His mood has improved quite a fair bit these 2 days. And so did mine. Nevertheless, he's still as busy as ever. We've not been talking as much as before, and I occupied myself with dramas, revision, and reading random things that interests me.
"Sorry for neglecting you and I'm sorry that I am using the time which is meant to be spent on you to study instead. I will spend time with you during the weekend." Dearie said.
Although they were only words, it did bring some consolation that I was, at least, thought of. Yes, the weekend is here, but I'm not expecting him to specially set aside time for me. Having been with him for years, I know what is expected from his weekends. Weekends with him isn't what anyone would expect from a dating couple. Sometimes, it's better to accept the way it is than to ask for more from him. I trust that he sincerely wants to set some time to spend on only me, but things that go around him in China just doesn't allow it. Understanding has a limit, and I don't deny that it hurts and it's disappointing at times, especially during times when I need him. But I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that this won't change, whether it pleases me or not.
He made me laugh when he calls my dad "Ling Dao". Dad is constantly in touch with my boy, and it's nice to know that they do chat free online even if I'm not around. My parents care a lot for him too. Dad's been quite concerned about how Dearie's coping with his job, and as usual, didn't fail to give him some words of advice and encouragement when I told Dad that he's been pretty frustrated recently.
Dad seems pretty excited about my return soon. He was telling me about how Mum and him were talking about me, and recalling how I packed my bags and left for the UK 7 years ago. Indeed time flies, and I've already spent my later teenage years and early 20s abroad alone. Life abroad has been quite a misery for me, and I have lost count of the number of times I spend weeping alone silently in my room. Way toooooo much has happened during my time abroad, mostly painful to think about yet unforgettable. But at least, at the end, I have gotten what I want, and it is now time to return home* to start a new chapter in my life.
*Whenever I think about my upcoming return home, I cannot help but think abt a friend who went to the airport to see me off 7 years ago. Before I left, he told me that he'll wait for me to return home for good. He was my guardian angel, but so many things happened between us throughout my years abroad, that we have stopped talking and lost touch. Even so, because he is someone I hold close to my heart, sometimes I would wonder how he would feel if he knows that the day he has been waiting for 7 years ago (my permanent return home) is finally here. Would he be relieved and happy to know that his wait is finally over and be excited to see how much I've aged? Or would it bring him nothing more but hurt? Or perhaps, it might not mean anything to him now if he has already given up waiting even as a friend. This, I'll never know.
"Sorry for neglecting you and I'm sorry that I am using the time which is meant to be spent on you to study instead. I will spend time with you during the weekend." Dearie said.
Although they were only words, it did bring some consolation that I was, at least, thought of. Yes, the weekend is here, but I'm not expecting him to specially set aside time for me. Having been with him for years, I know what is expected from his weekends. Weekends with him isn't what anyone would expect from a dating couple. Sometimes, it's better to accept the way it is than to ask for more from him. I trust that he sincerely wants to set some time to spend on only me, but things that go around him in China just doesn't allow it. Understanding has a limit, and I don't deny that it hurts and it's disappointing at times, especially during times when I need him. But I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that this won't change, whether it pleases me or not.
He made me laugh when he calls my dad "Ling Dao". Dad is constantly in touch with my boy, and it's nice to know that they do chat free online even if I'm not around. My parents care a lot for him too. Dad's been quite concerned about how Dearie's coping with his job, and as usual, didn't fail to give him some words of advice and encouragement when I told Dad that he's been pretty frustrated recently.
Dad seems pretty excited about my return soon. He was telling me about how Mum and him were talking about me, and recalling how I packed my bags and left for the UK 7 years ago. Indeed time flies, and I've already spent my later teenage years and early 20s abroad alone. Life abroad has been quite a misery for me, and I have lost count of the number of times I spend weeping alone silently in my room. Way toooooo much has happened during my time abroad, mostly painful to think about yet unforgettable. But at least, at the end, I have gotten what I want, and it is now time to return home* to start a new chapter in my life.
*Whenever I think about my upcoming return home, I cannot help but think abt a friend who went to the airport to see me off 7 years ago. Before I left, he told me that he'll wait for me to return home for good. He was my guardian angel, but so many things happened between us throughout my years abroad, that we have stopped talking and lost touch. Even so, because he is someone I hold close to my heart, sometimes I would wonder how he would feel if he knows that the day he has been waiting for 7 years ago (my permanent return home) is finally here. Would he be relieved and happy to know that his wait is finally over and be excited to see how much I've aged? Or would it bring him nothing more but hurt? Or perhaps, it might not mean anything to him now if he has already given up waiting even as a friend. This, I'll never know.
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