Pls don't let me feel this way time n time again
Last night, I couldn't last at all. Couldn't even finished reading 2 pages of my book and I dozed off. It was only about 9pm, and I decided to just throw everything aside and sleep. I just wasn't in the mood and thought good rest might make me feel better.
Couldn't get out of bed totally this morning. Set my alarm at 5, then changed to 7+, then to 8+, then to 9. It was a pain because I really wanted to get up and revise before going to hospital, but there was no way I could do so. I'm not feeling 100% either, and I'm just wondering if it's one of the 'gonna fall ill' episode again. I hope not. It's definitely not the right time.
I kept drilling myself by recalling the clinical examination steps in the bus, and it made me feel really bad. Just gave up and went into a daze. *shakes head*
Had a horrid day in Neurology. It was absolute CRAP. There were more students than patients who were suitable to be clerked and examined on. The reason why Neuro exams look like a nightmare (and it's a well known fact to everyone doing Med) is simple. There just isn't enuff patients well enuff to talk to and examine! DUH! Took 2 histories, and couldn't even do an examination on one! Cos one was on a wheelchair, and another was due to go for a CT scan. I wonder how I'm gonna present cases by the end of this week.
Went to lumps and bumps clinic in the afternoon. Saw a few hernias, and some insane cases like a lump on the forehead so small that u won't see it or feel it, and yet, the patient is complaining hell loads abt it and landing herself in clinic in a HOSPITAL. Then had another few mad referrals from GPs. One goooooood example, "Patient came in with pain in the left flank. Suspected diagnosis is gallstones". Just in case the medical jargon has got u totally confused, flank is where your kidneys are. Gallstones are formation of stones in an organ which produces a liquid to digest fat, and it's in the upper right side of your abdomen, where the liver is. Would any idiot claim that left flank pain is due to gallstones?! Not unless this patient's got his organs all in the opposite side (this is freaking rare....only saw this once with Pinsoon in some anatomy exhibition in S'pore Expo..oh boy were we soooooooo amazed by it). It's probably easier to strike 4D than to find a human with such a unique arrangement internally. The Consultants were complaining that it isn't the first time GPs send in patients with insane diagnoses which are totally out of this world, and makes people wonder if there's anything wrong going up there in the GP's head. It's just the easy way out at times for them isn't it? Can't solve anything....just REFER to hospital, and get someone else to solve it. Then again, shall not use this to ruin every GP's reputation. I might end up being one one day..lol..who knows? So better don't criticise too much (I'm still far from being a GP somemore..sob sob).
I forced myself to stay back in hospital. Took 3 more histories, and only managed to examine on 2, because the other had a fresh surgical wound which definitely is untouchable now. My examination on one was fine, but the other was totally screwed. It was so darn disorganised even though I did everything. I got so mad at myself. But at least I heard a murmur today, and crepitations in the lungs. I felt like a piece of shit after seeing how disorganised I got, and ended up going back displeased and worried. Decided to stuff myself again. So off I went to a Jap restaurant to have Sashimi and my usual Salmon Ramen. Yummy. I wanted to eat even more, but I have been spending too much recently, so I refrained myself from the delicious Japanese red bean pancake.
Came home. Got into a daze. Shower. Then it was studying AGAIN. Grinded myself on Neuro, hernias and goitre. Watched videos from the Net on it as well. I can remember the steps, can write them all down (including all the wateva reasons u have for any abnormality found), but whenever I sit there and think, it goes blank for a moment. I HATE that feeling. I get it whenever I am thrown a patient (Sophie makes me examine patients all the time, and I wonder why she won't do it...I practically did ALL the examinations on patients today). I shouldn't complain cos it's good practice for me, but I just can't tolerate the "blank" feeling. I'll be super screwed if it happens during my exams.
The doctors say we should go examine as many patients as we can, but take a look around in the hospital. You hardly see anyone really well enough to talk and let you examine. The hospital is filled with 95% old folks..and when I say old..I really mean OLD...like 80+ and above! Most of them are so ill and unwell, plus they don't really have good signs too. And when you have those with signs, they are probably in too much pain to even be able to entertain us. It's so annoying. Not trying to be mean, but I really think to do geriatric medicine here in UK is probably the best thing to do manz...you'll never run out of patients...practically the whole hospital is yours. And you get hell loads of abdominal cases as well, which is making me have a keen interest in Gastroenterology.
Oh yah, I met Michelle Tang during lunch. Haven't seen her for some time. Chatted with her abt her psychiatry block. Gosh, she was saying that it's the last thing she'll ever wanna do in her entire life again..haha. She was telling me about mad patients, and this fear everyone had when they went into the ward everyday. You're under HIGH RISK of being stabbed and attacked by patients who's a bit screwed in the head. Then her friend told me she actually chatted with a patient got sent into hospital cos she got bonkers during a row with her bf and ended up stabbing him in the eye. *Ouch* The funniest part of the chat was her telling me that everyone related to psychiatry is weird. First, the patients are weird (duh..), then the nurses are also weird (influenced by patients maybe..), and even the doctors were weird! She was saying u get Consultant Psychiatrists who go mumbling to themselves while doing weird hand movements and looking to the ground, and then suddenly they go "yes..." when u haven't even said anything. Looks like Grandaunt's right. The doctors probably get driven mad before the patients go mad......
Ok lah. Getting damn late now....argh....another not-so-very-interesting day tmr again. Shitty shitty shitty!!!!! So frustrating manz..the thought of it. Bloody neuro again!!!!! Argh!
