Lots of memories been coming back since last night, both happy and unhappy ones. It made me realise how many years have gone by, as I count back the years.
It made me laugh as my friend and I chatted about how our Mandarin standard was in primary school, when I told him that I have to be the interpretor for a Chinese patient who is coming into hospital for an operation, and will also translate everything the nurses require into Mandarin in writing during his inpatient stay overnight. Was telling him how I was always trying hard to beat Terence (the guy I admired a lot in primary school) at it, but I think I won him once or twice. But that was a motivation for me during then, and it did made Mandarin seem more fun since I had him to cheer me on. It brought back memories of this friendship, and I do miss those days when I was a well known tomboy who would be in the fields playing catching with my group of guy buddies, having guys who gets in my way beaten up in the toilet by my good friend (yes, I was well protected..ahaha), screaming in the canteen after being challenged by a notorious student in school and then being punished in the teacher's room and lectured for not behaving any way like a girl. I also miss the days I tried to make myself become more feminine when I was after my primary school crush, feeling on cloud nine when we go together to the canteen to buy food and eat together, having him to ask me to wait for him to finish prefect duty while I have my food and of course, receiving frequent phone calls from him. But because my results weren't as good as his, I didn't make it to the same sec sch as him, we lost touch with time...and after so many years when I realised he's become a celebrity, I never tried to contact him much again, fearing that he'll think I've got an ulterior motive for contacting him. I did bump into him in Singapore once recently, but he didn't see me, and because Mum was with me, I didn't approach him either.
Then I started thinking back about my days in BV. I can't really remember how I was like then, but I reckon I must be quite a bitch since I wasn't popular with people, and didn't have many friends. The only thing I remember about myself was being very playful, until I decided to do something about my grades to try and go to JC. I made a group of very good friends in upper sec and we're still in touch. Got to meet the funny bunch of people like Shan, Ruoz, Jessie, Eying, Audrey, who would entertain the class with their laughters and singing. I wasn't particularly popular with this group, but deep down, I liked them very much. Studies, sports and ballet were top priority in those days. I was obsessed with my results, and would cry very often if I didn't hit my target grade. Running was something I did well in, and was recognised by my schoolmates. Ballet was my 2nd life, and no matter how horrid my day has been, dancing would take them all away from me. I was so obsessed about it that I would be practising splits at home while studying Geography and History. Everyone in school knew who I was when news that I admired JJ started spreading. Although I was a very confident and outspoken person then, I didn't dare to go for it. Life in BV was great.
Then I started my new life in TJC. It was ever since then memories started to become more and more painful. I regretted completely going to TJC, and thinking back, I should have left after my first 3 months and go to another JC. I wanted to do well there, but the environment just ruined it. I didn't feel that I got the support I wanted, and if it wasn't for Guanting and Boon, I wouldn't have got through my 2 yrs there. Going to school was a waste of time for me, since I was always chatting with Guanting. I was rebellious too. I must say I'm a problematic student and I know my tutors hated me, but I didn't give a damn. Boon gave me a lot of support too, I still remember those days where we'll do maths while chatting online, competing to see who will finish tutorials faster. And with time, he became someone important in my life, a friend I would still think about till now.
A miracle happened and I got a last minute acceptance into medical school. It was a rush packing my stuffs and coming to UK. Honestly, my life started going into a greater mess than ever in UK. I had so many bad memories till I've grown numb to so many things. I learnt to stop crying whenever I lose a friend, especially my best friend in UK. I learnt how to do everything myself and relying on nobody except myself, because I lost trust in people, and somehow got so used to it. I had numerous relationships, but none lasted, and it gotten to a point whereby I'm so sick of it and didn't bother to think much about it anymore. I was overly independent to the point whereby I cannot accept my ex-bfs wanting me to rely on them, and having a say in what I want to do, and I even had people commenting that I'm a girl who won't die even if I get thrown into the big sea. After all the horrid things I went through for those years, I never believe that anyone would care about my presence, until I met Dearie.
When my accomodation flooded, I didn't expect anyone to care about me. I was prepared to be spend the entire night alone outside, but Dearie touched me by staying by my side throughout. He started making me dinners, and asking me out. For the first time in a very long time, I felt properly cared for, and without realising, I started to grow reliant on him. He had entered the world I had enclosed myself tightly in, and he made me slowly lose my independence. Although I am still struggling with the current less independent me, I have learnt to appreciate the beauty of taking tiny steps to put my trust back in someone and the beauty of letting someone take care of me. I have no idea, till today, what convinced me to let go of my independence. I often question myself if it was because of the fact that I'm sick and tired of being independent, or is it because I have met the right person who has convinced me slowly to let go of myself, to be brave enough to accept a relationship which I would never expect myself to go for, and to give me a form of assurance that I'll never go through what I used to went through ever again.
