ay, did Fred ask you think of a name for the chair he designed?
Me: Yes...I was thinking for him that day..
Mum: He asked me too. How ah? I don't know what name to give it. How about calling it Comfy?
Me: Comfy???!??!!
Mum: Ya, Comfy. People sit on chairs for comfort, so call Comfy lor..
Me: * laughs* What kind of name is that?!
Mum: What's wrong?
Me: Sounds like....hahhahaa....sounds like....
Mum: Sounds like what? *starts luffing too*
Me: Some new name for sanitary pads...Kotex's new competitor...
Mum: *laughs non stop*

Sheesh..can't imagine how my brother will react if he knows that Comfy is Mum's suggestion...

I cast my vote on....

Chen Wei Lian :)

I hope I got his name right..hahahahahahaa.

In order not to be called some potato, mountain tortoise or nerd by people ard me, I decided to watch more TV. So that when ppl ask me "Hey, who u support for Jue Dui Superstar?", I won't go "Huh?! What's that?" and look like some sua ku.

I had no intention of watching this programme, but it was this guy which made me watch all 3 episodes so far. I think he's great, and I am determined to give him my silent moral support here.

Why Wei Lian?

He has a good voice, but come on...the finalists all can sing well too. But what attracted me to him was his confidence and the way he is. Being a handicapped individual, he's not afraid of being despised upon and he doesn't despise himself too. His courage to even step forward to participate in this contest has proved it. And his voice is captivating. In fact, his performance shown on TV juz now touched me to tears! (anyone watched it????)

However, this world's pretty realistic. Anyone would expect a superstar to be one with looks, height, figure and talent (*clears throat*). And most ppl would probably think a disabled individual will never make it to the top. Well, will see if that's so. :)

But even if he doesn't make it to the top, to me, I think he deserves it. He may not be the one with the best looks, or the best vocals, but he sure is the best in terms of courage and confidence. It's something that many normal human beings lack...and something we should learn from him.

For that, I vote him as my ideal superstar.

Bleah..

Drown me with more herbal tea and perhaps, I'll get well by tmr.

My day would have been greater if I weren't ill and if it weren't for the hot weather (this one..can't help it).

Thanks to Clayton for the cheap tickets to watch PCK the Musical. For that 50% offer, I had to sacrifice ONE family day for it..haha. Fortunately we bought the most expensive one, or else I would have difficulty watching the play because the seats were not "elevated". We weren't in the first few rows, so naturally we got blocked slightly by others' heads, but I shouldn't whine about it lah..

The musical was great! I enjoyed myself so much. Really hilarious and touching in a way. It was also one which made the audience feel part of it...when the casts came down from the stage and did a few stuffs.

I liked Gurmit & Kheng Hua's performance the best. Kheng Hua can REALLY sing..and her french accent is just marvellous. I was impressed :) The dancers were good too. Sigh..I'm really envious of them. Wished that stage was mine..hahaha.. :X

Tummy's feeling queasy, and I think I'm about to be down with a flu (pls don't tell me it's gonna be stomach flu..)..must be from my Mum...tsk tsk. Feel kinda guilty since I'm suppose have dinner with Clayton, and we had to put it off cos of me. Manz....my xiao long bao & fried rice at JP...ahhhhhhhh....~~~~~

Oh yes....I'm sure no one knows this..haha. I've been drooling at Namiki pens since JC, and got really excited when I saw their adverts on TV. Can't wait to own one. Check their webby out if u've never seen it before. I love it soooo much! :)

Shall try turn in soon. Haven't really slept for the past 48 hrs..been feeling too unwell. Not eating the whole day today too cos the thought about food makes me wanna puke. Hope I'll get well soon...sniff sniff..

Saturday evening

It wasn't a pleasant one. I was very quiet the whole evening.

Family gathering today at Granny's. Granny made lots of dishes because she prayed today to the ancestors. So she invited everyone back for dinner. I was quite sianz about it, but told myself that I shall just be nice. When Mum was feeling so pleased about everyone being together for dinner & how happy Granny will be, made me guilty.

On the way there, my brother was telling my parents and I about his "stroke of genius" invention, which I felt was illogical. Gave my comment and he started yelling and screaming upon hearing criticisms. It made me really pissed cos I see no idea why he had to yell at me over a minor issue. If he doesn't like to be criticised since he always claim that he's in the Director's List in his course, then why bother talking about it?! And he claims that he knows design better than anyone, but hey..which company would wanna patent a product when they know it's not gonna be practical?

