My heart aches when I think about what happened yesterday, and it feels no better whenever I thought about the patient I saw on Wednesday. In fact, whenever I think about her now, I start feeling worried and insecure abt myself and I can't help wondering if I would end up being in the same shoes as her years later. I did wonder if fate which allowed me to know her, was a hint from above.

I felt really sorry for her and her mother as she was sitting in the cubicle, carrying her little daughter. She's from China and speaks very little English, so there was huge difficulty when the doctors tried to take her history. My friend, then came searching for me in the wards, to see if I was available to help be a translator. It's a case of domestic abuse, and seeing what her Chinese husband did to her, made me realise what bastards some guys really are. I could see a look of gratefulness when I appeared and spoke Mandarin to her. I could tell she was happy that there was finally someone who can understand what she was saying. It was a tearful situation when she related the whole incident, and despite the fear of returning to her abusive home, she was still trying to protect her husband by not reporting to the police. I was suspicious at a moment abt whether they are here legally, and am speculating that perhaps, that is a reason to why she hasn't been reporting about her numerous abuse over the many years.

Being chinese, and knowing how hard it is to find someone your own kind to talk to you, I took time to chat with them after the doctors were done with their job. I also brought her to collect her medications, and showed her the way to the bus stop.

It has been a wonderful pleasure for me to have met her, and both her Mum and her were very grateful over the help I have given her. Apparently, they own a Chinese Takeaway, and she gave me her contact number and address, and said I am most welcome to keep in touch with her or I can just ring to order food if I'm hungry in the hospital, and she'll make sure she cooks it personally and bring it down to me personally. I wanted to call her that evening to see if she's alright, but didn't dare to use my hp since I didn't want her husband to know my details (I have to think abt my own safety too).

CG and me had a misunderstanding yesterday which turned into a major quarrel and then physical (i'm not kidding). It was a very unpleasant evening, and we didn't talk for many hours. As we were taking the bus back at night to the hospital, the bus went past my patient's takeaway, and I really wanted to get off and talk to her (I wasn't feeling well at all), and also to see if she's alright. Somehow I thought she, having gone through it herself, might know how I'm feeling. But it was pretty late, and the buses are not frequent too, so I held back. I saw her at the counter with her daughter though, so I was still kinda glad that she's alright. She said I can write to her with the address she gave me. I guess that's the only way to stay in touch.

Anyway, back to CG and me. That move of his drastically reduced my faith in the relationship. We're still together, but I told him last night that I'll need to think it over. Today, I behaved like as if nothing has happened yesterday, but in actual fact, my heart is still hurting a lot. I knew this would happen one day, and it really did.

We're having dinner together tonight, but I know my aim is just dinner, and not because this dinner is with someone I love. I don't know if I will still love him as much as I do after this incident, and although he said he has regretted what he has done, I still cannot forgive him completely. I don't even know if there will be a 2nd time. I don't even know if it'll get more physical the next time.

He said he won't do it again, but like the other times when he said he wouldn't throw and kick things and yell when he's angry, he still did it. I find it tough to trust what he said, even though he's still my bf and I know this doesn't look like it's heading the right direction.

I don't know what's going to happen, and I'll let fate and time do the job. I think I'm slowly trying to shift my mindset from wanting this rship to last to not knowing if it will last or whether it's worth lasting. I guess this will at least make me feel better and take things easier.