Working hard on a Saturday
I've been pretty tired this week, but the energy returns once I step into the wards. I guess the amount of work I've gotta do everyday just didn't give me time to think about fatigue.
Finding private Dearie-and-Me time has been difficult. Work's been so busy, that I am rarely home early, and poor Dearie had to stay up because of me. And because I know he's waiting, I am always under pressure to rush and try to finish my job ASAP, which can be quite tough since sometimes there are issues which can't be sorted out that quickly. To make things easier, I told Dearie that we'll cut off our evening chats. He'll be able to sleep earlier, and I can spend all the time I want in hospital.
We've made it a point to chat every morning (his morning of cos) before he goes to work, so that means, I have to stay up till quite late every night. I'm not fussing abt it, because at least it makes life easier for him, but I was so tired that last night, I dozed off when he told me to call him back in 10 minutes.
Apparently, our "new" plan isn't working that well, because I am talking lesser and lesser and lesser to Dearie. Our smses are getting lesser and lesser too. I have been immersely myself completely in work that honestly, I haven't been thinking much about him. At times, I feel that my patients have become more impt than him, which honestly, isn't good and if he does know abt this, I'm sure he'll feel really hurt. I mean, I used to feel disappointed when I don't get to talk to him in the evening, but now, I'm giving it up for my patients, and these few days, I've gotten so engrossed in my job that there are times I almost forgot to call him. To my surprise, when he couldn't talk to me the entire day today, I didn't even grumble.
I spent my Friday evening and Saturday in the hospital. Nope, I'm not on call. Clad in jeans, I streamed in to do patient discharge letters, and to study my patients' notes in detail. The ward round on Thurs was traumatising, and I felt a greater need to push myself to work even harder. I knew my patients well enough to present them on ward rounds, but because my Consultant was questioning me about investigations and past admissions into hospitals abt certain patients (which could have well been 5 yrs ago) and I couldn't answer them, I felt very very demoralised. It felt like as if all my hard work over these many weeks were down the drain. It is said by my seniors that even if I work myself dead, I will never be able to satisfy my Consultant because she digs into everything into the most minor detail, so they advised me to just ignore and enjoy my weekend. However, I've decided to take Thursday's lesson positively. Hence, I was determined to read every patient file in detail, remembering as much as I can about what happened numerous years ago with every patient.
Had a private meeting with my Consultant on Friday, and I did tell her that I was traumatised by Thurs' ward round. I was worried that she's upset and will think that I'm incompetent. But to my surprise, she praised me for being an organised and efficient House Officer. She told me many things which I will remember throughout my career. I learnt that being critical is the best way to learn, because it will help me sink into every case and dig into minor details which can be very important, and that will aid my learning with time. My Consultant's a perfectionist, and I'm sure that even though she's training me really hard, it will benefit me in the future, hence, I'm actually feeling very very grateful for having her guide and pushing me to a higher level of competency. I'm sure it will not be a problem for me to handle any Consultant in future if I can reach her high standards of demand.
Spent the entire Saturday typing out a proper patient list for me to bring to the hospital everyday. It's quite a long list, definitely not as concise as the nurses' list, because I prefer it to be concise, yet rather comprehensive in a way. It's even got all the details of the investigations my patient had several years ago...lol...so in case my Consultant shoots me a question, I can be ready to answer it confidently.
Did my research for my upcoming presentation too. Topic was boring, but after reading it, I find it rather interesting and very informative! Have learnt quite a great deal, and hopefully my Consultants will be impressed by it.
Finding private Dearie-and-Me time has been difficult. Work's been so busy, that I am rarely home early, and poor Dearie had to stay up because of me. And because I know he's waiting, I am always under pressure to rush and try to finish my job ASAP, which can be quite tough since sometimes there are issues which can't be sorted out that quickly. To make things easier, I told Dearie that we'll cut off our evening chats. He'll be able to sleep earlier, and I can spend all the time I want in hospital.
We've made it a point to chat every morning (his morning of cos) before he goes to work, so that means, I have to stay up till quite late every night. I'm not fussing abt it, because at least it makes life easier for him, but I was so tired that last night, I dozed off when he told me to call him back in 10 minutes.
Apparently, our "new" plan isn't working that well, because I am talking lesser and lesser and lesser to Dearie. Our smses are getting lesser and lesser too. I have been immersely myself completely in work that honestly, I haven't been thinking much about him. At times, I feel that my patients have become more impt than him, which honestly, isn't good and if he does know abt this, I'm sure he'll feel really hurt. I mean, I used to feel disappointed when I don't get to talk to him in the evening, but now, I'm giving it up for my patients, and these few days, I've gotten so engrossed in my job that there are times I almost forgot to call him. To my surprise, when he couldn't talk to me the entire day today, I didn't even grumble.
I spent my Friday evening and Saturday in the hospital. Nope, I'm not on call. Clad in jeans, I streamed in to do patient discharge letters, and to study my patients' notes in detail. The ward round on Thurs was traumatising, and I felt a greater need to push myself to work even harder. I knew my patients well enough to present them on ward rounds, but because my Consultant was questioning me about investigations and past admissions into hospitals abt certain patients (which could have well been 5 yrs ago) and I couldn't answer them, I felt very very demoralised. It felt like as if all my hard work over these many weeks were down the drain. It is said by my seniors that even if I work myself dead, I will never be able to satisfy my Consultant because she digs into everything into the most minor detail, so they advised me to just ignore and enjoy my weekend. However, I've decided to take Thursday's lesson positively. Hence, I was determined to read every patient file in detail, remembering as much as I can about what happened numerous years ago with every patient.
Had a private meeting with my Consultant on Friday, and I did tell her that I was traumatised by Thurs' ward round. I was worried that she's upset and will think that I'm incompetent. But to my surprise, she praised me for being an organised and efficient House Officer. She told me many things which I will remember throughout my career. I learnt that being critical is the best way to learn, because it will help me sink into every case and dig into minor details which can be very important, and that will aid my learning with time. My Consultant's a perfectionist, and I'm sure that even though she's training me really hard, it will benefit me in the future, hence, I'm actually feeling very very grateful for having her guide and pushing me to a higher level of competency. I'm sure it will not be a problem for me to handle any Consultant in future if I can reach her high standards of demand.
Spent the entire Saturday typing out a proper patient list for me to bring to the hospital everyday. It's quite a long list, definitely not as concise as the nurses' list, because I prefer it to be concise, yet rather comprehensive in a way. It's even got all the details of the investigations my patient had several years ago...lol...so in case my Consultant shoots me a question, I can be ready to answer it confidently.
Did my research for my upcoming presentation too. Topic was boring, but after reading it, I find it rather interesting and very informative! Have learnt quite a great deal, and hopefully my Consultants will be impressed by it.
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