I was already quite mad at the fact for his yelling, and the final straw was when he had to talk something which should not be mentioned. I know he did it to hurt me, and since that was his purpose, he succeeded. When he yelled at me about that issue, I kept quiet on the spot, and lost my mood completely. I tried to hold back my tears, but was in vain, so I ended up sneaking to the toilet and sat in there for quite some time. Only came out when I realised I've been in there for too long. Besides, I could hear my relatives asking around where I am, so I needed to wash my face and go for dinner before someone comes banging on the toilet door.

I dare not look at my relatives when I went to the dining table. I'm sure my aunt saw my red eyes, but she didn't probe me about it. Good thing I escaped from Dad's sharp eyes though. Grabbed my food and gave the excuse that I'll watch TV while eating, when the truth was...I didn't wanna end up crying on the dining table.

I was very cold to Granny when she kept asking me if I wanted more food. I wished so much for her to just take my 'NO' as an answer and stop coming near me, fearing that she'll see my red eyes.

My brother knew why I cried and even had the guts to say " Chey..say only you also must cry". I got more pissed. It was bad enough that he said things which shouldn't be said. And instead of apologising, he had to say more to make me more angry.

The whole night I ignored him. Wasn't interested to listen to him in the car when he was talking to me too. And when he kindly came to my room to ask if I wanted to watch DVD with him and my parents, I kept my reply to all his questions brief, and that's that.

My brother's a great person, but sometimes he should know what to say and what not to say. It isn't the first time he has said things which hurt me..and he does it very often too. He does it anyone around him in fact, even to my parents. He knows exactly the things which when said, will hurt me the most, so he does it everytime when we argue or when he's in a foul mood. I forgave him once, forgave him twice..forgave him so many times till I lost count. But today, I think enough's enough.

If a person doesn't know how to say "Sorry" sincerely for a mistake he/she made, then I think he/she is a disgrace to mankind. Apparently, my brother thinks too highly of himself that for every mistake he makes, he NEVER apologises even if he knows for a fact that he's wrong.

I don't have to be extra nice to him anyway. And there's no logical reason to why I have to see his face, and treat him as a lord.

"Don't be petty lah Michelle. He's your brother. He's still young." I'm sure Mum will say this when she notices that I'm refusing to acknowledge his presence. What rubbish! Even a 3 year old should say "Sorry" for a mistake done. And unfortunately, I'm one picky person when it comes to this. My brother's no exception. Basic manners manz!!! Period.

When will this struggle end?

I am so disappointed with myself.

I look like I am once back to happy me, but deep down, I am struggling...struggling to get someone out of my mind.

No doubt we're totally out of touch, his shadow's everywhere...in my room..in the places we went..things we did..everything. I miss him very much & I wonder if he is well. I wonder..at times..even though he never ever wanted to see me again...if he even thought of me once.

I shall not hide it. Apart from my parents whom I wanted to see when I arrived in Singapore, the other person I wished to see the most was him. I knew he wouldn't be there because I didn't tell him abt my return..and I knew he wouldn't be interested to know too. Even if he knew, he will never turn up. To him, I'm...not even worthy to be a friend.

Several times, I wanted to open up my hp folder to see the pictures I took of him. They're precious to me, and I can't bear to delete them. I miss his smiles, his phone calls, my ring, just many many things about us.

I still go in a daze and wonder why he decided to end it & why did he think I was not worthy at all...and why did he ask me not to wait for him anymore. And the reason he gave me..was it just an excuse? Indeed I am tired of thinking abt it, yet I have no idea why I'm wishing to know the truth.

And till today, even when a guy pal asked me if I still love him, I can't go "I don't love him anymore." For some strange reason, whenever someone asks me that question, my heart aches..and I get very confused and lost, followed by me closing the subject.

If he ever reads this entry one day, I hope he will know that I care about him like I always did even if I said anything mean. I have been thinking about him & I do miss him very very much.

PMS

Today's PMS day. Girls will fully understand how it feels like to be having PMS, but guys don't...so it's only natural for a guy pal of mine who went luffing on the phone & commenting on what a spoilt pampered brat I am when I was grumbling abt everything.

