"You are still a nobody"
Being a member of a very huge family, it is only natural to be put down by your relatives no matter how hard you try. My childhood would have been the perfect one, if I wasn't brought up in such an environment. And regardless of how resentful I am about this aspect of my fate, it is one I have to accept and cope with.
I've long got used to criticisms and not being thought much of. Although I'm carrying the surname, I'm not really regarded as being part of it. Like anyone else, I had my pride when I was still a young child and being ignored by my elders was nonetheless hurting.
Being given the slightest attention was as tough as striking the lottery, needless to say, being talked about in a positive way. If anything was mentioned, it would only be negative even if I were to ace all my papers and win numerous medals and trophies for sports. To keep it simple, nothing is ever good enough.
In my family, only fame, status and fortune matters. Only those with these get talked about. There wasn't any need for the others to exist.
It was the death anniversary of Great-granny today, and every year on this day, it was a must for the family to go to the "Forbidden City" to pay respects to the ancestors and to visit the living "Empress Dowagers". This year was no exception.
Each time I go there, there will always be a battle of words and mind. The attack can occur at any moment, so I'll have to be very alert at all times, and quick enough to rebuke before a second shot comes along. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if the "Empress Dowager" gains pleasure by holding such battles with me. She seemed to enjoy it.
But she never fails to say something to put me down before I leave. Perhaps it's her intention to prove her seniority and superiority. She definitely has her way of biting back before I take my leave, yet ultimately, I am in control of how I wish to look at it.
"You are still a nobody" was the 5 words she said to me before I went home. This will be something I swear I won't forget. No, I am not upset, neither am I hurt. What she said is true. I am still a nobody, but every "Somebody" was once a "Nobody". I might end up being still a nobody in the future. This, I do not know. Yet it is not for anyone to turn round and tell me that I will never be "Somebody". At least, not yet.
I've long got used to criticisms and not being thought much of. Although I'm carrying the surname, I'm not really regarded as being part of it. Like anyone else, I had my pride when I was still a young child and being ignored by my elders was nonetheless hurting.
Being given the slightest attention was as tough as striking the lottery, needless to say, being talked about in a positive way. If anything was mentioned, it would only be negative even if I were to ace all my papers and win numerous medals and trophies for sports. To keep it simple, nothing is ever good enough.
In my family, only fame, status and fortune matters. Only those with these get talked about. There wasn't any need for the others to exist.
It was the death anniversary of Great-granny today, and every year on this day, it was a must for the family to go to the "Forbidden City" to pay respects to the ancestors and to visit the living "Empress Dowagers". This year was no exception.
Each time I go there, there will always be a battle of words and mind. The attack can occur at any moment, so I'll have to be very alert at all times, and quick enough to rebuke before a second shot comes along. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if the "Empress Dowager" gains pleasure by holding such battles with me. She seemed to enjoy it.
But she never fails to say something to put me down before I leave. Perhaps it's her intention to prove her seniority and superiority. She definitely has her way of biting back before I take my leave, yet ultimately, I am in control of how I wish to look at it.
"You are still a nobody" was the 5 words she said to me before I went home. This will be something I swear I won't forget. No, I am not upset, neither am I hurt. What she said is true. I am still a nobody, but every "Somebody" was once a "Nobody". I might end up being still a nobody in the future. This, I do not know. Yet it is not for anyone to turn round and tell me that I will never be "Somebody". At least, not yet.
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