Is this how it is going to be till I return to UK?

I cried when I hung up the phone last night, and I know it is childish and silly for me to be weeping over this. Where has my independence gone to?

My daily wait for him is slowly making me more and more depressed because talking to him is the only thing that I look forward to everyday, and the only thing that makes me feel that I am still alive.

But it seems so difficult even though we are both trying. And I shall not deny that I do feel insecure, not because I think he'll cheat on me, but because I never ever know where he will be, where he will be sleeping. I miss him a lot, and since his phone got a bit screwed up, he can't read my smses even though he can receive them.

Specially went to buy a phonecard to call him, and I was feeling so pleased abt it last night, only to find out that things are still gonna be the same. It will be cheap for me to call him, but it's expensive for him to pick up my call as he's using a prepaid SIM card.

And I can't chat with him over the internet as much as I hope to too, because he's always having family commitments, and it isn't nice for him to always be online. And the craziest thing is...if he doesn't come online, I do start worrying and get scared, wondering if he's gonna just disappear. Phobia.

I started thinking if this is how we are going to keep our rship going when we live in different countries in future. I love him, and I won't give him up, but can I take it after some time?

Does he know how I feel when he chases me off to bed? Does he know that I feel insecure? Even though he said he's always with me no matter how far apart we are, does he know that all I'm relying on emotionally is only the ring I wear on my finger? Apart from that, I am no different from being alone. I have no idea how many times I have shed tears over this since I came back.