It's a struggle between trying to be understanding and coping with my insecurity.

I wish I can tell u that I'm alright and be able to feel alright, but I am not.

I have been asking myself if I have given too much for our rship, and whether it is all worthwhile. I have given everything for us, so much that I don't know what else is there left, and in exchange, I just want to find a secure place in your heart. Yet till today, despite trying so hard, I failed to do so.

I know that u r tired, so am I, but I made every single effort to wait for u. Even if u don't want to talk to me, at least think about how I will feel at the end of the day when u either doze off on me, or send me a msg to tell me that u can't talk to me.

Everyday, I'm only looking forward to talk to u. That phone call meant so much to me. But does it mean anything to u?

U said u're talking to me because u feel obligated to. That hurts. It seriously does. Don't tell me that u miss me, because I am not convinced. How can I ever be?

U know I'm not feeling alright, but u still left after leaving a msg and telling me to let u know when I feel better. How am I suppose to feel better with our rship being this way? I know your family is impt, and u r rushing to spend time with them and I can understand that. At the same time, it just proved to me that I don't mean much to u.

Don't tell me that is not true. Any girl in my position can feel it, and I was just being plain silly for not facing it after such a long time. I'm not hoping to replace your family, but I was hoping u'll value me like how u value them. Yet I am sure to u, it's not possible, and it's difficult.

You said u can spend all the time u want with me when u're back in UK. I started thinking if u're only doing so because I'm sort of the only one there for u. It made me feel like a spare tyre rather than making me happy.

I am at a total loss. I want to talk to u, but I don't want to keep hurting myself and getting disappointed time and time again. What's worse is, I can't voice it out even though u said I can talk to u whenever I'm not happy about anything, because I know for sure I'll just hear something more nasty.

Why is it so difficult to even tell u that I'm feeling hurt? Why is it so difficult for u to know what I need, what I want?