Unreasonable me
I am very disappointed, but I am angry at myself for feeling this way. It's so childish of me.
Over the past weeks or so, I have been wondering why I have changed in some ways, without myself realising it. I rarely feel jealous abt anything, rarely demand for anything and haven't felt disappointed over trivial matters for a long time. And all these sometimes make me wonder if I am normal.
About 2 weeks ago, he pinned up 2 photos on his empty noticeboard. It was his and his cousin's. When I saw him pinned them up, I felt something. I knew I felt jealous...jealous because why is it his cousin's pic being displayed while mine's just somewhere in the computer?
Me: I feel jealous. You know what? If someone comes into your room, he/she might think she's your gf.
CG: Are u crazy? She's my cousin. What's there to be jealous?!
Me: I'm just kidding
...when I'm not, actually. I was indeed jealous and I did feel very uncomfortable the entire evening. I only felt slightly better when he asked me to print one of my pics which he likes very much, so that he can pin it up too. I was angry at myself as well..because I was being unreasonable for feeling jealous over nothing. It's not as if I didn't know that he loves his cousin very very much. Besides, she doesn't even have anything against me..why should I be feeling this way?
On Sunday, Guanting and Ivan came to Cardiff and I had to go to the train station to meet them. I was quite excited, and want so much to introduce CG to them. And because they were gonna arrive at 12.30am, I will have to walk to the station alone after midnight. It's not as if it's the 1st time I am out walking at late hours alone in Cardiff, but that night, I felt disappointed because he refused to go with me, despite me asking him a few times. His instant refusal made me quite sad. I really wish my bf can mix with my friends and get along well with them, but none of the guys I have gone out with are like that. I never understand why. And to be honest, I would be very very very very much more disappointed if he didn't even bother to make an effort to even say "Hi" to the both of them before they leave. But fortunately, he felt guilty on the last evening and decided to go see them and say "Hi" despite being quite reluctant initially.
Today, I got disappointed over trivial matters. I have been thinking about eating ice cream for many days, and have been trying to find an opportunity to do so, but no one seems to know how badly I want it. Over the past few days, I have been mentioning ice cream again and again to CG, but I don't think he paid much attention to my hint. I pestered him with my ice cream craving again today and told him I really want to go out for a slow walk with him after our ice cream trip. He finally said "Ok" and said we'll go at 9pm as he reckon he'll finish his assignment by then. But he took ages. And forgot the time. When he realised I have been really quiet, it was then he realised it's already 9.40pm..and it was too late to go for ice cream since the dessert place closes at 10. I couldn't described how I felt that moment.
Decided to stop being a baby, and since we haven't had dinner, I went to heat up the packet of roasted duck rice I bought the night before and brought a tub of ice cream (since can't have ice cream outside..the only way is to have ice cream in the room) to his room. I thought at least we can happily eat that tub of ice cream. I waited and waited, until I have given up. As I watched the hours pass, I just got more and more disappointed and irritated too. Helped him with his assignments, but because we have clashing opinions and we had difficulty making each other understand our point due to slight language problem, I started getting very irritated.
I knew I might end up losing my temper, so I decided to let him do it himself while I continue studying. I was already quite upset, and got more upset when I saw him chatting happily with his girl pal online. I was upset because I have waited for him to finish his assignment for days, especially tonight when I purposely took the effort to stay in his room to revise and patiently wait for him to say "Let's go for ice cream now".
I didn't want to hear the typing sounds because I didn't want to know that he's chatting while doing his assignment. So I blasted music using the Ipod, but I still couldn't help feeling pissed.
Decided to pack my stuff and go back to my room, and I left without really saying much.
I guess I felt so disappointed because I seldom ask for something, and when I do, it means I really want it and will hope I get to carry it out..but don't get to do so. Then again, it's not his fault. I'm just not understanding enough...
I shall go to bed now and maybe I'll feel much better when I wake up..I hope.
Over the past weeks or so, I have been wondering why I have changed in some ways, without myself realising it. I rarely feel jealous abt anything, rarely demand for anything and haven't felt disappointed over trivial matters for a long time. And all these sometimes make me wonder if I am normal.
About 2 weeks ago, he pinned up 2 photos on his empty noticeboard. It was his and his cousin's. When I saw him pinned them up, I felt something. I knew I felt jealous...jealous because why is it his cousin's pic being displayed while mine's just somewhere in the computer?
Me: I feel jealous. You know what? If someone comes into your room, he/she might think she's your gf.
CG: Are u crazy? She's my cousin. What's there to be jealous?!
Me: I'm just kidding
...when I'm not, actually. I was indeed jealous and I did feel very uncomfortable the entire evening. I only felt slightly better when he asked me to print one of my pics which he likes very much, so that he can pin it up too. I was angry at myself as well..because I was being unreasonable for feeling jealous over nothing. It's not as if I didn't know that he loves his cousin very very much. Besides, she doesn't even have anything against me..why should I be feeling this way?
On Sunday, Guanting and Ivan came to Cardiff and I had to go to the train station to meet them. I was quite excited, and want so much to introduce CG to them. And because they were gonna arrive at 12.30am, I will have to walk to the station alone after midnight. It's not as if it's the 1st time I am out walking at late hours alone in Cardiff, but that night, I felt disappointed because he refused to go with me, despite me asking him a few times. His instant refusal made me quite sad. I really wish my bf can mix with my friends and get along well with them, but none of the guys I have gone out with are like that. I never understand why. And to be honest, I would be very very very very much more disappointed if he didn't even bother to make an effort to even say "Hi" to the both of them before they leave. But fortunately, he felt guilty on the last evening and decided to go see them and say "Hi" despite being quite reluctant initially.
Today, I got disappointed over trivial matters. I have been thinking about eating ice cream for many days, and have been trying to find an opportunity to do so, but no one seems to know how badly I want it. Over the past few days, I have been mentioning ice cream again and again to CG, but I don't think he paid much attention to my hint. I pestered him with my ice cream craving again today and told him I really want to go out for a slow walk with him after our ice cream trip. He finally said "Ok" and said we'll go at 9pm as he reckon he'll finish his assignment by then. But he took ages. And forgot the time. When he realised I have been really quiet, it was then he realised it's already 9.40pm..and it was too late to go for ice cream since the dessert place closes at 10. I couldn't described how I felt that moment.
Decided to stop being a baby, and since we haven't had dinner, I went to heat up the packet of roasted duck rice I bought the night before and brought a tub of ice cream (since can't have ice cream outside..the only way is to have ice cream in the room) to his room. I thought at least we can happily eat that tub of ice cream. I waited and waited, until I have given up. As I watched the hours pass, I just got more and more disappointed and irritated too. Helped him with his assignments, but because we have clashing opinions and we had difficulty making each other understand our point due to slight language problem, I started getting very irritated.
I knew I might end up losing my temper, so I decided to let him do it himself while I continue studying. I was already quite upset, and got more upset when I saw him chatting happily with his girl pal online. I was upset because I have waited for him to finish his assignment for days, especially tonight when I purposely took the effort to stay in his room to revise and patiently wait for him to say "Let's go for ice cream now".
I didn't want to hear the typing sounds because I didn't want to know that he's chatting while doing his assignment. So I blasted music using the Ipod, but I still couldn't help feeling pissed.
Decided to pack my stuff and go back to my room, and I left without really saying much.
I guess I felt so disappointed because I seldom ask for something, and when I do, it means I really want it and will hope I get to carry it out..but don't get to do so. Then again, it's not his fault. I'm just not understanding enough...
I shall go to bed now and maybe I'll feel much better when I wake up..I hope.
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