How exhausting

***Warning: Confused entry...just typing nonsensically..so pardon me pls..***

I'm finally back in Cardiff, after a week's stay in Notts.

My feelings when I came back....hmmm....completely different and unexpected. The whole thing felt like a joke.

Just when I thought that I'm back in my comfy little nest, I found out that my house router's adapter got a problem, so here I am in the comp lab blogging cos I got nothing better to do..haha. Nahz..I should be off for dinner, but I seriously have no appetite. I'm very troubled, yet not troubled...how contradicting.

I'm still feeling very embarrassed about the whole situation. I don't know who to talk to about it, and what I should do next about it too. I just don't understand why I had to get myself involved in this rship. I don't regret I suppose, just felt that I was hurt for no reason...I didn't even do anything that made me deserve all that.

No matter what I say, things won't change. I know for a fact that it's OVER. There's nothing more that I can do now isn't it?

Why do I have to drag on when I know it's useless? I feel really exhausted having to consider how he feels each time I wanna do, or wanna say anything now. Then again, why do I have to consider? Who is he? Who is he to affect how I feel? Huh?!

I was wide awake in the bus, and again, thoughts went through my head continuously, and it's darn tiring!

I shouldn't have came back earlier. I shouldn't have let anyone into my "world". I should have just kept to the "No one's gonna ever hurt me again" policy. I shouldn't have accepted the rship so in the beginning, there wont be anything to begin with.

Reality's cruel isn't it? What have I done to deserve all that..can someone tell me..?