It's time to change the template for the blog, and that midi of course. As you can see, I haven't been paying very much attention to my blog (not that it really matters) due to my hectic schedule, and now that I have all the time in the world, I'm turning lazy..haha.

I made hor fun for my boy this evening, and goodness, it was disastrous. I have been so silly to keep stirring in corn starch water when I haven't even got the gravy boiling to a high temperature, and fortunately it didn't turn into glue when increase the temperature of the cooker. But the colour wasn't nice. I couldn't even fry the hor fun noodles properly. The colour of the noodles was fine, but no way could it turn as fragrant as I wish it did. You just can't live up to the standards of the horfun in the hawker centres. They've got a much stronger fire than my crap cooker in the kitchen. Sigh.

I have been really bored at home. He's busy studying, while all I do is aimlessly searching for videos to watch on youtube, or reading Harry Potter (and I'm still not hooked..wonder why so many ppl are) or playing Bejewelled 2.

I can do something more productive like clearing up my room, but no mood leh. My books and piles of disorganised notes are still piled up high on my floor and study table.

I spent the afternoon washing dishes in the kitchen. Yah yah...GO LAUGH! LAUGH MORE AH!!! *rolls eyes*

I couldn't stand that filthy kitchen no more. I mean, how can anyone survive with such a dirty kitchen?! I am so darn unwilling to even step in for a minute. One day, it can smell no better than the garbage truck in Singapore, another, it can look like as if some wild pig just came in to ransack the whole fridge and cupboards.

And I just wonder how angmos wash their plates. It's so freaking disgusting to find pasta remains on plates which are supposedly-to-have-been-washed. I ended up washing those "clean" plates again. And those cups..wah liew. You bet I was hoping to throw all of it away into the bins. I mean, how many bloody cups do u need just to have a drink? Oh yeah..maybe loads since they don't wash their cups. It's no wonder why they always need a whole cupboard of various cups/mugs/glasses...it's never enuff isn't it?

So..anyway...I got so pissed at finding all the "clean and dry" dishes lying around, I decided to find a place to stuff them. Opened this cupboard, and found a few similar looking pots and pans inside, and I decided to arrange them so that I can stuff the things in. But to my horror, even those pots and pans are DIRTY! Piangz... Couldn't care less and I just stuffed everything inside, be it clean or dirty since it was already dirty to begin with and like as if they'll be shy to realise how bloody disgusting and dirty they are and start learning to wash their own dishes.

After coming to UK for so many years, I think Mr. Tomato should be banned in angmo food. Gosh, I just can't stand pasta sauce lying everywhere, and it's even more disgusting to find it all dried up (so dried u can even scrap layers of it out from the plate!) and so bloody difficult to scrub at times.

Maybe I should just take a picture of my kitchen just to show u how gross it is (there are 2 fat flies outside my flat since the corridor stinks of rubbish), but that's provided my China flatmate doesn't clean up the entire kitchen. Poor girl. She's been cleaning the kitchen so many times till I sometimes wonder if it's her hobby or way to destress. If only every flatmate is like her, the flat will be spick and span.

But anyway, my horrible kitchen is still a zillion times better than CG's...hahaha...his flatmate is probably the dirtiest person alive. There's water found in the oven (!!!), and their flat has got a short circuit for umpteen times, and their cooker has been changed twice (oh..he just corrected me by saying it's THRICE...muahaha) already. Damn scary to be living in such a flat, since u nv know when a fire will break out (no wonder angmos always have fire drills).

Now on to the lifts.

This whole building has got like 21 storeys, and there are only 2 lifts, which I shall not try to grumble about. But hey, how pissing can it get when one of it breaks down and it takes DAYS to repair it? And not just that, when u enter that lift, u either smell drugs (no kidding! i got a sensitive nose for it since my flatmate in 1st year takes it all the time) or vomit or alcohol or rubbish. You might even spot cans, crisps everywhere as well. Not to mention, there's a CCTV in the lifts. Now I'm seriously wondering if the CCTVs are working. Maybe it's worth taking a hammer to hammer it and see what results from it. Who knows? I might even get away scot free!

