Words from the past

I couldn't sleep the whole night. Was it because it was too warm, or was it for some other reason? I guess they both contributed to it. I probably dozed off at some point, but the fact that I was able to get up immediately when I heard my hp beeping showed that my sleep wasn't sound.

I just came home. Saw my foolscap pad on the table. In it, contained a self-written note. The handwriting was mine, but the words weren't. They weren't words from some poet or some phrases which held deep meanings, but words from deep within someone's heart. Those things he told me meant so much to me that I wrote them down as quickly as he typed them. I kept them in my foolscap pad so that I will never like it become torn and tattered. I read them often, and brought it back to Singapore so that I can read them again and again. There was never once I felt sick of reading it because I know he meant them, and I was convinced about it.

It's been a while since I took out that letter to read. All for one reason, fear. I fear my emotions taking over me once again. I fear I will start asking 'why'. I fear for anything which would bring me down. But today, I couldn't help but read it again when I saw it.

Are those memories? I hope they weren't, because if they were..I'm shattered completely. Memories are used for the past isn't it? Meaning, if that was a memory, it isn't happening now, which I refuse to believe. I am disappointed, utterly in fact, but then again, who can I turn to at this point of time? I know I'm at my lowest, yet I'm not allowing myself to stay at that point by going against it (which is good I suppose, albeit difficult) and not allowing anyone to give me the shoulder I require badly, all for one person.

At the moment, I can only say that I hope those words stand, and I am believing they are, because I have to believe him despite how much doubts and 'whys' I have about the issue. And perhaps....perhaps after all these..someday my wish will still come true...