Poor, yet wanting a holiday

I really need a break from hospital life. I love my job despite still being insecure at certain times due to my knowledge level, but having done nothing for the past few months except working is getting a bit out of hand. Dearie went "HUH??!?!?! R U SURE?!" when I told him that I've only been to the local town twice in 3 months...in other words..I've only been out twice in 3 months.

He went to apply for his UK Visa today, and I have yet to hear from him about how it went. I hope the application will be successful. Dearie said he'll try to come back in abt 2 wks' time, and I hope he'll keep his promise this time.

I went holiday hunting straight after I've come back from work. Was searching again for locations of any EU embassies in Wales so that Dearie can apply for the Schengen Visa. I really want to go to Disneyland, and Paris' the closest to UK, but if Dearie doesn't get the visa, then we will have to give it a miss.

I went hunting for alternative plans...

1. Luxurious/romantic retreat in the UK
Piangz...so freaky expensive..imagine paying at least 200+ pounds per night in a nice hotel with spa. I don't mind doing so for a night, but what am I going to do for the rest of my holidays?

2. Cruise
Apart from a Superstar cruise which I went on in secondary school, I have never been on any other. Thought a cruise might be good for Dearie and me to spend some relaxing and quiet time today. But the longer cruises are going to European countries, and again, it will require a SchengenVisa for Dearie. So that option is out too.

3. Disneyland Florida
USA's the only place Dearie doesn't need a visa for (of all places..) a year and hence, I thought a trip to Florida might be good since there's Disneyland. I'm hoping to stay in a deluxe Disney Hotel, but the price is costly. And I think if he's agreeable to go to Florida (the last time he told me he doesn't wanna go to USA since he just came back frm there....grrr), I might have to just be satisfied with booking a value hotel instead. It doesn't have any romantic or a proper hotel feel, but I guess thats how it's gotta be when I'm not rich enough to afford things I want.

4. Las Vegas
Dearie's never been there, and I have been raving about my trip there to him. I really don't mind going back to Las Vegas just to take a slow walk around, take photos with Dearie, and some quality time with him in a nice hotel. But the flight is so darn long, and I'm sure Dearie wouldn't be agreeable. Plus the hotels there are expensive.


Talking about hotels...

Dearie: Do you know which is the best hotel in the world?

Me: No...why?

Dearie: I really hope to book the best hotel and spend some time with you there.

Honestly, I love staying in hotels and it has been one of my dreams to stay in a really posh hotel with Dearie for a few nights. But we can't afford to, and it does sadden me to quite a great extent when I realise how poor I am to not being able to afford things I want.

Dearie and I love the Nokia 8800 Sirrocco, and have been dreaming of owning one each, but we couldn't afford it.

Dearie likes the iPhone, but I can't afford to buy the phone and pay for a year's phone contract altogether.

Dearie and I love the LV Tambour watch, and I wanted to buy it for him for our 2nd anniversary, but I cannot afford it.

Dearie likes the Gucci or LV messenger bag, but I can't afford it.

I thought I'll never have this feeling again when I start working, but how wrong was I to think that way. Despite earning my own living, I still can't buy the things I want. And it hurts even more whenever I think about me being not able to buy something for Dearie when he likes them very much.

Will the day when I can buy whatever I want for myself, for him and for my family without having to think too much, ever come?

(Am having thoughts that in the worst case whereby Dearie can't come, I'll book tickets to go to China and see him)