Hope it'll be a better day tmr. At least let me wake up with a smile. I hate getting up feeling blur and insecure about my competency. Will someone pls assure me and make me feel convinced that I'll be fine.......? Desperately needing some moral support here....
Couldn't get out of bed totally this morning. Set my alarm at 5, then changed to 7+, then to 8+, then to 9. It was a pain because I really wanted to get up and revise before going to hospital, but there was no way I could do so. I'm not feeling 100% either, and I'm just wondering if it's one of the 'gonna fall ill' episode again. I hope not. It's definitely not the right time.
I kept drilling myself by recalling the clinical examination steps in the bus, and it made me feel really bad. Just gave up and went into a daze. *shakes head*
Had a horrid day in Neurology. It was absolute CRAP. There were more students than patients who were suitable to be clerked and examined on. The reason why Neuro exams look like a nightmare (and it's a well known fact to everyone doing Med) is simple. There just isn't enuff patients well enuff to talk to and examine! DUH! Took 2 histories, and couldn't even do an examination on one! Cos one was on a wheelchair, and another was due to go for a CT scan. I wonder how I'm gonna present cases by the end of this week.
Went to lumps and bumps clinic in the afternoon. Saw a few hernias, and some insane cases like a lump on the forehead so small that u won't see it or feel it, and yet, the patient is complaining hell loads abt it and landing herself in clinic in a HOSPITAL. Then had another few mad referrals from GPs. One goooooood example, "Patient came in with pain in the left flank. Suspected diagnosis is gallstones". Just in case the medical jargon has got u totally confused, flank is where your kidneys are. Gallstones are formation of stones in an organ which produces a liquid to digest fat, and it's in the upper right side of your abdomen, where the liver is. Would any idiot claim that left flank pain is due to gallstones?! Not unless this patient's got his organs all in the opposite side (this is freaking rare....only saw this once with Pinsoon in some anatomy exhibition in S'pore Expo..oh boy were we soooooooo amazed by it). It's probably easier to strike 4D than to find a human with such a unique arrangement internally. The Consultants were complaining that it isn't the first time GPs send in patients with insane diagnoses which are totally out of this world, and makes people wonder if there's anything wrong going up there in the GP's head. It's just the easy way out at times for them isn't it? Can't solve anything....just REFER to hospital, and get someone else to solve it. Then again, shall not use this to ruin every GP's reputation. I might end up being one one day..lol..who knows? So better don't criticise too much (I'm still far from being a GP somemore..sob sob).
I forced myself to stay back in hospital. Took 3 more histories, and only managed to examine on 2, because the other had a fresh surgical wound which definitely is untouchable now. My examination on one was fine, but the other was totally screwed. It was so darn disorganised even though I did everything. I got so mad at myself. But at least I heard a murmur today, and crepitations in the lungs. I felt like a piece of shit after seeing how disorganised I got, and ended up going back displeased and worried. Decided to stuff myself again. So off I went to a Jap restaurant to have Sashimi and my usual Salmon Ramen. Yummy. I wanted to eat even more, but I have been spending too much recently, so I refrained myself from the delicious Japanese red bean pancake.
Came home. Got into a daze. Shower. Then it was studying AGAIN. Grinded myself on Neuro, hernias and goitre. Watched videos from the Net on it as well. I can remember the steps, can write them all down (including all the wateva reasons u have for any abnormality found), but whenever I sit there and think, it goes blank for a moment. I HATE that feeling. I get it whenever I am thrown a patient (Sophie makes me examine patients all the time, and I wonder why she won't do it...I practically did ALL the examinations on patients today). I shouldn't complain cos it's good practice for me, but I just can't tolerate the "blank" feeling. I'll be super screwed if it happens during my exams.
The doctors say we should go examine as many patients as we can, but take a look around in the hospital. You hardly see anyone really well enough to talk and let you examine. The hospital is filled with 95% old folks..and when I say old..I really mean OLD...like 80+ and above! Most of them are so ill and unwell, plus they don't really have good signs too. And when you have those with signs, they are probably in too much pain to even be able to entertain us. It's so annoying. Not trying to be mean, but I really think to do geriatric medicine here in UK is probably the best thing to do manz...you'll never run out of patients...practically the whole hospital is yours. And you get hell loads of abdominal cases as well, which is making me have a keen interest in Gastroenterology.
Oh yah, I met Michelle Tang during lunch. Haven't seen her for some time. Chatted with her abt her psychiatry block. Gosh, she was saying that it's the last thing she'll ever wanna do in her entire life again..haha. She was telling me about mad patients, and this fear everyone had when they went into the ward everyday. You're under HIGH RISK of being stabbed and attacked by patients who's a bit screwed in the head. Then her friend told me she actually chatted with a patient got sent into hospital cos she got bonkers during a row with her bf and ended up stabbing him in the eye. *Ouch* The funniest part of the chat was her telling me that everyone related to psychiatry is weird. First, the patients are weird (duh..), then the nurses are also weird (influenced by patients maybe..), and even the doctors were weird! She was saying u get Consultant Psychiatrists who go mumbling to themselves while doing weird hand movements and looking to the ground, and then suddenly they go "yes..." when u haven't even said anything. Looks like Grandaunt's right. The doctors probably get driven mad before the patients go mad......
Ok lah. Getting damn late now....argh....another not-so-very-interesting day tmr again. Shitty shitty shitty!!!!! So frustrating manz..the thought of it. Bloody neuro again!!!!! Argh!
Hope it'll be a better day tmr. At least let me wake up with a smile. I hate getting up feeling blur and insecure about my competency. Will someone pls assure me and make me feel convinced that I'll be fine.......? Desperately needing some moral support here....
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