Elective & Medical Career path
This sounds mad, but I do quite enjoy Dermatology. I am not sure if it's because Dr Blackford made me get involved, rather than sit in the corner and just watch. Perhaps it also made me happy that she was pleased with my performance in clinics. I was expecting to get a lecture from her since I wasn't 100% confident in taking a dermatological history and not to mention, she insisted I go do it without my book (for backup purposes in case I run out of questions to ask the patient). I wanted to do a really good and detailed history to save my ass. But she was beaming away at the end of clinics yesterday, telling me that I am doing very well even without the book and all I needed was a self-confidence booster that I can do it.
Anyway, I was sitting down this week, thinking about specialties to go into since I have been asked by many doctors. Honestly, I am pretty lost. I went into Medicine for a proper reason, and now I'm torn between achieving that aim or going into a specialty because I am just interested in it. It will make a lot of difference to how I feel at the end, I'm sure, and I certainly don't want to make the wrong choice in this path. I have many regrets in my life, and I don't want my choice in Medicine to ever be one added to the list.
Somehow, the desire to be able to treat various conditions and providing my services to a larger population anytime, anywhere, is pointing the arrow towards Internal Medicine (I'm not thinking so much abt General Practice cos there are lots more I can do in the hospital) and I do have an idea of which aspect of Internal Medicine I intend to go into. But that's basically just about it. Nothing more to add.
However, I do feel interested in other specialties like Ophthalmology, Dermatology, Obs & Gynae, Forensic Medicine etc, be it whether I have done them or not. I started thinking if I can maximise my ability to treat/help the Ill if I pursue these (apart from Forensic..I help the dead then). Although I will be able to make a difference to other's lives in whatever specialty I go into, there is a limit to how much I can give help based on these. Yes, no doubt I am equipped with general medical knowledge, but docs tend to only know lots abt their specialty and not anything out of that scope. I mean...I don't actually wanna end up being a Dermatologist treating skin problems, but unable to help a patient who probably have real bad inflammatory bowel disease or TB much.
I don't know if it's still too early to be bothered by this. I'm hoping somehow, the right path will light itself up for me.
My coursemates have been surfing a lot in preparation for their elective application. And I haven't even done much about it. Decided to surf ard this afternoon to see what's available, and I am so amazed by the various options I have. Again, I'm torned between realism and personal achievements.
There are electives whereby I get to go to villages in Nepal to work in the hospital, clinics, homes etc. This is something I want to do one day..not permanently..but as and when there's some volunteering service going on, or whenever time permits me to. There are also those which are based in the UK prisons, whereby I will be handling convicts. This is an experience which I might never ever get again, and honestly, I wish I could give it a try if I am not held back by other thoughts. I'm sure Mum will be terribly against it, as it's dangerous. But my thought's completely different. Convicts need medical attention too, and their current position doesn't make them different from any human being. I want to know them better, I want to see their needs, I want to help them in any way possible (even though it's tough cos I'm just a student). Even a casual chat during history taking..I'm sure they will feel better or cared for.
Then there is another for traditional medicine, all of which are based in medical schools in China. I want to learn chinese med too, but again, I'm held back.
The reason? Realism. I want to go back to Sg for my elective, despite not looking forward to it. I know what I'll face back home and I know I run the risk of not having the guts to go home if I do my elective in Sg. I am scared, but still...I am planning to do it just to get a flavour of how the medical system in Sg works, so that I don't die of shock should I ever return home to work. But apart from that and probably grinding from the Consultants in Sg in hope that I will be more prepared for Final MB, there is no really good reason for me to return home for it. And at the end of it all, I can't talk much about my elective, have no wonderful memory that I can keep with me for life. I'm really envious of my classmates in a way..watching them pursue an elective of their interest, like going to Africa, joining some AIDS campaign, etc. It will not only look nice on the CV, but it'll be something they will never forget.
I don't feel happy one bit planning to go home just to be realistic. And I am worried realism (including future commitments & responsibilities) will end up hindering what I want to achieve with Medicine one day, and in fact, this has been haunting and bothering me a lot recently. Probably others might not understand how miserable I will feel if I ever have to do Medicine because it's just a job and having lost the main reason for my struggle all these years. No doubt I can still do something for patients in the hospital, but that's probably all I can ever do..and the best is just to serve the community...not more than that. Dad's always telling me to treasure my youth, by pursuing my dreams, making everything I ever dream of into reality before I really grow up and be fully on my own feet. But I don't even see myself being able to do so now despite being only 23. I don't have much to ask for, and neither is there much in my life that makes me look forward to anymore, and having already painfully given up things which I love because of realism, having my flame in Medicine dying is probably like taking my last breath away. I hope that day will never come. I hope Grandaunt won't be right. I do want to keep that flame alive.
