Is this part of life?

Kelvin: Don't you think u need a life partner?
Michelle: Is it that important? Is there really such a need?

Most around me, and I know him for sure, will tell me it's all part of life. Some day, a guy and a girl will get tgt, and hopefully have a fairytale ending.

To be honest, I don't know if a life partner is impt. I don't even know if there's such a need..even not now, but in future. I might say it straight to anyone who ask me that question that it's NOT impt, and neither is there a need, but the truth is...I'm not 100% sure. Perhaps, there isn't a need. Perhaps, I never needed anyone. Perhaps, the right one hasn't appeared. Or perhaps, maybe there isn't a right one in the 1st place! *shrugs*

My parents never told me it is impt, or is there a need, or is it all part of life. I just know they rather I stay this way for a long time...even forever. Why them being different is what I don't understand too.

My chat with Kelvin is so much more comfortable today. At least I felt there was no pretense this time round. And I could open myself up better.

I managed to say more than I normally would. I discovered many things; something abt me which I never knew abt, and many things/actions which I couldn't explain and didn't know why either.

"You've always been a busy little bee. Ever since the first day I knew u till today, u're still the busy bee. That's something special abt u...always finding something to do so tt u'll be busy."

Really?

I told him why I had to be busy. I wasn't expecting him to understand anything that I was saying though. And when he got me thinking abt the life partner issue, I started wondering if I'll ever be in one which can last that long...and what it would be like. I can't imagine it at all. It just sounds scary to me.

How can I bring myself to trust someone? How will I know what's real and what's not? Many times, what I thought was real never turned out to be..till I have lost my confidence to differentiate, and to put my faith and trust onto anybody.

With this thought, how am I gonna accept someone into my life without hurting him? No matter how understanding the other person is, any human being will be hurt when he/she knows that the trust isn't a 100%. "Don't hurt someone the way you don't wish to be hurt"...something I read from somewhere before. I don't like anyone doubting me, so why would I choose to doubt another? And if I do trust someone, what if...what if...my trust is betrayed once again? I'm afraid. Probably that's why I don't want anyone near me. And my being super crude to anyone who attempts to take a step closer.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm better off being alone. Maybe that was why my parents never ever wanted me to even have a single rship to start...cos then, I wouldn't know these things...and I wouldn't wonder...wouldn't query...wouldn't bother either, and believing that being alone is the only normal and right thing to do. Like what Dad say, "A blind man is a happy man".