Maybe this is what I was actually looking for..
A good 1.5 hours' bus ride from NUS to my place is fantastic for thoughts.
Today, I thought about myself being seen and commented as "a girl who needs no one around her" and what was THE THING which I was really looking for in a guy and wanting to have it ever since I decided to take relationships seriously , but not being discovered by myself yet.
And I think...I have got the answer....
If I didn't remember wrongly, I told Clayton the things I expect in a guy. And we do agree that I'm choosy...haha. Not because I expect a bungalow, a Ferrari, and a filthy rich prominent family, but because of the very basic things I want. It really is basic..but because it's so basic..we often don't realise the value, importance and beauty of it all.
But above all that, I only realise the BIG thing I was actually looking for today: Someone whom I can say "I'm tired of being the way I always am. Can I take a rest on your shoulder please?" to and allowing me to do so, and when I'm resting, I know deep down in my heart that I'll be very very safe. Sounds cheem? I can't think of a simpler way of putting it.
I told Ruilai about it a while ago, and amazingly he understood what I meant even though we're not very very close friends. He asked, "Have you found him yet?". I gave it some thought and honestly, I didn't know how to answer. To a certain extent, I think...I did find him, but somehow..when I was thrown aside to handle everything I went through for him alone while he just left me physically, mentally and emotionally without a word....I think I was wrong abt it all.
Anyway, finally realising the answer to my thought does show me some light. Not that I'm looking for a hubby or wat...just that it has answered a question I have been wondering about at times.
Today, I thought about myself being seen and commented as "a girl who needs no one around her" and what was THE THING which I was really looking for in a guy and wanting to have it ever since I decided to take relationships seriously , but not being discovered by myself yet.
And I think...I have got the answer....
If I didn't remember wrongly, I told Clayton the things I expect in a guy. And we do agree that I'm choosy...haha. Not because I expect a bungalow, a Ferrari, and a filthy rich prominent family, but because of the very basic things I want. It really is basic..but because it's so basic..we often don't realise the value, importance and beauty of it all.
But above all that, I only realise the BIG thing I was actually looking for today: Someone whom I can say "I'm tired of being the way I always am. Can I take a rest on your shoulder please?" to and allowing me to do so, and when I'm resting, I know deep down in my heart that I'll be very very safe. Sounds cheem? I can't think of a simpler way of putting it.
I told Ruilai about it a while ago, and amazingly he understood what I meant even though we're not very very close friends. He asked, "Have you found him yet?". I gave it some thought and honestly, I didn't know how to answer. To a certain extent, I think...I did find him, but somehow..when I was thrown aside to handle everything I went through for him alone while he just left me physically, mentally and emotionally without a word....I think I was wrong abt it all.
Anyway, finally realising the answer to my thought does show me some light. Not that I'm looking for a hubby or wat...just that it has answered a question I have been wondering about at times.
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