We got to watch "Fearless" aka "Huo Yuan Jia" on Friday after waiting for weeks for its screening. It was a typical Jet Li film, but we did enjoy it. Silly me didn't even know it's a real story until my boy told me so. How come Jay's song isn't in it huh?

Things are much better between us and I'm glad our relationship isn't strained. He's starting to show more notice and concern abt how I feel, and to me, that's a great improvement. I do appreciate it.

On Friday, I did become slightly paranoid when he went to meet a senior whom he has never met. His professor introduced him to her and wanted them to stay in touch as she will be of a great help to him since they both graduated from the same course, and she's very knowledgeable. Most importantly, communication between them wouldn't be a problem since they're both from the same country.

I wasn't thinking very much abt this meet up they had. In fact, I was pleased to know that he's well taken care of by his professor and this senior of his will be able to guide him and give him great advice. But when his meeting with her went on for many hours, there was this tinge of fear which set in, which I tried to get rid of.

I was glad when he rang me to tell me he's on his way home and misses me. His meeting with her went really well, since he was telling me lots of things which they talked about, including me. I wished I had listened carefully to everything he was telling me. My mind was distracted. I was happy for him because he learnt lots from her, but at the same time, I felt lousy abt myself, because...I know nothing about what he's doing, and there is nothing I can teach him, nothing I can do for him.

He topped his class for his Masters, but he still felt disappointed because they were below his expectations. And hence, not very confident in getting into his dream university for a PhD. It saddens me to see him being troubled over this, yet I do not know what to say to make him feel better. I know he's doing all these for me; wanting to be qualified enough to find a proper job in Singapore since there's no way I can live in China and he's willing to make this sacrifice for us.

He's been asking me for advice, and I have said quite a bit of my own opinion to him, but this evening when he mentioned about the advice his senior told him and that it does make a lot of sense, I felt lousy about myself again. It made me feel like as if what I've said didn't deserve his attention, but I'm sure he didn't mean to make me feel that way.

He's definitely going to stay here with me for another year, but what will happen after this year, I do not know. Will he continue being in UK or will he go home?

I started counting the years I will have to be separated from him. The number of years scares me. It's a long time. And should after waiting years for him that things don't work out the way we wish it will, I'll really be left on the shelf...lol..but that's not the point lah. I was just thinking abt how I'll have to make myself adapt to living life by myself all over again, even though I'm still wearing his ring on my finger. I have grown so accustomed to having him with me all the time, that it feels really weird whenever I'm alone now.

Oh well...shall try to leave this aside until the time comes. Still quite a while to go, and it's rather pointless brooding over this when nothing has been set yet.

Sheesh..watching him sleep so soundly on the bed now just tempts me to sleep as well. He promised to have dimsum with me later....makes me really excited when I think abt it...hehee..

Off to bed!