I was so excited about our trip to London today that I didn't sleep the entire night because I was gonna accompany CG to get his Schengen Visa (we're going to Paris!), have dim sum in Chinatown, go to Sloane Street to see if there's anything I like, then go to Oxford Circus with him to purchase his Macbook Pro and end the day with the ever so famous Roasted Duck Rice in Four Seasons.

But the whole day was a complete screw up!!!!

We had to go queue outside this well-hidden mousehole called the "French Embassy". And I was wondering how insanely silly it is to get like dozens of people standing out in the cold, rather than letting us into the office. Then when we finally got to enter the office, it was more waiting. We started waiting outside at 11.20am (when CG's slot was at 11.30), and we didn't get to see the officer till 3pm!!!! Then when we finally got to see the officer.....

Officer: I need a photocopy of your medical insurance
CG: I don't have a photocopy, only the original.
Officer: Then u have to go purchase a new one, because I need a copy to keep.
CG: How much does it cost?
Officer: 50 pounds. Either u get it, or u don't get your visa. You choose. (giving the xialan face) (u bet I was pissed off when I heard her saying that)
Me: Can u make a photocopy of the original?
Officer: No. I don't have a photocopying machine here.
Me: There is one right behind you. (I'm sure she can find a better excuse than this)
Officer: I can't make a photocopy.
Me: Ok. Then can we go out and photocopy it and give the stuffs to u later?
Officer: No. You cannot get out. Either u buy the insurance, or no visa. You choose.

Fark! Wasn't she being anal?!?!?!? Wat the fark was wrong with her not being able to just turn behind and press the bloody green button. It pisssed the hell out of me and CG, and if we hadn't booked our flight and hotel, we would have walked out straight away and cancel the entire trip to Paris. It ruined our mood THAT badly. And CG had to pay an extra 50 pounds for that stupid insurance.

Plus, the bloody receptionist was super rude as well. Wat the hell is wrong with ppl at Embassies?!

I was really fuming. I was pissed abt the fact that why I had to waste the entire day waiting like an idiot. I was pissed abt why there's a problem with the process. I was pissed with myself because I should have read everything clearly and countercheck if he has all the documents ready, rather than letting him do it himself. I don't want to get myself involved in things he do, since I want him to be independent, and be able to read instructions in English carefully and do things properly by himself. It makes me feel that I'm an irritating pest when I have to be literally next to him to see how he speaks on the phone since his English isn't good and it's quite a waste of time too. I can't put my heart at ease at all. I mean, I actually have to speak on behalf of him to the insurance agent, to book restaurant tables because they don't understand him. It does get on my nerves at times, especially when I think these things are basic, and I have to get involved. There were several times whereby I feel like losing my temper, but I held it back because it must hurt him badly enough that he's not even able to do basic things like that, and that he must be sad enough about his English proficiency.

Sometimes, I wonder if it's me who is giving him pressure, because he told me before that he cannot speak English properly when I'm around. I guess he just feels inferior, so I try to walk away and leave him speaking to others. But then, I will find myself having to go back because the other person doesn't understand what he's saying.

I do feel stressed abt this, but in order not to hurt his feelings, I just tolerate with it. If we have to live in Singapore in future, how is he going to cope with his English? I know it's not right for me to lose my temper over this, but wouldn't someone in my situation feel frustrated?

As I was taking my shower just now, suddenly, the question he asked me a few days ago came into my head. "Why did you like me?", he asked. I couldn't answer. I told him there isn't a reason, and he insisted that there must be one, but the truth is..there isn't any. I just know it. There are so many reasons to why I should not love him...so so many...but it was so difficult to find one to explain why I love him.

Anyway, back to the main topic.

Because of the Visa thingy, I didn't get to eat dim sum at all. It was disappointing since both of us are missing the boiled fish head soup there.

Finally, at 4pm, he got his Visa, and it felt great walking out of the French Embassy. We had to cancel the plan to go to Sloane Street because I thought it's too late as the boutiques would most likely be closed at 4-5pm.

