6th June - Dearie's Bday. And he's received a brilliant gift this year. He's finally got a job!!! Am really really happy for him! It's not high-paying, but that's not our 1st priority at the moment. We're just extremely pleased that at least we can see some light somewhere, and we've finally taken our first baby step towards our future together. To us, gaining work experience is 1st priority, and when he's got enough experience, he'll find a way to make it to Singapore to reunite with me permanently.
He has been warned that he'll have numerous overtime to do, and will be expected to work during public holidays if needed. Looks like I won't get to talk to him much when he starts, and might not be able to go to Singapore to see me in a few mths' time. Sigh...seems like it's liking going to be me making a trip to China again the next time. If I do go there, shall make the effort to stay longer (Dearie and his family told me to stay for at least a mth!!!!).
Over the last few weeks, memories have been coming back of how I first met Dearie, our days in University, and how our life was like being flatmates. Happy & sad ones. Time has past really quickly, and we've been in a relationship for more than 2.5 years. It hasn't been easy, and over these years, we've grown so accustomed to each other and are aware of each other's good and bad habits. Gradually, he has grown to occupy a major place in my heart.
Despite having numerous big quarrels which have resulted in us being at the verge of breaking up, I still feel blessed in some ways. A friend of mine was confiding in me regarding his relationship with his gf, asking me if the rship was worth continuing. When I asked him how his rship with his gf was, his "I don't know" reply left me speechless for a while. That night, I asked Dearie the same question and asked for a truthful answer. He didn't hesitate for a second to say that it's good and said he feels blessed to have me. At that moment, I felt really blessed and loved. It isn't easy to get someone to say his/her relationship is good without hesitation.
******************
One of my patients died yesterday, and again, my tears rolled whilst I was at the ward desk doing some paperwork. Having looked after her for 2 months, even though she has hardly spoken to me due to her dementia, I still felt a little for her. Even though she was very elderly, she was like a little girl, never failing to hug her soft toys when she's sleeping. What made me cry yesterday was when I heard her husband talking to her dead body. 60 years of marriage (I hold high respects for angmo couples who manage to keep their marriage this long since the divorce rates for them is so high) and during her 4 mths' stay in hospital, there was never a day he failed to come to the hospital by bus to visit her even though he lived really far away. She died just a minute after he left her room to get a cup of coffee. He spent a long time staying next to her corpse, talking continuously to her as if she was alive. He must have endless things to tell her. As an onlooker, I could feel his pain and his deep love for her. I felt a little crap for not getting her well, and I did reflect for a while if it was justifiable to terminate treatment because she was deteriorating suddenly.
A Consultant told me today that studies have shown that doctors are overly optimistic because of their goal of saving a person's life, but what I can never understand until today is...when is it the appropriate time to set one's foot down to make the decision of terminating treatment? Whenever my patients die after their treatment has been terminated due to a sudden change in their state to a level whereby we believe that they will not make it, I cannot help but wonder if they would slowly getting better if we had taken the treatment to a more aggressive level. Dad told me before that it is better and more humane way to terminate treatment because by giving more aggressive treatment, I will be prolonging the patient's sufferings further when finally at the end, the patient might not even survive. He's right, but somehow, part of me feels regretful and can't help questioning if the situation could have been different if a different management has been done. I guess in some ways, I am selfish, since I'm placing saving a patient with all that's available above how the patient is actually feeling.
P.S.: Hey Julian, if u're reading this, perhaps it's a good thought before your bedtime?
He has been warned that he'll have numerous overtime to do, and will be expected to work during public holidays if needed. Looks like I won't get to talk to him much when he starts, and might not be able to go to Singapore to see me in a few mths' time. Sigh...seems like it's liking going to be me making a trip to China again the next time. If I do go there, shall make the effort to stay longer (Dearie and his family told me to stay for at least a mth!!!!).
Over the last few weeks, memories have been coming back of how I first met Dearie, our days in University, and how our life was like being flatmates. Happy & sad ones. Time has past really quickly, and we've been in a relationship for more than 2.5 years. It hasn't been easy, and over these years, we've grown so accustomed to each other and are aware of each other's good and bad habits. Gradually, he has grown to occupy a major place in my heart.
Despite having numerous big quarrels which have resulted in us being at the verge of breaking up, I still feel blessed in some ways. A friend of mine was confiding in me regarding his relationship with his gf, asking me if the rship was worth continuing. When I asked him how his rship with his gf was, his "I don't know" reply left me speechless for a while. That night, I asked Dearie the same question and asked for a truthful answer. He didn't hesitate for a second to say that it's good and said he feels blessed to have me. At that moment, I felt really blessed and loved. It isn't easy to get someone to say his/her relationship is good without hesitation.
******************
One of my patients died yesterday, and again, my tears rolled whilst I was at the ward desk doing some paperwork. Having looked after her for 2 months, even though she has hardly spoken to me due to her dementia, I still felt a little for her. Even though she was very elderly, she was like a little girl, never failing to hug her soft toys when she's sleeping. What made me cry yesterday was when I heard her husband talking to her dead body. 60 years of marriage (I hold high respects for angmo couples who manage to keep their marriage this long since the divorce rates for them is so high) and during her 4 mths' stay in hospital, there was never a day he failed to come to the hospital by bus to visit her even though he lived really far away. She died just a minute after he left her room to get a cup of coffee. He spent a long time staying next to her corpse, talking continuously to her as if she was alive. He must have endless things to tell her. As an onlooker, I could feel his pain and his deep love for her. I felt a little crap for not getting her well, and I did reflect for a while if it was justifiable to terminate treatment because she was deteriorating suddenly.
A Consultant told me today that studies have shown that doctors are overly optimistic because of their goal of saving a person's life, but what I can never understand until today is...when is it the appropriate time to set one's foot down to make the decision of terminating treatment? Whenever my patients die after their treatment has been terminated due to a sudden change in their state to a level whereby we believe that they will not make it, I cannot help but wonder if they would slowly getting better if we had taken the treatment to a more aggressive level. Dad told me before that it is better and more humane way to terminate treatment because by giving more aggressive treatment, I will be prolonging the patient's sufferings further when finally at the end, the patient might not even survive. He's right, but somehow, part of me feels regretful and can't help questioning if the situation could have been different if a different management has been done. I guess in some ways, I am selfish, since I'm placing saving a patient with all that's available above how the patient is actually feeling.
P.S.: Hey Julian, if u're reading this, perhaps it's a good thought before your bedtime?
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