Primary School Gathering

The evening last night was BRILLIANT! I enjoyed the outing and the company totally even though I was the only girl who turned up.

Despite being home at least twice a year, I haven't been out very much whenever I'm back for a holiday, hence I did feel very much like a tourist last night when I had no idea where certain places were.

It's been 14 years since I've seen my primary sch classmates, and I'm really pleased that we hit it off very quickly and very well the moment we saw one another.

Hours were spent talking about the good old days. Seems weird, but since primary school, the people I'm always with are guys. Somehow, girls don't seem to like me very much. I wonder why.

I haven't lost the great smack I used to give one of my classmates whenever he irritates the shit out of me. A huge smack landed on his shoulder when he arrived and welcomed me with 2 smacks on my shoulder...hahha.

Had a little walk along Robertson Quay and Clarke Quay with them. It was a humid evening with no breeze, so it wasn't the best. But I loved seeing the lights. I will bring Dearie there the next time. Reckon it'll be nice buying a few cans of soft drinks, and sitting in some corner to talk while admiring the lights. It has been a very long time since Dearie and I had our moments together.

Supper was at Simpang Bedok, and it was then we started talking abt joining some SDU events. I personally am quite tempted to join out of curiosity. Thought it'll be an eye-opening experience to see what things are really like. No, I'm not looking for a bf. I guess widening my social circle isn't a crime. But of course, I wouldn't be keen to join alone. Will definitely need to see if my friends r serious abt joining.

Didn't get home till 4.30am! Ridiculously late, and surprisingly, my parents didn't give me a talking to today. Hmm..makes me wonder if my parents aren't that bothered anymore because they realise that I'm a grown up now. But I guess Dearie isn't pleased abt it, even though he didn't mention anything.

Feeling really bored at the moment. Dearie's gone out with his friends, and said he'll ring me when he gets home. So here I am blogging while waiting for his call. I'm sure he'll want to spend more time with his gang since he'll be leaving home for good very soon.


****Dreamt of someone last night. It's quite a shock for me since we have lost touch for years. In the dream, he was with a girl. I wonder how is he now, and if he's finally attached. It'll be really good for him if he has found his better half. **********

I dread spring cleaning, because no matter how hard I try and how many bags of rubbish I throw, the room still doesn't look neat enough for my liking.

But it is during spring cleaning that I get to dig out things which had sentimental values to me. Many, making me smile and laugh.

There were photos of my graduation from Secondary school, library cards with my kiddy photo on them, certificates of my non-academic achievements (piano, ballet etc), exam transcripts, etc.

Cards and letters also contributed significantly to the pile. It was fun looking through them. Those from Lemon made me laugh all the time. We were really fun of "shit" during our days in JC. She even wrote me letters in the wee hours of the night when the exam was during the break of dawn. And most of her other letters were all written during unearthly hrs or during random times (e.g. during lectures). The things we write in them were just hilarious.

It seemed that BGR was a huge part of my life during JC and in University, because a huge percentage of those cards and letters were from guys :X (and admirers they were). I knew BGR turned my life into a big mess during those years, but never did I realise how crazily messy it was until I started digging into the pile. What's worse is....I've even forgotten some of them until I read their letters...yikes.

It still felt sweet and touching as I read these, even though a relationship was never started with some. Reading the ones I was in a rship with brought back many memories. I kept the ones from the latter. But of course, I threw away this pile of letters/cards/presents from this f*cking asshole which I never want to see/hear for the rest of my life. Felt so pleased tearing up everything from him!!!! I hate him so much that I wish he gets thrown behind bars again. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! :)

Am feeling pleased that at least the above has more or less stabilised since I've got together with Dearie and "steady" enough for my parents to feel comfortable about telling their relatives/friends abt my rship. Dearie will definitely get driven up the wall if my life was still in such a big mess. He already blew his top knowing how many past rships I had, needless to mention how he'll react if he knew abt the rest.