Headed to Apple at Oxford Circus. I was pretty excited that my boy's gonna buy the Macbook Pro 15 inch lappie. But they were not able to change the hard drive to 160GB, and the salesguy does not know anything about the choice of choosing a brighter LCD screen (which CG claims is possible), so he decided not to get it. I thought it's quite odd as to why he needed such a big hard drive since he's got a huge portable one already, and besides, the more stuffs u have in the hard drive, the slower the lappie is. And I thought the LCD screen was bright enough, and felt that the brighter one was gonna hurt his eyes. So naturally, I started asking him if it was that essential and practical to get such a big hard drive and a brighter LCD screen. He got pissed with me, said he's not buying it, and walked out. Maybe my questions pissed him, but I saw no reason to why he had to be this angry and react this way.

He suggested shopping around the nearby shops for my winter coat, but I completely lost my mood to do so, and was not the least excited.

I got so sick of it after a while that I suggested having dinner. Had duck rice, and the food was delicious, but I wasn't in the best mood to enjoy it too.

At the coach station, I saw this couple who were hugging each other while waiting for the coach. I felt envious, but I cannot explain why. Maybe there is something lacking in our rship, but I'm mentally too tired to find out. I think it's pointless too since even if I find the answer, it's gonna make him unhappy and we might quarrel again. We have been quarreling a lot recently, and I do want to avoid it since at times, I can feel myself reaching my peak already and I definitely don't want to say something that I will regret.

Reaching the next phase in life?

I woke up in a dreamy and exhausted mood (I've been working through the night for the past few days) to find that there's a message in my hp. A friend was telling me that she's going to get married in January.

Then another friend told me later in the afternoon that she got engaged last weekend.

How scary is it that more and more of my friends are getting engaged or married. Kor's married, YK's married, Prisc's getting engaged/married next yr, Etty's getting married, and now even Sophie's engaged.

I guess it feels weird because I'm still an undergraduate while those my age should be working already. I'm still a "student" and hence, the feeling of being still young and innocent, completely forgetting the fact that I'm 24 this year. Hmm..the age where girls are starting to get married.

It seems exciting to be entering this new phase of life - getting engaged/married- whereby it takes 2 to walk down this new journey, instead of the usual 1. Yet, the package includes a whole load of new responsibilities, making it daunting. It seems to me, as if, a person's considered a true adult because marriage is something so serious that u have to be fully responsible for its result/consequence.

Being female, I do wonder when it'll be my turn and at times, I do wish the one announcing the news is me. But I know I'm not being realistic for the fact that I'm not that ready to embark on the new phase and there are too many uncertainties in my life now.

Sigh...I wonder if I'll be saying this again when I hit 30...


*****Edited*****

OMG! Another friend, Asma, just msged me to tell me she got engaged 2 months ago and will be holding her wedding in August next year (in Yemen?). I'm invited to attend.

Gosh..now that's like one more added to the "Engaged, To be Married, Married) list. And I got this type of shock three times today (etty, sophie, asma).

This week has been busy so far, and I'm so pleased that it has been since I've been slacking way tooooo much.

Finally started doing my audit analysis, and it's a nightmare looking through a few hundred data and analysis every little bit. Finally got one aspect out of three done and I can't wait to show the researcher I'm working with what I've accomplished so far. Hopefully, he'll think it's good so that I won't have to waste time making changes or worse...redoing it. I just wanna get on to complete the other 2 bits, but will need some advice from him about it since I have a lack of data (grrr!!!!) and I'm not too sure about what to analyse for those.

Had my first try at making jiao zi. Bought the ingredients with CG during the weekend and spent an evening making it and wanton. I am amazed that my boy knows how to wrap jiao zi, and got him to teach me. I didn't do a good job though, but I'm sure it'll get better with more practice. At least I did contribute by wrapping all the wantons and making the fillings for both. :)

Went for my first French class here with him this evening. My boy decided to take up French for fun, and because we're so craving to be "classmates", I decided to join his class. Have already missed 5 lessons, so naturally, I felt pretty lost in class (everyone was anyway, more or less) and I hate that feeling (typical me). I felt worse for the fact that I did French lessons in Singapore before, and now I'm completely forgotten everything....hmpf! I shall try to read up in order to catch up with everyone else and will try to do well for it, unless there's a reason to why I have to give French up.

