Random stuffs
**** WORK****
Took 3 days of leave just to get away from work. Am feeling pretty sick of being back there.
I'll be back at work tomorrow, and definitely dreading it. Back to the days of waking up early, and reporting to work at an a disgusting early hour, slog non-stop till the sun sets, before going home to force some food down the throat before going to sleep.
That's how my daily schedule is 90% of the time.
What makes it more sick is that every morning when I report to work, I don't even know why I'm doing it. In the UK, I'll be looking forward to see my colleagues, my patients and my nurses, but here, there's really nothing much to look forward to. I remember back in my days as a house officer, the nurses will always offer me a cup of tea and invite me to their pantry for snacks whenever they know I'm not in my best condition in whatever way. A few minutes was consoling enough, and definitely a great booster and encouragement for me to push on.
But things are different here.
I've always wondered if my colleagues know why they're at work - apart from earning the bread and butter to pay off their loans and service their marriage. Everyone is frustrated, including myself. Nurses and doctors are not seen as One, with each forming their own alliance. The number of the patients that get admitted is like the enemy which u can never defend off, and in order to keep your patient list to a reasonable number, you will just have to find a way to discharge them asap, or transfer them out to a zone that doesn't belong to yourself.
Turning on your computer to see which patients are in your zone starts a doctor's day, and seeing familiar names just turns you off most of the time. Before you even see them, you already know the diagnosis and the precipitating factor. It frustrates me to treat such people, and sometimes, I wonder if they're sick of seeing me too. I cannot understand why anyone would get themselves admitted if they're not even willing to heed advice or take meds (no money is no longer an excuse I accept since they're usually a medical social worker's case). Why waste a bed? Why waste people's time?
Then u have irritating relatives who expects updates numerous times a day, like as if u have nothing better to do but to sit by the phone the whole day to make calls. And for every phone call, u'll be repeating exactly what u just said in the last phone call to them.
Not forgetting, u have the demanding, and wanna play doctor type, but pretty dense type, who will stand in the corner and lecture u for not doing this and that when they have no clue about what is going on in our minds when we make certain decisions. Sometimes, u'll be so pissed that u just want to hand them your stethoscope and leave. There's also the type who will scold u if the patient still has diarrhoea after 1 dose of anti-diarrhoeals.
Then u have some nurses who has no clue abt hierachy, and will call u for trivial stuffs, which a house officer can handle. Or report some non-urgent blood results of some patient u have no clue about and not even yours to begin with. All for the sake of completing their "documentation".
Sigh, basically, it's just S.H.I.T working as a doc here.
Not forgetting there are higher exams to take, and in an Asian society, paper counts more than anything. In order for anyone to take a 2nd look at u, you have to pass your exams.
===========================================
****RELATIONSHIP****
Not much change.
Dearie and his dad are still at the battle. Yup, after so many years, the battle has yet to end.
Hurt, I am. Tears, I've shed an immense amount. Threats of insecurity, I have lost count. I have gotten used to it as the years went. I have also accepted that the battle will never end as long as we're together.
His hug is the only thing to ease it a little for me.
This 4.5 years together has been very difficult. It definitely isn't pleasant for me, not that it is any better for him either.
Afterall, he was once living a lifestyle whereby money was never an issue. And it was solely because of this relationship that all financial support was cut off completely.
Frustrated I am. But at the end of the day, it is still him I chose. This, of course, includes the "rest of the package" that comes along with it.
Getting married is one of the things we talked about and put off time and time again. Dearie never showed signs of interest, and I would be lying to say I wasn't disappointed.
It was only until recently that he started to look at rings, asking for prices and asking if I like them. He also started looking around for hotels, and became more interested in wedding photoshoots.
Although I still have no idea when a wedding will turn into reality, it was consoling to know that Dearie is putting some thoughts into it.
Took 3 days of leave just to get away from work. Am feeling pretty sick of being back there.
I'll be back at work tomorrow, and definitely dreading it. Back to the days of waking up early, and reporting to work at an a disgusting early hour, slog non-stop till the sun sets, before going home to force some food down the throat before going to sleep.
That's how my daily schedule is 90% of the time.
What makes it more sick is that every morning when I report to work, I don't even know why I'm doing it. In the UK, I'll be looking forward to see my colleagues, my patients and my nurses, but here, there's really nothing much to look forward to. I remember back in my days as a house officer, the nurses will always offer me a cup of tea and invite me to their pantry for snacks whenever they know I'm not in my best condition in whatever way. A few minutes was consoling enough, and definitely a great booster and encouragement for me to push on.
But things are different here.
I've always wondered if my colleagues know why they're at work - apart from earning the bread and butter to pay off their loans and service their marriage. Everyone is frustrated, including myself. Nurses and doctors are not seen as One, with each forming their own alliance. The number of the patients that get admitted is like the enemy which u can never defend off, and in order to keep your patient list to a reasonable number, you will just have to find a way to discharge them asap, or transfer them out to a zone that doesn't belong to yourself.
Turning on your computer to see which patients are in your zone starts a doctor's day, and seeing familiar names just turns you off most of the time. Before you even see them, you already know the diagnosis and the precipitating factor. It frustrates me to treat such people, and sometimes, I wonder if they're sick of seeing me too. I cannot understand why anyone would get themselves admitted if they're not even willing to heed advice or take meds (no money is no longer an excuse I accept since they're usually a medical social worker's case). Why waste a bed? Why waste people's time?
Then u have irritating relatives who expects updates numerous times a day, like as if u have nothing better to do but to sit by the phone the whole day to make calls. And for every phone call, u'll be repeating exactly what u just said in the last phone call to them.
Not forgetting, u have the demanding, and wanna play doctor type, but pretty dense type, who will stand in the corner and lecture u for not doing this and that when they have no clue about what is going on in our minds when we make certain decisions. Sometimes, u'll be so pissed that u just want to hand them your stethoscope and leave. There's also the type who will scold u if the patient still has diarrhoea after 1 dose of anti-diarrhoeals.
Then u have some nurses who has no clue abt hierachy, and will call u for trivial stuffs, which a house officer can handle. Or report some non-urgent blood results of some patient u have no clue about and not even yours to begin with. All for the sake of completing their "documentation".
Sigh, basically, it's just S.H.I.T working as a doc here.
Not forgetting there are higher exams to take, and in an Asian society, paper counts more than anything. In order for anyone to take a 2nd look at u, you have to pass your exams.
===========================================
****RELATIONSHIP****
Not much change.
Dearie and his dad are still at the battle. Yup, after so many years, the battle has yet to end.
Hurt, I am. Tears, I've shed an immense amount. Threats of insecurity, I have lost count. I have gotten used to it as the years went. I have also accepted that the battle will never end as long as we're together.
His hug is the only thing to ease it a little for me.
This 4.5 years together has been very difficult. It definitely isn't pleasant for me, not that it is any better for him either.
Afterall, he was once living a lifestyle whereby money was never an issue. And it was solely because of this relationship that all financial support was cut off completely.
Frustrated I am. But at the end of the day, it is still him I chose. This, of course, includes the "rest of the package" that comes along with it.
Getting married is one of the things we talked about and put off time and time again. Dearie never showed signs of interest, and I would be lying to say I wasn't disappointed.
It was only until recently that he started to look at rings, asking for prices and asking if I like them. He also started looking around for hotels, and became more interested in wedding photoshoots.
Although I still have no idea when a wedding will turn into reality, it was consoling to know that Dearie is putting some thoughts into it.