Lazy Bug

U know what's the horrible thing abt being home?!

LAZINESS!!!!!!

Been home for more than a week, and I hardly did anything productive for myself. Here's some of the things I've been doing...

1. Sleep (and I sleep numerous times a day!!!!!! For hrs each time somemore...machiam hibernating)
2. Eat
3. Play brick game
4. Chat with Dearie on the phone/online
5. Source for jobs online for Dearie
6. Play with my puppy
7. Watching Olympics

Damn lazy lah. Dragging myself out of the house is hell of a chore. And worse of all, I seem to enjoy being in the house doing almost nothing!!! Did boring UK make me so? Hmm...

I realise that I'm feeling damn lazy having to dress up too. Everyday, I'll be slacking in my kiam chai tee and shorts. And I'll avoid going to town simply because I'm LAZY to wear something proper, and doll up. Trust me, this is like the complete extreme end of when I'm in Beijing. I would literally spend 45 mins dolling up just to go to Dearie's Dad's house.

Went to walk my puppy with Mum this morning, and manz...I feel like a maid. Not because I was asked to carry things, but because of how bad I look. Argh!

I shall try and stop being so slack, and start getting productive. My room is like pig's sty with boxes of stuffs waiting to be binned. Few more weeks before I jet off to BJ, and this time, I'll be taking Dearie back to Sg with me...so I better start clearing up my room to make some space for him.

Definitely need to start doing my revision too. Don't wanna screw up when I resume work :)

"You are still a nobody"

Being a member of a very huge family, it is only natural to be put down by your relatives no matter how hard you try. My childhood would have been the perfect one, if I wasn't brought up in such an environment. And regardless of how resentful I am about this aspect of my fate, it is one I have to accept and cope with.

I've long got used to criticisms and not being thought much of. Although I'm carrying the surname, I'm not really regarded as being part of it. Like anyone else, I had my pride when I was still a young child and being ignored by my elders was nonetheless hurting.

Being given the slightest attention was as tough as striking the lottery, needless to say, being talked about in a positive way. If anything was mentioned, it would only be negative even if I were to ace all my papers and win numerous medals and trophies for sports. To keep it simple, nothing is ever good enough.

In my family, only fame, status and fortune matters. Only those with these get talked about. There wasn't any need for the others to exist.

It was the death anniversary of Great-granny today, and every year on this day, it was a must for the family to go to the "Forbidden City" to pay respects to the ancestors and to visit the living "Empress Dowagers". This year was no exception.

Each time I go there, there will always be a battle of words and mind. The attack can occur at any moment, so I'll have to be very alert at all times, and quick enough to rebuke before a second shot comes along. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if the "Empress Dowager" gains pleasure by holding such battles with me. She seemed to enjoy it.

But she never fails to say something to put me down before I leave. Perhaps it's her intention to prove her seniority and superiority. She definitely has her way of biting back before I take my leave, yet ultimately, I am in control of how I wish to look at it.

"You are still a nobody" was the 5 words she said to me before I went home. This will be something I swear I won't forget. No, I am not upset, neither am I hurt. What she said is true. I am still a nobody, but every "Somebody" was once a "Nobody". I might end up being still a nobody in the future. This, I do not know. Yet it is not for anyone to turn round and tell me that I will never be "Somebody". At least, not yet.

每当哭着睡着的时候，我并不喜欢醒来，因为一旦睁开眼时，眼泪又会直流了。

和他分割两地已经够辛苦了，我也不愿意和他争吵，可是结果，我们还是吵了起来。每次和他吵架，我就会不断地问自己，“我是不是走错了？”。心里也自然而然会有“一个人”的感觉，开始害怕。一个人害怕的时候，又不知道要找谁，现在都已经变成家常便饭了。我讨厌这种感觉。

