School

Everyone around me's either back at school, or back at work. And somehow, once again, I feel quite left out (when I should be feeling lucky no?), cos I'm still having my gap year and am supposed to enjoy it. Gonna end soon though.

Been missing the days of going to school these few days. Hence, I've been surfing around, looking at my uni's webby, and webbies of other universities abroad, hoping to motivate myself further and make me wanna resume studies more. I was being silly..yeah..that's me..I do stupid things often..

Those difficult days will be back again for sure, but at least..I'll be doing something, and my mind will be kept busy. It'll be good for me in a way, I think and hope.

But as I was surfing around my Friendster homepage, and came across familiar faces..people I've got to know in UK, my mind went into a mess for a moment. I knew what was going in my mind. I felt lost for a while.

Suddenly, I don't know if things will turn out better, or worse. I'm afraid of going back to the place I know I don't feel belonged at all, yet at the same time, it's the only route left for me, the only place I can go to to start my life all over again..at least for now. It's difficult to describe exactly how I feel at the moment.

What it'll be like when I go back is something I still don't know. But I do know that I will have to rely on no one but myself this time round. A phone call to someone I felt comfy enuff to pour everything out was all I had to do before, to take my fears and tension away from me. But it's gonna be different this time. Totally different. I won't know who else to turn to when I feel stressed and upset there.

I see the great need to be more independent than ever. I hope....I'll be able to achieve it. I don't think my situation really gives me a choice now isn't it?