Coming home this time seemed different this time. There is usually a slight tinge of excitement, happiness and relief whenever I touch down in Changi Airpot, but amazingly, this time, I didn't feel excited or happy anymore.

Even Dad said I've changed because I will normally look out to spot my parents while walking to the belt to collect my luggage, but today, I just took a short glance and didn't care at all. I hardly smiled too. My parents didn't look excited to see me either.

And I was right. The moment they saw me, they started commenting about how I look, how much weight I've lost, my pimples etc. The usuals, yet it makes my blood boil everytime I hear it. Completely turns me off. Is it my fucking fault that I've got pimples? I think any bird brain will know that even if u cleanse your face often, hormones can still cause pimples and does it look like I love having them?

I felt so sad that I went back to my room a while after I reached home to email my boy. I miss him so much, and it feels weird without him by my side now. He pisses me off loads at times, but I still miss him. I was hoping so much to hear his voice, to chat with him online, but I know he won't be able to do so today because Du Jing Yuan (one of his houses) doesn't have an internet connection, since that house is vacant most of the time. Just less than a day without him and I am already feeling this way. It just scares me as to how I'm going to cope if he doesn't get to stay in UK for the next few years. I will have no idea how long I will get to see him again. I really don't wish to end up having a "bf visible on the internet only". I'm very scared.

I don't know if I am starting to pull away from my family. I no longer look forward to their calls, don't even give a damn or get worried abt my hp's battery going dead( it can go dead for days without me even noticing), and now that I'm home, somehow, I don't feel like I blend in anymore. I just want to be left alone. It's weird isn't it?

I'm just hoping that all I'm feeling is just PMS and not because I have really changed.

Wish I can have him next to me now to coax me to sleep. I would love to pick up the phone now and call him, but I don't even have his number. I know it sounds silly. I want to hear his voice..even if it's only 5 mins.