我常常在想，我是不是不够理解他；很多次，甚至还觉得都是因为和我在一起，才会让他变得如此不幸。或许，因为有这种想法，每当遇到一点不愉快，我就有想放弃的念头，老觉得如果他生命里没有了我，他人生的问题都会解决了，也会因此变得幸福。

他常说我没什么好烦的，因为这些问题都是他的。每次听到他这么说的时候，我的心就会很痛。问题怎么会是他一个人的呢？如果我一点都不在乎，我真得太自私了，还能称得上是他女朋友吗？看到他辛苦，我也不好受。看到他烦躁的时候，我感到无助。怎么能说我没什么好烦的呢？

他是个很少吃醋的人，和他交往了这么久，很少看到他因为吃醋而不开心。以前，我还在想是因为他不在乎，对自己太有信心，或因为他不想干涉我的自由？可是，后来才发现，其实他也有吃醋的时候，只是不愿意说出来。不久前，因为一位同事和他闹翻，虽然不愉快，可是想到他在乎我所以才吃那么大的醋，心里就会有点开心。老公，还是爱我的。

但可惜的是，他对我的了解并非我想象的。和一个人交往或分手，我都会先想清楚了，才做出决定，并不是一时冲动。我喜欢很清楚地知道我自己在做什么，也非常清楚我自己在做什么。我不会因为单单寂寞，就移情别恋。

可能他误会了，觉得我会因为寂寞，就会很容易喜欢上其他的男生。其实，如果有一天我们真的分手了，寂寞才移情别恋肯定不是原因。而是因为，我看不到未来。尽管这条路有多难走，只要我知道向前走就一定能看到一束光，我一定会走下去。但是，我什么都不知道。我就像在一个大森林里，不知道要走去哪里却不停地走，一点方向也没有。我知道我迷路了，可是又不知道怎么样才能找到自己所要的方向。他说过会把我从迷宫里带出来，可是那天会到来吗？我能理解在感情里，都会有很多未知数，可是我们之间的未知数，真的是太多太多了，让我们的感情变得很不健康。

他有一段时间没进网站了。不知道他会看到我写的这一切吗。对于昨晚的事，我真得非常失望，也更让我看不到未来。心真的很累，让我慢慢地失去对这段感情的信心。

这些，他知道吗？或许他真正了解时，真正知道自己要走哪条路，坚定做出自己的选择时，可能已经太迟了。

HOME

Having being born and bred in Sg, I still, unfortunately, haven't got used to the hot & humid weather. Been splattering my face with water many times a day, yet it still feels "dirty". Despite my bedroom living up to its reputation of being the "North Pole" in the house and with the existence of a DEhumidifier, I find myself waking up in sweats, and feeling sticky.

My appetite has been great since arriving home. Everyday, I'm ticking things off my "Glorious Food/Drink List" which I've typed out nicely on my laptop. And everything tastes heavenly to me. I was literally saying "This is what I call food fit for human consumption" when the waitress laid the Yu Xiang Qie Zi which I ordered when my parents brought me to Crystal Jade Restaurant in Parkway.

It has been less of a torture maintaining my LDR with Dearie after getting home too. We're in the same time zone too, so communication is easier now. Bought some phone cards so that I can call him too. Not ridiculously cheap for the long term, but it's better than nothing.

And Dearie suddenly announced something which shocked me. He has more or less made up his mind to embark on his new life journey here in October. Now, it's only abt speaking abt it to his Dad. Yup, I don't wish to think about what's going to happen when he breaks it to his dad. Anyway, if all goes well, then Dearie will be accompanying me back to Sg in Oct (planning to go to BJ again in Sept). And my misery will come to an end once he manages to secure a job here.

It excites me, really. The plan is for him to live with me until he gets a job which pays reasonably for him to find his own accomodation. I'll then be able to see him everyday after I come home from work, enjoying the local delicacies with him (we always get very excited when we're dining together), taking slow walks with him like how we used to do in the UK and watch dramas together. I've also targetted on a project which I've told Dearie about. If he manages to come down, then we'll be able to view the showflat together, and seriously discuss if we're going to purchase it.