Funniest question of the day asked by someone I know:

"Hey, do u know if University of Wales is recognised in UK for biz degree?"

If it isn't recognised by its own country, I wonder why it is set up in the first place. Sigh..

My urinary frequency is going bonkers!

Visiting the toilet is one of the best ways for me to get away from my books whenever I'm sick of studying, but this time, it's getting on my nerves. Simply because I've been visiting the toilet like every 15-30 minutes, and it's not because I want to, but because my bladder feels full and uncomfortable for no apparent reason.

And there is pee all the time, even if it's a drop or 2. I got so sick of it that I just couldn't be bothered to get out of the toilet, and sat in there to wee a few more times. The bad thing is I still feel as if I haven't weeed my fill after coming out each time.

Even my darling is thinking it's getting abnormal since I'm not a frequent toilet visitor and now, I'm going "I can't talk to u now. I need to go to the toilet. I'll be back."

I'm having a good guess about my diagnosis, and I think I should be right with my guess, and that will mean a visit to the doctor's to get some antibiotics. Manz, I hate going to see my GP cos I can't just walk in anytime I like. Hate booking appointments with the clinic too since they are always fully booked. Maybe I shall head down to Boots to get some over-the-counter meds for temporary relief first, if they do carry those medications. Sheesh, everything about my health is sorta going downhill...first, the toothache, next the sore throat, then the flu, and now my bladder?!?!?!

Kinda pissed off abt it since I can't wait to get back to being my 100% so that I can whip up something delicious for him and stop feeling guilty abt him doing all the household chores and cooking my meals etc.

Absolutely thankful that the storm is over. All it took was courage to open his door to take a look at him. And all I needed to feel better was to cry out hard in his arms, rather than cooping myself up in my little room and crying myself to sleep.

I didn't say anything much because I couldn't put my emotions into words. I could only ask him if he wanted to be free, and said I'm hesitating all these while because I'm worried of making a move I'll regret my whole life. It hurt him tremendously and I knew it from the tears that rolled down his face when he was trying to sleep. He didn't take time to think at all to give a firm "I'm not leaving" as an answer. And I knew he was set to keep us going.

I cried so much for the past few days that my face started itching and turning red. It was quite painful too. I guess my sensitive skin's quite sensitive to my tears, and with the weather becoming quite cold lately, it has worsened my skin condition.

Got some advice from his cousin, and ended up spending on pretty costly skincare products FOR ONCE! I've started purchasing Biotherm products before I came back this time, but it's only the foundation and lip gloss. Heard a lot about their moisturisers etc, but nv got to try them cos I think it's too costly for me. However, so many people have been giving me good feedback about it, and since my skin's in quite a bad condition, I decided to just give it a shot.

I must say I'm pleased to have purchased it because all I needed was 1 DAY to calm down the redness and dryness. It's amazing what the mosturiser can do. I used the rest which I used to use, but none of them worked. Love the cool feeling it brings when I apply it too and it absorbs really quickly! My face is looking much much better now, which makes me pleased.

Was calculating costs yesterday, and telling my bf that I can buy 10 Garnier moisturisers with the price I paid for 2 Biotherm products I bought yesterday - Moisture Intense Guard & Aquasource Non Stop Moisturiser. My heart was aching, even though I know it's kinda worth it for the results. And he was laughing over my stinginess and how I was so particular about using more than the amount required for my face.

My day today didn't start well with some problems with data collection and with period cramps. The cramps this month is really bad, and I was worried that I might faint in my room from it (it happened before..so I'm cautious), so I went to rest in his room instead. Had a hard time dragging myself out of bed from my nap to go to the dentist for a check up since the cramps were still there.

My boy took great care of me today, knowing that I'm in pain. He accompanied me to the dentist despite having gastric pains, and even suggested going to The Pancake House to have chocolate fondue with me after my appointment. I didn't have fondue in the end though, but settled for a pancake instead. I enjoyed it very much. It wasn't so much about the pancake, but more about the thought that my bf bothered to suggest it and having him share it with me.

