I'm heading back home tmr, and I should be super excited at the moment, but I'm not. I don't know why. I feel terribly sianz actually.

I had a nightmare again..this time at HSBC. It's amazing that the banking staff doesn't even know how Internet Banking works. I don't give shit about whether they can surf the internet or not, or do a powerpoint presentation, but I think it's absolutely ridiculous that the staff doesn't even know perfectly well how to solve an internet banking problem I encountered. And again, I was "pushed" to the phone to make a telephone enquiry, which after quite some time, resolved my problem. I think the staff over the phone is so much better, and whenever the counter staff can't solve any problem, they make me do phone calls. Frankly, with such a system going on, I don't even see a need for a branch with walking human staff. Might as well have a branch with numerous phone calls, so we can get problems solved quickly, and save their staff walking. *rolls eyes*

I was in a shopping mood today, because it's my last chance of buying stuffs to bring back to Sg. But I was so turned off by his sianz face that I just decided to go home. I really really wanted to buy make up, and was very excited abt it. I wanted the SA to put some colours on me, and would be hoping he'll give me some comments or tell the SA what he thinks. I thought he would be excited like me. However, perhaps I was expecting too much.

He told me he's tired, and the ventilation is bad in the stores. To be honest, I was pissed because he's always displeased whenever we go to big departmental stores (except those which sells branded stuff) and would come up with reasons like he can't breathe, or it's too warm etc etc. I remember getting quite frustrated abt this as I can't help thinking that it's just plain excuses. I used to think it's his low sugar problem playing up, but because it happens so frequently and in the same type of environment, I started thinking it's all psychological.

It happened today when I was at M.A.C. I wanted so badly for him to be ard, because the "excuses" came up again, I told him to go out and take a seat, while I'll just let the SA try their products on me. And after she did it (her service was quite bad), I didn't even bother to take a good look and just left. I wanted eyeshadows, yet I was so sianz abt it all that I didn't even look.

I tried to ignore how he felt because I think I should no longer make myself restricted. I had enough of that, since I always have to give in and leave whenever he doesn't like a certain place, certain things, or don't feel well. So I heck care and went to Clinique. Bought foundation.

I was hoping to carry on shopping to see if I can get myself a nice pair of shoes, and because he claims he's tired, I decided to go home. I wasn't the least pleased at all. It's not as if we've been shopping the entire morning. We were only shopping for less than 2 hours!!!!!

I was really disappointed. I thought he would at least be excited to see me try on clothes, put make up on, wear accessories. These are things I RARELY do here. Kelvin used to be terribly excited when I first went for a makeover, and he would so frequently pop into the make up area to see how the make up artist is progressing. Some guys I went out with were excited whenever I spot clothes which I like, and ask me to try it on for them to see. But my boy...forget it. I always feel like I'm the only one being excited.

Perhaps because I was feeling so sianz abt the entire day that my "Ai Xin Sandwich" didn't turn out perfect either. I forgot that bacon is salty, and added a little too much salt, so the filling was rather salty. I had no idea why the bread was so chewy too, and my boy had a hard time eating it. The fillings were dropping everywhere as well, and I don't think he realised that he did look quite pek chek while eating it.

With my mood feeling pretty off, it was only natural that I lost my appetite completely and threw the remaining fillings ALL away. It is a waste, but I rather have them in the bin than to have him eating it tmr, and finding it troublesome. I won't make this sandwich again.

Pretty glad that I won't have to cook when I'm back in Sg, but the thought abt having to hear my mum nagging endlessly again (she's bound to nag abt my visa extension this time..let's wait and see), makes me wish I don't have to go home.

Anyway, just a thought...I guess I really really need to insist on doing things myself and stop allowing myself to feel restricted by anyone. Although I have forgiven him for hollering at me that day, I cannot forget how unreasonable he was.

Visited my sub-dean whom I'm grateful for helping me go through a rough patch I had in medical school. He's retiring soon and it might well be my last time seeing him. He has lots to talk about whenever I visit him, and my visit that day took me 50 mins! It was a hot day, and because the uni library has refused to let my boy use my library card to borrow books, he called me on the hp. It's very rude to pick up calls while talking to my sub-dean, and I had no idea my boy faced a problem in the library since I just rejected the calls. I thought my boy would be waiting for me at the reception area, reading his borrowed book, so I never thought of being too quick. But when I went to meet him after the visit, he started shouting at me for taking so long and that he has stood under the sun for 50 mins.

I know it sounds stupid for someone to stand under the sun for 50 mins, rather than go to a shaded despite warm place to sit (the reception area right in front of him), and I did think he's stupid (and felt pissed as a result). Just didn't wanna tell him off that he's stupid.

Me: Why can't u go to the reception area and sit?
CG: It's very warm!
Me: Then that's your problem isn't it? U chose to stand under the sun!! It's not as if I forced u to!
CG: Does your visit have to take so long?!?!?!?!?

He continued arguing with me, and just totally blamed me for taking such a long time etc etc. I hated it, because I know his arguments are just for the sake of it, and he's just trying to keep arguing to vent his frustrations on me. Argh!

Hope my mood will improve soon.