A brand new day? Literally yes, emotionally no

It's a brand new day..Saturday. The sad Friday's gone, and since it's the weekend, there is no reason to not smile.

I want to welcome this cloudy day with a nice smile on my face too, but I know the real me isn't able to. I am still struggling to get over the whole matter..school and the quarrel.

I sort of calmed down a little before I decided to pick up his call again. He wanted to explain, and he did. His explanations were valid I suppose, but I couldn't just turn chirpy again instantly.

Like he said, many things has been going wrong for me recently. Certainly it has. Trust me, I appreciated his effort of ringing me, but at the same time, I find it too tough to hold back my true feelings about certain things.

Final day of his orientation and he claims that this issue will not happen again. I felt a tinge of guilt and regret. Guilt cos I initiated his participation. Regret cos I shouldn't have done so if things would have turned out this way. It's really not worth it marring our treasured relationship cos of such a reason, yet there is a tolerance threshold in every one of us I suppose. Maybe mine's way below average level.

I guess he was worried about losing me, and continuously asking me if I still love him. I do, of course. There wasn't any reason to change my mind about it. But as for the issue of trust, I do admit it went down a little. Something worth being disappointed about, but it's not the end of things. Trust can be regained again isn't it? I still trust him to some extent.  Just that I don't want promises anymore.

I think his trust in me must have diminished too. All due to my nonsense and unreasonable ways. I wonder what he really thinks at the moment. Then again, am I able to take in anymore which will bring me down further? Probably not. I have enough problems being thrown on me for now. I just need some time...to go ahead and feel sad all I want, BUT making sure I'll turn chirpy again soon...lead a brand new life..be a brand new me.