Obligations

If I have to make a choice abt which type of obligations makes my life difficult...social or family, I will choose family without hesitation.

Ever since my touchdown on Sunday, I have been hearing my mum mentioning my cousin every single day..be it a huge or small topic, it's jarring on my ears.

I realise I can't be rational. I wish I can, but unfortunately, I can't. I can't be more understanding (it has gone beyond my tolerance level), and I can't hide how irritated I am abt it. In fact earlier this week, I almost got into an argument with Mum when she mentioned that my uncle left my cousin when she was 16 AGAIN (why not ask my mum go publish in the papers so that everyone in Sg will know abt it)..and my reply was the usual "Don't tell me abt it again...you know I won't buy all that. Uncle died..yes..but even so, it doesn't mean I have to follow the whole world by being extra nice to her".

It was "Granny's Evening", so it's the weekly dinner with Gran, together with my uncle & aunt. My cousin wasn't around, so I thought I'm pretty lucky. But not long after Gran saw me, she asked me if I have seen my cousin yet since I've been back..then she started telling me abt my cousin having a terrible menstrual cramp over the past few days. And I thought that would be it..until....

Boss: How's the food?
Dad: Fantastic!
Boss: You should try our dimsum tmr...
Dad: Sure..we'll come tmr..
(*dad turns to mum*)
Dad: Let's call the girls (my cousins) along..
Mum: *excited* alright! you better give them a ring now to tell them

I lost my appetite straight away. From then on, I kept really quiet throughout the whole dinner. Dad called my aunt, and my aunt told Dad that she doesn't know what her daughters are up to tmr. Then Dad started calling my cousin on her hp..and because he didn't know her number, he had to ask my mum..and u should just see how well my mum knows her number manz! Note that my mum has such a bad memory that she forgets things which you can tell her abt 15 mins ago. I know I sound and am childish being this way, but I just hate it. I mean...why can't Dad just reserve for more ppl, then let my aunt do the job of passing the msg..and it's up to my cousins whether they r free to turn up or not? And when my cousin didn't pick up the call, they had to ask me to call. Isn't it insane? Does it make a difference abt who makes the call? I got more pissed, and told my mum my hp's having a low batt (which is also true). You bet I wish I could go "I'm not even supportive abt the whole idea. Since it's YOUR invite, YOU call her yourself!"

You can see how excited Granny was when she heard that we're all having a big family gathering tmr. Can't blame her, and I couldn't say anything..didn't wanna hurt anyone in that table. My parents were soooooo pleased abt the arrangement they made for tmr too...even went on talking about it in the car, while I was cursing abt it inside me.

I wish I don't have to turn up tmr..wish I can just give an excuse..but it'll just disappoint my parents, especially my Dad. Im so pissed off now that I'm not even wanting to join my parents for a DVD session.

I'm sure anyone who reads this will think I'm childish to the core. I'm not expecting anyone to understand how I feel abt the whole issue too...but I'M DAMN FUCKING ANGRY ABT IT..so angry that my tears are welling up now (let me scold vulgarities today pls..).

Don't bloody understand why I have to care abt their feelings. I really wish I can just say "I am not pleased abt it so I'm not going", and heck care abt how everyone else will feel. I just hate having this feeling of being fed up and not being able to voice it out because I don't want to hurt others, which then results in me accumulating it & causing harm to myself...WTF!

I thought I'll only be jealous if it involves my bf, but no way did I ever expect that I can feel the same type of jealousy when it comes to my parents.

I wish I get stomach cramps tmr. I know it looks a bit insane since going for the gathering doesn't look as bad as getting tummy cramps...but the fact that I rather get cramps shows how unwilling I am to go for it.

BAH!!!!!! *^%#$#!&%#@~