My mood is pretty low today because I did badly for my last exam. And in a way, it is giving me a bit of the stress for my upcoming exam (although they aren't really related).

Anyway, my mood hasn't been really good this week, to be honest. I have been tolerating tons and tons of nonsense at school, and when I get home, I have to face fluctuating situations between CG and I. Plus my mind is very disturbed by academic issues. I want to grumble, I want to let it all out, but I'm not able to. As much I want my bf next to me, I am trying to be firm in my decision that we sleep in our own respective rooms EVERY night despite it being pretty uncomfy since I'm used to waking up having him next to me.

I finally broke down on Monday while chatting with Victor. For the 1st time, I told a friend whom I crap and laugh all the time with that I'm crying. I cried really hard in my room the whole night till I dozed off. Main reason was because of nonsense I face in school, minor ones were because of my rship.

I think I am losing confidence in my rship gradually, and with every quarrel we have, it only makes me lose it more. I have decided to not think about my future with him. Not because I don't want to be with him, but.........maybe it's just better that I don't place hopes. I don't want to be disappointed and find out that my wish is shattered. That's also a reason to my insisting that we will not slp tgt. I know I'm being selfish because I want to protect myself. I don't want to get too close anymore. I don't want to be dependent on him anymore.

I am not sure if his feelings for me will diminish with time. But he's been saying that I have been losing my temper more and more easily and if this continues, he cannot take it anymore. I have no idea why he thinks I have been losing my temper when I don't think I have. And last night, during our quarrel, he said "I don't think from Oct-Dec, u have ever treated me as your bf." That was a blow, but I never say anything. It was pointless to say more. I didn't stop him when he stormed out.

I'm not doing anything to rectify this problem. I don't have a solution. I just know I feel terrible this moment. And at times, I do wonder if telling him that I like him was a wrong move because if I had not told him, we will definitely not be tgt today since he said before that it's impossible for him to fall for me. I'm way off his type.

I'm missing him now, yet I don't wish to see him. I cannot imagine another quarrel with him tonight, especially when I'm feeling utterly shit now. I'm so worried I'll call it off completely when I have reached my peak.

And yes, that result. Sigh....fuck...