KC: Hey..is it the time of the month?
Me: HOW YOU KNOW?!?!?!??! I feel like a grumpy old bitch..
KC: Hhahhahaa...PMS...
Me: Ay..come on...since u know it, just bear wif me. I'll be fine after a while. I'm sure u have gal pals who feel grouchy during the time of the mth too.
KC: Yes..but not as bad as u..hahahhaha
Me: ......

I just needed to vent lah..haha...I'm sure he understands... :X

So what was I grumbling abt?
1. My curls
2. Being unable to walk properly with flats (my calves hurt too..must be cos I'm too used to wearing heels here & in UK)
3. Uncomfy tummy
4. Skipping my bfast & lunch since Mum's ill..so can't cook & I'm too lazy to take over
5. Ordering the wrong plate of tofu for my dinner
6. Humid weather despite a cloudy day
7. Sweating after taking my more-than-an-hour shower just because I walked home from Mandarin Gardens
8. Plans to go for movie & dinner with a pal cancelled
9. House too quiet
10. Dilemma of going out & staying at home
11. Crowded public transport
12. My brother calling home asking me what I bought for dinner

As you can see, what's there to grumble abt the above? But...too bad...PMS...

I was still pouting and feeling grouchy until I happen to see Jue Dui Superstar on Channel U. Laughed myself crazy over it. I shouldn't but cannot help it. Then again, I salute the guts of the applicants. It was very comical even though I found those from Sg Idol funnier. But it was pretty saddening when you see how sad the rejected ones felt. And indeed, I am impressed by the Blind who went for the audition :) It's great seeing 2 of them going through the first round.

After a gooood luff, I'm finally feeling better. No regrets for turning on the TV this evening.

Obligations

If I have to make a choice abt which type of obligations makes my life difficult...social or family, I will choose family without hesitation.

Ever since my touchdown on Sunday, I have been hearing my mum mentioning my cousin every single day..be it a huge or small topic, it's jarring on my ears.

I realise I can't be rational. I wish I can, but unfortunately, I can't. I can't be more understanding (it has gone beyond my tolerance level), and I can't hide how irritated I am abt it. In fact earlier this week, I almost got into an argument with Mum when she mentioned that my uncle left my cousin when she was 16 AGAIN (why not ask my mum go publish in the papers so that everyone in Sg will know abt it)..and my reply was the usual "Don't tell me abt it again...you know I won't buy all that. Uncle died..yes..but even so, it doesn't mean I have to follow the whole world by being extra nice to her".

It was "Granny's Evening", so it's the weekly dinner with Gran, together with my uncle & aunt. My cousin wasn't around, so I thought I'm pretty lucky. But not long after Gran saw me, she asked me if I have seen my cousin yet since I've been back..then she started telling me abt my cousin having a terrible menstrual cramp over the past few days. And I thought that would be it..until....

Boss: How's the food?
Dad: Fantastic!
Boss: You should try our dimsum tmr...
Dad: Sure..we'll come tmr..
(*dad turns to mum*)
Dad: Let's call the girls (my cousins) along..
Mum: *excited* alright! you better give them a ring now to tell them

I lost my appetite straight away. From then on, I kept really quiet throughout the whole dinner. Dad called my aunt, and my aunt told Dad that she doesn't know what her daughters are up to tmr. Then Dad started calling my cousin on her hp..and because he didn't know her number, he had to ask my mum..and u should just see how well my mum knows her number manz! Note that my mum has such a bad memory that she forgets things which you can tell her abt 15 mins ago. I know I sound and am childish being this way, but I just hate it. I mean...why can't Dad just reserve for more ppl, then let my aunt do the job of passing the msg..and it's up to my cousins whether they r free to turn up or not? And when my cousin didn't pick up the call, they had to ask me to call. Isn't it insane? Does it make a difference abt who makes the call? I got more pissed, and told my mum my hp's having a low batt (which is also true). You bet I wish I could go "I'm not even supportive abt the whole idea. Since it's YOUR invite, YOU call her yourself!"

You can see how excited Granny was when she heard that we're all having a big family gathering tmr. Can't blame her, and I couldn't say anything..didn't wanna hurt anyone in that table. My parents were soooooo pleased abt the arrangement they made for tmr too...even went on talking about it in the car, while I was cursing abt it inside me.

I wish I don't have to turn up tmr..wish I can just give an excuse..but it'll just disappoint my parents, especially my Dad. Im so pissed off now that I'm not even wanting to join my parents for a DVD session.