Ok, shall end it here now. Stomach's growling, and I'll need to find food soon...*excited*

A house of our own

I've been thrifty (sometimes a scrooge) with reasons. I know it's still a long long way for me to get what I want, but it's alright, I will wait.

I showed Dearie the project I've been admiring. The exterior doesn't look brilliant, but it was the interior design and artist's impression of the project which attracted me. I wish to own a unit like this one day.

For those who doesn't know this, I have a strong liking for hotels. Unfortunately, I'm not rich enough to be staying in top hotels. But sometimes, I do book myself into one when I think I need a break.

I like the simplicity yet coziness of hotel rooms. I like how there are so few things existing in the room. The toilet is what I'm most fussy about, and call me silly, but I can spend ages in the toilet if I like the layout, design and cleanliness standard. It is also the place that determines how much a score I would give to a particular hotel.

Since young, I dream of owning a condo unit designed to the standards of at least a hotel room or serviced apartment.

As for the theme, I have a liking for different types...

My dream design since a very young age was that of Da Vinci's, which sadly, many people my age do not appreciate. Fortunately, Dearie is the rare few who loves it as much as I do. I love how solid and intricate every furniture piece is. I love the fabric, looking fit for the royals. But because every piece is so elaborate and huge, it will only look good being fitted into a big house. And owning a house like this will only be possible if only I marry someone filthy rich.

I also like modern designs with a touch of class and uniqueness. It doesn't have to high tech looking. It's quite hard to describe it though.

Another of my favourite is the country style wooden design. Nicely painted colour wood seems to melt me, with cute pictures of geese, chickens, etc.

Being Oriental, I do favour designs with a touch of orient. I'm not a fan of Chinese antiques, but I do see how one or 2 pieces can enhance beauty to the place.

However, there are a few things to the house which I'm extremely fussy about.

1. Toilet
It has to be designed to close to perfection. I hate toilets which aren't nicely designed. I don't spend most of the day in the toilet, but I do like taking my own sweet time, relaxing while answering nature's call. It is one of the few occasions where I'll have time to self-reflect quickly on various issues in my everyday life. And I don't wish to feel irritated whilst doing so. I need a nice environment.

2. Lighting
I dread houses which are darkly lited. I dislike white light too, which many argue that it's much brighter. But I like the warm feel of yellow lights. And my house in future definitely has to have many lights. I don't like sleeping in pitch dark environments too, which accounts to why my table side lamp is always on when I'm sleeping. Doesn't matter if it's not bright when I'm asleep, as long as it's not pitch black.

3. Bed
To me, this is the most important furniture in the entire house. It has a huge effect on how I feel and get on with my life after waking up. And I hate waking up feeling that my body is aching, an that I haven't had a good night's sleep. I don't have the luxury of sleeping 8 hours a day, but I believe in quality sleep more than quantity. My dream mattress is that of Marriott Hotel's. Till today, I cannot forget what a wonderful sleep I had when I booked into their hotel with Dearie. Dearie felt the same too. It's no wonder Marriott sells mattresses and bed accessories to interested people. And it's also no wonder why they rave so much about it. Ever since that stay, I have yet to find a hotel which provides a mattress that allows me to sleep so well, and wake up being free from aches and totally refreshed. I have very little sleep in Marriott the last time, mind u. Sheer quality!

4. Air con
I'm a polar bear. My room back home is the North Pole, with sky blue and white being its colour, and air con blasting at its max. I CANNOT stand hot weather, and I hate feeling sticky from humidity (I get very irritable). Hence, the dehumidifier in my room, even though it's huge and a real eye sore. But it's one of the things which has to exist. Baby Pan Pan (my pup) cannot stand the temperature in my room though, and I'll always have to let him wear doggy clothes before bringing him up. No surprise why he enjoys hiding behind the dehumidifier, where hot air is being blown out...haha.