There are also mad b*stards who go around dirtying the lifts with water, spreading it all over the walls of the lift, and one can imagine how dirty and gross it looks with dried water marks all over steel. You also get people playing with lift buttons, and also idiots who spray tomato ketchup (one more reason to ban tomatoes!) on the walls.

At times, I am wondering if this is a proper university accomodation or one for adults who are still lagging mentally and in terms of maturity.

The other thing that should be banned is BOOZE!!!

I'm not saying that because I don't drink and hence, I hate it. I mean, does it taste good? My angmo acquaintances don't even think it tastes great. They drink because their peers drink! What advantages does booze give u? Nothing unless u're only taking 1-2 pints a day to prevent coronary heart disease, but how many are drinking for this healthy purpose?!

They drink all the want, and the result? Talking rubbish on the streets, smooching strangers, puking all over the place (poor cleaners), doing nonsensical things subconsciously (sorry, but I don't think these mad assholes deserve any forgiveness after they're sober), getting hangovers the next day, and slowly killing themselves by screwing up their liver (well done!)

Sometimes, u just wonder why do these ppl drink? And when u're bored, u get the answer. Cos there's nothing else to do except drinking at night. That's how boring this place is.

(Cool..I just killed 1 hr of my time with this blogging..teeehheeee..)

Grr...my brain juice is leaking like nobody's business...

PIANGZ! Why is it so difficult to think of a way to make his birthday memorable?

I have been surfing the internet for ideas, and those I think are really good are super expensive. I want to take him on a trip, but I can't afford. I want to buy him the Nokia 8800 because his phone is spoilt (he threw the phone at the wall after a quarrel with me many months ago) and I can't afford it. I want to buy him a new laptop (he loves Apple), but I can't afford it.

I feel horrible for not being to give him anything at all..things he wants and things he need..

I know all that he demands is for a simple Chinese dinner with me at Riverside, but is that all I can give him? I really really want to do something for him, something he will remember. It makes me feel quite irritated whenever I think about what other girls have done for him, and being his first girlfriend, I can't even do something this simple for him. Although he says he doesn't mind, but I just don't feel good within me.

Bake him a cake? He doesn't like cakes.

Cook him a dinner? He must have gotten sick of my cooking by then since I'll be cooking his meals from now on till his exams are over.

Have some lovey dovey time together? I think we had enough of that since we're always together day and night.

I made a suggestion to go to London, and he's quite excited about this idea since he wants to go to Harrod's to shop, but hello...I didn't mean to make his birthday a shopping trip for both of us! I mean, how pathetic if he remembers his 23rd birthday being a shopping trip in Harrod's with me?

Any ideas anyone? I'm desperately needing a supply of it..

Exams are over. Finally, my long deserved break is here.

But I am not happy. I feel lost and empty.

Where am I heading to next? To 5th yr? Retain? Or kicked out?

Finally, I can have a slightly more relaxed time for myself. I have so deprived of this for the past dunno how long, and am really glad that I managed to cast everything aside for a little while and have a bit of rest.

The past few days especially was hell for me. Exams for 5 days in one shot. And I got so bored of it that I even went to count the number of pages I had to study for one exam...and it did shock the hell out of me when I realised...700+ pages. Couldn't rest at all, and even when I decided to throw my things aside and have some sleep before I go for my exam, my mind just wouldn't stop working. And each time I came out of the exam, I didn't feel very good and u get so mentally tired, u just wish it all ended completely.

Coursemates have been cursing and grumbling about why we had to go through all this shit just to get a pathetic medical degree when we could have jolly well done something else and be able to talk about a "first class" or "second upper" honours to our peers, rather than shock out friends who have always thought of us as "geniuses" or "brainy", only to find out that all we want is to just scrape through med sch with a low 50% (which could get u a 3rd class here!). Is it that worth it, I wonder too. But I made a promise , so I still have to try my best to make it through, and hope that things will get better for me soon (wah liew..sometimes it's not whether u want to go through or not lor...luck is darn impt in med sch..).

It's pretty scary to know how many students from the year below are going to be kicked out of medical sch. Heard that 1/3 of the cohort had to resit exams. Shit isn't it?