I took a nap again when I got back. Couldn't get into the mood of doing any work, so I spent time watching Healing Hands III instead. And when I went to the kitchen, I saw a pot of stew which I love eating. My bf actually prepared dinner for us..and he spent more than 2 hours just to make that pot of chicken. I was touched...very very touched. :)

Bored!!!!

I'm freaking bored and I am wondering where are my chatty friends. They always seem to be msging when I'm busy with something, and when I'm bored..bah...not even 1 in sight!!!!

"Go find your bf lah!" a friend said when I told him I'm bored.

But I'm not tempted to at all. I just get more bored being told that there's nothing to be bored about and watching him doing his research.

I got so sianz this evening that I wasn't even in the mood to cook even though I'm hungry. I love eating out because it's not so much of a hassle. Am craving for some food, and honestly, I am dying to have someone go out and eat with me (even though it was only 2 days ago when I was out eating). Dare not ask him cos I don't want to hear a negative answer (I know it'll make me more sianz).

There is so many things I feel like doing, but I did not ask him at all, all in fear of hearing "I'm busy". Actually, I am craving for desserts now..I want to eat chocolate fondue, but how to ask him to go with me?

He asked me why do I look so moody these few days. How can I answer that question? If I tell him I'm bored because our relationship is getting more and more boring, it'll lead to a major quarrel, but that's a fact! I still cannot get over the bloody fact abt how boring my 1st year celebration is with him. I know it's a pain having me as a girlfriend since I'm so hyper and I get bored quickly and easily, but that's how I am. I need someone interesting and hyper to make me feel alive as a person.

I feel so suffocated the entire day today. I want so much to go and tell my bf what I'm moody about, and that I'm desperately hoping he'll be more sensitive towards me and how I'm dying to bring some life into our relationship. I guess all these things made me think too much. I started becoming more sensitive towards every differences we have, and again, the "Is he the one?" question popped out. I hate it whenever this question comes into my head.

Am I PMS-ing again, or is it not that simple?

Our One Year together

Changed the template to one of the typical Blogger's one since I'm too lazy to find a nice skin, and I thought I shall just live with this till I get sick of it.

Sorry Huishan for not being able to tag me cos the chatbox turned faulty for some reason. Leave your messages under "Comments" even if it's irrelevant ok?

I've been the slackiest ever, and honestly, I am enjoying and hating it. I'm supposed to be getting my project done this semester, but till now, nothing has been done! Dread it since I end up spending up my time rotting away, sleeping, eating, etc. I must start doing something, even if it's not the project..revise for Final MB. 7 more months for it..and time is running out (yet I'm not panicking yet...grrr)

I had a great weekend. Went to London (again!) with my boy to attend the SMSL talk regarding medical careers in Singapore, and since it's our 1 year together, we decided to make the weekend our celebration.

Nothing romantic actually. Nothing like those that will touch girls like crazy. We just spent a night in a very very nice hotel, and we love the room very much.

There's nothing much to blog about our 1st year anniversary celebration, apart from having very good duck rice and dim sum, and going window shopping.

1 year together, and I still love him despite our differences. And even though I'm still struggling with try to accept these (sigh..)

Honestly, I had these all planned because I know he wouldn't have done anything. I'll be lying if I said I don't feel a thing at all. I even took up the courage to say "Do you anything planned for our 1st yr celebration?", only to hear a disappointing "No". I completely regretted asking.

I wanted to express how disappointed I was, but it's pretty pointless as I'm sure he wouldn't console me. I only mentioned that I wished he would be a bit more like other guys, and he just went to sleep. It has always been like that for the past year, and each time I feel upset or disappointed, I'll have to get it over with myself. At times, I don't think I feel that I'm attached (shh..).

To me, it's the 2nd time I ever got past 1 year in a relationship, and hence, is a big deal to me. To him, it's his 1st time since it's his 1st time in a relationship. So naturally, it should be an exciting affair to us, but...nothing at all.

Imagine if the 2nd yr, 3rd yr, 4th yr celebrations are the same as the 1st.... (sometimes, i wish my bf can be more interesting)