It's graduation day for the medics today, and I have friends who will be receiving their medical degrees during this joyous event.

I am partially envious of them, because if I hadn't taken the yr out, I would be joining them this year, but then again, I really needed the gap yr.

Again, I start questioning myself if I'll make it there.

I should be pleased that I'm finally in my final year, and it wont be long before I get to break loose, and that means, closer to being home for good. But I don't know why I'm not happy abt it anymore. In fact, I'm starting to feel a bit of the pressure now that there are still soooo many things I don't know, and I still doubt my own standard compared to my peers.

It is frustrating being in medicine, because no matter how hard I try, I can NEVER get the grade I want. It's difficult to do well in my bloody course, and it's made worse when everyone knows the exam questions even before the exams. Hence, everyone already has the answers, and everyone looks brilliant when they might not be! Plus, I haven't even seen any international student get excellent grades in my course yet. Even the scholars get a meagre pass. Somehow, things looks odd and dodgy, but it's pointless to speculate endlessly if there's some racism behind this whole issue. Besides, if there really is, what can we do abt it?

But definitely, for sure, I WILL leave this country as soon as I get the chance to. It's a pain staying in this shit hole, shit in practically every way.