I'm sure anyone who reads this will think I'm childish to the core. I'm not expecting anyone to understand how I feel abt the whole issue too...but I'M DAMN FUCKING ANGRY ABT IT..so angry that my tears are welling up now (let me scold vulgarities today pls..).

Don't bloody understand why I have to care abt their feelings. I really wish I can just say "I am not pleased abt it so I'm not going", and heck care abt how everyone else will feel. I just hate having this feeling of being fed up and not being able to voice it out because I don't want to hurt others, which then results in me accumulating it & causing harm to myself...WTF!

I thought I'll only be jealous if it involves my bf, but no way did I ever expect that I can feel the same type of jealousy when it comes to my parents.

I wish I get stomach cramps tmr. I know it looks a bit insane since going for the gathering doesn't look as bad as getting tummy cramps...but the fact that I rather get cramps shows how unwilling I am to go for it.

BAH!!!!!! *^%#$#!&%#@~

Crabs!

It was a meetup with Huishan, Ruoying & Si'en...all 3 being my Sec sch classmates :) As usual, it was a night of insane conversations which send us luffing ourselves crazy.

Huishan & I have been discussing abt crabs for a long time, & we finally had that at Simpang Bedok yesterday. It wasn't very nice...but the company was good. And I must agree with the rest that the Man Tou is nicer than the crabs. Overall, I think the vegetable tasted the best. I know it sounds pathetic, but it's true. Well, the next would be the durian feast. Shall talk abt it when Ruoying gets well from her sorethroat.

Ruoying brought this packet of snack from Taiwan for us to try. It's called ' Xiang Tie Dan'. I love it! I must ask my uncle to buy some when he goes to Taiwan. If it weren't because Ruoying treated us to it, I would have gobbled up the whole packet :X

Then it was more catching up at Tampines' Mac. Huishan was making us die of laughter with her experiences of falls. She seems to have a tendency to slip and fall..haha..and it's always the funny way e.g. slipping & fall right before some fastfood restaurant. I just luv this babe so much..firstly, she's always got something funny to tell & secondly, she's got this forever smiling face. You'll nv ever get bored with her ard..aiyo..I'm sure if she gets attached one day, her bf will luv her to bits & be amused everyday.

The girls are off to Sentosa today to watch Ruoying swim in the beach..haha. I would have gone if it weren't because of my fear of the heat & sun. Good thing I didn't go, cos last night I started having heat rash again. Applied some steroid cream & it's looking much better now. Sigh..so tempted to ask them to organise some supper meetup tonight. I'm already starting to miss them...sigh...

Hey girls, when's our next meetup? I can't wait...

PMS-ing

My PMS got the better of me. I reckon I must be having it for the past few days, but having it under control, hence I'm still able to talk nicely & smile & stay pretty cheerful.

However, today I couldn't control it much, and started grumbling about various things. Plus, it doesn't help that I've been trying very hard to tolerate the following:
1. The scorching sun
2. My messy bedroom..especially seeing books at the messy corner near my computer ( if there is one thing I need in my room, that'll be a bookshelf)
3. My hair which looks like a bunch of dried grass
4. Red pimples on my forehead
5. Extremely oily skin ever since I return frm UK
6. Warning signs of heat rash coming

I got so fed up that I decided to do something abt my hair. Wanted to go to the hairdresser's, but the lady I wanted is on leave. Called up other salons & their top stylists are ALL ON LEAVE. Gosh, I was wondering if there's a Thursday strike for hairdressers.

Finally, went to the hairdresser which my uncle's pal always go to. I had my ends permed. I think it looks er...ok...BUT I HATE MY FRINGE!!!! It's flat and rebonded, and SHORT! Argh, I realise that I can't find any hairdresser who can cut fringes which I like! Now I think I look like a geek....and was feeling quite dissatisfied when I walked out. And bad skin currently is making my mood worse. I was in such a bad mood that I nearly told the hairdresser to give me a chinadoll fringe. I wonder if I'll look worse, but anyway, I still look shit.

Can't wait to go to bed now cos I'm in a foul mood.. %Y#*%@! Still too early though..and my tummy feels like it's bursting. Talking abt my tummy, I'm starting to feel disgusted abt the layers, which is increasing in number and increasing in thickness. It's even got to the extent of me being able to see it protrude out when I'm wearing something tight.

I guess when u're in a bad mood, u just pick on every single thing around...ARGH!