My boy received a letter yesterday, and he didn't feel a thing about it. But when I looked at it, tears welled up my eyes.
It was the letter from Cambridge. "Application withdrawal", it stated.
The decision is made that he doesn't want to try for Cambridge until a year later, and this time, not wanting to go for the MPhil but the direct PhD instead. But I wanted him to have more options for himself, and who wouldn't want more acceptance letters from prestigious Cambridge?
He's happy. Happy about the withdrawal, while I think it's a complete waste, and not to mention the hours of effort we have put in writing up the scholarship application, and it was also during then, we had a pretty bad quarrel. I spent hours staying awake at night just to get it done, and now it has gone completely down the drain.
CG: Isn't it good that I have withdrawn? At least I can be certain I will stay here with you for 1 more year, to see u graduate. If I'm lucky enough to get accepted, my parents will not let me stay here, and I will be in a dilemma as to whether I should just go to Cambridge or be here for you.
Me: Of course u should go to Cambridge if they accept u. I want u to stay, but at the same time, I musn't hold u back. It's your dream to go there, and u should realise it. I don't want you to have any regrets in future.
CG: If I'm really good, Cambridge or any other prestigious university will take me in anytime for PhD. It doesn't have to be now. I can go next year, or another year, anytime. But if I don't treasure being with you for another year here, I will never have this chance again. You're most important to me now.
My tears rolled. I felt a strong sense of guilt. I felt like a totally selfish asshole. I know it's not as if he got accepted and rejected it, but withdrawing the application feels pretty much the same to me. After all the preparations...sigh.
It was the letter from Cambridge. "Application withdrawal", it stated.
The decision is made that he doesn't want to try for Cambridge until a year later, and this time, not wanting to go for the MPhil but the direct PhD instead. But I wanted him to have more options for himself, and who wouldn't want more acceptance letters from prestigious Cambridge?
He's happy. Happy about the withdrawal, while I think it's a complete waste, and not to mention the hours of effort we have put in writing up the scholarship application, and it was also during then, we had a pretty bad quarrel. I spent hours staying awake at night just to get it done, and now it has gone completely down the drain.
CG: Isn't it good that I have withdrawn? At least I can be certain I will stay here with you for 1 more year, to see u graduate. If I'm lucky enough to get accepted, my parents will not let me stay here, and I will be in a dilemma as to whether I should just go to Cambridge or be here for you.
Me: Of course u should go to Cambridge if they accept u. I want u to stay, but at the same time, I musn't hold u back. It's your dream to go there, and u should realise it. I don't want you to have any regrets in future.
CG: If I'm really good, Cambridge or any other prestigious university will take me in anytime for PhD. It doesn't have to be now. I can go next year, or another year, anytime. But if I don't treasure being with you for another year here, I will never have this chance again. You're most important to me now.
My tears rolled. I felt a strong sense of guilt. I felt like a totally selfish asshole. I know it's not as if he got accepted and rejected it, but withdrawing the application feels pretty much the same to me. After all the preparations...sigh.
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