Enough of thoughts now. Shall try and watch some shows or get done to some revision.
It made me laugh as my friend and I chatted about how our Mandarin standard was in primary school, when I told him that I have to be the interpretor for a Chinese patient who is coming into hospital for an operation, and will also translate everything the nurses require into Mandarin in writing during his inpatient stay overnight. Was telling him how I was always trying hard to beat Terence (the guy I admired a lot in primary school) at it, but I think I won him once or twice. But that was a motivation for me during then, and it did made Mandarin seem more fun since I had him to cheer me on. It brought back memories of this friendship, and I do miss those days when I was a well known tomboy who would be in the fields playing catching with my group of guy buddies, having guys who gets in my way beaten up in the toilet by my good friend (yes, I was well protected..ahaha), screaming in the canteen after being challenged by a notorious student in school and then being punished in the teacher's room and lectured for not behaving any way like a girl. I also miss the days I tried to make myself become more feminine when I was after my primary school crush, feeling on cloud nine when we go together to the canteen to buy food and eat together, having him to ask me to wait for him to finish prefect duty while I have my food and of course, receiving frequent phone calls from him. But because my results weren't as good as his, I didn't make it to the same sec sch as him, we lost touch with time...and after so many years when I realised he's become a celebrity, I never tried to contact him much again, fearing that he'll think I've got an ulterior motive for contacting him. I did bump into him in Singapore once recently, but he didn't see me, and because Mum was with me, I didn't approach him either.
Then I started thinking back about my days in BV. I can't really remember how I was like then, but I reckon I must be quite a bitch since I wasn't popular with people, and didn't have many friends. The only thing I remember about myself was being very playful, until I decided to do something about my grades to try and go to JC. I made a group of very good friends in upper sec and we're still in touch. Got to meet the funny bunch of people like Shan, Ruoz, Jessie, Eying, Audrey, who would entertain the class with their laughters and singing. I wasn't particularly popular with this group, but deep down, I liked them very much. Studies, sports and ballet were top priority in those days. I was obsessed with my results, and would cry very often if I didn't hit my target grade. Running was something I did well in, and was recognised by my schoolmates. Ballet was my 2nd life, and no matter how horrid my day has been, dancing would take them all away from me. I was so obsessed about it that I would be practising splits at home while studying Geography and History. Everyone in school knew who I was when news that I admired JJ started spreading. Although I was a very confident and outspoken person then, I didn't dare to go for it. Life in BV was great.
Then I started my new life in TJC. It was ever since then memories started to become more and more painful. I regretted completely going to TJC, and thinking back, I should have left after my first 3 months and go to another JC. I wanted to do well there, but the environment just ruined it. I didn't feel that I got the support I wanted, and if it wasn't for Guanting and Boon, I wouldn't have got through my 2 yrs there. Going to school was a waste of time for me, since I was always chatting with Guanting. I was rebellious too. I must say I'm a problematic student and I know my tutors hated me, but I didn't give a damn. Boon gave me a lot of support too, I still remember those days where we'll do maths while chatting online, competing to see who will finish tutorials faster. And with time, he became someone important in my life, a friend I would still think about till now.
A miracle happened and I got a last minute acceptance into medical school. It was a rush packing my stuffs and coming to UK. Honestly, my life started going into a greater mess than ever in UK. I had so many bad memories till I've grown numb to so many things. I learnt to stop crying whenever I lose a friend, especially my best friend in UK. I learnt how to do everything myself and relying on nobody except myself, because I lost trust in people, and somehow got so used to it. I had numerous relationships, but none lasted, and it gotten to a point whereby I'm so sick of it and didn't bother to think much about it anymore. I was overly independent to the point whereby I cannot accept my ex-bfs wanting me to rely on them, and having a say in what I want to do, and I even had people commenting that I'm a girl who won't die even if I get thrown into the big sea. After all the horrid things I went through for those years, I never believe that anyone would care about my presence, until I met Dearie.
When my accomodation flooded, I didn't expect anyone to care about me. I was prepared to be spend the entire night alone outside, but Dearie touched me by staying by my side throughout. He started making me dinners, and asking me out. For the first time in a very long time, I felt properly cared for, and without realising, I started to grow reliant on him. He had entered the world I had enclosed myself tightly in, and he made me slowly lose my independence. Although I am still struggling with the current less independent me, I have learnt to appreciate the beauty of taking tiny steps to put my trust back in someone and the beauty of letting someone take care of me. I have no idea, till today, what convinced me to let go of my independence. I often question myself if it was because of the fact that I'm sick and tired of being independent, or is it because I have met the right person who has convinced me slowly to let go of myself, to be brave enough to accept a relationship which I would never expect myself to go for, and to give me a form of assurance that I'll never go through what I used to went through ever again.
Enough of thoughts now. Shall try and watch some shows or get done to some revision.
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