While waiting..

I know I have blogged a long entry earlier on, and now I'm here blogging again.

Crazy hour hor? I should be snoring soundly in bed, but cos I was so tired in the afternoon, I had a 4 hr nap. Hence, I'm feeling terribly awake now...and that Jon had to go for his hall formal! WTH! How can he leave me here alone while he happily dine in his hall in his Hugo Boss suit?! How about me?!?!?! I don't even have a chance to wear my evening gown!!!!! I wish I can spank him...%&^#...kidding lah..haha. I'm hoping he's having fun at his dinner :) Should be quite cool hor? Have a great time oogling at girls all dressed up...beats looking at slacky me who's now wearing a lousy kiam chai TJC tee and shorts. Sigh... *cheeky smile*

I have decided to be NICE by waiting for him to finish his dinner. I wonder what time he's gonna be back manz...I hope I will still be awake by then.

Anyway, since I'm sitting here having no wish to do anything, it's only natural that my mind starts wandering.

Thinking about what happened yesterday evening.

I did something wrong. It is a big mistake to me, and I felt terribly guilty. It was bugging me a lot the whole evening, and I decided to tell Jon about it. I had thoughts of hiding it, however, I know Jon is sure to know I'm being bugged by something (am I such a bad actress?). After much thought, I have decided to be honest and I was expecting him to ignore me for a while.

Sent smses over, and to my surprise, he didn't ignore me at all. Instead, he sent me replies to tell me how he felt. Although his replies sounded as if he's not hurt, but I know he is. Who wouldn't? If I were in his shoes, I would definitely.

I feel damn guilty about it, and I was apologising non stop. Now as I'm sitting down and recalling the replies he gave me, I feel even more guilty despite feeling relieved. I don't think he thinks it's very much a big deal, but somehow, to me, it seem major.

I'm wondering if it would be better if he scolded me yesterday. Will I feel better? Why is he just so tolerant? Why is he just so understanding? Why doesn't he have a temper? Is it because this is just a beginning? Sometimes, I wonder if I'm dreaming. How can such a person exist..huh?

Jon told me something which I have been thinking since last night...

"Do you know what 'Ai Qing' is? You need 'Ai' to start a relationship..and 'Qing' to make it last. What you are going through now is because the 'Qing' is still there. I'm not expecting you to have none of it left now, because if that's so, u would have been heartless. If u can be so towards another person, you would be so towards me too.."

Honestly, I don't know if I fully agree with what 'Ai' and 'Qing' means for a relationship. How can it last without 'Ai'? Can 'Qing' make 2 people stay together for good? Is a lasting relationship about unconditional love and concern? Or is it just a matter of getting so used to each other's presence that the rest doesn't matter much anymore?

Mum once told me despite so many couples around (married and dating), finding a pair which are truly in love with each other is extremely rare. Is this true?

I have always been wondering for years about what Mum said. It's really pathetic if couples are together just because they are used to having the other person around. Hor? *ponders*