Single but NOT available

Shocking huh?

The fairytale didn't end up with a 'they lived happily ever after'.

One phone call ended the relationship. It's amazing how I reacted. Just last night I was looking at my ring and thinking about us, trying to hold myself at making a rash decision. I didn't want to make a decision which will make me regret. I know things were very tough, but I was asking myself if ending the relationship is worth it. I took out my ring and looked at the inscribed words under the moonlight that shone in through my curtain. Lovely 3 words.. "Jason Loves Michelle". It isn't worth it, and hence, I put it back onto my finger and hugged it tightly to bed.

Although the relationship ended, I'm not willing to take it out. I'm going to wear it. This ring holds a lot of meaning, holds a lot of fond memories which hurt whenever I think about them. How excited we were when we finally found a place which had sizes which fit us, how excited we were when we were writing the words we want to inscribe, how excited we were about collecting them and how happy we were when we put it on. I won't ever forget how he wore it for me, and giving me that smile of his. It was just a simple accessory, but it made me feel as if 'This is the one you are meant to be with, Michelle'

Everything seem to just happen yesterday. And I am indeed shocked that things ended so quickly. I still find myself in a state of denial. Part of me know that it's real, yet part of me refuses to accept it and think it was just a decision made in the fit of anger. I can see myself going through the 5 phases of psychology upon breaking of bad news.

I went through sadness, anger, and now it's the denial stage. The next is bargaining. I know I'm somehow stuck between this 2 stages now. I still hold a hope that what he asked for is all a lie..a nightmare.

My eyes got tired, and I wanted to sleep through this painful episode. I wish I could have taken loads of sleeping pills and don't ever wake up. I have failed in my studies and my relationship, leaving me with almost nothing.

I placed my hps next to my bed like I will everytime I sleep. I was hoping to be able to pick up the phone if any phone calls come in and reply any sms immediately as long I hear the beeps. A sms came in and I thought it was from him. But it wasn't. 

When I got up, I checked my email, my hps, his blog. Nothing at all.

I am at a loss now. I find it very hard to keep my life going, and how am I going to return to my normal life? I have put in so much for this rship despite the short period, I can't just forget about it and start living my life all over again without him.

"Jason, if u r reading this, I hope you will reconsider your decision. I am still waiting for u and even though we have ended, you still hold a big place in my heart. It will stay there till one day you tell me that you don't love me anymore. I really love you a lot and I hope you will accept me again, and let me stay by your side, making all the plans we have always been talking about come true. You said I can go back to my glamorous days with lots of guys going after me. It hurt me a lot, but the point I still insist on making is that it doesn't matter to me. I am not intere sted and neither are my options open. I have always regarded you as the last guy in my life. Please tell me that my dream isn't shattered. And I never ever mind that you are a soldier. Don't you know? Don't say these things to push me away because I can never take that as a reason. I'm not at fault for who I am presently. I won't be pestering you since you felt a break was essential. But I will be waiting silently here...I love you.."