It's been 3 days since we last spoke. And u probably think I am alright with that.

I dread myself for rushing home straight from work every night for u, and only to come home finding messages of how u missed me, but then end it with a "I'm a bit sleepy..so I shall sleep for a while"..and the "a while" turns into the next morning, my entire night of wait and disappointment.

It was my first pay day yesterday, and my colleagues were all hyped up and hence, they decided to head to the theme park in the evening for some fun and to watch fireworks and fountain displays.

I was in a dilemma when they grabbed me and tried hard convincing me to join in, because on one hand, I didn't want to let them down, on the other, I didn't want to disappoint u by making u stay up till so late, and then telling u that I'm off for some fun instead of talking to u. But when I came online and saw the message u left, there wasn't a point in me staying at home anymore.

Yes, I had fun, and I'm thankful that I have them to keep me company and get rid of my loneliness the entire evening. I enjoyed watching the fountain displays, but it brought back memories of us watching the musical fountain in Singapore. I enjoyed the fireworks display, but u don't know how much I wished u were next to me watching it. Why do I always end up doing these things with others, but not with u?

And if I didn't message u this morning, will u bother to even send me a sms? Your replies are no more than 5 words too. Somehow it looked like u were just patronising me. U said u're driving so the replies are short. I understand that, but after a msg when u've reached the office, u nv messaged me again...

I finished work very early today. I could have just stay in the wards and rot, but I thought I might as well go back to my room to see if u're around, and I'll chat with u until my bleep goes off. Sent u a msg, and today u're saying u're staying in DJY, so u won't be able to go online to chat with me..and for some strange reason, u cannot even call me. I'm not even interested in knowing why.

U said I should save my pay this month for our future, instead of treating u to dinner when u're back. The question I couldn't help asking myself on the spot is, "If we carry on at this rate, I won't even dare think about our future." I'm sure u won't realise it too...u're never sensitive to how I feel.

I cannot understand why u are bothering to tell me u're sorry about abandoning me here alone. I cannot understand why u're bothering to tell me that u're hoping to finish up your project in the company asap so that u can come back earlier to UK. Maybe u're thinking that after hearing this, I will not get upset or disappointed with u. But to me, these are separate issues.

I know it's only 3 days, and I shouldn't be grumbling, but like I said umpteen times, this isn't the first time. U said u'll not ever make me feel insecure again, yet this time, u're making me go through it one more time. Each time u make me go through it, u have no idea how badly I'm struggling with it.

I'm sick and tired of it. I shan't bother being the first person to sms u. If u think I'm worth it, u will start looking for me. But if not, I think how much u value me and our rship is clear enough.