This week has been pretty unpleasant...some of which I didn't blog about, and don't wish to either.

Typed a letter to my boy, and for unknown reasons, he got very angry with me. Till now, I don't know why despite reading it again n again. He said it's gotto do with the way I wrote it, and maybe the words I used. It wasn't meant to be offending, and definitely not my way to start an argument with him. Things got really nasty and I was really hurt about it. I just wanted to express my thoughts and feelings to him, but I guess it resulted in a huge misunderstanding. I have never thought of leaving him, even though I know our situation is a tricky one. I hope he knows this. There are so many things ahead of us, and the sad thing is I can't even foresee what's coming up. Everything is so unpredictable, and as a result, I can't plan my things properly, making myself really insecure on my side. The same goes for him, and I know..there are many things which he might find difficult to explain or might not even have an answer, and I started feeling insecure. He told me some of his plans, but I wasn't able to put my trust fully on the things he told me. It was very wrong on my part, yet at the same time, I had no idea how to overcome my insecurity. Maybe I need more time.

I don't know if what I told him mattered to him, or if he will ignore and forget abt it. But for now, I should be glad enough that we are alright and we're looking forward towards our 2nd "honeymoon" in London at the end of the month. Yup...London again, since I have got something important to attend there.

And he mentioned to me about going to Paris at the end of November. Both of us. I didn't think he was serious about it anymore when we had to cancel the plan during summer. I hope I'll be able to go this time. He said he wants to buy me a bag, since I've always wanted a good bag which I can use for everything. And I am touched abt the fact that he went surfing on the Net to see if there's any nice ones.

He showed me one of which he fancied...

It's gorgeous right? I loved it the moment I saw it, but because it's white, it'll get dirty in no time. The gold might tarnish with time too. Takes too much time and energy to maintain this bag. And also, I'll have to take note of my dressing each time I use it, which is not something I do much (no time and money to do so). So we decided to forget abt this one.

Honestly, I would really hope to have something else in exchange for a very expensive bag, even though I have to admit that I drool over these things and have been dreaming of owning a few. But the thing I want very much...can't be replaced by these.

Few more days before I am leaving, and sadly, I haven't met up with many people. Not sure if I'll be back in December. Am thinking of not coming home, and spend my xmas and bday with him, since it might be the first and last in next few years to come, but if he finally decides to visit Singapore at the end of the year, then I'm sure to be back.

More headaches when I go back to UK this time. The thought abt job application irks me. I'm starting to get worried about my grades because it has been dropping compared to the cohort despite the grades still being ok. Am so lost about what I should do abt it since I have really been working hard throughout the years. My grades might have an effect on which hospital I'll be working in, and even though it doesn't matter much as to where I'm working, I am hoping to stay in Cardiff so that it'll be easier to travel around to visit him if he stays in UK. I don't mind earning lesser and working harder just as long I get to see him regularly. My boy thinks it's time for us to go to the temple to pray for a good job posting when I return. I guess I'll really have to make more time to do so, and hope for a miracle to happen...and of course, for his miracle cum wish to come true too.