Sigh, am dreaming of the day whereby Dearie and I can own a house. It'll be a dream come true, especially if I get what I want in the house. When will this be?

Surgical Gathering

Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the late hours, but I've been feeling very tired everyday. Waking up is still a torture, and the chicken essence of another brand doesn't seem to be as effective as Brand's.

Was planning to give the Surgical Gathering a miss, but Sam came knocking on my door, insisting that I go along and promising that we'll come back straight after dinner.

YA RIGHT. *rolls eyes*

Went to Angel Vaults for dinner with a big group of people - nurses, surgeons, housemen, secretaries. I was told it was a poshy restaurant which was very much raved about by other people, hence, I took the effort to at least put on a decent dress with simple make up, instead of going in with my crap hooded jacket, jeans and tracks.

The restaurant's nice, but I probably over-expected a little, so I wasn't extremely impressed. Western food obviously, but it was quite nice I must say. At least for the very rare few times, I find myself in a restaurant where the chef pays attention to the dishes he presents. Of course, this came with a price.

I was quite lucky in a way because I was seating with my fellow housemen, so there was a lot of crap going on on our table. I was the quieter one as usual, especially when I was happily devouring the food placed in front of me. I would have died of boredom during dinner if I were to seat with nurses.

To the pub was the plan after dinner. Typical.

It was intimidating when I step foot into the pub. The crowd there were mostly men in their 40s. They looked really scary to me since they were either terribly muscular or stout. They just reminded me of the guys in angmo porn. Gross.

I was thinking, while standing quietly in a corner, why would anyone choose to come to this pub, and just realised that the age of most of the nurses could be THE reason.

I hated every minute in that pub for other several reasons.

Firstly, I hate people getting drunk. And I hate it more when they come talking to me when they're drunk since they tend to come really close to me, making me feel very uncomfortable. I like keeping my distance frm drunkards. I hate the smell of alcohol on them even more.

Secondly, the music was tooooooo loud. The speakers weren't the best quality to bring out the bass too. There was karaoke session at the back of the pub too, and because the music plus mic volume was so extremely loud, it was torturing for my ears rather than pleasure.

Thirdly, these people cannot sing for nuts. I remember going to KTV in Sg with a friend I am not in touch with anymore, before. That KTV session was my worst experience during then, since he goes out of tune from the beginning to the end, and wouldn't give the mic up as well. I almost died during then. Yesterday was a similar experience, but much worse since the volume was so loud. U can tell how tortured I was every second there hearing people singing out of tune so loudly, which makes me wonder how they can even find it enjoyable. And can't someone tell whether him/herself is out of tune? Dread it when people just sing for the volume. Can't they be serious when singing?

Fourth, I hate watching angmos smooching different people, and having their arms all over the opposite sex.

Lastly, I dislike strangers whom I want to keep away from, pulling me to the dance floor to dance with them. I am weird, because I like dancing alone in my room. I don't enjoy dancing and showing off moves (I'm crap!) on crowded dance floors. The sight of those "dodgy looking men" there turns me off so much, that I can't wait to run far far away frm them, needless to say how petrified I am when they try to come over n drag me to the dance floor. It even got to a point whereby I was grabbing onto the table to stop being pulled away. And getting up from my seat and run to another place.

I know I am not being sporting, but I hate being who I'm not. I don't like pretending to be blend in with angmos, like what many Chinese girls like doing. I dread it even more trying to behave like a bitch like some SPGs. I don't fancy trying to act sexy in photos taken in pubs which u'll see lots of from "famous bloogers". I don't appreciate how it can make one look more special, or prove the point that one is having lots of fun.

I was supposed to go back with Sam, but she ended up chatting endlessly with a few colleagues, and it did got on my nerves waiting for 3 hrs. I really regretted not walking out halfway through to catch a cab back.

In summary, apart frm the food, everything else sucks. And I do regret turning up in some ways. Argh...