Happy 23rd anniversary to Dad & Mum

It's my parent's 23rd wedding anniversary. Yeah, on mid-autumn festival. They got married on this day on the chinese calendar..I can't remember the english date though.

Dad bought Mum a big bouquet of peach roses. They are beautifully displayed in a vase on the dining table. It's a yearly thing..at least roses for Mummy. I don't think there was any presents for her. I don't think there has been any for the past few years too because of financial reasons. But I'm sure Mum is still happy. Despite quarrels with Dad, they still love each other very much. They told me so.

Something happened last night. I didn't want my family to find out, so I turned the music louder than usual, hoping that it will drown the other noises. Probably I turned on the music too loud, that's why my brother came up to see what happened. My door was closed. He probably 'heard' what happened through my door, that's why he didn't barge in and scold me for turning on the music so loudly.

Things were ok today..it had to be.. because I wanted to look pretty during the dinner just now. Tolerated and tolerated. It wasn't easy...definitely not...

Had dinner at Sheraton Hotel in the evening. I dressed up for dinner. Make up and just tied my hair in a very simple way. Good thing Mum said I looked nice, but she asked me why were my eyes puffy. I didn't thought they were cos my double eyelids were still around. If my eyes were puffy, the double eyelids would have been gone. I told her they are not, just that maybe my double eyelids are looking a little deeper than usual tonight.

I guess she knew I was lying. When I was in the car, my parents asked me if I had any problems and said my brother heard me crying last night. They said my music was loud, and they know that probably I did that so that I can cry my heart out, which is probably good. They said they are not angry about me crying everything out, but they are very concerned about what's bothering me so badly that this had to happen. They asked if it was school, etc. Mum kept asking and asking, but I did not answer her. I dare not look at her too. I just looked out of the window because I could feel my tears rolling out in no time, and I know I can't let that happen or else my makeup will be ruined. By right, I should tell them because they are my parents, but I really cannot let them know. Besides, I don't wish to ruin their anniversary. I'm sure I must have hurt them for keeping totally silent about everything. Dad, Mum, I'm sorry...

Dad's going to Hanoi in a few hours' time. He did ask me last week if I wanted to go. I was in a dilemma. I want to get out of Singapore for a while, but at the same time, I've got to see if there are any more job interviews or anything job-related matters which might happen during this period, so I rejected the offer. What a waste right? I was thinking...maybe going to other countries for tours might be a good idea for me to leave my problems aside for a while. I'm so mentally exhausted......very very exhausted....

I should turn in now. It's real late....and I've got a long day later...gonna be home late again......