I hope my dream can come true...one day.
Anyway, I was sitting down this week, thinking about specialties to go into since I have been asked by many doctors. Honestly, I am pretty lost. I went into Medicine for a proper reason, and now I'm torn between achieving that aim or going into a specialty because I am just interested in it. It will make a lot of difference to how I feel at the end, I'm sure, and I certainly don't want to make the wrong choice in this path. I have many regrets in my life, and I don't want my choice in Medicine to ever be one added to the list.
Somehow, the desire to be able to treat various conditions and providing my services to a larger population anytime, anywhere, is pointing the arrow towards Internal Medicine (I'm not thinking so much abt General Practice cos there are lots more I can do in the hospital) and I do have an idea of which aspect of Internal Medicine I intend to go into. But that's basically just about it. Nothing more to add.
However, I do feel interested in other specialties like Ophthalmology, Dermatology, Obs & Gynae, Forensic Medicine etc, be it whether I have done them or not. I started thinking if I can maximise my ability to treat/help the Ill if I pursue these (apart from Forensic..I help the dead then). Although I will be able to make a difference to other's lives in whatever specialty I go into, there is a limit to how much I can give help based on these. Yes, no doubt I am equipped with general medical knowledge, but docs tend to only know lots abt their specialty and not anything out of that scope. I mean...I don't actually wanna end up being a Dermatologist treating skin problems, but unable to help a patient who probably have real bad inflammatory bowel disease or TB much.
I don't know if it's still too early to be bothered by this. I'm hoping somehow, the right path will light itself up for me.
My coursemates have been surfing a lot in preparation for their elective application. And I haven't even done much about it. Decided to surf ard this afternoon to see what's available, and I am so amazed by the various options I have. Again, I'm torned between realism and personal achievements.
There are electives whereby I get to go to villages in Nepal to work in the hospital, clinics, homes etc. This is something I want to do one day..not permanently..but as and when there's some volunteering service going on, or whenever time permits me to. There are also those which are based in the UK prisons, whereby I will be handling convicts. This is an experience which I might never ever get again, and honestly, I wish I could give it a try if I am not held back by other thoughts. I'm sure Mum will be terribly against it, as it's dangerous. But my thought's completely different. Convicts need medical attention too, and their current position doesn't make them different from any human being. I want to know them better, I want to see their needs, I want to help them in any way possible (even though it's tough cos I'm just a student). Even a casual chat during history taking..I'm sure they will feel better or cared for.
Then there is another for traditional medicine, all of which are based in medical schools in China. I want to learn chinese med too, but again, I'm held back.
The reason? Realism. I want to go back to Sg for my elective, despite not looking forward to it. I know what I'll face back home and I know I run the risk of not having the guts to go home if I do my elective in Sg. I am scared, but still...I am planning to do it just to get a flavour of how the medical system in Sg works, so that I don't die of shock should I ever return home to work. But apart from that and probably grinding from the Consultants in Sg in hope that I will be more prepared for Final MB, there is no really good reason for me to return home for it. And at the end of it all, I can't talk much about my elective, have no wonderful memory that I can keep with me for life. I'm really envious of my classmates in a way..watching them pursue an elective of their interest, like going to Africa, joining some AIDS campaign, etc. It will not only look nice on the CV, but it'll be something they will never forget.
I don't feel happy one bit planning to go home just to be realistic. And I am worried realism (including future commitments & responsibilities) will end up hindering what I want to achieve with Medicine one day, and in fact, this has been haunting and bothering me a lot recently. Probably others might not understand how miserable I will feel if I ever have to do Medicine because it's just a job and having lost the main reason for my struggle all these years. No doubt I can still do something for patients in the hospital, but that's probably all I can ever do..and the best is just to serve the community...not more than that. Dad's always telling me to treasure my youth, by pursuing my dreams, making everything I ever dream of into reality before I really grow up and be fully on my own feet. But I don't even see myself being able to do so now despite being only 23. I don't have much to ask for, and neither is there much in my life that makes me look forward to anymore, and having already painfully given up things which I love because of realism, having my flame in Medicine dying is probably like taking my last breath away. I hope that day will never come. I hope Grandaunt won't be right. I do want to keep that flame alive.
I hope my dream can come true...one day.
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