Before I tuck myself to bed..

Watched Quill. I bought the VCD from MJ a few days ago, together with Brotherhood. Would you believe it? Both are such touching movies, and being the emotional person I am, I did not cry! Amazing huh?

I felt something of course. Heart aching, but no tears flowed out. I could feel my eyes turning watery, but it wasn't even enough for a drop to roll. Is that good?

This has been me for the past few days. I can't cry at all...it's weird...

I had my girly chats during my meet-up with my girl gang. Am really thankful towards Lemon for her gifts. I love the stuffs a lot, especially the bag. We were sharing our views about relationships, careers, and of course, having the usual gossipy and joke sessions. It's wonderful how we never seem to fail crapping, no matter what problems we have. Anyway, I'm happy that both of them are happy in their relationship. I'm truly pleased to know that they are well, but I don't deny I feel a tinge of envy.

I am quite shocked at how my 2 buddies thought about things. We discussed about going to bf's house, marriage, getting along with future in-laws, etc. I felt odd about myself. None of them seem to have the same views as me. I enjoy it because if I try to get along with the guy's parents, it will make things easier for me and him, and besides, who will like someone who puts on airs right? And I should try to treat like my parents no? Might not be as close to them as my own parents, but if they accept me and treat me well, I should at least do the same. Why fear? Why worry? Why dislike? Don't you think a guy bringing you home to show his parents is a good thing? It goes to show that he thinks you're good enough to be shown to his parents. Ok, maybe I'm being silly...how can I be good enough...I'm a horrible girl...

Suddenly, I feel grateful to many people around me. I know I don't have any best friend, but maybe I should just be contented with what I have...afterall, how many can find a true or best pal? Maybe I will say my "silent" thanks to these people..

1. To the one who calls and worries when I'm not home..
2. To the lovely 2 who gave me my first try at playing tennis, drove me to and from school when Dad wasn't in town, played me piano pieces I love, accompanied by terrible vocals by playing the song with piano and claim that the readers at Esplanade are enjoying our dual performance ( MY FOOT! I think they stayed there cos there was nowhere else to go )
3. To the one who sent me an email to cheer me up
4. That 2 siao char bors of TJC
5. The forever wonderful person who bought me Sins Chocs and treated me to yummy black pepper crabs :)

I haven't been online much recently. Had some asking me why. There isn't much of a reason I suppose. I do deserve some time alone don't I? I suppose it's normal? Then again, what's normal for me and what's not, I wonder. Sometimes, I don't think I know myself anymore...but I'm not interested in finding out...serious...

There are still lots and lots in my mind. I won't share them cos they are very disorganised, and I am toooo mentally exhausted to sort them out too...

Oh ya, I have this urge to buy a pet again..eeks. A puppy. But how to buy one when I'm sure my parents will run after me with a chopper..sigh. No hamsters or guinea pigs or any rat-like looking creatures cos Mum HATES them. Rabbits are said to be difficult to maintain. Cats are not my favourite (even though I still love the sleeping kitten someone bought). Fishes are troublesome and so are turtles, because I have to change their water regularly. If I live in UK and don't go home, then I might buy a small pet for myself. Isn't it nice to know that this little life is waiting for your care and concern everyday? I imagine myself studying and my little darling looking at me with those innocent eyes...awww...how sweet. Hamsters will be cute right? But I won't be able to hug it to bed or talk to it when I need a listening ear. But I really hope to own a very cute puppy one day...something I call my own and will always always be my best friend. *dreammmzzzzzzz*

Later I have to go to grandpa's place. Not looking forward to it cos I don't like seeing my relatives. It's a pot-luck gathering. Mum's ill, and I will be taking over to cook. Yah, Michelle cooking. I hope my dish turns out good later, or else tails are gonna wag. Imagine this...

"Her dish tastes horrible..so salty..3 years abroad..come back this standard?"
"I had diarrhoea..must be her lah..."
"22 this yr liao and still can't cook...throw face"
"I wonder how she survived the 3 years in UK with her own cooking.." etc etc etc...

And imagine if my failed attempt news is broadcasted all the way to Grandaunts' (BAD news spread fast don't they?).....sheesh....I probably need to bury myself underground....

SO...I SHALL NOT FAIL!!!!

Even if it's not damn nice, at least make sure it's edible and don't send those people to the toilets...(even though I wish they lao sai until get admitted to hospital..and put on drips..*evil*). Wish myself luck *shakes own hands*

You know what? Cos I'm the cook later, I have to miss my secondary school gang gathering! Good also lah, I was still considering of not going because I don't wish to turn up alone. Those people are expecting 'something more', and I know I'll feel real shit with having to find an excuse as to why I turn up alone. Don't I just......oh well....fuck it....bleah...

Been extremely lethargic everyday. And body's been feeling warm too. Am I falling ill soon? But fall ill can be good in a way....the easiest way to sleep..and sleep soundly.. Oh yes, that bloody cough is not gone YET, and in fact, it's getting worse!!!! To hell with my lungs....piece of sai...