Another day of struggling
I really think I'm falling ill. Been having a runny nose, sneezing quite often, and occasional coughs. I dread coughs..whenever they start, they never seem to stop. It's not that bad yet, and I certainly hope it won't get worse. Maybe I should start drinking bird's nest again this week...before my mum nags at me about it...sigh..
Feel damn dead today. Didn't go to hospital, since Sophie didn't want to go either (I was being lazy lah...no motivation). Did studying again. It was.....fine. I revised over the old stuffs again, and it got quite pissing at times. Pissing cos..I'm supposed to know all that..but I still go blank or forget! I read the book so many times until the pages are turning into salted vege soon...and this is still happening....argh..
I'm feeling so sianz....serious. If I had a choice, I'll just throw everything aside and play like mad for a while, but I can't. I thought of getting out of Cardiff...go to London to chill alone, or off to Swansea to visit Fatimah this weekend, but the moment I think about my confidence level for my coming clinical OSCE, I feel like shhhhhiiiiiittttttt....
I wanna talk to my friends to release tension, but when they msg me, I have nothing to talk to them, and I will end up looking 'dao' or worse, end up sounding harsh. To those who thought I have been a bit 'off' recently, pls pardon me. I'm very disturbed.
I guess Dad knows I'm struggling slightly here, so he msged me and told me if I wanna call home, just call anytime.
Suddenly...have this urge to wanna go home. I'm soooo tired mentally due to this insecurity I'm facing. On one hand, I just want to get it over and done with asap, yet on another, I feel quite ill prepared despite putting a lot of effort. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just not borned with the brains. I know I'm not intelligent, but I can't be THAT stupid right? How come I take ages to know something to the level I think is good enuff for me? Prof Kua said I'm expecting toooo much from myself, but I really don't think I am. I'm just aiming to pass and to go through med sch smoothly like anyone else, but I face so many obstacles all the time. Now, all I ask for to be able to carry out examinations smoothly...but even a simple thing like that is becoming a problem for me.
Is this what every medical student have to go through? How long is it gonna last..? It's so mentally draining..
Feel damn dead today. Didn't go to hospital, since Sophie didn't want to go either (I was being lazy lah...no motivation). Did studying again. It was.....fine. I revised over the old stuffs again, and it got quite pissing at times. Pissing cos..I'm supposed to know all that..but I still go blank or forget! I read the book so many times until the pages are turning into salted vege soon...and this is still happening....argh..
I'm feeling so sianz....serious. If I had a choice, I'll just throw everything aside and play like mad for a while, but I can't. I thought of getting out of Cardiff...go to London to chill alone, or off to Swansea to visit Fatimah this weekend, but the moment I think about my confidence level for my coming clinical OSCE, I feel like shhhhhiiiiiittttttt....
I wanna talk to my friends to release tension, but when they msg me, I have nothing to talk to them, and I will end up looking 'dao' or worse, end up sounding harsh. To those who thought I have been a bit 'off' recently, pls pardon me. I'm very disturbed.
I guess Dad knows I'm struggling slightly here, so he msged me and told me if I wanna call home, just call anytime.
Suddenly...have this urge to wanna go home. I'm soooo tired mentally due to this insecurity I'm facing. On one hand, I just want to get it over and done with asap, yet on another, I feel quite ill prepared despite putting a lot of effort. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just not borned with the brains. I know I'm not intelligent, but I can't be THAT stupid right? How come I take ages to know something to the level I think is good enuff for me? Prof Kua said I'm expecting toooo much from myself, but I really don't think I am. I'm just aiming to pass and to go through med sch smoothly like anyone else, but I face so many obstacles all the time. Now, all I ask for to be able to carry out examinations smoothly...but even a simple thing like that is becoming a problem for me.
Is this what every medical student have to go through? How long is it gonna last..? It's so mentally draining..
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