Random thoughts..

End of the month..not just any month..but December. And probably the month which most people love. Cos it's the month whereby you get Xmas (woohoo..prezzies..), and then before you know it, it's the wacky, crazy Countdown to XXXX.

I didn't even realise that it's 3 days to that sickening day. In fact, I'm feeling sianz abt it since the streets started getting crowded, lanes jammed cos of tortoises, and of course, not forgetting the mad weather.

Plus, it doesn't help to know that I'm getting broke. You know what? I wouldn't be so broke if it weren't for prezzies. Then again, maybe if it weren't because I HAVE to buy those prezzies, I would have happily splurged them ALL on myself...which isn't a very good thing either.

It's amazing how fast my wallet is emptied, and because of that, I made myself bring out only 100 bucks today..lol...

And I'm so-not-pleased to announce that it was all gone in 2 hours, all on gifts for my family...and I am still not done with my shopping...WTH...

I've been feeling so slack abt xmas. Not in the mood to put up that tree, not in the mood to buy prezzies, not in the mood to even think about how to celebrate.

Mum was asking me what my bro and I are up to for xmas.

Apparently, Fred already made plans of how to spend it. But not me.

Honestly, I'm missing out so much isn't it? I can't recall how many years I have spent xmas watching it just pass before my very eyes..and then welcoming the even more sickening day when midnight strikes....

Usually, it's us youngsters who have a great time partying on such days no? But being almost 22, I am not having the fun others have got.

I'm not craving for anything really crazy. I know what I am hoping for. But I guess even my parents don't even know..

Just yesterday, Mum was grumbling that I'm such an unhappy child. It's not the first time she said this. But whenever she says that, it's either she starts getting into a big fuss about it alone or just throw the whole issue aside. Then, it's just gonna be a matter of time, she grumbles abt it again.

I know my parents love me a lot, but at the same time, I know they don't know me. I've always been wondering..why is it that Mum always grumble about me being an unhappy child, but has never actually asked me why it's so. Ok, maybe she did, but whenever I am about to tell her, she will start yelling at me again, and then it'll end up in her getting pissed and walk off, leaving me all alone again. As a result, I never thought of confiding in my parents. Even their constant "If you got any problems, must tell Mummy or Daddy ok?" is meaningless to me. And very often, the only time they do know I'm in trouble is when things get very serious.

I have sat down, thought a lot, and I know what I need. They are simple things. Money can't buy them...and because they are so simple, I guess people tend to not even think about it.

I'm drained.