Congratulations to Yongkang & Linda!

I received the news from Hocksoon that the both of them are gonna get registered at ROM tmr!!! That's totally shocking for Tony and me when we heard abt it. I wonder when the dinner will be. It's such a pity that I can't attend their post-ROM gathering tmr evening since I'm still stuck here...grrr....

I can't believe that my good buddy in sec sch is getting married this quickly. I mean, it seems like yesterday when we were still in BVSS uniform calling each other names and talking in class. And now, my pal is getting married?! Oh my!

I'm kinda envious because for some strange reason, I do wish I get married now too...hahaha...

Me: AAAAAHHHH....so envious!
CG: Why? U wanna get married too?
Me: Yeah...CAN WE?
CG: No. Not now.

Ok lor. -.-

Anyway, our talk before bedtime wasn't really good. I know he's hurt abt several issues, and so am I. I know I have been irritating for asking him the usual lovey dovey questions several times a day and he's sick of answering them, but I still go on asking because I love to hear it from him. It reassures me more even though I know it.

And I think my boy knows that I haven't been the best gf I can be, or try to be. I've been pretty selfish by wanting the easiest way out for myself. I feel guilty actually. He didn't go home straight after exams because he wants to spend more time with me here and even volunteered to stay in UK for 1 more yr because he wants to stand by me and be by my side until I graduate, but I can't even keep him happy by volunteering to wait 4 hours in Heathrow just to go back home on the same day as him. Instead, I told him to get a flight which is more convenient for him regardless of whether he goes home earlier or later than me, when all he wanted was a "I'll wait 4 hours more in the airport for my flight then."

We were viewing friendster profiles yesterday and he said he wanted to see mine. I thought he never liked me putting up our photos in there, but I guess after seeing how others place their photos taken with their bf/gf in there, he felt disappointed about why I didn't do the same. I did try several times, but failed in uploading them..perhaps because the file was too big and I didn't download the software to resize them.

CG: I'm disappointed that our photo isn't in it.
Me: I tried to upload it...I really did..
CG: Yeah I know. I'm not doubting you, but I think after several attempts of failing to do so, u just decided to give up.
Me: *silent*
CG: Can't you resize them? Don't you have the software?
Me: *silent* (I can resize them, but I don't have the software after I reformatted the laptop..and I'm sorry for being lazy to upload the software again...it's no excuse I know..)
CG: Am I being childish for feeling disappointed about this matter?
Me: *silent* (No, I will feel disappointed if I were u too. I'm sorry I've hurt you..)

I seriously think I should do more for my relationship, and be more committed. But something I cannot describe is hindering this. There's no doubt about how I feel for him and there's no doubt about the amount of sacrifices he would do for me and that he does indeed deserve more from me. Is it because I need more time? Or is it because I'm gradually losing faith in how long we'll be together because of our differences?

It's his bday tmr and I didn't plan anything in advance at all. His only present was the LV pocket organiser. He doesn't really care abt whether there's any celebration, but I'm sure he'll feel really disappointed if I totally throw it out of my mind when I know it's his bday. And the worst thing is...I'm not even gonna be by his side tmr since I'm off for placement again.

Bought a pretty birthday cake for him and am hoping that he'll like it. Just planning to spring a surprise on him (since I look so bo chup abt his bday) after he comes back from dinner with his coursemates and lecturers tonight. Hopefully, he'll be back pretty early and won't be dragged by his friends to some club/pub.