My weekend
Another week over, meaning 1 more week closer to my major exam.
For some strange reason, I am feeling very very very calm abt it. And because of this, I have been a little stress. I shouldn't be this calm, knowing what kind of person I am, and for the fact tt this exam is soooo crucial. It can either make me a really happy person during summer, or totally depressed. It might not be as crucial as Finals in 5th yr, but still...it's gonna determine my fate in a way. I juz wish everything will go smooth for me..
I didn't do a lot of revision. Saturday was wasted because I just wasn't in the mood to revise. Did some revision today, but not much.Kelvin and I spent quite some time chatting today. It's odd how we started talking again. Haven't chatted with him for ages..only occasional smses.
Kelvin is someone I've been very close to for quite some time, and when we last met 2 yrs ago, there was still a sense of strange mutual closeness. But somehow, this time, I think the closeness feeling isn't as strong anymore. I felt a "distance", felt there were many thing being unsaid, many hesitations etc. Felt as if we were both trying to "read" each other to the deepest extent. Thinking abt it, it's similar to when we met again 2 yrs ago. It was pretty uncomfy and fake initially too, until we decided to throw all the pretense aside. I think we will both feel more comfy if we were honest again this time, but for some reasons, I won't go "Can we stop being fake?" anymore.
Today, we started talking abt the old days and it's amazing how we actually remember these things. It's been 5 yrs! I wasn't expecting him to remember much, and I bet he wasn't expecting me to remember anything either. But oh boy were we shocked to find out that we still kept the old photos, the T-shirt, the cards etc. I thought he would have thrown them all away when he moved house. I wonder if he kept the fighter plane model I spent the entire night fixing (my heart will ache manz if he threw it away...it was my first attempt and I put in so much effort to make it). I was also shocked when he mentioned about the 1st photo we took together during the 1st time we met and everything on tt day! If only events of tt day was all filmed down, I'm sure I wouldn't mind watching and have a big laugh over it now.
Despite this, I can really feel that things have changed soooo much. I can't say I'm happy abt the changes, but I won't get all sad over it either. I shall tell myself tt 4 yrs ago, the decision made was for the best of both parties. Till today, I don't know if he thinks it's the best decision. His eyes and voice betrayed him 2 years ago..and something is still telling me that there's a tinge of sadness even though he's supposed to be a happy person leading a new life with someone else. I shall not probe though, cos I think it's useless even if I know the answer.
Call me selfish, insensitive and cruel, but I shall just take it and make myself believe that we're both leading happier lives now. As to being "fake"...let it be too. I don't want to be accused of being a 3rd party for no reason again.
For some strange reason, I am feeling very very very calm abt it. And because of this, I have been a little stress. I shouldn't be this calm, knowing what kind of person I am, and for the fact tt this exam is soooo crucial. It can either make me a really happy person during summer, or totally depressed. It might not be as crucial as Finals in 5th yr, but still...it's gonna determine my fate in a way. I juz wish everything will go smooth for me..
I didn't do a lot of revision. Saturday was wasted because I just wasn't in the mood to revise. Did some revision today, but not much.Kelvin and I spent quite some time chatting today. It's odd how we started talking again. Haven't chatted with him for ages..only occasional smses.
Kelvin is someone I've been very close to for quite some time, and when we last met 2 yrs ago, there was still a sense of strange mutual closeness. But somehow, this time, I think the closeness feeling isn't as strong anymore. I felt a "distance", felt there were many thing being unsaid, many hesitations etc. Felt as if we were both trying to "read" each other to the deepest extent. Thinking abt it, it's similar to when we met again 2 yrs ago. It was pretty uncomfy and fake initially too, until we decided to throw all the pretense aside. I think we will both feel more comfy if we were honest again this time, but for some reasons, I won't go "Can we stop being fake?" anymore.
Today, we started talking abt the old days and it's amazing how we actually remember these things. It's been 5 yrs! I wasn't expecting him to remember much, and I bet he wasn't expecting me to remember anything either. But oh boy were we shocked to find out that we still kept the old photos, the T-shirt, the cards etc. I thought he would have thrown them all away when he moved house. I wonder if he kept the fighter plane model I spent the entire night fixing (my heart will ache manz if he threw it away...it was my first attempt and I put in so much effort to make it). I was also shocked when he mentioned about the 1st photo we took together during the 1st time we met and everything on tt day! If only events of tt day was all filmed down, I'm sure I wouldn't mind watching and have a big laugh over it now.
Despite this, I can really feel that things have changed soooo much. I can't say I'm happy abt the changes, but I won't get all sad over it either. I shall tell myself tt 4 yrs ago, the decision made was for the best of both parties. Till today, I don't know if he thinks it's the best decision. His eyes and voice betrayed him 2 years ago..and something is still telling me that there's a tinge of sadness even though he's supposed to be a happy person leading a new life with someone else. I shall not probe though, cos I think it's useless even if I know the answer.
Call me selfish, insensitive and cruel, but I shall just take it and make myself believe that we're both leading happier lives now. As to being "fake"...let it be too. I don't want to be accused of being a 3rd party for no reason again.
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