Moving on

I can finally get on with my dull life after the months of waiting for the release of jobs. I have gotten one of my 8 choices, but unfortunately, not one of my top choices.

I was in a confused mood yesterday..in fact..for quite some time before the release, simply because I had no idea what to do with myself for next yr, and where to start looking for accomodation etc. I was calculating costs and how much I'll be able to save up etc etc, to a point that I started wondering if I have made a wrong choice to work here.

Anyway, I'll be sent off quite far away (but not the furthest!) for my job. I did feel disappointed and upset, and yes, I did cry. I tried holding it back, but I realise I couldn't the moment I heard Dearie's voice on the phone. It was kinda embarrassing, and I tried to hide it away from my coursemates by going out of the room to a quiet corner to talk to Dearie.

Advantage is...that hospital I'll be working in is an extremely friendly hospital from what I gather from friends, doctors and whoever that has been there for wateva reasons. I got 2 friends working there now, even though they'll be leaving when I start work. One of them is in fact, the current HO for the job I've got, so I'll be sticking with her when I do my HO shadowing in the coming weeks.

I don't have to think abt accomodation cos it's provided, and I heard that the accom is good. Council tax..I'm exempted, so basically, I get to save about 600 pounds a month at least, which I won't be able to if I were to get the jobs in South Wales. That is shit loads of money after converting to SGD, and Dearie was so happy for me, claiming that I'll be very much richer being there.

BUT I cried because I'll not be able to see him that much anymore. He's definitely not going to be in Cardiff, and the closest place he can ever be if he stays, is London. It doesn't matter whether he does his PhD or gets a job...and I know despite him not very wanting to do a PhD, he still hopes to go to Cambridge (he doesn't mind London though..and he's got an interview coming soon from Oxford Uni!!! Yay!!!)...and I hope he gets what he wants. I am praying hard for him, but at the same time, it will draw our distance further apart.

It's pointless if I can save tons and tons of money, when I don't have any support from him, especially when I've grown so attached to him now. He said we'll see each other at least once a month..but...he's afterall..not Singaporean..how much more can we meet with the limited time we have here? I am trying to stay optimistic, thinking that at least I'll still get to see him as long as he's in UK, but I can't lie to myself too, can I?

He told me he's thinking of going back to China for a month or 2 if he doesn't get a job next mth or so. It was the 2nd blow to me yesterday, and I cried so hard that I completely worn myself out and dozed off just after 11pm. It felt like a nightmare just came true, because I did dream of it a few nights ago. My exams are coming, and seriously, this is THE time when I need him most. Somehow, I felt like I am gonna be abandoned soon, and I wasn't sure if his intended short return will end up becoming an unexpected eternal end to our rship because of various external factors. I should trust him, but I was just paranoid and insecure.

Anyway, I shall try and get on with my life and hope things will turn out fine in the end.