Brain strike
My brain started to show signs of a strike today, which increased my frustration.
I haven't been sleeping much at all recently, on an average of 4-5 hrs max everyday. And because I'm so tired, I haven't even been eating either. A meal a day, with only instant noodles and an egg. It's no wonder why I'm feeling this way.
I couldn't take it when I got back after work, and slept for 3 hours, but I'm still really tired. Silly me should have just slept all the way through, but the thoughts of having not read anything for 2 days made me force myself to get up. However, I ended up watching drama instead since I know my brain's dead at the moment, and there's no way I'm going to absorb anything even if I were to force myself to read.
Have loads to do this weekend. Argh! And my next few weeks is going to hell with 4 days of long on calls, and more calls to follow in the following weeks.
Because of my brain strike, I haven't been able to think as quickly as I want to, and recalling information has been drastically slow too. I do get really frustrated when this happens, and being a person who can't hide how I feel, I was having a hard time keeping my cool when I went to speak a patient's relative today.
Thinking back, I would have changed my attitude. I could have showed more empathy. I didn't say anything which was offending or upsetting, but I'm sure my expression and body language could have been better in today's situation.
Honestly, I am starting to get slightly frustrated with my current post. I'm doing Medicine with Endocrinology being the subspecialty, but I have only ONE proper patient (related to Endocrinology) over the last 3-4 weeks! And most of the time during the last few weeks, my team has been thrown with patients either awaiting social, awaiting psychiatric review, whining, demented...in simple terms...patients who do NOT fit anywhere in the hospital and patients whom other medical teams can't wait to get rid of from their own medical take. It pisses me off just even when I'm looking at my list, seeing "AWAITING PLACEMENT" and "AWAIT SOCIAL WORKERS" all over. I don't even feel like a proper doctor unless I'm on call (and still, it frustrates me when I find out that the patient is admitted for crap reasons and being informed from the nurses that it's going to be another social case).
Sometimes it makes me wonder what the fark is wrong with this society. Hospitals are turning into hotels, and with the fucked up NHS system of their oh-so-wonderful free service, it's no wonder why some patients will refuse to go home. Trust me, if these people have to pay, they'll be dying to be discharged even if doctors insist that they have to stay.
Samya was complaining to me abt how she's pissed off with nurses ordering her to do things because they think the patient has this and that. This is really common, and one of the major frustrations when u're only a junior doctor, BECAUSE nurses will never dare do that to someone more senior in the medical hierachy. I have experienced such things too, and I would normally say what I think or do what I think is needed, and walk off after I'm done. I know I will lose my temper if I were to stay there longer to listen to ridiculous things. And I was telling Samya that there were times I was on the brim of telling some insane nurses off that I am the doctor, and I know what I'm doing, and I had enough of them commanding me to do things which I think makes completely no sense at all....and if they think they aren't happy with my medical opinions, DON'T BLEEP ME AND ASK FOR IT...I don't need to study my ass off in med sch for 5 bloody years to be commanded by junior nurses who tries to prove that they can diagnose and treat patients better than me.
With my type of temper, there is really a strong possibility of me being a bitch when I get more senior. Sigh...
I haven't been sleeping much at all recently, on an average of 4-5 hrs max everyday. And because I'm so tired, I haven't even been eating either. A meal a day, with only instant noodles and an egg. It's no wonder why I'm feeling this way.
I couldn't take it when I got back after work, and slept for 3 hours, but I'm still really tired. Silly me should have just slept all the way through, but the thoughts of having not read anything for 2 days made me force myself to get up. However, I ended up watching drama instead since I know my brain's dead at the moment, and there's no way I'm going to absorb anything even if I were to force myself to read.
Have loads to do this weekend. Argh! And my next few weeks is going to hell with 4 days of long on calls, and more calls to follow in the following weeks.
Because of my brain strike, I haven't been able to think as quickly as I want to, and recalling information has been drastically slow too. I do get really frustrated when this happens, and being a person who can't hide how I feel, I was having a hard time keeping my cool when I went to speak a patient's relative today.
Thinking back, I would have changed my attitude. I could have showed more empathy. I didn't say anything which was offending or upsetting, but I'm sure my expression and body language could have been better in today's situation.
Honestly, I am starting to get slightly frustrated with my current post. I'm doing Medicine with Endocrinology being the subspecialty, but I have only ONE proper patient (related to Endocrinology) over the last 3-4 weeks! And most of the time during the last few weeks, my team has been thrown with patients either awaiting social, awaiting psychiatric review, whining, demented...in simple terms...patients who do NOT fit anywhere in the hospital and patients whom other medical teams can't wait to get rid of from their own medical take. It pisses me off just even when I'm looking at my list, seeing "AWAITING PLACEMENT" and "AWAIT SOCIAL WORKERS" all over. I don't even feel like a proper doctor unless I'm on call (and still, it frustrates me when I find out that the patient is admitted for crap reasons and being informed from the nurses that it's going to be another social case).
Sometimes it makes me wonder what the fark is wrong with this society. Hospitals are turning into hotels, and with the fucked up NHS system of their oh-so-wonderful free service, it's no wonder why some patients will refuse to go home. Trust me, if these people have to pay, they'll be dying to be discharged even if doctors insist that they have to stay.
Samya was complaining to me abt how she's pissed off with nurses ordering her to do things because they think the patient has this and that. This is really common, and one of the major frustrations when u're only a junior doctor, BECAUSE nurses will never dare do that to someone more senior in the medical hierachy. I have experienced such things too, and I would normally say what I think or do what I think is needed, and walk off after I'm done. I know I will lose my temper if I were to stay there longer to listen to ridiculous things. And I was telling Samya that there were times I was on the brim of telling some insane nurses off that I am the doctor, and I know what I'm doing, and I had enough of them commanding me to do things which I think makes completely no sense at all....and if they think they aren't happy with my medical opinions, DON'T BLEEP ME AND ASK FOR IT...I don't need to study my ass off in med sch for 5 bloody years to be commanded by junior nurses who tries to prove that they can diagnose and treat patients better than me.
With my type of temper, there is really a strong possibility of me being a bitch when I get more senior. Sigh...
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