I woke up disappointed when I received no smses from Dearie. Oh well..that's not surprising. It's not the 1st time.
I was itching to leave a message. I wanted to know how he is, if he's well. But I didn't.
Good thing I had my patients and work to distract me. Sounds weird, but life would be different without my patients. It makes me smile whenever I walk into the ward, and see them in bed watching TV or enjoying their cup of tea. It makes my day more when they give me a sweet smile when they see me too. I wasn't my happiest today, but with them around, I was cheered up. I was even playing guessing games with one of my patients today. She was chatting non stop with me, trying hard to guess where I'm from, and since I was busy, I decided to give her a few hints and let her spend the rest of the day having a think, while I finish up my other jobs. It was funny watching her sitting on her arm chair in deep thoughts, but nothing beats it when she said she's going to ask her husband to bring her a world atlas.
Anyway, Dearie finally smsed me this afternoon, which was kinda unexpected.
I finished work early today, so I went online to chat with him, but since the network was slow, he called. I could hear that he's excited and really happy to hear my voice. But I just couldn't get excited at all. In fact, I didn't have much to say to him.
Dearie said I haven't been sounding happy since the last time I spoke to him. I wasn't intending to tell him anything, but somehow things got blurted out after a while.
He had reasons (excuses to me) for everything that he has done. No calls because he's tired. No smses because he doesn't like to send msges and his hp isn't user friendly in sending msges. I couldn't even be bothered to ask for emails/letters, because if sms seems too much to ask for, then it's pointless to ask abt emails/letters.
Apparently, Dearie thinks about a relationship differently. He thinks that as long as a couple thinks about each other and care about the other deep down, that's all that matters. He went on telling me that his thought everyday is to try and finish his project as quickly as he can, so that he can rush back to UK to be with me, because he feels very guilty leaving me alone here.
I appreciate his thought, and I must admit that I am touched by it. But I cannot see myself being in a relationship whereby I don't even know when my bf will contact me, what my bf is doing, and how he is.
He can tell me how much he cares and misses me, but how am I to truly believe it if I can't even feel it, if I'm feeling insecure. He told me before that he wouldn't just disappear. Yet, I still get insecured. Maybe I haven't overcomed my phobia.
Dearie was angry when he went offline. I'm sure he thinks I'm being unreasonable again. Being his gf, am I asking too much for him to send me smses? I can't help but feel really hurt when he says sending sms is a chore.
I was itching to leave a message. I wanted to know how he is, if he's well. But I didn't.
Good thing I had my patients and work to distract me. Sounds weird, but life would be different without my patients. It makes me smile whenever I walk into the ward, and see them in bed watching TV or enjoying their cup of tea. It makes my day more when they give me a sweet smile when they see me too. I wasn't my happiest today, but with them around, I was cheered up. I was even playing guessing games with one of my patients today. She was chatting non stop with me, trying hard to guess where I'm from, and since I was busy, I decided to give her a few hints and let her spend the rest of the day having a think, while I finish up my other jobs. It was funny watching her sitting on her arm chair in deep thoughts, but nothing beats it when she said she's going to ask her husband to bring her a world atlas.
Anyway, Dearie finally smsed me this afternoon, which was kinda unexpected.
I finished work early today, so I went online to chat with him, but since the network was slow, he called. I could hear that he's excited and really happy to hear my voice. But I just couldn't get excited at all. In fact, I didn't have much to say to him.
Dearie said I haven't been sounding happy since the last time I spoke to him. I wasn't intending to tell him anything, but somehow things got blurted out after a while.
He had reasons (excuses to me) for everything that he has done. No calls because he's tired. No smses because he doesn't like to send msges and his hp isn't user friendly in sending msges. I couldn't even be bothered to ask for emails/letters, because if sms seems too much to ask for, then it's pointless to ask abt emails/letters.
Apparently, Dearie thinks about a relationship differently. He thinks that as long as a couple thinks about each other and care about the other deep down, that's all that matters. He went on telling me that his thought everyday is to try and finish his project as quickly as he can, so that he can rush back to UK to be with me, because he feels very guilty leaving me alone here.
I appreciate his thought, and I must admit that I am touched by it. But I cannot see myself being in a relationship whereby I don't even know when my bf will contact me, what my bf is doing, and how he is.
He can tell me how much he cares and misses me, but how am I to truly believe it if I can't even feel it, if I'm feeling insecure. He told me before that he wouldn't just disappear. Yet, I still get insecured. Maybe I haven't overcomed my phobia.
Dearie was angry when he went offline. I'm sure he thinks I'm being unreasonable again. Being his gf, am I asking too much for him to send me smses? I can't help but feel really hurt when he says sending sms is a chore.
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