Can't wait for the last paper to be over and done with. Then I can start repaying back to my bf, who has been really supportive and forgiving over this period. He's having exams himself, but he still made every effort to sit down and revise next to me, cook my meals, shelter me with hugs and kisses whenever I say "I don't feel good", and cheer me on. I did piss him off with my negativeness as usual, and we could have got into a row numerous times, but he just forget about them, and be happy again. My parents are also very pleased that he's around for me and taking good care of me here too. At the very least, I hear Dad asking me about him, which is not very usual. His parents are also quite glad that we've giving each other support emotionally and mentally.

I do love his attitude towards exams. Whether it has been easy or difficult, he can just forget about it completely when it's over. He never thinks back about them, unlike me. And he's so calm even though he admits to me that he is feeling very stressed. If we do have kids one day, I hope they'll adopt this bonus point of his. I really wish I had that attitude. I would be a much better person with such an open mind.

Gosh, it's raining SO heavily now and I do wish to bring an umbrella with me to the bus station to wait for him, but I haven't got his room key, so I'm stuck here since I don't want to leave his room unlocked.

I'm craving for a nice meal tonight actually, but I doubt we can have it with the rain being like that.

Ok, enuff blogging for now... :)

Super pek chek. Thus, leading to guilt. But still frustrated.

I am guilty for just sending my boy off to make his own supper. I feel guilty for grumbling at him for having a bad habit of wanting supper at 2.30am because I am unwilling to make it at this unearthly hr, when I have to go to school tomorrow and not to mention, the fucking exams coming AGAIN for the umpteenth time.

WHY THE FUCK AM I IN THE COURSE?!

PUI!

I am really having terrible mood swings these few days. And even I can't stand myself for being this fucked up. First, my bloody period is late which scares the hell out of me, not to mention that I'm pretty paranoid. So you can kinda expect what kind of mood I get into to realise it's still not here every darn morning. Then having to face the books. Piangz, my entire room is in a big big mess now that he has to clean up all the mess in my room for me since he kinda got frustrated about my messy study table. My books are really piling way up high in the corner now, and I have no idea how I'm gonna finish reading them.

Talking abt that, I am really cursing at my medical school. I think the medical school office's staff should ALL be sacked. I wonder what they are actually there for, when I don't even see them doing their job. And they must be brainless to not even give us a study week before exams. So you can jolly well imagine me being absolutely pissed off about having to go for 9-5 lectures the week before my major exam. Thanks WCM. Thanks for being fucked up.

My hormones are driving me up the wall as well. Kept having hot flushes, and my room is boiling as well. UK's weather is really erratic. It was 31 deg on Wednesday manz! Bad location of my room as well since I got the afternoon sun, and now that summer is nearing, u can just imagine me being baked. I wouldn't hesitate to buy a portable aircon if it weren't because I have too many things in my room that having such a big item would just make my messy room messier.

I'm just blabbering things at the moment. Grumbling about every single thing I can think of. Really pity this guy drinking soup next to me now. He must have had enough of me.

Life is so unexpectable. You'll be happily smiling today, and the next u will be breathing your last. 2 people I kinda know, or have met have just passed away, and both deaths were sudden. One of them is my cousins' uncle, and another is Shiyun's granny. Sending my condolences to them.

I wonder how their other half feels. I wouldn't be able to cope with it if it was my other half. Yes, tell me I've grown to be dependent, and I know that is bad, yet at the same time, I prefer being quite dependent on my bf. I'm sick and tired of being independent.

The weather is warming up here, and I was able to walk around in spags yesterday. It's so comfy just wearing spags and going to the movies with CG. And it kinda shocked him when he saw me wearing so little, and got quite worried I'll catch a cold..hahaha.

Watched MI3 yesterday. It's those usual MI films made to impress, and u know those stunts are impossible in reality. Just go "wow" and forget abt it. I was drooling over Maggie Q's figure though.

Bumped into some people I don't like here. OK, I have nothing against them, but because they do know of someone I dislike, I tend to stay away from them as well. Girls. You know how bloody gossipy they can get. They were looking at me and CG all the time when we walked out of the cinema. And I couldn't give shit abt it. Reckon they are bound to tell their "friend" that I'm with another guy...or even start thinking I'm a flirt since gossips spread fast here. One of the reasons why I moved out!

But since they don't mean anything to me, I shall not give shit abt whether they're looking at not. Besides, I'm proud of my bf and I don't think I have made a wrong choice compared to my previous available options. At least till now, I don't think I did.

Ok, enuff for today. Shall rush back to revision.

Feeling pretty stressed up today for no reason...or maybe there are reasons. Exams? Missing him? Tired?

I wish I can go back to CArdiff now to just see him. Don't have to say a word, and I KNOW I will feel loads better.

It is scary watching everyone manicly revising for major exams now, and I am all way out to avoid seeing them, because it just stresses me out. I have done my very best in trying to cope with it, but sometimes it just gets at me, and I Will just start feeling rubbish completely. Medicine is definitely the best way to ruin how I feel abt myself completely. I have NEVER ever felt this shit in my entire 23-24 years of living.

My memory is going slowly as well. I can't remember things as much as I used to, and the docs thinks it's because I'm overstressed. But how on earth can I relax? It's close to 20k pounds tuition fees u're talking abt, not pathetic 1000+ pounds paid by locals here.

Clearing one subject per weekend is an ultimate nightmare, and watching my books pile up each time I get back to Cardiff makes me feel horrible. I'M desperately trying to find some hope in what I'm doing somehow, but I haVEN't really found anything that would make me "step out" from my current crisis at the moment.

Is there anything I can do to help myself, I wonder.

It's a GOod thing that it's Friday tomorrow, and I'Ll be able to see him. Poor boy was so pissed off yesterday that his lecturer didn't turn up for his lecture yesterday, or else he would have just catch a train and come down to see me to spend wed-fri with me here.

Gosh, I nOtice so many typing problems here using the comps in this place. So many sites are not accessible cos they blocked it somehow, and the comp is lagging and SLOW! Making changes to my typing just pisses me so badly that I end up using my laptop all the time to do my work which doesn't req. the internet.

I actually blogged during the weekend, but didn't have time to complete it. But anyway, I'll do it again.

I met this really lovely patient who delivered a very handsome baby. She's the perfect case for me to present on and definitely to write my essay. I kinda have plans about this essay and I'm hoping that things will work out great. Am really pleased that the doctor who was in charge of her is interested in my work and is more than willing to help me with it. Have kinda made "friends" with this patient since I stayed with her throughout her labour and until her complications were all sorted. She even mentioned abt writing a commendation letter for me! Will be sending her my completed work as well since she requested to have a look.

Went to GU clinic today, which handles sexual diseases mostly. VeRY interesting!!! It's so unlike what my coursemate told me. Probably it's because I get to see pretty interesting cases today, rather than the extremely common ones like genital warts. Got to hear loads of weird stories too, which really triggered my thoughts like "Is your bf a pervert?", "Do guys just can't stay away from sex?", "Is this girl mad?", "Why can't u just dump your hubby?"...haha.

Missing my bf quite a bit too, but thanks to my busy schedule that is helping me cope with this. Am always looking forward to going back to Cardiff and seeing him happily waiting for me at the train station. I just thinks he really spoils me most of the time by making sure I'm never alone by myself no matter where I am (if possible) and what I do. Knowing the fact I DREAD COOKING and would rather starve than to make myself some food, he so kindly cooked my meals for me numerous times recently and the chicken wings he makes are fabulous. I'm watering as I'm thinking abt it now...he promise he'll make loads of me for me this weekend :) I do wish he's here in this place with me though, and was really touched when he said he didn't mind just coming to see me for one day this week and accompany me back to Cardiff. But I think I shall just stay contented with the fact that he made an effort to spend an entire week with me here during his Easter break.

Hungry now. ShalL shoo off to have a bite soon before I start revising. Manz, I wish I can stay in the library and sleep here. It's so much more comfortable revising here than in my room in the cottage. Got no proper table and chair in the room and my back's starting to play up on me again with all these posture problems.